Top 100 Quotes About Assholes
#1. Does not-your boyfriend realize I'm Mormon?"
I nod. "It turns out, Holder doesn't have an issue with Mormons at all. He just has an issue with assholes.
Colleen Hoover
#2. But Mama was so mad at the insurance company that even though he used words like "flaming assholes" she didn't realize till later that he was cussing: she said she thought he was quoting the Psalms.
David James Duncan
#4. This is as good as it gets. Can't expect everyone to be on the same page. We're still humans after all. Some percentage of us are always going to be assholes.
James S.A. Corey
#5. THEY COULDN'T just leave well enough alone, could they? Those colorful-scrub-covered assholes insisted on dragging everyone out of their rooms, even the most antisocial bastard in the group - a title Riley held with pride.
Kade Boehme
#6. I wasn't going to stand out here listening to those quarrelling voices in my head. If I wasn't crazy - and I didn't think I was - listening to those contentious assholes would probably send me there, and by the express.
Stephen King
#7. If you want to have your dreamed husband, you better not wake up; because in real life, all men are assholes.
M.F. Moonzajer
#8. I honestly think hipsters eat with their assholes because they consume everything wrong.
Chris Hardwick
#9. Baby, you're not the one who's broken. The assholes who mistreated you, they're the broken ones. You did what you had to do to survive them.
Gina L. Maxwell
#10. Opinions are like assholes, everyone has one but they think each others stink.
Simone Elkeles
#11. Regardless of what I think about Islam or Wicca or any other religion, the fact is that it's a group of people. Every faith has its ceremonies. And since it's made up of people, every faith also has its assholes.
Jim Butcher
#12. It sounds like these guys would be filed under Assholes Who Do Evil Shit in My Name." "Jesus. I mean, wow. That's the name of one of your files?" "One of my largest, unfortunately. But I have it broken down into subfolders.
Kevin Hearne
#13. Women are judged inferior until we prove ourselves, and men are judged superior until they prove what assholes they are.
-
Dr. Kat Hunter
Sidney Sheldon
#14. Is it beautiful?"
"Really weird. But don't get hung up on the angels. They're mostly assholes.
Ian Tregillis
#15. So what happened? (Maggie) Nothing major. It's just a group of assholes out to kill me. (Wren)
Sherrilyn Kenyon
#16. Stories are like assholes. Everybody's got one and most of 'em stink.
Lawrence Block
#17. I believe all people are assholes. You won't find anyone that you like. You'll just find someone you dislike a little less than the last asshole. And I can't wait for that day. To have a woman that I can say I dislike a little less than all the other assholes.
Travis J. Dahnke
#18. I closed my eyes and listened to the waves. Thousands of fish out there, eating each other. Endless mouths and assholes swallowing and shitting. The whole earth was nothing but mouths and assholes swallowing and shitting, and fucking.
Charles Bukowski
#19. I failed to understand what was so enviable about having a position that a pack of phonies sucked up to. Dishwashing suited me because nice people were nice to me and assholes were assholes to me, yet no one ever sucked up to me.
Pete Jordan
#20. Alphole heroes are just domineering assholes disguising themselves as alpha males. Real alpha males don't need to be assholes.
Sarah Wendell
#21. We all do have our own reasons for being alone; in my case, I just don't like wasting my time on some assholes.
M.F. Moonzajer
#22. Let us watch the kiddo. We're her godparents, right?' He held up a hand, keeping me from answering. 'I mean, I know you haven't decided yet, but we'd be way better than Chloe and Bennett because let's be real: they're assholes.
Christina Lauren
#23. He is the biggest asshole on the planet," Jarod says. "And in a planet that's currently drowning in assholes, that's saying a lot.
Siobhan Davis
#24. Maybe. But I was always fond of killing assholes. And you're at the top of the list.
Nashoda Rose
#25. Men are incomprehensible assholes," I said to Amelia.
"NO shit," she said. "When I was searching for Bob today, I found a female cat in the woods with kittens. And guess what? They were all black-and-white.
Charlaine Harris
#26. He places a hand on the curve of my hip. His touch is tender yet possessive. "That's good enough for now. And just so you know, I'm not letting you walk away from me this time. No dogs, no assholes, no appointments. Today you're mine." I
Mia Asher
#27. Let's just agree that neither side has a monopoly on assholes. The point is, once you recognize that every human model of reality is fundamentally unreal, then it all just comes down to which one works best.
Peter Watts
#28. That's the miracle of babies, their ability to lay bare the tender, beating hearts of raging assholes.
Heather Armstrong
#29. Hey Kizuki, I thought, you're not missing a damn thing. This world is a piece of shit. The assholes are earning their college credits and helping to create a society in their own disgusting image.
Haruki Murakami
#30. We are all stupid assholes; leaving alone and complaining forever.
M.F. Moonzajer
#31. I have no problem today letting people know I'm part of what they live. That's why I know about the things that make people the assholes they are. They have no choice but to be part of it.
Andrew Dice Clay
#32. (on Blades of Glory) Playing the assholes in the movie is fun.
Will Arnett
#33. As parties go, the food is good but the hosts are complete assholes.
Eliza Crewe
#34. Still, to paraphrase what John Stuart Mill said about the stupidity of the Tories, while not all people who claim to be politically incorrect are assholes, it's exactly the sort of thing an asshole is apt to say. (183)
Geoffrey Nunberg
#35. I didn't feel weaker, I felt changed. Like I really had become something else - a warrior like Jellia had been when she'd confronted Dorothy - someone capable of taking the worst these assholes had to offer and then dishing it right back to them.
Danielle Paige
#36. I think hair gel was invented to make it easier to identify assholes from a distance.
Demetri Martin
#37. I don't know if watching Chaz Bono will turn your kids into transsexuals, but I'm pretty sure that letting them watch Keith Ablow will turn them into assholes
Lewis Black
#38. Molly was a helluva nice girl, but her fried eggs looked like broiled assholes.
Stephen King
#39. Realizing that many you once thought the world of are nothing but glorified assholes means you've grown up.
Crystal Woods
#40. Broken hearts are for assholes, are you an asshole?
Frank Zappa
#41. Being drunk is a good disguise. I drink so I can talk to assholes. This includes me.
Jim Morrison
#42. I glanced at Carson, who had promised things would be alright. His gaze was on the floor, and a muscle in his jaw flexed rhythmically but unhelpfully. If he was trying to send me a message, I was out of luck, because I'd never learned Morse Code for Assholes.
Rosemary Clement-Moore
#43. Still, past assholes could make a person feel skittish. You had to be careful. It could all suddenly be different than you thought it was. A big possible mistake could be hidden anywhere, ready to blow up everything, same as stepping on a land mine.
Deb Caletti
#44. At the age of 25 most people were finished. A whole god-damned nation of assholes driving automobiles, eating, having babies, doing everything in the worst way possible, like voting for the presidential candidate who reminded them most of themselves.
Charles Bukowski
#45. If you kill him, call me. I'm bound by doctor client privilege.
Really?
No, but the courts make exceptions for assholes.
Alex Adams
#46. Wise words are all well and good when they are spoken by wise people, but when egomaniacal assholes are tossing them around, they are just words.
Autumn Doughton
#47. People who act like assholes get treated like assholes
J.D. Robb
#48. Let's have a toast for the douchebags,
Let's have a toast for the assholes,
Let's have a toast for the scumbags,
Every one of them that I know
Let's have a toast to the jerkoffs
That'll never take work off
Baby, I got a plan
Run away fast as you can
Kanye West
#49. For people like us, little people who went scurrying through the world like mice in a cartoon, sometimes laughing at the assholes was the only revenge you could ever get.
Stephen King
#50. The world is only broken into two tribes: The people who are assholes and the people who are not." I
Sherman Alexie
#51. Jackie patted her on the shoulder, "you know what you need?"
Ash peeked out from between her fingers."Eight hours of rest before tomorrows exam? Bug spray that repels assholes?
Karsten Knight
#52. Why do you need to see him? (Remi)
Wolf business, and the last time I sniffed, which I'm trying real hard not to do 'cause the stench of you assholes is rough on my heightened sense of smell, you're a bear. Grab his hide and send it over. (Fury)
Sherrilyn Kenyon
#53. You know what? Fuck it. Just fuck it. The Rising didn't manage to wipe out the human race, it just made us turn into even bigger assholes than we were before. Hear that, mad science? You failed. You were supposed to kill us all, and instead you turned us into monsters.
Mira Grant
#54. She told me she loved him." "Well, girls always love assholes," said Platt, not bothering to dispute this. "Haven't you noticed?
Donna Tartt
#55. Assholes who run into trouble all the time probably run into trouble because they are assholes. There
Jack Donovan
#56. In my experience all boys can be classified as either assholes or bores, unless they're both.
Daria Snadowsky
#57. What kind of life am I setting up for her (her = daughters)? ... It's not just about making them, like, not be assholes, which is what I think any parent would do.
Kimora Lee Simmons
#58. I'm not even pissed at the rumormongers. I'm pissed at whoever invented the Internet and handed the assholes in the world a platform on which to spew their venom.
Elle Kennedy
#59. To the eternal "Opinions are like assholes - everybody's got one," I just say, "Yeah, but not everybody's got ten thousand of them." It distresses me that the wit of this riposte so often fails to impress the asshole I'm talking to.
Robert Christgau
#60. There might be all these social media now but it's just a different century with the same kind of people with the same opinions. And opinions are like assholes, Vaughn. Everyone has one, and everyone knows one. Stop caring what everyone else thinks, and think about what you want.
Samantha Towle
#61. All men fall under 5 categories:
The assholes are by far the worst. Then there are the dumbasses, the smartasses, the sorryasses, and last but not least, the wiseasses
Sandra Steffen
#62. My mullet was an insecurity shield. My mullet was an ethnic hatchet. My mullet was an arrow on fire.
My mullet said to the literary world, Hello, you privileged prep-school assholes, I'm here to steal your thunder, lightning, and book sales.
Sherman Alexie
#63. If we sound like a couple of callous assholes, it's because that's how we were raised.
Jonathan Tropper
#65. I'm bad at some things."
She raised an eyebrow. "Name one thing."
Making you fall in love with me the way I've always been in love with you. You only ever saw the jock while you let those artist assholes chase you. And hurt you.
Bella Andre
#66. I was going to say the beginning is the good part, when it's all sparks and sparkles, before they are inevitably unmasked as assholes.
Laini Taylor
#67. I don't know why it's so hard for people to admit that sometimes they're just assholes who screw up because they don't expect to get caught.
Karen M. McManus
#68. The Devil got landed with a shitty job, he has to deal with assholes everyday, he's probably bored as hell.
Gerard Way
#69. The best thing about living at the beach is that you only have assholes on three sides of you.
George Carlin
#70. What are you thinking, Amos?" "Nothing real subtle. Figure we hop outside, kill a few assholes that need killing, patch stuff up when we're done with the first part." Naomi
James S.A. Corey
#71. Every once in awhile try to do something nice for somebody you don't know, even if it's just leaving an opening in traffic for them to merge into, small things like that give people hope that we're not all assholes.
Joshua Neik
#72. Before Ayn Rand coined the term "objectivists", we just called them "selfish assholes".
James Rozoff
#74. This is how we thank assholes for messing with Poughkeepsie.
Debra Anastasia
#75. Abs - all the assholes had them. Four to six muscles were like a graph chart to show just how big of a douche bag the guy was.
Jamie McGuire
#76. What was the secret to dealing with the assholes? "Lift weights or learn karate," said O'Grady.
Michael Lewis
#77. You know who wears sunglasses inside? Blind people and assholes.
Larry David
#78. What has three eyes,
three nipples and two assholes?
Kurt Vonnegut
#79. It's just hard to go from seeing elephants living their lives in the wild and not being bothered by humans, to seeing them put in a bunker every night and then being forced to take assholes like us on rides.
Chelsea Handler
#80. I've made my life's work spotting assholes. And you know, I think it's harder now than ever before because there's so many socially acceptable ways to exhibit a pathological lack of empathy.
Merrill Markoe
#81. The actor's relationship to the crew is really a big dynamic that influences everything. When actors are assholes, it becomes problematic. When actors are great and sensitive and prepared, it makes a huge difference.
Paris Barclay
#82. Against all evidence, I keep thinking the assholes are outliers.
James S.A. Corey
#83. The grumpier you are, the more assholes you meet.
Banksy
#84. Do Angels have assholes?
Atticus O'Sullivan - Hexed
Kevin Hearne
#85. Any contractor who would construct a flat-roofed, two-storey building in Northern New Hampshire was enough of a moron to not know how many assholes a human being had.
John Irving
#86. Ty slapped Owen on the arm. "Close your eyes, man."
"Why?"
"You got a tell."
"I have a tell at Rock, Paper, Scissors?" Ty and Nick both nodded. "And you tell me ten years later? You're both assholes!
Abigail Roux
#87. SUBJECT: Real original
Dear Dark Assholes,
I get the point. Showing me that you know how to log onto a computer and utilize Google must've taken some pretty keen strategizing on your part.
Really, really cool trick. Now leave me the hell alone.
-The DL
S.L. Jennings
#88. You know what's wrong with scientific power? It's a form of inherited wealth. And you know what assholes congenitally rich people are.
Michael Crichton
#89. Ninety-five percent of people who walk the earth are simply inert. One percent are saints, and one percent are assholes. The other three percent are people who do what they say they can do.
Stephen King
#90. It's much more painful to bomb in front of a group of yours peers than it is to not win. Tons of assholes ain't winning awards, but only one guy will be bombing. So, that's much more nerve-wracking.
Seth Rogen
#91. By the time I get through slicin' him up, he'll have two assholes!
Mary Monroe
#92. After all, if God had wanted men to fuck other men, he'd have given them dicks and shoved a G-spot up their assholes!
Nathan Burgoine
#93. The world is not full of assholes. But, they are strategically placed so that you'll come across one every day.
Genna Rulon
#94. You know that bad people can make great art, don't you?'Said Annie.
'Yes, of course. Some of the people whose art I admire the most are assholes.'
'Dickens wasn't nice to his wife.'
'Dickens didn't make a memoir called I'm Nice to My Wife.
Nick Hornby
#95. I don't need art to tell me people are assholes. I can just go into the streets.
Etgar Keret
#97. God, I need that coffee. I feel like a bag of smashed assholes.
Ruta Sepetys
#98. The world hasn't changed. It's full of men who hate women. It's stuffed to the gills with assholes who will mount an attack on a stranger just because she's female and they're small-minded monkey-boys with an inferiority complex.
The world hasn't changed, but I have.
Robin York
#99. You don't like Talon, do you? (Sunshine) Wish him dead every time I see him. (Zarek) I can't tell if you mean that or not. (Sunshine) I mean it. (Zarek) Why? (Sunshine) He's an asshole and I've had enough assholes in my life. (Zarek)
Sherrilyn Kenyon
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