Top 100 Quotes About Assholes
#1. Sylvie wishes the anti-depressants had been around when she was in her early twenties, not only to rescue her from the dark tunnels that came when her brother first got sick, but also to keep her from fucking all those assholes.
Francesca Lia Block
#2. All men are into bondage, 'specially if they're real assholes at work all day.
Kathy Lette
#3. You need a quiet place where you can find someone who will listen, someone who will make you feel less like a mistake in a universe intended for assholes and Marines.
Christopher Rice
#4. There's something exciting and incredibly liberating for an artist to finish something Friday night and the world hears it Friday night instead of eight months later after marketing people and all those assholes get involved.
Trent Reznor
#5. You know, when someone hurts my feelings, somehow it does not comfort me to know that it was deliberate ... On the other hand, knowing that someone else thinks they are assholes helps a great deal."
"I think that's some kind of rule for the universe.
John Barnes
#6. I can tell you, Jay, nothing that happens in this life is worth killing yourself over. Time passes, and you can decide to change your future. You don't let what some assholes say or do, direct you. In this life, it only matters what you do with it.
Nicole Reed
#7. Who knows why you kids do any of the crap you do?"
"And who knows why you guys are such assholes?" Lex countered, taking a sip of her soda. "Life is just full of little mysteries, isn't it?
Gina Damico
#8. Note found in the patron suggestion box:
"You have SIGNS up near the computers that say BE QUIET, but people don't be quiet. They laugh out loud and talk out loud. Libraries used to be quiet, but they aren't anymore because you let all the assholes in!!!!!
Gina Sheridan
#10. That's why I have birthday parties - to celebrate making it through another twelve months of dealing with assholes and not killing any of them. I
Emma Hart
#11. We want to empower the doctors and patients to get all the other assholes out of the way,' Clark had once told me, then laughed. 'Except for us. One asshole in the middle.
Michael Lewis
#12. Why is it you assholes always feel the need to tell the media your evil plans before you kill us?" asked Becks. "Is it a union requirement or something?
Mira Grant
#13. My job consists of basically masking my contempt for the assholes in charge, and, at least once a day, retiring to the men's room so I can jerk off while I fantasize about a life that doesn't so closely resemble Hell.
Kevin Spacey
#14. Assholes are like weeds, a bitch to get rid of and when you do another one grows back in its place.
Jonathan Kellerman
#15. It smelled like jail ... sore knees and loose assholes.
David Benioff
#16. If there's one thing America will always lead the world in," Harold said, "it's assholes with guns.
Jason Mott
#17. I don't mind assholes. It's the dork I don't trust. The dork is the one who's trying to be whatever he thinks you want him to be. I trust the asshole cause you know where he's gonna stand.
Matthew McConaughey
#18. Nothing could be sillier than we got good people here. We got the same cross-section of assholes as anywhere.
H. G. Bissinger
#19. The key is, how do you feel with the one asshole? They cannot be talked to. That's why they are assholes.
Steven Soderbergh
#20. All right," I said. "Let's show these Seattle assholes how we do things in Vegas. Jennifer?" She held up the detonator. I nodded. "Light 'em up!" 41. One click of the detonator, so fast her fingers blurred, and the alley erupted in a blast of crumpled metal and flame.
Craig Schaefer
#21. I've confromted enough assholes in my time. They never realize they're assholes. Not once. Whatever you say.
Sophie Kinsella
#22. Could Pesto be his own observer? Interesting question. He used to like to raise his leg and study his asshole. It didn't seem like this observation caused him to split into multiple cats with multiple assholes.
Ruth Ozeki
#23. Don't you ever let me hear you call them the vics, Sledge told him. That shit's strictly for assholes and burnouts. Remember their names. Call them by their names. The
Stephen King
#24. The assholes took their toll." "Assholes often do." "That's a Billboard Top Forty song waiting to happen." "Sung to the tune of 'There'll Be Sad Songs,'" I suggested, then offered up a lyric. "'There'll be assholes, to make you cry.'" "'Assholes often dooo,'" Mallory sang.
Chloe Neill
#25. Like any city, we have assholes with pits who try to put on spur of the moment fights to make these cowards think they're tough guys. If they were so tough, they would do the fighting.
Laraine Lebron
#26. In all my years here, I don't think I've ever seen quite so many assholes gathered in one place!
The Undertaker
#27. I knew it ... I'm surrounded by assholes!
Mel Brooks
#28. They were famous for having bad tempers, but then again, if you sprang into existence to discover that your Creators were human assholes, you'd be pissed off, too.
Matthew Mather
#29. I think there are just as many assholes meeting the old-fashioned way as there are meeting in the new hookup culture.
Madonna Ciccone
#30. It is my sincere desire that my research and hard work will help create a world where we all learn to walk this Earth, safe, enlightened and free from the perils of cruelty, ignorance, and all the other dark and sinister forces, which make assholes possible.
Alexei Maxim Russell
#31. But people in masks were always assholes. It was a scientific law. Give someone anonymity and all social niceties break down. The Internet had proven that.
Chelsea Cain
#32. We were encouraged to propose safetyprevention suggestions, and write them all down - locking doors, walking or exercising with a friend, wearing shoes that don't hinder running. Erin's suggestion of "Avoid assholes" was popular.
Tammara Webber
#33. Of course when you were running with the bottom dogs, what you mostly saw were paws, claws, and assholes.
Stephen King
#34. there would always be incompetent assholes in the world ... and many of them would be in places of power.
Christopher G. Nuttall
#35. I'm going to put them in the slam, my friend, and if I hear they got their puckery little assholes cored down there at Thomaston, I'm gonna send them cards saying I hope whoever did it had AIDS.
Stephen King
#36. For a while there's nothing I can do but stand in the middle of the road, because going forward hurts too much. Going forward means continuing to try, when trying is so hard. The world is filled with idiots and assholes and monsters. Where are the guardian angels?
Carolyn Lee Adams
#37. 95% of the people who walk the earth are inert, Johnny. 1% are saints, and 1% are assholes. The other 3% do what they say they can do.
Stephen King
#38. People that hurt or annoy you are irritants, like hemorrhoids...they eventually become assholes
Terry Robertson
#39. You try to make the world a better place and what does it get you? I mean, Christ, how the hell does one man stand a chance against four billion assholes?
Daniel Clowes
#40. I now have anti-bodies to assholes after working for so many.
Crystal Woods
#41. You don't want to be mean to people, but some people are real assholes. And you can't say that on TV - or, you can, but probably, as a celebrity, I can't get away with it. Trust me. Unless you're somebody who can say anything they want, I guess, like Donald Trump.
Jackee Harry
#42. The best thing about living at the water's edge: You only have assholes on three sides of you, and if they come this way you can hear them splash.
George Carlin
#43. I'm rich! I don't mean money-wise. I mean that I have figured out how to never be around assholes at any time in my personal and professional life. That's rich.
John Waters
#44. It's hard to fall in love with assholes, Warren."..
"Maybe you just haven't met the right asshole yet.
Colleen Hoover
#46. You know, every bad guy was once good until he crossed a line. I don't think they come out of the womb being assholes.
Laurann Dohner
#47. Why are babies allowed to cry when they wake up, but adults crying when they wake is frowned upon? Babies are permitted to act like assholes whenever they feel like it and no one blinks ...
Chelsea Handler
#48. Little girls aren't all born with glitter shooting out of their assholes. Some us have personality, thank you very much.
C.M. Stunich
#49. Don't side with assholes, she said. Her voice was very not chill.
Karen Joy Fowler
#50. Zarek
shrugged, taking it in stride. "I'm an asshole. I admit it. I've been
going to weekly Assholes Anonymous meetings, but it takes a long time to undo a
few thousand years of habit. And to think you have even more years to undo than
me." -ZAREK
Sherrilyn Kenyon
#51. I think 9/11 was a couple of thousand assholes in Afghanistan who ran rampant and just kind of did their thing and we could have gotten them in Tora Bora if that was handled better.
Richard Patrick
#52. The Greatest Generation gets too much credit. Those World War II guys, if they had all the shit we have today, they'd be assholes too. It's just circumstantial. It's what you're called on to do that makes you great. We haven't been called on to do anything but buy shit and get fat.
Louis C.K.
#53. We could say we were young and stupid, but that excuse only lasts so long before you realize that you were selfish and just really big assholes." I
Penelope Douglas
#54. What a mealy-mouth. Windier than a bag of assholes.
Rodney Ross
#55. Fairmont wasn't a place where we'd usually spend the afternoon. It was full of overpriced boutiques, overpriced coffee, and Mossley Academy, which was full of overpriced assholes.
Stephanie Perkins
#56. Jack: Well, I've never been to New York, but I hear it's for assholes.
Odile: It's not.
Jack: Well, that's what I heard. Cool people don't live there anymore, They all live here. In Chicago.
Joe Meno
#57. Assholes tend to stick together, and once stuck are not easily separated.
Robert I. Sutton
#58. Pam's father had been diagnosed with rectal cancer. It didn't surprise me. Put a bunch of white assholes together and you're going to find that going around.
Stephen King
#59. When I become president, all you assholes that ride bikes in the city? Lock and load! You're going down!
Denis Leary
#60. Lastly I would like to thank all of the assholes in the world, without which this book would not be possible.
Albert Vidal
#61. Got my first e-mail from Hermes today. NASA's been limiting direct contact. I guess they're afraid I'll say something like "You abandoned me on Mars, you assholes!
Andy Weir
#62. "Wonderful things can happen", Vincent said, "when you plant seeds of distrust in a garden of assholes."
Elmore Leonard
#63. You hear this kind of thing, rednecks and their guys and--"
"Don't call them that," I say. "They're just assholes. Most people you run into around here...well, maybe they won't like the length of your hair, but they'll keep their feelings to themselves.
Charles De Lint
#64. I enjoy my crazy, thank you very much. I noticed a long time ago that those who value normalcy to the point of making someone else feel like shit for being different were assholes. I stopped caring about what people thought of me after that.
Alanea Alder
#65. A quick, sharp laugh from Quint broke the thread of tension. "What a pair of
assholes," he said. "I seen that coming since you came aboard this morning.
Peter Benchley
#66. from the poem Holographic Personality Disgrace:
Some people are such assholes that saying, "Look, again, I'm sorry I cut off my thumb and glued it to your baby's head because I thought you'd like him better as a unicorn" means nothing to them.
Sam Pink
#67. Your potential, the absolute best you're capable of - that's the metric to measure yourself against. Your standards are. Winning is not enough. People can get lucky and win. People can be assholes and win. Anyone can win. But not everyone is the best possible version of themselves.
Ryan Holiday
#69. Strippers should be role-models for little girls. If only for the fact that they wax their assholes.
Sarah Silverman
#70. I urge the media to start referring to climate skeptics as what they really are: climate assholes.
Bill Maher
#71. COME ON, MAHFAHS!' she screamed. 'YOU JUST COME ON! YOU JUST COME FOR EM! I'M GONNA BLOW YO EYES RIGHT BACK THROUGH YO FUCKIN ASSHOLES!
Stephen King
#72. I think America has the best assholes in the world. I defy the Belgians or the Japanese to produce something like a Donald Trump.
Matt Taibbi
#73. Women who say that they have met the most amazing guy in the world are only saying that because they haven't lived with them yet.
Heather Chapple
#74. I dunno Lloyd, the French are assholes.
Harry Dunn
#75. I don't want kids."
"Why?"
"My family has a genetic defect and I don't want to pass it on."
"What kind of defect?"
"We're assholes.
Bijou Hunter
#76. Remember how, back in 1990, if you used a cellphone in public you looked like a total asshole? We're all assholes now.
Douglas Coupland
#77. The function of assholes in the world, just like the asshole we all have, is to spread shit around.
Kevin Hearne
#78. There are assholes among us, good people, try not to step in their shit ... it's deep
Emma Paul
#79. Ambitions are like assholes, and they smell like flowers to the owner. I must be delusional. Give it up.
Rafi Zabor
#80. because it tasted like a thousand smarmy assholes.
Belle Aurora
#81. The world's full of idiots, divas and assholes, mainly in Ireland. In Ireland, one cannot achieve anything if he is not a little wacky. That's a holy truth. It just simply cannot be otherwise.
Joseph O'Connor
#83. A slightly modified version of the Serenity Prayer: Lord, grant me the serenity to ignore the assholes I cannot avoid; The luck to avoid the ones I can; And the self-awareness not to be one myself
Kelly Williams Brown
#84. Well, girls always love assholes," said Platt, not bothering to dispute this. "Haven't you noticed?" No, I thought bleakly, untrue. Else why didn't Pippa love me?
Donna Tartt
#85. Some people have blond hair. Some people are really good at baseball. Some people find nothing more pleasurable than organizing a drawer full of buttons. Some people are assholes. This is the human spectrum.
Kelly Williams Brown
#86. Madoc has a winning personality, and he's hot. But Jared is just hot. At least Madoc has more going for him. Was she on a mission from God to reform assholes?
Penelope Douglas
#87. My idea of rich is that you can buy every book you ever want without looking at the price and you're never around assholes. That's the two things to really fight for in life.
John Waters
#88. The world of [comic book] collecting is not a pretty place. For a bunch of guys who like good-over-evil stories, you sure meet a lot of morally bankrupt assholes.
Seth
#89. He's a moron being an asshole. You don't shoot people for being assholes, or the human race would be extinct.
L.S. Hawker
#90. So many great people are dead, and so many assholes I know are still alive. Karma's bullshit. I wish it was true, but it ain't.
John Waters
#91. He was a life raft in a sea of assholes.
Anna Jarzab
#92. Aunt Mari says that the assholes in our lives are our biggest blessings."
"How so?"
"Without them, we'd take the ones who aren't for granted. Assholes give us needed perspective to appreciate the people who really love us.
Sherrilyn Kenyon
#93. Ninety percent of all problems are caused by people being assholes."
"What causes the other ten percent?" asked Kizzy.
"Natural disasters," said Nib.
Becky Chambers
#95. What I learned is that it's arrogant to be certain of anything. The world is a complex place and only idiots or assholes think they know it all.
Lisa Gardner
#96. And I love that all their overdone liberal bullshit totally backfired," he said. "Of course it did. People are assholes. End of story."
"The world according to Sebastian Tate."
"It's a philosophy that has gotten me far in life.
Kate Scelsa
#97. Too bad he was such an asshole. Why did assholes have the best chests?
Meghan Ciana Doidge
#98. To be successful you have to deal with CRAP. Criticism, Rejection, Assholes and Pressure.
Ryan Blair
#99. I haven't met loads of asshole only children. If you fill a room with all the assholes you know, I bet that most of them have siblings.
Judy Greer
#100. You take girls, for example. They're copying their moms and magazines and everything to know how to act around guys. I mean it's not like in movies where girls like assholes or anything like that. It's not that easy. They just like somebody that can give them purpose.
Stephen Chbosky
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