Top 100 Quotes About Joke
#1. Did you just make a joke, Tris? We should have you on painkillers more often if your going to start cracking jokes.
Veronica Roth
#2. Americans do believe in progress and there is almost certainly a kernel of truth in the joke.
Alan Dundes
#3. Stand up is really fun because if I think of a joke or a funny idea, then I can just go and tell some people and if they laugh, they laugh right away.
Demetri Martin
#4. I'm always looking at new ways to tell a joke so that it doesn't get stale while working on new jokes every night or I would go absolutely crazy and would want to kill myself. I just want to go in there and talk about what's bugging me.
Bill Burr
#5. I don't think comedy is necessarily an attack. It's finding humour in life. I don't think if you're making a joke about something you're automatically demeaning it.
David Walliams
#6. The idea that any performer type is owed anything is a joke to me.
Henry Rollins
#7. Louis CK knows that just because a joke is using space as a resource instead of something to be crammed like a hamper, this doesn't mean a story isn't happening.
Andrea Seigel
#8. A German joke is no laughing matter.
Mark Twain
#9. If I'm getting on an airplane or anywhere, really, I have a lunch box and stuff. It's a running joke with my friends and family - everyone gives me lunch boxes for Christmas.
Nikki Reed
#10. You're going to get violated in that ring. I am going to close the curtain on the joke that is the Audley Harrison show.
David Haye
#11. Here is a good joke. The little boy walks into an ice cream store, He asks for a sundae with extra hot fudge sauce. 'I'm sorry." says tje ice cream man. "Hot fudge only comes in one temperature." Mark, Florida
Susan Magsamen
#12. Why would you want to work for a living if you could just joke around? Being a celebrity expands your commercial possibilities.
Jerry Seinfeld
#13. Ahmed Sinai never forgave his son for breaking his toe. Even after the splint was removed, a tiny limp remained. My father leaned over my crib and said, "So, my son: you're starting as you mean to go on. Already you've started bashing your poor old father!" In my opinion, this was only half a joke.
Salman Rushdie
#14. Paris and Nicky Hilton? Those girls will show up to the opening of a phone book. It's like a big joke.
Rachel Perry
#15. Snake pulled out the digital camera and decided to play a joke on Otacon. He snapped a picture of the pinup, muttered, "Good," and closed the door.
Raymond Benson
#16. Usually the intention of the artistic effect is too sophisticated for most people to understand, sort of like a joke that they don't get so they don't think it's funny.
Billy Corgan
#17. With anything you put out there, you're going to offend somebody, but most people get that it's a joke, that I'm playing a character, and that I'm actually making fun of what I'm saying by saying it.
Trevor Moore
#18. My first gig ever was writing looplines for a movie that had already been made. You know, writing lines over somebody's back to explain something, to help make a connection, to add a joke, or to just add babble because the people are in frame and should be saying something.
Joss Whedon
#19. So, if any one man, in his own proper person, afford stuff for a good joke to anybody, let him not be backward, but let him cheerfully allow himself to spend and to be spent in that way.
Herman Melville
#20. When I was a child, if someone had talked to me about buying water, I would have thought it was a joke.
Assata Shakur
#21. I didn't plan to be the rude middle-class comedian. You write a certain type of joke that you find funny, and mine happen to be often rude. Yes, it's juvenile, but that's me.
Jimmy Carr
#22. If I write a joke, sometimes people will call it a 'lie,' and I'm fascinated with that.
Jen Kirkman
#23. But giving drugs to a cat is no joke, Kemp!
H.G.Wells
#24. I was up really early. It was the day of my selection tests and interviews to become a Prison Officer. The recruitment process was an absolute joke ... Everyone could have travelled round the world seven fucking times before they hear[d] back from the Service's recruitment cowboys.
Ronnie Thompson
#25. I like when people are trapped in the joke, when there's no escape. I like to lead people down the wrong path and then trap them.
Paul Mooney
#26. I don't mind being the brunt of a joke, so long as it's a good one.
Joey McIntyre
#27. Sometimes I know a joke I'm going to yell out ahead of time, but most of the time it's stream of conscious. You never really know it until you've got everyone dressed up, the set is built, all the extras are here.
Adam McKay
#28. An old racetrack joke reminds you that your program contains all the winners' names. I stare at my typewriter keys with the same thought.
Mignon McLaughlin
#29. Dad used to joke he only spent a few weeks hiding because of depression - the rest of the time he hid because he liked it. I always thought he was just saying it to make me feel better, but now... I think I know what he meant.
Seth Patrick
#30. The insular arrogance of the English character is a commonplace joke.
Goldwin Smith
#31. Sometimes she talked like a poet; she made a little joke of it, so that you wouldn't mind.
Joan D. Vinge
#32. When something makes no sense, sometimes you make something of it. A joke. A spiritual practice. A life.
Heather Sellers
#33. Such men as fortune raises from a mean estate to the highest elevation by way of a joke.
Juvenal
#34. In general, I tried not to take myself too seriously - I called myself "the manalyst," after all. My life's motto: Joke 'em if they can't take a fuck.
Kresley Cole
#35. There is no such thing as an appropriate joke. That's why it's a joke.
Michael Scott
#36. Thank you, God. For the jam on our toast and the milk on our cereal. For the blanket that calms us and the joke that delights us and the warm sun that reminds us of God's love.
Max Lucado
#37. One nice thing about telling a clean joke is there's a good chance no one's heard it before.
Doug Larson
#38. In Boffo's Novelty and Joke Emporium in Ankh-Morpork, all the whoopee cushions trumpeted in a doleful harmony;
Terry Pratchett
#39. (Finland is a famously introverted nation. Finnish joke: How can you tell if a Finn likes you? He's staring at your shoes instead of his own.)
Susan Cain
#40. The signs of excessive indulgence in this destructive pastime are easily detectable. They are these: A disposition to eat, to drink, to smoke, to meet together convivially, to laugh, to joke, and tell indelicate stories - and mainly, a yearning to paint pictures.
Mark Twain
#41. The joke that I make is that there are instances on the TV series that happen to me, - except on Sex and the City they always make it better or worse than real life and I am actually saying that in a joking way.
Candace Bushnell
#42. I must admit I am nervous about getting Alzheimer's. Once it hits, I might tell my best joke and never know it.
Joan Rivers
#43. Piper: it looks like we have hole. Percy: Yeah we've got a dam hole! (LOL-ing) Piper: What! Percy: Inside joke. (still LOL-ing) Piper: Whatever.
Rick Riordan
#44. In my first story, 'Mr. Mysterious & Company' ... I was asked to take out some of the humor because editors were afraid reviewers would dismiss the book as a joke. Today, humor is enjoyed and no longer regarded as literary brummagem.
Sid Fleischman
#45. He wrote, You're being crazy. You're going to catch a cold.
I already have a cold.
You are going to catch a colder.
I could not believe he was making a joke. And I could not believe I laughed.
Jonathan Safran Foer
#46. I think sometimes in comedy the characters are often sacrificed for the joke, and it's more important for it to be funny than for there to be love.
Jenny Slate
#47. Don't mind us, Shay." Mason flashed him a smile. "We're just a bunch of wild animals.
"No joke." Dax flexed his arms.
Andrea Cremer
#48. I always joke that everything else that I do is to support my theater habit.
Megan Hilty
#49. Okay, that one's pretty good," Fred acknowledged, after she'd told him a particularly filthy joke. "But have you heard the one about the baker's wife?"
"No," Kyra said.
"Rumor has it, she married him for his buns." Fred burst out laughing.
Kyra groaned. "Okay, that was just bad.
Bridget Zinn
#50. Fifty Shades Of Grey proved you can write about a dude choking women and shoving stuff up their butts but heaven forbid if you tell a legitimate joke about it. Sure I doubled the number of feminists who hate me, but I also doubled the number of shows I have on TV. No regrets.
Daniel Tosh
#51. I think there is much more storytelling in stand-up now. Less emphasis on the joke. Jokes are still important, but it feels like a more intimate and personal experience these days.
Doug Benson
#52. Divorce is expensive. I used to joke they were going to call it 'all the money,' but they changed it to 'alimony.' It's ripping your heart out through your wallet.
Robin Williams
#53. Life is funny, baby, and that's no joke
Rachel Cohn
#54. A joke is not a thing but a process, a trick you play on the listener's mind. You start him off toward a plausible goal, and then by a sudden twist you land him nowhere at all or just where he didn't expect to go.
Max Eastman
#55. Sometimes in the studio movies I've been working in, you'll put a joke in a movie because the crowd loves it - not because I love it.
David Gordon Green
#56. I think, in comedy, timing is everything. You and I could tell the same joke, but if one of our timing is off, it won't be as funny. You've gotta know when to deliver your punch-lines.
T.I.
#57. Science is a bit like the joke about the drunk who is looking under a lamppost for a key that he has lost on the other side of the street, because that's where the light is. It has no other choice.
Noam Chomsky
#58. Cooking allows you to have travels, adventures and journeys without going anywhere. The running joke between my partner and me is that I'm not really concerned about how long it takes, or how much I destroy the kitchen, because I just have such a good time doing it.
Ted Allen
#59. You can be merry with the king, you can share a joke with him. But as Thomas More used to say, it's like sporting with a tamed lion. You tousle its mane and pull its ears, but all the time you're thinking, those claws, those claws, those claws.
Hilary Mantel
#60. Now, why would a dead girl lie?
Hey! That sounds like a joke. Why would a dead girl lie? Answer: Because she can't stand up.
Jay Asher
#61. There's always someone who's going to interpret my material as racist, but it's not. Racism comes from intent and power. A racist will tell a joke about a group of people only when they're not in the room. I'll talk about a group of people only when they're in the room.
Russell Peters
#62. I loved Omar Vizquel. He tells some really long jokes, and he has his own way of telling them, but he can make every joke very funny. He would always come up with jokes on the loudspeaker on the bus.
Steve Finley
#63. What are we toasting?" I ask, slightly bemused. "Reward for employer of the year?"
It's a dumb joke, and I almost groan at my own crappy attempt at humour. Our glasses clink and Hue just sighs.
"My only reward will be the sweet embrace of death
Ruby Nox
#64. Am I over existing or am I over existing? That's my inside joke.
Ryan Trecartin
#65. If you can't laugh at yourself, you may be missing the colossal joke of the century.
Barry Humphries
#66. A play is made by sensing how the forces in life simulate ignorance-you set free the concealed irony, the deadly joke.
Arthur Miller
#67. A good fart joke makes me bawl with laughter, so will somebody farting. And the word 'poo.' You can't beat a good poo joke.
Jenny Eclair
#68. I do things, and other people laugh at them. I rarely know what the joke is supposed to be or why they're laughing.
Wallace Shawn
#69. There's a few tunes of mine that don't have jokes, but most of them have a joke and they have a humorous point of view somewhere.
Mose Allison
#70. I even heard that they can bring people back from the dead."
"Jesus," Butter swore.
"I kinda doubt they had anything to do with that one."
"No, no, I meant --"
"I know what you meant. t was a joke, Butters.
Jim Butcher
#72. A satirist is someone who has a very skeptical view of human nature, but who still has the optimism to make some sort of a joke out of it. However brutal that joke might be.
Stanley Kubrick
#73. Such avian silence is punctuated only by the occasional plunk of a trout sinking an ovipositioning daddy longlegs, and the hysterical cackle of a Mallard that finally gets last night's joke.
Bruce Beckham
#74. I don't really tell a joke per se, I build up an attitude and it becomes a joke.
Don Rickles
#75. Why are you making a joke out of this?" she asks.
"Because it's stupid, Nik. There's not even room in my day to think about someone else.
Simone Elkeles
#76. It was a joke, okay? If we thought it would actually be used, we wouldn't have written it!
Marc Andreessen
#77. Look here', he said, frowning, 'You shouldn't joke about matters related to food.
Ambai
#78. Ah, the first rule of public speaking
always start with a joke.
Jon Stewart
#79. Like I said, a sketch is one joke. They shouldn't really be more than a minute, two minutes. There are some shows where the sketch goes on for five minutes. It's like, "I get it! I'm already bored. I did like the joke, but I don't anymore, because you went on too long."
Eric Andre
#81. .Clumsy jesting is no joke.
Aesop
#82. Who am I? It seems like an easy question. And then I realize.. Maybe what I said to those cops wasn't a joke. Maybe the name belongs to whoever has the courage to fight.
And so I tell them.
I tell them who I am
You can call me Ms. Marvel. And if you cooperate, I won't throw you again.
G. Willow Wilson
#83. She's like cold coffee in the morning
I'm drunk off last nights whisky and coke
She'll make me shiver without warning
And make me laugh as if I'm in on the joke
Ed Sheeran
#84. If you can't laugh at your life, then your life is a punchline in a bad joke.
Andrew Barger
#85. That's what happens with most comedies. If you watch 10 minutes and there's no joke, then you're disappointed because you're expecting jokes. The same goes for emotional movies. You have to feel something. If you don't feel anything for 10 minutes, you get bored.
Quentin Dupieux
#86. Sometimes you feel as though you've slandered yourself, but the joke's on them.
Criss Jami
#87. I have had every hair color. I joke with my hair colorist. She keeps sheets of paper on every hair color that I've had, so she has records of it all. She's done my hair since I was 15, and I guess I have a thick folder going because I've had so many different hair colors.
Brittany Snow
#88. It would be a joke if the conduct of the victor had to be justified to the vanquished.
Napoleon Bonaparte
#89. I like a naturalism to my dialogue and my comedy. I would rather have a few jokes sail by that might be more subtle than have every single joke hit hard. I would rather the comedy come out of character as opposed to feeling forced. Even if you're giving some laughs up for it.
Jon Favreau
#90. People who don't like cats haven't been around them. There's the old joke: dogs have masters, cats have staff.
Betty White
#91. If my dog wants to know why I didn't feed him this morning, he may want to rethink walking out of the room when I'm telling him a joke.
Dana Gould
#92. My brother has ADD, which is weird because he drives a Ford Focus. I told my brother that joke but he didn't laugh because he got distracted by my shoe strings.
Zach Galifianakis
#93. Just hear me out. While you were napping, I was busy chatting up our allies. Didn't you know
your woman's a golden-tongued ambassador! My sisters always said I graduated from the shock-and-awe school of diplomacy, but joke 'em if they can't take a fuck, right?
Kresley Cole
#94. But it wasn't a sentimental romance. It was more like a battered estate wagon in which they bounced along together, sometimes cheerfully amused by the same joke, other times grimly tolerating one another and determined to get where they were going.
William Kuhn
#95. Why do you joke about such things?" she snapped.
He let his gaze land rather intently on hers. "When the alternative is despair, I generally prefer humor. Even if it is of the gallows variety.
Julia Quinn
#96. What's with the serum?"
I don't know, but it sounds ominous. We better put a telepathic direction finder on Benway. The man's not to be trusted. Might do almost anything ... Turn a massacre into a sex orgy ... "
Or a joke."
Precisely. Arty type ... No principles ...
William S. Burroughs
#97. I'm a taker in terms of jokes. I love to hear a good joke, but I don't retain jokes. I'm not a good teller of jokes.
Steve Carell
#98. Or maybe, just maybe, a small voice whispered in my head, it's not a joke, silly. Maybe he's really that worried about you. This wouldn't be the first time he's gone a little overboard trying to protect you. I sighed.
Stephenie Meyer
#99. The Danes don't take themselves seriously at all and look for the joke in everything. Us Scots are on the same line of latitude and have the same amount of light, which may be why we have a similar sense of humour.
Jamie Sives
#100. My music has a high irritation factor. I've always tried to say something. Eccentric lyrics about eccentric people. Often it was a joke. But I would plead guilty on the grounds that I prefer eccentricity to the bland.
Randy Newman
