Top 100 Quotes About Condoms
#1. Any reason why we couldn't just ditch the condoms from now on?" Surprise
Madeleine Urban
#2. She also said you were almost out of condoms and should pick up some more. And to not forget her special cream for her rash.
Eve Langlais
#3. Jesus. Why couldn't he have had boys? All boys. Little fucking shits like Cage. A whole slew of 'em he could throw condoms at and be done with it.
Madeline Sheehan
#4. If you can't joke about giant french ticklers and gas powered dildos in a fucking locker room then the terrorists win, E. Our freedoms are eroding. I'll pick up lube and condoms instead. Bring your hand. It's the only action you're getting.
Celia Aaron
#5. The men had to use condoms. You didn't want to get hit by that stuff, flying. I said be kind and I did something worse than flying cum. I threw up all over him. I couldn't stop throwing up. That's not sexy.
Ian McDonald
#6. Nanahara: Where are you going, Boss?
Yashiro: To the convenience store. Whenever I buy all the condoms they have in stock and bring it to the cashier, the part-timer there makes a funny face.
Nanahara: ... That's an interesting hobby.
Kou Yoneda
#8. Is it a recent occurrence that women have tried to control when and if they reproduced? Absolutely not. By 2000 B.C., there was worldwide use of herbal potions to prevent pregnancy. Condoms were made from animal bladders.
Karen DeCrow
#9. Have you ever tried to organise a threesome in real life?'
I shook my head. I'd only encountered them in porn, but it seemed to happen without much admin, the same way all porn skipped out the granular details of sex, like condoms and kissing, that were supposed to happen in real life.
Olivia Sudjic
#10. When will it all be over? When will she have time to think and feel again? Presumably not till the baby is a teenager and can safely fend for himself. Although, of course, teenagers need to be taught to drive and say no to drugs and wear condoms.
Liane Moriarty
#11. Throwing cash for the whole meal on the table, Kelly got up abruptly. That's it. Come on. We're going shopping. Clothes. Lingerie. Shoes. Condoms.
Laura Kaye
#12. How about if you turn over, baby?" Wolf licked his way up Tristan's back to nibble at the spot between his shoulder blades. "And we can take turns working our way through these condoms my mom brought us.
Rhys Ford
#13. Some men send me condoms and underpants. I'm not sure what they want.
Martine McCutcheon
#14. It's like you have a special skill when it comes to finding condoms. Seriously. They must fall out of the sky whenever you're around.
Jennifer L. Armentrout
#15. New Rule: Americans have to come up with a better cheese to represent the nation than American cheese. I'm not even sure American cheese is cheese. I think it's aged Jell-O. And it doesn't need to be individually wrapped in plastic, either. You're thinking of condoms.
Bill Maher
#16. She'd woken up with a receipt for condoms. That much she knew. But had she used them? Even if she had, a little voice in the back of her head yelled, "Glow-in-the-dark condoms from the Dollar Store, probably expired!
Samantha Bohrman
#17. There's a new medical crisis. Doctors are reporting that many men are having allergic reactions to latex condoms. They say they cause severe swelling. So what's the problem?
Dustin Hoffman
#18. We are still not in the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame but there are 3,000 Kiss products, a Kiss musical toothbrush, everything from Kiss caskets to Kiss condoms. There are no Radiohead condoms ...
Paul Stanley
#19. Stop hiding condoms in my stuff. It's like some twisted Easter egg hunt in there.
Alyxandra Harvey
#20. City Point is so beautiful, she says. In the night they cannot see the garbage that litters the beach, the seaweed and driftwood, the condoms that wallow sluggishly on the foam's edge, discarded on the shore like the minuscule loathsome animals of the sea. Yeah, it's something, he says slowly.
Norman Mailer
#21. Then he would get into a plane and leave the field wide open; the field was crammed with paralegals, all of them stoutly armed with condoms.
Lydia Millet
#22. Two closets wait to be filled with shoes or condoms or failed exams or whatever else college kids fill empty spaces with. Broken dreams, maybe.
Sara Wolf
#23. Five trolls in a dra-a-a-a-ag,' the four-inch man sang from my shoulder. 'Four purple condoms, three French ticklers, two horny vamps and a succubus in the snow.
Kim Harrison
#24. Used to have a crush on Dawn from En Vogue.
It's not like honey dip would wanna get with me,
But just in case I own more condoms than TLC.
Phife Dawg
#25. Wrestling is very similar to gay sex, but you don't have to wear condoms.
Jack Barakat
#26. I guess having one hundred and four condoms full of heroin in your guts and the thought of a firing squad in your head make will make most things seem insignificant.
S.A. Tawks
#27. It was too late to buy beer but thank God there's no curfew on condoms.
Beth Myrle Rice
#28. What about your mom?" "She offered to take me to Planned Parenthood to get the Pill and told me to make Adam get tested for various diseases. In the meantime, she ordered me to buy condoms now. She even gave me ten bucks to start my supply.
Gayle Forman
#29. About President Bush's stand against condoms, condoms will not protect you from AIDS . So to just throw a bunch of condoms over to Africa and say, here, we're helping you with AIDS, is just going to further the spread of AIDS over there.
Christine O'Donnell
#30. Nowadays, you can do anything that you want - anal, oral, fisting - but you need to be wearing gloves, condoms, protection.
Slavoj Zizek
#31. Here are condoms lined with a topical anesthetic for prolonged action. What a paradox. You don't feel a thing, but you can fuck for hours.
Chuck Palahniuk
#32. Condoms should be marked in 3 sizes: jumbo, colossal and super colossal, so that men do not have to go in and ask for the small.
Barbara Seaman
#33. I have a couple of 'doing caps' in my wallet. That's what I call condoms.
Aziz Ansari
#34. Rick Santorum doesn't like sex. He doesn't like the pill. He really doesn't like condoms. He said if men are going to pull something on to prevent procreation, nothing works better that a sweater vest.
Bill Maher
#35. I'm gonna need a strap-on, a dildo, some lube, condoms, and more of that tequila.
Kendall Grey
#36. I live dangerously enough. Now what's this about condoms or tigers?
Kendare Blake
#37. Recently, there's been a trend in America that I find very disturbing ... rewarding immoral and illegal behavior ... For example, we now give free needles to junkies, which seems to me to be only a step away from giving condoms to rapists.
Bill Maher
#38. Don't come in, Dad!" Hank said.
"Believe me, I won't," Karma said with a vocal shiver. "Just ... I have, um, condoms and lube." And in a mutter, "Your mother made me.
Eli Easton
#39. Oh my god! Oh no, no, no, no. The condoms. Hugh had seen the condoms. She wanted to bury her head under the covers and never come out.
Robin Bielman
#40. There is mud everywhere, slicking the asphalt and piling up in corners along with the detritus of daily life: pop cans, cigarette butts, used condoms and bullet shells.
Isaac Marion
#41. The first time my mom found condoms in my room, she literally started crying hysterically.
Jason Segel
#42. Condoms instantly shot to the number-one position on my mental list of must-find survival supplies, far ahead of food, water, and a way across the Mississippi River.
Mike Mullin
#43. You know what's not sexy?" I pushed his hand away. "Barbies. Barbies are not sexy."
"But I bought condoms," he said. "I even practiced putting one on!"
The lost-puppy look on his face made me smile. "I'm proud of you, Boner Man, but that's not enough.
Laurie Halse Anderson
#44. She wondered if J.D. had polo ponies on his condoms.
Julie James
#45. The routine promotion of condoms through advertising has been stopped by networks who are so hypocritically priggish that they refuse to describe disease control as they promote disease transmission.
Henry Waxman
#46. That you and I don't use emotional condoms. We just let the messy goo of who we are fly free, threatening to impregnate us with insecurity of infect us with the pain of true intimacy.
Mo Daviau
#47. I was afraid you were going to have sex with that man, and I knew you weren't prepared. I brought you condoms!" The memory of her mom sprawled on the ground with her leg twisted under her, lying amongst the scattered condoms,
Hailey Mansfield
#48. I've heard the sound of 70 condoms being scraped over the floor at the British Museum. It feels like being an adventurer. Why would you stay in your living room if you could go out and experience things no one's ever experienced?
Herbert
#49. Now I have to think about whether I shoved the condoms in the fridge with the scallops.
Tawna Fenske
#50. A salesman is an it that stinks to please
but whether to please itself or someone else
makes no more difference than if it sells
hate condoms education snakeoil vac
uumcleaners terror strawberries democ
ra(caveat emptor)cy superfluous hair
E. E. Cummings
#51. He kisses the D.S.'s hand thrusting his fingers into his mouth (the D.S. must feel his toothless gums) complaining he has lost teeth "inna thervith". "Please Boss Man. I'll wipe your ass, I'll wash out your dirty condoms, I'll polish your shoes with the oil on my nose ...
William S. Burroughs
#52. Expired condoms are like nuclear waste: there's nothing sensible you can do with it.
Andrew Smith
#53. Condoms will break, but I can assure you that vows of abstinence will break more easily than condoms.
Joycelyn Elders
#54. Because Clare had never let the fact that Mark didn't have a father in his life get in the way of sex education. She'd been showing Mark how to roll condoms onto bananas long before he'd known it was other bananas he was interested in.
Lisa Henry
#55. You think he has some bomb defusing MacGyver contraption cooked up that involves lube, condoms, and a paper clip?
Stephani Hecht
#56. Football is being used as a language in that project ... The vital message being communicated to the boys and young men is about safe sex, the use of condoms and preventing the spread of HIV/AIDS.
Roger Moore
#57. In your twenties, I think you should have all of the sex that you're inclined to have, as long as you're safe about it. Use condoms and everything. Go with your instincts. This is the time to have a lot of sex and do drugs. But make sure you live through it.
Sarah Silverman
#58. We're not buying Sam's Club condoms," said Owen. "Their trash bags don't even work.
Sarah Dunn
#59. Radical feminism, male lesbians, transsexuals, musical condoms with suspenders, and lotsa drummers drumming are all manifestations of a political agenda with roots in the 1960s. This is all fruit we are reaping from the sexual revolution.
Rush Limbaugh
#60. You know you're in love when you wear condoms while having sex with other women.
Owen Wilson
#61. I believe the potluck tradition of entertaining is the equivalent of a teenage boy wanting to have sex with his girlfriend but who is too scared to go to CVS to buy condoms. If you can't handle providing all the courses for your dinner party, you can't handle the hosting duties of a dinner party.
Mindy Kaling
#62. Scary mommy confession #80920
I invited you into my home as a guest. And you brought my two year old permanent markers and play-doh. next time I visit you, I'm bringing your teenage daughter condoms and crack.
Jill Smokler
#63. Something just ain't right about thanking the Lord for sending you an opportunistic pretty boy who carried a string of condoms and single use packets of lube in his pocket. Still, I did it.
James Buchanan
#64. I don't want lunch, because I'm not hungry," he said. "And I don't want anger management classes, because right now angry is all I have," he spat. "And I don't want condoms, because it seems that I'm incapable of fucking anyone but you.
Kitty French
#65. The worst of all of this is the lie that condoms really protect against AIDS. The condom failure rate can be as high as 20 percent. Would you get on a plane - or put your children on a plane - if one of five passengers would be killed on the flight? Well, the statistic holds for condoms, folks.
Rush Limbaugh
#66. I know the Pope is opposed to the use of condoms. All I can say is, I am a spiritual man and I've been happily married for 21 years. I don't even know what a condom is anymore.
Tom Hanks
#67. Could be an amazing product, sell like condoms at a high school prom, donuts at a police convention, sunscreen on a Caribbean crush ship.
Dennis Vickers
#68. I carry condoms in my purse, even though I haven't had sex in a long time. I'm hoping for luck! And I carry them so I can give them to other people who might want or need them, or who might want to have a conversation.
Sharon Stone
#69. Man. He felt almost guilty about the condoms in his wallet. A guy wasn't supposed to lust after Beaver Cleaver's mom.
Jasmine Haynes
#70. I would rather make love than war, but only because condoms kill millions of lives more enjoyably.
Jarod Kintz
#71. Like the pagans of old, unaffected by climate, the British were now dancing around a giant phallus. Unlike the pagans theirs was a sterile phallus, disarmed by condoms and pills - the first heathen sexual cult to be based around sterility rather than fertility.
Peter Hitchens
#72. We're the ones causing global warming. In fact, what we ought to be saying is population growth is a major cause of it, so I hope to have a T-shirt out very, very soon: Stop global warming, use condoms.
Mechai Viravaidya
#73. So, we skipped Annabel, and discussed condoms. I said I liked the orange ones, and we ended our talk in laughter.
Steven Herrick
#74. It doesn't seem fair," he murmured, once again smoothing out her messy bed head. "You get all the morning sickness, the kicks in the ribs and the bloated stomach and swollen ankles, and I get nine months of sex without condoms.
Linda Kage
#75. Use condoms; it's wise not to gamble with your children's future.
Bauvard
#76. They had this movie called Juno about a teenage girl who gets pregnant and it's nominated for an Oscar. That's an unusual experience for me, 'cause when a black girl gets pregnant it ain't no Oscar. It's social work and a box of condoms is what that is.
D. L. Hughley
#77. Some want prayer in school, some want condoms.
Printing prayers on condoms satisfies nobody.
Marshall Fritz
#78. Have fun tonight...And take care in all the usual ways, boys. Say no to drugs, and drinking and driving. Yes to seat belts and condoms.
--Granny Rikker to Johnny & Mike
Sarina Bowen
#79. There is not only a lack of success for condoms. It's worse than that - they are utter failures.
Wendy Wright
#80. I bought a packet of Trojan Ultra Pleasure Extra Sensitive condoms: 'No. 1 in AMERICA'. They smell nothing like a positive first sexual experience.
Joe Dunthorne
#81. Men who refuse to use condoms do not deserve to be fucked by anyone but other men who refuse to use condoms.
Inga Muscio
#82. Maybe you need to save your dad-concerns for when I'm found drunk, or high - and - arrested because my secret Argentinean boyfriend, Ignacio, convinced me to smuggle condoms full of drugs and
Anne Eliot
#83. There is a great deal of political pressure to only talk about abstinence, and to deny support for condoms and education on using them. This policy will lead to the unnecessary deaths of many people.
Hillary Clinton
#84. Humans cannot produce viable offspring with our closest animal cousin: the chimpanzee. We cannot impregnate a chimp. So you know what that means? No condoms.
Chris Hardwick
#85. In Minnesota it's so cold some nights you have to wear two condoms.
Bruce Lansky
#86. I guess I had it made. My mother gave me advice - she taught me that women like to be looked in the eye - and my grandmother gave me condoms.
Usher
#87. You can hand out condoms, drop bombs, build roads, or put in electricity, but until the girls are educated a society won't change.
Greg Mortenson
#88. One day, while at the drugstore picking up some aspirin for my Mom, dear old Mrs. Burns, our pharmacist, shoved a pack of condoms into my hand with a conspiratorial wink.
"They glow in the dark," she whispered.
This, from a sixty-five year-old granny, I kid you not. Stuff of nightmares.
Ramona Wray
#89. How is it that mankind can engineer condoms to prevent pregnancy and STDs and not be able to invent some sort of emotional safeguard? Is it even possible to abstain from falling in love?
Daria Snadowsky
#90. It's not enough just to buy condoms, Cassidy; you have to use them.
Karen Marie Moning
#91. You know, we are one nation under a god. Yes, you were right. An angry, crack slinging god who decorates with bullets and spent condoms.
Henry Rollins
#92. If we can just get young people to do the same as their fathers did, that is, wear condoms
Richard Branson
#94. I do support a sex-positive attitude for young people. Use condoms, that's important. I love the idea that promiscuity can be healthy but it's got some dodgy crevasses. Ooh, that's a bad reference! But it's got some dangerous cavities there. You know what I'm saying.
Rachael Taylor
#95. No sun cream or condoms, just in case you're looking at the lady-boys. There's plenty of AIDS lingering about and every STD you can imagine.
Simon Palmer
#96. We live in a culture in which condoms can be handed out in schools and Bibles can't. And I think that tells you everything you need to know about our society.
Janet E. Smith
#97. Only 3 percent of people in the DRC use condoms.
Amy Lockwood
#98. What is sex addiction? I asked a doctor and the guys goes, Sex addiction ... People will end up doing something they don't want to do just for sex. Isn't that called a first date, man? If sex was the result of something I wanted to do, there'd be condoms all over my PlayStation.
Dov Davidoff
#99. I held my bag open and he dropped Jenks inside.
"Hey!" the pixy protested, and then, "Tink's little pink dildo, Rache? Haven't you gotten rid of those condoms yet? They got a shelf life, you know.
Kim Harrison
#100. She gave me money to buy condoms, and instead I bought a book of baby names. That's life. That's love. That's fiscally irresponsible.
Dark Jar Tin Zoo
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