Top 100 Life Joke Quotes
#2. Lydia shook her head. "This is my life. Getting yelled at in a Walmart parking lot on a Friday night by somebody doing a bad impression of PG-13 fart-joke-movie comedian.
Jeff Zentner
#3. I'm very wary of doing political stuff for a lot of reasons. One of the big ones is that the shelf-life for them is not very long, and the joke becomes old news very quickly.
Tim Heidecker
#4. In the end, perhaps we should simply imagine a joke; a long joke that's continually retold in an accent too thick and strange to ever be completely understood. Life is that joke my friends. The soul is the punch line.
Tom Robbins
#5. What was the future? The future was a solid wall, not promising, not threatening - all bunk. No guarantees of anything, not even the guarantee that life isn't one big joke.
Bob Dylan
#6. Hilta laughed like someone who had thought hard about Life and had seen the joke.
Terry Pratchett
#7. There are certain queer times and occasions in this strange mixed affair we call life when a man takes this whole universe for a vast practical joke, though the wit thereof he but dimly discerns, and more than suspects that the joke is at nobody's expense but his own.
Herman Melville
#8. Well, I live a double life. Tonight, I'll escort you to dinner. Then I have to rush home and finish my calculus homework.'
'You're not joking, are you?'
'I never joke about calculus homework.
Rick Riordan
#9. I don't go off and sit down and try to write material, because then it's contrived and forced. I just live my life, and I see things in a word or a situation or a concept, and it will create a joke for me.
Steven Wright
#10. Watson loved them sour kind of jokes, which I enjoyed myself. I mean, ain't life some kind of a sour joke? Might's well laugh, that's the way him and me seen it, whether nice folks seen the joke or not. One time when Watson caught me grinning along with him, he give a wink and lifted up his hat.
Peter Matthiessen
#11. Never make a person feel, that he/she is very (extra) special.. Cause, then that person starts feeling that 'You' are not worth him/her.
Honeya
#12. You must learn to take a joke, Francie, otherwise life will be pretty hard on you.
Betty Smith
#13. Life has a whimsical way of kicking you in the throat. I find it to
be one huge cosmic joke at our expense, only nobody is laughing
but the forces that be - given that they are even a wee bit human.
Lori Goldson
#14. There is no reason for believing that any sort of gods exist, and quite good reasons for believing that they do not exist and never have. It has all been a gigantic waste of time and a waste of life. It would be a joke of cosmic proportions if it weren't so tragic.
Richard Dawkins
#15. Finn fell asleep draped in Kittens and dreamed that the corn walked the earth on skinny white roots, liked to joke with the crows, and wasn't afraid of anything.
Laura Ruby
#17. Oh the irony life sometimes throws our way. It's almost like fate plays a sadistic joke on us just because she's in a mood that day - fickle bitch that she is.
Suzanne Steele
#20. Hey! D'you guys hear Dr. Atkins died? Slipped on some ice, hit his head, died on life support. The man who invented the all-meat diet ... died a vegetable. That's a damn good joke. But that joke's like a Toyota Camry - reliable, not inspiring.
Christopher Titus
#21. I lived that life for real, so to talk about it was like a joke, you know what I mean?
Tone-Loc
#22. It's hard to enjoy practical jokes when your whole life feels like one.
Rick Riordan
#23. Life is cruel. Love is a joke. And not even death is final.
Corinne Michaels
#24. Often women are pitted against each other for an easy joke, so they fight or steal each other's boyfriends. That's not really true to life.
Hannah Simone
#25. I had no job at the time and was living off the cruel joke I referred to as my savings.
David Sedaris
#26. The quality of life of European cities and towns of almost any size make life in America look not just like a joke, but a sick joke, a horror movie. But I'd rather stay involved and do what I can to make this a better place than move to the south of France and enjoy the good life.
James Howard Kunstler
#27. Buffett and Munger joke that envy is the only one of the seven deadly sins that isn't any fun. "Envy is crazy," remarks Munger. "It's 100 percent destructive. . . . If you get those things out of your life early, life works a lot better.
Guy Spier
#28. This is like the joke where the guy climbs the mountain and asks the guru, 'What is the secret of life?,' and the guru says, 'All is One,' and the guys says, 'Are you kidding?,' and the guru says, 'You mean it isn't?
Rudy Rucker
#29. Grow up, study, get your certificates, get married, have kids, and die. Thank you very much for attending the joke called life. They
Cameron Jace
#30. I was smiling yesterday,I am smiling today and I will smile tomorrow.Simply because life is too short to cry for anything.
Santosh Kalwar
#31. A sense of humor is rare. It isn't telling a joke about how there are three ways to get to heaven. It's being in a restaurant and hearing someone say, Everyone's got their tale of woe, and then turning around and saying, Unfortunately, in life, there's more woe than tail.
Rodney Dangerfield
#32. She'd stood by that creed. No softness, because the world wasn't soft; lots of laughter, because if you were in on the joke, the joke couldn't be on you; And no wanting what you couldn't take, because the world never gave.
Or so she'd thought.
Connie Brockway
#33. This isn't a joke. This is life or fucking death, Lily. I am trying to save you."
"Save me from who?"
"From me, darlin'.
Teresa Mummert
#34. Did you?' the producer said. 'He's so clownish on the surface, all joke and dazzle. How in the world could you have seen it?'
'But I did. The moment I met him," she said. "A fucking supernova. Every day since.' She thought, but did not say, almost.
Lauren Groff
#35. I won't mind dying if I can tell St. Peter a joke he hasn't heard.
Red Skelton
#36. Females create life, males end it. War, crime, violence, are primarily male franchises. Man shit. It's nature's supreme joke.
Deep in the womb, men start out as the good thing, and wind up as the crappy thing. Not all men. Just enough. Just enough to fuck things up.
George Carlin
#37. Puberty is the sickest joke God plays on us. So you're just noticing members of the sex: "Girls girls, ooo". Naturally you want to look your best, and God says "No! You will look the worst you've ever looked in your life!"
Eddie Izzard
#38. All of Creation's a farce.
Man was born as a joke.
In his head his reason is buffeted
Like wind-blown smoke.
Life is a game.
Everyone ridicules everyone else.
But he who has the last laugh
Laughs longest.
William Shakespeare
#39. You only get one chance at life, not two! Don't joke around with your own life.
Dohee
#40. A good joke is life laughing at itself.
Marty Rubin
#41. The particular way he had of structuring his paragraphs, beginning and ending each with a joke that wasn't really a joke, but an insult cloaked in a silken cape.
Hanya Yanagihara
#42. But if you were Charlotte, and you had been feeling that life was some cosmic joke that had no punchline, and in the space of a moment you had gone from being Charlotte-without-a-kitten to being Charlotte-with-a-kitten, you too would have found it nothing short of remarkable.
Anne Ursu
#43. Life may be a grand folly, as you say, but it is harder to appriciate the joke when you're always the butt of it.
Richard Russo
#45. You cannot be a powerful and life-changing presence to some people without being a joke or an embarrassment to others.
Mark Manson
#46. I believe that life is a game, life is a cruel joke and that life is what happens when you're alive and that you might as well lie back and enjoy it." She
Neil Gaiman
#47. Sometimes, magic is like that. It lands on your head like a piano, a stupid, ancient, unfunny joke, and you spend the rest of your life picking sharps and flats out of your hair.
Catherynne M Valente
#48. My life has been one great big joke,
A dance that's walked,
A song that's spoke,
I laugh so hard I almost choke,
When I think about myself.
Maya Angelou
#49. Life is too important to be taken as a joke, but too ridiculous to be taken seriously.
Ashleigh Brilliant
#50. Besides, if you're sick, I'm on life support. As wrong as that joke is.
Lia Habel
#51. There's an old joke about a mother watching a column of soldiers pass by. Her son is in the ranks. All those men out of step, she says, except our Fred.
Kevin Pietersen
#52. I have a no-apology policy. No apologies for jokes. I apologize in my real life all the time. I say ridiculous things, I make mistakes constantly. But when I'm on stage, I'm at a microphone ... it's a joke!
Kathy Griffin
#53. Biggest Denial God Has Ever Made : The Love
Of My Life!
Petra Hermans
#55. Fickle as water,
our life is as dreamlike as smoke
- at our expense,
fate's private joke.
-The Bronze Horseman
Alexander Pushkin
#56. And then I realized how powerless I was to revoke my own joke when throughout my life as a whole I was involved in a joke much more vast (all-embracing for me) and utterly irrevocable.
Milan Kundera
#57. My whole life is a practical joke. Every evening and every show has really become about entertaining me. I was always like that. And now I've come full circle because that's what the TV show is too.
Howie Mandel
#58. I always laugh the hardest at the stuff you see in day-to-day life. It's great when somebody can tell a joke that really makes you laugh hard, but to see some kind of personal interaction that no one could write is so good. Those are always the things that make me laugh.
Luke Wilson
#59. I suppose there are times when I can't believe that I've lived the way that I have and done the things that I've done. Life's a joke anyway. It's all ridiculous. It's all so short.
Lauren Bacall
#61. He was only thirty-eight. His body was clean, well-fed, and benign. He had all his teeth. A fresh Armenian joke stirred in his head like a child in its mother's womb. He thought life was wonderful.
Ilya Ilf
#62. Cubans joke and satirize everything that life gives them, and I think that's a positive characteristic.
Fernando Perez
#63. Too many lives go up in smoke - It's nice to laugh but don't be the joke.
Janet Jackson
#64. When bad things happen, I know you want to believe they are a joke, But sometimes life is scary and dark. That is why we must find the light.
Adventure Time
#66. So this was the Ashram's final joke on me? Once I had learned to accept my loud, chatty, social nature and fully embrace my inner Key Hostess - only then could I become The Quiet Girl in the Back of the Temple, after all?
Elizabeth Gilbert
#67. A life was a life. She'd been orphaned at an age to internalize death as poor material for a joke. And likewise, salvation.
Barbara Kingsolver
#68. You ought not to joke about such things. There really are such people. I've known people who've met them. To think of all the adorable things there are to eat in the world, and then to go through life munching sawdust and being proud of it.
Saki
#69. My comedy notebooks are filled with random journal entries. It's all the same. I can look back on old joke notebooks, and know exactly what was going on in my life.
Sarah Silverman
#70. You can go your whole life and not need math or physics for a minute, but the ability to tell a joke is always handy.
Garrison Keillor
#71. I like to prowl ordinary places.
I feel sorry for us all or glad for us
all
caught alive together
and awkward in that way.
there's nothing better than the joke
of us
the seriousness of us
the dullness of us
Charles Bukowski
#72. The wisest and the best of men, nay, the wisest and best of their actions, may be rendered ridiculous by a person whose first object in life is a joke.
Jane Austen
#73. There isn't a need to sugar coat life anymore,
Cant we see we live through enough lies, deciet and painful realities to create more, by stagnating the growth of the ones your suppose to make an Impact on and more importantly yourself.
Let life be funny, but never a joke.
Nikki Rowe
#74. Sometimes When You Are Serious, People Thought You Were Joking, But Sometimes When You Are Joking, People Thought You Were Serious
Harry Toh Jun Shen
#75. I curse in everyday life, but usually when I stub my toe. The topics I'm discussing, it's not necessary to curse. I found [cursing] is a sign that a joke is not finished or well-written.
Jim Gaffigan
#76. The remarkable thing about television is that it permits several million people to laugh at the same joke and still feel lonely.
T. S. Eliot
#78. He seemed to resonate with a kind of confidence that life was still nothing but a joke - an endless succession of soccer goals, trickery, and a constant repertoire of meaningless chatter.
Markus Zusak
#79. I rarely joke unless I'm in front of a camera. It's not what I am in real life. It's what I do for a living.
Christopher Guest
#80. If you think the worst you'll get the worst, but if you think the best ... "
"and then everything will blow up in your face anyway. Don't you get the punchline yet? Its the great cosmic practical joke: Knock knock, who's there? Big kick in the Ass.
Brad Meltzer
#81. I always joke about letting the haters motivate you. Everybody has that in their life, people who doubt them or make them feel less than they are. It just takes faith and belief in yourself, and you've got to dig deep into that. That has to come from you - nobody's going to give you that.
Jennifer Lopez
#82. Keep moving. Don't get bogged down. Don't think about the bad stuff. Smile and joke even when you don't feel like it.
Rick Riordan
#83. I think the serious things really are the things that make for happiness
people and things that are compatible, love ... So many people are content just to sit around and talk about them instead of getting out and attaining them. As if life were a joke of some kind.
William Faulkner
#84. Joke 'em if they can't take a fuck. -NATALIE
Kresley Cole
#85. As I grow older, I become more and more of a Marxist - Groucho, that is. When you have lived two-thirds of your life, you know the value of a good joke.
Karen DeCrow
#86. Sometimes it feels like God has reached down and touched me, blessed me a thousand times over, and sometimes it all feels like a mean joke, like God's advisers are Muammar Qaddafi and Phyllis Schlafly.
Anne Lamott
#87. The joke I always make is I'm either running for reelection, running for Senate, running for governor, or running for my life. The latter is also a viable possibility.
Cory Booker
#88. Life, it seems, delivers the best punch lines only after we've forgotten we were part of a joke.
David Arnold
#90. This is some sort of joke, isn't it?" asks Hunt, staring at the flawless blue sky and distant fields.
I cough as lightly and briefly as possible into a handkerchief I have made from a towel borrowed from the inn. "Probably," I say. "But then, what isn't?
Dan Simmons
#91. Howard, everything you've done in your life is wrong according to the stated ideals of mankind. And here you are. And somehow it seems a huge joke on the whole world.
Ayn Rand
#92. You make a joke out of everything.
Life's too painful not to.
Richelle Mead
#93. I hope life isn't a big joke, because I don't get it.
Jack Handy
#94. Life is one sick joke after another, I'm discovering. Because it hardly seems fair that it should hurt so much to finally get exactly what I've been wishing for.
Amy Engel
#95. Life seemed to be an educator's practical joke in which you spent the first half learning and the second half learning that everything you learned in the first half was wrong.
Russell Baker
#96. You ever hear that old joke about the guy who jumped off the Empire State Building?" D.W. asked her. "Yeah. All the way down, you could hear him say, 'So far, so good. So far, so good. So far, so good.' That is George's life story in a nutshell.
Mary Doria Russell
#97. Maybe I was what Leah thought she was. Some kind of dead end that shouldn't be passed on to another generation. Or maybe it was just that my life was a big, cruel joke, and there was no escape from the punch line. -Jacob
Stephenie Meyer
#98. I didn't pretend to know Eli at all, but even so, I'd noticed that his manner was slightly hard to read. It was something in the way he talked that made it difficult to tell whether he was kidding or serious or what. This bothered me. Or intrigued me. Or both.
Sarah Dessen
#99. I needed time to stand back and go through a lot more experience in life. Then I have something to write about, joke or to animate.
Howie Mandel
#100. It was almost funny. Life seemed downright accidental in its brevity, and death a punch line to a lousy joke.
Maureen Johnson
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