Red Skelton Famous Quotes & Sayings

Browse top 46 famous quotes and sayings by Red Skelton. Read & share Red Skelton quotes pictures with friends. Free using on Facebook, Twitter, blogs.

Top 46 Red Skelton Quotes

#1. I asked my wife where she wanted to go for our anniversary. 'Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!' she said. So I suggested the kitchen. - Author: Red Skelton
Red Skelton Quotes #1356556
#2. Heard about the young deaf boy who used sign language-One day he told his mother a dirty joke and she washed his hands out with soap - Author: Red Skelton
Red Skelton Quotes #812339
#3. No matter what your heartache may be, laughing helps you forget it for a few seconds. - Author: Red Skelton
Red Skelton Quotes #816846
#4. I personally believe that each of us was put here for a purpose
to build not to destroy. If I can make people smile, then I have served my purpose for God. - Author: Red Skelton
Red Skelton Quotes #866875
#5. Imitation isn't the sincerest form of flattery - it's plagiarism. - Author: Red Skelton
Red Skelton Quotes #890059
#6. Television: The device that brings into your living room characters you would never allow in your living room. - Author: Red Skelton
Red Skelton Quotes #897380
#7. I consider the television set as the American fireplace, around which the whole family will gather. - Author: Red Skelton
Red Skelton Quotes #939738
#8. People think I am dead because they haven't seen me around for awhile. I'm not dead, I'm very much alive, as you can see. Although, there are two things I do before I get up every morning. I look around and if I don't smell flowers or see candles flickering I go ahead and get up. - Author: Red Skelton
Red Skelton Quotes #1067544
#9. I don't hate my enemies. After all, I made 'em. - Author: Red Skelton
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#10. Any kid will run any errand for you, if you ask at bedtime. - Author: Red Skelton
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#11. I'm nuts and I know it. But so long as I make 'em laugh, they ain't going to lock me up. - Author: Red Skelton
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#12. I have a sixth sense, but not the other five. If I wasn't making money, they'd put me away. - Author: Red Skelton
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#13. God's children and their happiness are my reasons for being. - Author: Red Skelton
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#14. She has an electric blender, electric toaster and electric bread maker. She said "There are too many gadgets and no place to sit down!" So I bought her an electric chair. - Author: Red Skelton
Red Skelton Quotes #1501027
#15. Today's comics use four-letter words as a shortcut to thinking. They're shooting for that big laugh and it becomes a panic thing, using four-letter words to shock people. - Author: Red Skelton
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#16. Wouldn't it be a pity if someone said that is a prayer and that would be eliminated from schools, too? - Author: Red Skelton
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#17. Exercise? I get it on the golf course. When I see my friends collapse, I run for the paramedics. - Author: Red Skelton
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#18. It proves what they say, give the public what they want to see and they'll come out for it. - Author: Red Skelton
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#19. Old age is when broadness of the mind and narrowness of the waist change places. - Author: Red Skelton
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#20. His death was the first time that Ed Wynn ever made anyone sad. - Author: Red Skelton
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#21. I left home because I was hungry. - Author: Red Skelton
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#22. I know my limit. I just keep passing out before I reach it. - Author: Red Skelton
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#23. There are three signs of old age: loss of memory ... I forget the other two. - Author: Red Skelton
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#24. All men make mistakes, but married men find out about them sooner. - Author: Red Skelton
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#25. I don't pick on politicians. They ain't done nothin'. - Author: Red Skelton
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#26. Recipe for a happy marriage: My wife and I always hold hands. If I let go, she shops. - Author: Red Skelton
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#27. Live by this credo: have a little laugh at life and look around you for happiness instead of sadness. Laughter has always brought me out of unhappy situations. - Author: Red Skelton
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#28. Mom used to say I didn't run away from home my destiny just caught up with me at an early age. - Author: Red Skelton
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#29. I don't need glasses, but I've just reached the age where curiosity is greater than vanity. - Author: Red Skelton
Red Skelton Quotes #325779
#30. A fellow told me he was going to hang-glider school. He said, 'I've been going for three months. ' I said, 'How many successful jumps do you need to make before you graduate?' He said, 'All of them. ' - Author: Red Skelton
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#31. I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always - Author: Red Skelton
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#32. Congress: Bingo with billions. - Author: Red Skelton
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#33. If by chance some day you're not feeling well and you should remember some silly thing I've said or done and it brings back a smile to your face or a chuckle to your heart, then my purpose as your clown has been fulfilled. - Author: Red Skelton
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#34. I won't mind dying if I can tell St. Peter a joke he hasn't heard. - Author: Red Skelton
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#35. My doctor said I look like a million dollars - green and wrinkled. - Author: Red Skelton
Red Skelton Quotes #401307
#36. I personally believe we were put here to build and not to destroy. - Author: Red Skelton
Red Skelton Quotes #37041
#37. I've put on a lot of weight ... I only weighed six and a half pounds when I was born. - Author: Red Skelton
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#38. I get plenty of exercise carrying the coffins of my friends who exercise. - Author: Red Skelton
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#39. You know how to tell when you're getting old? When your broad mind changes places with your narrow waist. - Author: Red Skelton
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#40. She got a mud pack and looked great for two days. Then the mud fell off - Author: Red Skelton
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#41. Remember: Marriage is the number one cause of divorce - Author: Red Skelton
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#42. I was a sober as the next guy. The only problem is the next guy was Dean Martin - Author: Red Skelton
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#43. Our principles are the springs of our actions. Our actions, the springs of our happiness or misery. Too much care, therefore, cannot be taken in forming our principles. - Author: Red Skelton
Red Skelton Quotes #601910
#44. You know, last night it was so cold that my pillow and my sheets fought to see who got under the blankets first. - Author: Red Skelton
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#45. I only come to life when there are people watching. - Author: Red Skelton
Red Skelton Quotes #627650
#46. We also sleep in separate beds. Hers is in California and mine is in Texas - Author: Red Skelton
Red Skelton Quotes #745621

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