Top 100 No Offense Quotes
#1. Why is it that whenever anyone says something offensive, they always add 'no offense' after it?
Michelle Hodkin
#2. No offense, Jaron, but I don't want your life. Even locked away behind closed doors I got a taste for how awful it can be."
"Did anyone try to kill you while I was gone?"
"No."
"Then you didn't even get a taste.
Jennifer A. Nielsen
#3. Tom Ford once told me that he found French women sexier than American ones. He said, 'Americans are too clean ... ' I took no offense.
Linda Wells
#4. No offense, but if you want to be with my niece, you should think about getting a haircut. My mother is very conservative."
"No offense taken," John said mildly.
Meg Cabot
#5. If you aim for parody right off the bat and it misses, no offense to the filmmakers, but it is Meet the Spartans.
Adam McKay
#6. You're going to need more than that to usher in the kingdom of God, Josh, no offense. We can't go home with, 'Hi, I'm the Messiah, God wanted you to have this bacon.
Christopher Moore
#7. We're always pitching ideas and being told "no thank you." No offense taken, because I would so much rather be told the truth that they're not interested and be able to find the right show for that network down the line.
J.J. Abrams
#8. No offense to hot girls everywhere- but newsflash- there are hot girls everywhere.
Tammara Webber
#9. I don't need friends. All they do is eat your food, drink your beer, then spew your secrets the first time you do something that displeases them. No offense, but when you have as many enemies as I do, you keep your secrets under lock and key. (Solin)
Sherrilyn Kenyon
#10. No offense, kid, but I have a strong desire to murder your uncle with extreme prejudice." "No offense taken," I said. "I'm tempted to help you.
Rick Riordan
#11. Ah, don't grieve, little falcon,' he said with that tenderly melodious gentleness with which old Russian women speak. 'Don't grieve, little friend: you suffer an hour, you live an age! So it is, my dear. And we live here, thank God, with no offense. There's bad people, and there's good
Leo Tolstoy
#13. To me, a critic is some loser who has no idea ... someone with an opinion. We all have opinions. No offense, but what makes them dictate what is cool and what is not.
Vanilla Ice
#14. No offense but I don't relish being someone's science experiment. Been there, done that, and sold the T-shirt for profit. (Sebastian)
Sherrilyn Kenyon
#15. Not the point. No offense, but these are wicked Village People.
J.R. Ward
#16. Fuck you. (Dev)
Thank you so much for the offer, but while you do have a certain feminine quality in your demeanor and a remarkable head of hair that any woman would envy, you're far too hairy for my tastes. No offense. (Fury)
Sherrilyn Kenyon
#17. Is she okay? I mean, no offense, she sounds more mental than I do.
Sherrilyn Kenyon
#18. Never start a sentence with the words 'No offense.
Gretchen Rubin
#19. Am I going to have to die first before I come here every time? Because no offense, but for fuck's sake, I can just give you a cell phone to call.
J.R. Ward
#20. Scorpius: Still, if I had to choose a companion to be at the return of eternal darkness with, I'd choose you.
Albus: No offense, but I'd choose someone massive and really good at magic.
J.K. Rowling
#21. Falderson," he said quietly to Bahzell in passable Navahkan, "is as stupid as the day is long." He craned his neck to gaze up at the hradani and shook his head. "In fact, he's even stupider than I thought. You, sir, are the biggest damned hradani-no offense-I think I've ever seen.
David Weber
#22. What kind of world do we live in? Why are we applauding this guy's abs? I mean, no offense to Michael Phelps. We like him. But he's not smart. He hasn't invented anything or saved people's lives. He's a guy with abs, and we celebrate these abs.
Mark Haskell Smith
#23. I think ethical ambivalence is a kind of innoculation, a way of excusing yourself in advance for something you actually want to do. No offense.
Jennifer Egan
#24. And that's why, gentleman, if your little girl doesn't come up to scratch, it will be our painful duty to cut all your throats. Merely in a way of business, as you might say, and no offense, I hope.
C.S. Lewis
#25. And no offense, but it does smell like a squirrel crawled up your ass and died there.
James S.A. Corey
#26. Hey Steve, no offense, but if you couldn't shoot, there would be no reason for you to be alive.
Charles Barkley
#28. No offense, but what on earth could I ask of you that would be a great hardship?" His gaze rested on my mouth before making its way to my eyes again. "You could ask for the world, and then where would civilization be when I conquered it and laid it at your feet?
Darynda Jones
#29. I wasn't a bad basketball player, but I was far from the world's greatest. Good defense, no offense - that was me.
Chuck Connors
#30. Phaedra shook her head. If your people mean no offense, they should not speak their thoughts out loud in front of their children, Tesadora. Because it will be their children who come to slaughter us one day, all because of careless words passed down by their elders who meant no harm.
Melina Marchetta
#31. No offense-but until I see it, I'm not going to believe it."
"And that is why you will fail."
Adrian cursed and hit the door. "Great, you've got him channeling Yoda again. Can we get moving before he levitates my fucking bike?
J.R. Ward
#32. No offense to Iceland, but Latin America is where the fugitive leaker Edward Snowden should settle.
Stephen Kinzer
#33. And no offense, but let's grow our own teachers, let's grow our own nurses - and so that we don't have to be scrounging around in our community clinics and other kinds of places - having to hire people from somewhere else.
Marion Barry
#34. He who takes offense when no offense is intended is a fool, and he who takes offense when offense is intended is a greater fool.
Brigham Young
#35. No offense to Bushwick, where all my neighbors greeted me on the street and there is a growing arts community and a curious beauty to its industrial zone, but Bushwick is no Williamsburg, even if the real estate agents would have you believe it is.
Jami Attenberg
#36. The second time, I had a freakin' vampire at my back." I froze. Oh shit. "No offense, Mr. Moreau," I quickly added.
"None taken, Agent Fraser. During the course of my lengthy life, I have been called many things, but 'freakin' has never been one of them. I'll consider it a novelty.
Lisa Shearin
#37. My head isn't messed up."
"Darlin', you're in my heart, you know that,so no offense, but you're right, it isn't messed up. It's fucked up.
Kristen Ashley
#38. Kind of like saying 'no offense' when you've just said something offensive?
Jennifer Egan
#39. Take this. (Jericho)
(He slid the ring off his finger and handed it to him.)
I'm not about to marry your ugly ass, boy. No offense, but you ain't my type. I like my dates with less body hair ... and with female parts attached by nature. (Asmodeus)
Sherrilyn Kenyon
#40. More of a cookie person, myself. No offense to the other baked goods. I just like cookies.
Victoria Schwab
#41. No offense, Dorian. Oh, what the hell, take all the offense you want, it's not like I give a shit. (Savitar)
Sherrilyn Kenyon
#42. I mean, no offense, but I don't really see why, like guitar players from Creed, or something like that, are on the cover of guitar magazines. Almost anybody can sit down and learn to play those songs.
Dweezil Zappa
#43. Hey, no offense, but do you mind if you put both your palms where I can see 'em?
J.R. Ward
#44. No offense. They're very nice tank tops and giant shirts if you like that sort of stuff, but if you're going to let Prince Alex help you undress each night you might want something a little sexier to slip into." He wiggled his eyebrows. "Not that I'll say a word about it of course. Not a word.
Nichole Chase
#45. For me, my preference for comedy is grounding it in the psychology of the character, and not just kind of making faces. Even when it's a crazy character, grounded comedy resonates more with people because it doesn't look like you're watching someone do vaudeville. No offense to vaudeville.
Matt McGorry
#46. I meant no offense." "Yet you offend so well.
Amanda Quick
#47. I'll put a bullet through my own brain. Let alone wait for stark to do it. Your sister will drive me to it, Howard. No offense.
Meg Cabot
#48. Justice consists in doing no injury to men; decency in giving them no offense.
Marcus Tullius Cicero
#49. What's this? It looks like a lily."
"It is," he said. "No offense, but this lily is
kind of more badass than yours. If the Alchemists
want to buy the rights to this and
start using it, I'm willing to negotiate.
Richelle Mead
#50. Why do you say 'no offense' when you're planning to offend me?
Kami Garcia
#51. Ten years from now I think people are going to look back and say Willis Reed pulled a Curt Schilling ... Willis Reed scored four points. Curt Schilling went seven innings against one of the best offenses of recent memory. No offense to Willis Reed.
Theo Epstein
#52. That," said Wednesday, driving off, "is the eternal folly of man. To be chasing after the sweet flesh, without realizing that it is simply a pretty cover for the bones. Worm food. At night, you're rubbing yourself against worm food. No offense meant.
Neil Gaiman
#53. I hate over-privileged people in general. You just happen to fall into that category. No offense. But Nykyrian said you weren't a total bitch so I'll trust him until you make him out a liar. (Hauk)
You seriously lack social skills, don't you? (Kiara)
Sherrilyn Kenyon
#54. Of course not. You can't have a family hanging over you like a bunch of old dead goats. No offense.
Roald Dahl
#55. William wondered why he always disliked people who said 'no offense meant.' Maybe it was because they found it easier to to say 'no offense meant' than actually to refrain from giving offense.
Terry Pratchett
#56. Percy is the most powerful demigod I've ever met. No offense to you guys but it's true.
Rick Riordan
#57. If you have to say "no offense" to someone, you have already offended them.
Meg Cabot
#58. And blessed is anyone who takes no offense at me.
Anonymous
#59. I want to have and adopt. I always have; ever since I was 18, I wanted a baby, and I wanted to have and adopt because there are a lot of kids. I want to adopt an American baby though, you know what I mean, no offense. Just because there are so many kids here that need our help.
Queen Latifah
#60. My apologies. I meant no offense." Except that his tone told her he didn't mean a word he'd just spoken.
Jean Oram
#61. You know when someone says, 'no offense,' I pointed out to him, 'the thing they say directly after that is always offensive
Ripley Patton
#62. She hasn't been on a date in six months,' Derek rumbled behind us. 'No offense, but as long as you aren't related to her, you're fair game. Hell, even-'
Tori spun on him. 'I didn't know.
Kelley Armstrong
#63. Do you suppose it all means something?
That we're being left clues?
Perhaps.
Then, no offense, but I fear they've badly overestimated us.
Colin Cotterill
#64. Stop saying no offense," I said, "when you say offensive things. It's not a free pass.
Daniel Handler
#65. Public opinion takes no offense at the endeavors of farmers, workers, clerks, teachers, doctors, ministers, and people from many other callings to earn as much as they can. But it censures the capitalists and entrepreneurs for their greed.
Ludwig Von Mises
#66. I don't want to look like Connecticut, no offense, I don't want to look like Oklahoma, I don't want to look like California. I want to be uniquely Texas. And that's not to diss anybody else.
Rick Perry
#67. Like Cammie is fine," Macey said, then glanced at me. "No offense."
"None taken," I said. "I think.
Ally Carter
#68. Martise blushed and lowered her eyes. "I meant no offense."
"Ah, another way to apologize. You have an impressive arsenal of conciliatory statements. I've known slaves less contrite than you.
Grace Draven
#69. I need a victim and no offense Yuki, but your carrot sticks are lacking in controversy.
E.J. Stevens
#70. Honey, no offense, but sometimes I think I could shoot you and watch you kick.
Raymond Carver
#71. I've been stabbed before. Barely a week ago, in fact. AND I've been audited, AND I come from a broken home. In short - no offense, shorty - you don't scare me.
MaryJanice Davidson
#72. The man doesn't want me messing with it and, no offense, I wouldn't anger him. I've seen what he can do and it's the stuff horror movies are made of. Body part flailing, blood. Lots of blood and torture. (Berith)
Sherrilyn Kenyon
#73. No offense, right. "No offense" stood for "I'm going to insult you, but you can't be mad at me.
Ilona Andrews
#74. No offense," she muttered, "but fucking drink.
J.R. Ward
#75. I look like an accountant. And no offense to accountants! There's some really cool accountants out there.
Jake Lacy
#76. Seriously,let me talk to her when she wakes up. Girl-to-girl."
"No offense, Chas, but you'd scare the crap out of her."
"Want to say that to my face, Coalhouse?"
"What's left of it.
Lia Habel
#77. It is a poor sermon that gives no offense; that neither makes the hearer displeased with himself nor with the preacher.
George Whitefield
#78. I've never liked the press part of it (no offense), but it comes with the job.
Devon Sawa
#79. Weaving spiders, come not here, Hence, you long legged spinners, hence! Beetles black, approach not here, worm nor snail, do no offense.
William Shakespeare
#80. No offense to the other people that we work with, but we spend 14-hour days with each other. You're dying for some sort of new rhythm to play with and another person to have fun with. It's like, "Oh, I can't wait to hang out with Zoe Lister Jones today and not deal with that Jake Johnson."
Max Greenfield
#81. Leon, no offense, but you don't exactly look like a hockey player."
"I told 'em I was a goalie. That's where they put the guy who can't skate, right? Just like in baseball when they put the worst player at catcher.
Steve Hamilton
#82. I hate it when people use phrases like 'no offense' right after they say the crappiest things to you.
Stephanie Tromly
#83. New Rule: A dog is the only animal that can get you laid. No offense, parrot guy, but it's not gonna happen. When women see you, they're not thinking, "I bet that guy is interesting," they're thinking, "That bird better not shit on my dress.
Bill Maher
#84. Rose scowled. 'I should be the one staying. I should be Jill's roommate. No offense, Sydney. We need you for the paperwork, but I'm the one who's gotta kick anyone's ass who gives Jill trouble.
Richelle Mead
#85. No offense, but your mom is strange. She's a hit MILF, but totally off the wall."
I take my hand back."Eww! Colin, you just called my mom a MILF! I'm completely grossed out!
Simone Elkeles
#86. It will make you powerful. But it will also make you weak. Your prowess in combat will be beyond any mortal's, but your weaknesses, your failings will increase as well."
You mean I'll have a bad heel?" I said. "Couldn't I just, like, wear something besides sandals? No offense.
Rick Riordan
#87. There are no boundaries concerning your passion for education. No harm done, no offense given! Those who take education as an ass-suffering task makes it so because they have a phobia for alphabets.
Michael Bassey Johnson
#88. My vengeance was of a different kind. It bore no offense and no ill towards injustice. It had no emotion. Blood and Death. That's all it was." - Celeste- ALL LIGHT WILL FALL
Almney King
#89. I know I'm asking a lot. You'd need to start talking, stop growling, and bathe. No offense meant, but you look like a crazy man the way you are.
Melissa Haag
#90. We're not making any official statements, especially when James Holden's in the room. No offense, but your track record for blurting information at inopportune moments is the stuff of legend.
James S.A. Corey
#91. No, no, no!" said Albert. "You got to put a bit of life in it, sir, no offense intended. It's got to be a big fat laugh. You got to ... you got to sound like you're pissing brandy and crapping plum pudding, sir, excuse my Klatchian.
Terry Pratchett
#92. My grandmother used to say that there's something truly intimate about sharing food with the people you love." [Stacey]
"Intimate? Sharing food? People you love?" Amber raises an eyebrow. "Um, no offense, Stace, but it sounds like Gram was into food kink.
Laurie Faria Stolarz
#93. Bradley shook his head in amusement, For twins, you and your brother are nothing alike. I used to wonder what it would be like to have a twin, but now ... No offense, but I'm rather glad I came by myself.
Nicole Sager
#94. You mean a bad heel?" I said. "Couldn't I just, like, wear something besides sandals? No offense."
-Percy
Rick Riordan
#95. Nico twisted his silver skull ring. Percy is the most powerful demigod I've ever met. No offense to you guys, but it's true. If anybody can survive, he will, especially if he's got Annabeth at his side. They're going to find a way through Tartarus.
Rick Riordan
#96. No offense, but you make too much noise when you walk. You're too big.
Anonymous
#97. No offense to people who go on Tinder but I just feel like it's ruining romance, I really do,
Sam Smith
#98. Tiny acts of shitty retribution for tiny acts of shitty retribution for tiny acts of shitty retribution for an original offense that no one could remember. Or for no offense at all.
Jonathan Safran Foer
#99. I could see he meant no offense, but in my thoughts I set it down as not very good manners.
"Manners!" he said. "Why, it is merely the truth, and truth is good manners; manners are a fiction.
Mark Twain
#100. Somebody will be upset and say I got rich and deserted my female people; No offense, but the only black woman I ever loved is my mama
Taye Diggs
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