Top 91 Bob Saget Quotes
#1. I was in a supermarket and I saw Paul Newman's face on salad dressing and spaghetti sauce ... I thought he was missing.
Bob Saget
#2. The greatness of a man is only measured by his urologist.
Bob Saget
#3. It's a new day: Full of promise and love. The only thing that can take away that great feeling is - reading the news or speaking to people.
Bob Saget
#4. I love my mom! You can too for $12!
Bob Saget
#5. It think acceptance levels sort of swings back and forth. Like in the 60's there was a lot more freedom with sex that doesn't exist today. Language has gotten pushed a bit farther and violence is way far out.
Bob Saget
#6. I become a chameleon for wherever I am.
Bob Saget
#7. I love watching people get hit in the crotch. But only if they get back up. If their teeth are bleeding, if they're really hurt, if an ambulance has to come, I'm not laughing.
Bob Saget
#8. It's 103 comedians, or however many it is, and how would everyone tell it. It's enough people of substance that it makes you think of the people who aren't there that are alive.
Bob Saget
#9. People do what they do to each other and they feed on it.
Bob Saget
#10. I'm a believer that when one door closes another one opens. But why does the one opening always hit me full-speed-knob-first into my nuts?
Bob Saget
#11. Most people argue over who's right, not about what the truth is.
Bob Saget
#12. Words matter. Especially if you're kicking someone's ass in words with friends.
Bob Saget
#13. I never expected to live this long.
Bob Saget
#14. Kindness isn't just a virtue, its a necessity.
Bob Saget
#15. I don't like to drink alone 'cause there's nobody to fight with.
Bob Saget
#16. What I have now are good problems of trying to decide and what I really want to do is good work next. My phone's ringing a lot more and I've got nine lines so when it doesn't ring, it's very frustrating.
Bob Saget
#17. Some dead people said smart stuff.
Bob Saget
#18. I was on Entourage last week smoking a bong and making out with hookers and I did show them that before, cause it wasn't a hard 'r' cause a lot of people are watching that show that they know, not my little one - she's 12, but very sophisticated so it's an unusual case.
Bob Saget
#19. I love telling stories and acting and entertaining people. I don't want to make fun of people.
Bob Saget
#20. It's so nice to share a day as beautiful as this one with hundreds of thousands of reckless drivers.
Bob Saget
#21. The nature of comedy is 'just do it.' But I think what's interesting about it is this joke has been around and why. And it's just saying what's wrong and how wrong can you be if you say it.
Bob Saget
#22. Jon Lovitz. Jon, your act is like masturbation: you're the only one who enjoys it, and you should be arrested for doing it in public.
Bob Saget
#23. Just went to a lovely Catholic wedding. I need a drink. They didn't even offer us water. Well they did, but it was Holy water.
Bob Saget
#24. My wife is a saint. She's Gandhi. She walks around in diapers and won't eat.
Bob Saget
#25. I don't roll like that but I've never been with a hooker either. Yeah, that's good to say in an interview cause I feel bad a little because people grew up watching me and that's a little disturbing.
Bob Saget
#26. You learn who your friends are when you find out who will lie for you.
Bob Saget
#27. No one gets a free ride. Except maybe bus drivers.
Bob Saget
#28. Nobody can tell me what I can or can't do, except they can.
Bob Saget
#29. If 'what doesn't kill you makes you stronger,' how do you explain zombies?
Bob Saget
#30. 25, 30 years ago, that meant something, they were making some money. And they were doing all sorts of comedy, screaming at the audience, basically crowd control. And then there was the whole urban comedy scene.
Bob Saget
#31. Found a bunch of old shower caps in my house. Was gonna throw them out but realized they make excellent porta potties for long road trips.
Bob Saget
#32. I have a feeling I'm going to wake up one day and say 'I can't do dirty stuff anymore, I want to go all clean.' I'll do clean stuff too, I like to entertain people. Then they egged me on; we shot it at The Laugh Factory.
Bob Saget
#33. I just had a pedicure. My feet are soft like a baby's behind. If his ass was covered in calluses.
Bob Saget
#34. Concerned we're in a time where politicians can't even fake sincerity. Aren't they supposed to be good at that?
Bob Saget
#35. My mom told me she thinks a man in the market felt her up today. I asked, Where did he touch you? She said, On my knee, Bobby.
Bob Saget
#36. I never went to camp as a kid. I couldn't get into an Ivy League school. I wouldn't join a biker club.
Bob Saget
#37. My mom just told me it's impossible to know what's going to happen in life. Except with breakfast, cause she eats the same thing every day.
Bob Saget
#38. I have three kids, the oldest is 18 and her friends are going to see it The Aristocrats because they told her they're going to see it, especially her guy friends.
Bob Saget
#39. Now people want what the movie was about, which is violent comedy. And that's really what The Aristocrats is based on - what will a family do out of desperation.
Bob Saget
#40. My humor was kind of from my dad and all the stuff that we went through, which was a lot of death. My humor was an escape.
Bob Saget
#41. My dad's like, If your mom and I are having sex and we videotape it and she falls out of bed funny, can I win ten-thousand dollars?
Bob Saget
#42. My confidence wavers between being genuine and being insecure.
Bob Saget
#43. It was a JOB; the video show was a JOB; you don't tell the Aristocrats joke at 8 o'clock at night on network tv, it would be funny though. But those guys know I like dirty stuff, I like clean stuff too.
Bob Saget
#44. It's smart to marry your yoga teacher so when you get divorced you know how to go down on yourself.
Bob Saget
#45. And turkeys are a bird. A very nervous bird. You'd be nervous too if you knew that one day you'd get your head cut off and ... filled with stuffing.
Bob Saget
#46. I'm fortunate to know a lot of incredibly talented people, and they all want to be a penguin.
Bob Saget
#47. I really love making people laugh.
Bob Saget
#48. The Comedy Store - all three rooms were filled with 800 people in the room. And during that time, all these guys and some women, but mostly guys who weren't funny were doing stand up for a living; they weren't accountants, they were making $30-$50 grand a year on the road, or more.
Bob Saget
#49. Paul Riser tells it in an interesting way; he dissects it and tells the structure, you know, 'you don't mention that part here.' But that's what's interesting about it and the people who are absent are interesting too.
Bob Saget
#50. I have the brain of a German Shepherd and the body of a 16-year-old boy; they're both in my car and I want you to see them
Bob Saget
#51. Around comics, I've always been known for, oh, that's not dirty, this is dirty.
Bob Saget
#52. I'm doing 5000 seat theaters and audiences are going nuts, it's fantastic and it makes me very happy. I'm dirty, but not like this; I just do comedy that I find funny. I'm working on a new tv show for cable and it's not set up yet.
Bob Saget
#53. I can't do negative, needy, or narcissistic anymore. Oh wait, I can still do the last one, aw nuts.
Bob Saget
#54. Soon, I'm going to meet somebody around my own age, and she's going to be smart and beautiful, and I'm going to date her daughter.
Bob Saget
#55. There are no I's in we but there are two i's in Wii.
Bob Saget
#56. I think Desperate Housewives is a pretty good show, I watch it, I like it and I don't love reality tv that much. I do watch some, I've got three daughters so we'll watch the good stuff, the fun stuff.
Bob Saget
#57. A lot of the comedians don't even tell the joke. Like only three tell the joke, the rest of them dissect it.
Bob Saget
#58. It's okay to get stoned, as long as its not by other people.
Bob Saget
#59. What I've learned about comedy people is that they're defined by the harshest level they've been to, their personal Auschwitz.
Bob Saget
#60. Saw a man in Whole Foods yelling at his son, What are you doing?! You know I don't eat bread!! Is there such a thing as health food abuse?
Bob Saget
#61. As time goes on, the more I value doctors and plumbers. Doctors a little more. I can fix my own toilet but I still can't operate on myself.
Bob Saget
#62. If you're a host of a video show and you're on the cleanest show on television for eight years, people want to say, 'Well, that's what that person does.' That was the dilemma for me, career-wise.
Bob Saget
#63. Apparently my street has a leaf blower gang who tag team all day, so the sounds of the leaf blower are forever blowing from dawn to dusk.
Bob Saget
#64. My father once told me, and it's stuck with me to this day: As you walk through life, every time you fart it pushes you forward.
Bob Saget
#65. Sometimes I wish I hadn't said something foolish. It is then that I realize the power of mime.
Bob Saget
#66. I don't like the negative of reality tv - the 'you're no good, so you have to leave, I choose you, but I thought you really loved me.' It's all about how bad people are and I just hate that. I like Pimp my Ride where someone is helping somebody.
Bob Saget
#67. If you go with Marshall McLuhan's theory that the medium is the message, as soon as you're hosting a blooper show, you're done.
Bob Saget
#68. Wise men say, only fools rush in. Wise men are so slow.
Bob Saget
#69. A lot of people ask me what my favorite episode of Full House was, I always tell them: it was the last one!
Bob Saget
#70. If you're hanging out with two negative people, do they equal one positive person?
Bob Saget
#71. I think when you dissect a joke too much, you have ruined whatever there is in comedy.
Bob Saget
#72. I don't censor myself, but I don't want to force my sick-skewed version of the world, either.
Bob Saget
#74. Yet there are some people - Steve Allen would dissect comedy forever; he's a really funny guy, but he would love talking about comedy. I'm doing it right now and you all seem bored.
Bob Saget
#75. Met a girl the other nite and told her- Before you can be with someone you have to know the value of yourself. So does $200 seem reasonable?
Bob Saget
#76. A good way to keep your relationship together is not to scream in terror when you see your partner naked.
Bob Saget
#77. When you're famous, you're always famous. It doesn't go away.
Bob Saget
#78. One of the first things I said when I signed on for the show was No hugs! Full House was all based on hugs.
Bob Saget
#79. Think well of yourself and others will too. Unless those others are in government, banking, or show business.
Bob Saget
#80. There was this whole middle time that only Chris Rock came out of, you know, 10 years ago it was Chris and a few other people, but that's about it. Chris is in a class of his own; I don't see another comedian who I put in high regard as him.
Bob Saget
#81. My favorite Dylan song? I think it's 'Just Like a Woman.' It always makes me cry.
Bob Saget
#82. The squirrel in my yard really knows his way around the neighborhood.
Bob Saget
#83. Today is a brand new day. A day of change, of promise, of creativity, of kindness, and of love. I'm going back to bed.
Bob Saget
#84. If someone sprays windex in your food it can give you diarrhea. But once you wipe it off your windows, you're fine.
Bob Saget
#85. Just went to the gym and worked on every body part. Four people slapped me.
Bob Saget
#86. Valuable people are undervalued.
Bob Saget
#87. Beautiful clear day in Beverly Hills. The sweet smell of Botox is in the air.
Bob Saget
#88. What do you do if you're in the car and your girlfriend touches your crotch then asks you to remind her to get kitchen scissors?
Bob Saget
#89. I think comedy is on an organic upsurge right now because when I started, it was 1978 at The Comedy Store and Letterman had just stopped emceeing his morning show.
Bob Saget
#90. I've had a pilot every single year that didn't sell for the past four years, that'll smack you in the back of the head. I had a really good one last year; I wouldn't have done the play in New York if I had gotten that one.
Bob Saget
#91. I just did a play in New York which has been my best experience that I've had for maybe ever. It was Paul Weitz's play called Privilege and I was in New York for three months.
Bob Saget
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