Top 100 MaryJanice Davidson Quotes
#1. Never let your fiend off his leash unless there's lots of room to run (and no people around).
MaryJanice Davidson
#2. WHEN I finally slowed and looked around, I saw with amazement I'd trotted sixteen blocks in about three minutes. Summer Olympics, here I come. Assuming they held the races at night.
MaryJanice Davidson
#3. He turned to her and pressed a kiss to the corner of her mouth. When he spoke his deep voice vibrated all through her. 'I. Remember. Everything.
MaryJanice Davidson
#5. This is a great time to shut up and kiss me.
To her delight, Blake obliged.
MaryJanice Davidson
#6. I'm rubber and you're glue," I told Satan, " and everything that bounces of me sticks to you.
MaryJanice Davidson
#7. Being a writer is great, and being a parent is great, and I hate Marching Band.
MaryJanice Davidson
#9. The mouth of a passionate lover ... or a woman who would bite when she was angry.
MaryJanice Davidson
#10. It never failed - I'd buy a new journal, write like a madwoman for ten pages, then lose total interest in the process. Three months later, I'd start the whole process all over again. I think I just liked buying new notebooks.
MaryJanice Davidson
#11. I own two beautiful homes, and I'm always half-expecting the cops to pull in, seize me with firm compassion, and escort me out.
MaryJanice Davidson
#12. Here I am, just wandering down a deserted street in the middle of the night. I hope I don't run into any trouble. Goodness, that would just ruin my whole evening. I strolled and hummed, trying to project Innocent Victim.
MaryJanice Davidson
#14. Interesting shade #23 Lush Golden Blonde highlights. Heyyyyyy ... The woman in the awful suit was me! The woman in the cheap shoes was me!
MaryJanice Davidson
#15. Crying's okay while it lasts, but you can only do it for so long. And it's weird to do it when you apparently can't make tears anymore (did this mean I wouldn't pee or sweat, either?). Anyway, eventually you're done, and you have to figure out what to do next.
MaryJanice Davidson
#16. Might as well toss this, Chickie, it's ruined. What was it like, getting shot?"
"What kind of a dumb ass question is that from a guy who went to medical school? It hurt!
MaryJanice Davidson
#18. You just never knew when a totally normal vampire errand would end in a bloodbath with severed-limb soap.
MaryJanice Davidson
#19. I like the idea of federal employees licensed to carry weapons who are also heavily medicated; it just works for me on all sorts of levels.
MaryJanice Davidson
#21. God is dead! Only the IT department can help you now.
-Edward Smegger in Super, Girl! (p. 79)
MaryJanice Davidson
#22. Fredrika Bimm, what do you think you're doing?"
"Freaking out. Losing my mind. Thinking about snapping your husband's spine. Squashing the urge to vomit. Wishing I had died at childbirth."
"Oh, you say that when you don't get a prize in your Lucky Charms.
MaryJanice Davidson
#24. The silly antics that would get me in trouble at school have put me on the best-seller list. So I guess the moral here is ignore your teach ... never mind. That's not the moral. Probably.
MaryJanice Davidson
#28. I'm so dull, the fucking cat runs away about three times a month just to get a little excitement. And
MaryJanice Davidson
#29. Elizabeth Anne Taylor April 25, 1974 - April 25, 2004 Our Sweetheart, Only resting
MaryJanice Davidson
#30. AT&T works in Hell. I can't think about it very long or I'll get really, really scared of AT&T.
MaryJanice Davidson
#31. I might occasionally forget how to open a car door and have too many shower curtains, but I've got some standards.
MaryJanice Davidson
#32. Why don't you mind your own fucking business?" I snapped. "If I want to take my sister to my place of business, that's my own damned business and not any of your business." Was I overusing the word business? Fuck it. "So mind your own business.
MaryJanice Davidson
#33. He snarled at me. "This isn't over yet, Betsy."
"Excellent," I said. "I would also have accepted 'You haven't seen the last of me' and 'You'll regret this'.
MaryJanice Davidson
#35. I've always assumed he'd be around to be, you know, yelled at and taken for granted. And of course I was wrong. Nobody's going to put up with that forever.
MaryJanice Davidson
#37. I swore we'd never be together, but - '
'Your inner whore would not be denied.' she finished.
MaryJanice Davidson
#38. We have souls. Sure we do. Otherwise we'd do bad things all the time. You know, like
politicians.
MaryJanice Davidson
#39. I've found I can plunge the characters into whatever absurd, awful situation, and readers will follow as long as the writer makes them seem like 'real people.'
MaryJanice Davidson
#40. I walked in on my folks doing it doggy style less than four hours ago."
"Waitress!" Jonas screamed, clicking his fingers madly. "Bring two!" then, more quietly,"You want a neck massage? A bedtime story? A bullet in the ear?
MaryJanice Davidson
#41. Among other things, Marching Band forms state that if my kid starts acting like a li'l jerkface on a trip, Marching Band can call and command me to pick up my li'l jerkface.
MaryJanice Davidson
#42. I'm more to my family than a wonderful, luminous cook. I'm also a wonderful, luminous butler and a wonderful, luminous chauffer. And checkbook. I'm a luminous checkbook, too.
MaryJanice Davidson
#44. What's amazing is that she was possessed by Satan for almost a year and nobody noticed anything unusual!
MaryJanice Davidson
#45. I zoomed in on the shoe department like a blonde homing pigeon. Shoes, shoes everywhere! Ah, sweet shoes. I truly think you can take the measure of a civilization by looking at its footwear.
MaryJanice Davidson
#46. She couldn't tell where his pupils ended and the irises began; looking into those eyes was like looking into a well where children had drowned.
MaryJanice Davidson
#48. Leave it to a vampire to think a healthy guy in his late thirties or early forties was on his deathbed.
MaryJanice Davidson
#50. I've got a folder full of rejection slips that I keep. Know why? Because those same editors are now calling my agent hoping I'll write a book or novella for them. Things change. A rejection slip today might mean a frantic call to your agent in six months.
MaryJanice Davidson
#51. I guess you could say that no matter what the characters are enduring, I try to make them retain their humanity. Their self-absorbed, grouchy, selfish, aggravating humanity.
MaryJanice Davidson
#52. I've been stabbed before. Barely a week ago, in fact. AND I've been audited, AND I come from a broken home. In short - no offense, shorty - you don't scare me.
MaryJanice Davidson
#53. Then she (Queen Christina) stood with the Prince and grinned like a monkey and waved like a fucked-up prom queen while about a thousand flashbulb went off in her face.
MaryJanice Davidson
#54. Eric came to Macy's? Did he burst into flames the moment he passed the first cash register?
MaryJanice Davidson
#55. I can't not write funny. It's literally the only way I know how to do it.
MaryJanice Davidson
#56. I really did have my reasons. I don't blame you for being mmpphhh-phargle.
She mmpphh-phargled because he tugged her into his embrace and buried his nose in her hair.
MaryJanice Davidson
#57. I love interviews, meeting fans, teaching workshops, giving speeches ... all of it.
MaryJanice Davidson
#58. You don't scare me, Cadence Jones. I've lived with crazy, I've ridden with crazy, I've vacationed with crazy, I've visited crazy in various hospitals, I've sat in on therapy sessions with crazy. Frankly, I think women who don't have major emotional disorders are really very dull.
MaryJanice Davidson
#59. To paraphrase Stephen King, sometimes an accident can be an unhappy woman's best friend. Put
MaryJanice Davidson
#60. Back off, boys. You don't want to mess with an out-of-work secretary. We're real testy.
MaryJanice Davidson
#62. It was scary how much she sounded like me sometimes. Maybe that's why she totally got on my nerves
MaryJanice Davidson
#63. I'll cough up the bitter truth right now, at the risk of losing my Feminism Club Decoder Ring: I didn't go see 'Inside Out' for Amy Poehler, though she's terrific. I went to see my dark prince, Lewis Black.
MaryJanice Davidson
#64. Majesty, I beg your forgiveness for the idignity you suffered and offer you the head of our enemy as - "
"Put that thing down," I said impatiently. "I can't talk to you when you're shaking his head like a damned maraca.
MaryJanice Davidson
#65. I know it's practical for career women, but sneakers with suits? Jesus couldn't possibly weep harder than I did.
MaryJanice Davidson
#67. Touch my things again, whether I'm dead or not, and I'll kick your ass up into your shoulder blades.
MaryJanice Davidson
#68. I'd go to a bookstore, and I'd flip through flap copy, and I'd think, 'If this gal can get published, I can get published.'
MaryJanice Davidson
#70. Hi, the werewolf said. He was dark-haired and broad, with gold eyes, big hands, and a feral scruffiness that Cole felt and instantly responded to. He had the weird urge to kill a cow and present it to the stranger. Two cows.
MaryJanice Davidson
#71. I wrote for free for, like, fifteen years; I could redo my parlor in rejection slips. It would be surprisingly tasteful - they use nice paper.
MaryJanice Davidson
#72. I once came back from a book tour where sleek black cars driven by nice men in black suits waited for me at every hotel, took me to every signing, brought me back, opened car doors for me. They were great. I was great. It was a wonderful tour.
MaryJanice Davidson
#73. I'm the wife of a king, and the mother of kings. And I'm not asking you, I'm telling you. So fuck off, Jack.- Queen Christina (The Royal Treatment)
MaryJanice Davidson
#74. All this to say of course Gallo wants to get into your Little Mermaid panties. And if you don't get that, you're dumber than I ever thought, which gives me such a headache to even contemplate. The massive amount of your dumbness. It hurts me,' he whined.
MaryJanice Davidson
#75. So you're a vampire?"
"Yes. But don't be scared. I'm still a nice person.
MaryJanice Davidson
#76. I was so furious I was actually dizzy with it. There were so many bitchy, sarcastic observations to make, I was having a sarcasm stroke. My God! You people! You're - you're so stupid you're making my eyeballs throb. They're throbbing, dammit!
MaryJanice Davidson
#77. Somehow, when I wasn't looking, somehow because it's electronic mail, none of the basic grammar rules applied.
MaryJanice Davidson
#79. I'm a sucker for the big, gruff, distant, emotionally closed-off hero who sloooowly warms up to the feisty, awesome, sweet heroine.
MaryJanice Davidson
#80. Mom, he was fucking my mother. He's a motherfucker!
- Sleeping with the Fishes
MaryJanice Davidson
#81. What it comes down to is this, Betsy: you do what you need to, and then you haul ass out of there. Every single time.
MaryJanice Davidson
#82. I ducked again as her Hellfire sword whistled over my head, and sidestepped so quickly I tripped over a chair. I was in such a hurry to scramble to my feet that for a few seconds I ran in place, like the Road Runner.
MaryJanice Davidson
#83. Delk shifted in his chair, the arrow point never wavering. "What do you want?"
"Oh, the usual.World peace, a pair of Christian Louboton heels, a perfect wedding.
MaryJanice Davidson
#84. I trudged around on the muddy river bottom for half an hour, patiently waiting to drown, before giving up and slogging my way back to shore.
MaryJanice Davidson
#86. I suppose I should say something negative about vampires living in sin," Father Markus said, "but that seems to be the least of your problems.
MaryJanice Davidson
#87. Wow, girlfriend, you're incompatible with life!
And here I thought I was just incompatible with pink.
MaryJanice Davidson
#88. Andrew Vachss, the best noir-ey writer in the history of the genre, called cats the lap dancers of the animal world. Give them attention, they're there. Stop, they're outta there.
MaryJanice Davidson
#89. Magic: The Gathering is like Dungeons and Dragons if D&D was played with cards and didn't take 18 weeks.
MaryJanice Davidson
#90. I looked up. Mom looked down at me with the compassion/practicality combo that was her trademark.
MaryJanice Davidson
#91. Don't look at his groin. Don't look at his groin. Don't mention that he doesn't have a vagina, so 'we' is bullshit. This is not the time to mention your pet peeve about expectant fathers talking how 'we' are having a baby. Don't. Don't.
MaryJanice Davidson
#92. When I first quit my day job, I was terrified. I called my editors and said I'm trying to make a go of this, and they threw every contract at me they could. And for two years, I had a book or an anthology out every month.
MaryJanice Davidson
#93. Getting gratitude is becoming a thing with you, but even so, you're the worst Antichrist ever," Jessica said. "Which is actually comforting. Stay close.
MaryJanice Davidson
#94. I can't believe your boss tried to kill you, too," Jessica said. "I mean, I know they're trying to keep the unemployment rate down, but that's ridiculous."
"Most people think their bosses are out to get them. But mine really was!
MaryJanice Davidson
#95. I mean, I wouldn't have wanted to be recognized. But I was kind of a prude about cheating on taxes, group sex, murder, and stuff.
MaryJanice Davidson
#96. A day without the Antichrist sitting in judgment on you is a day without sunshine.
MaryJanice Davidson
#97. I stared harder. Come on, vampire mojo. Do your thing. "Don't. Kill. Yourself."
"Why. Are you. Talking. Like this?
MaryJanice Davidson
#99. I love traveling, but I love the bum I married, and the bums I gave birth to, more. And the dogs. I love them, too.
MaryJanice Davidson
#100. George you were very very bad to run away from Alice. Very bad But you were very good to stomp Sinclair when he was being a dick so I think we'll call this a wash.
MaryJanice Davidson
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