Jokes And Sayings

#1. For all the jokes and complaints about the aches of air travel, it's pretty marvelous, if you think about it.

Tsh Oxenreider

#2. It's perfectly okay if you don't understand every single one of them. For one thing, I make a lot of corny jokes, and you have to be 40 years old to get some of them.

Brian P. Cleary

#3. Everyone can write jokes and makes things clever.

David Walton

#4. I dance the hardest, laugh the hardest at my own jokes, and make casual reference to my vagina, like it's a car or a chest of drawers.

Lena Dunham

#5. I love life in spite of all that mars it. I love friendship, jokes and laughter.

Tahar Ben Jelloun

#6. I grew up in an environment of jokes and sarcasm and puns. I talk that way, so I write that way.

Allan Sloan

#7. Listening a cultivated person of today that jokes and almost boasts about his scientific ignorance, is as sad as listening a scientist that boasts about not having read any poem.

Carlo Rovelli

#8. The first things I remember drawing were battles - big sheets of paper covered in terrible scenes of carnage - though when you looked closely, there were little jokes and speech bubbles and odd things going on in the background.

Anthony Browne

#9. What makes a good animated movie is being able to balance adult and knowing in-jokes and also just out and out funny things that make all people laugh. The idea that it's actually something that will appeal to a family, that's the trick.

Benedict Cumberbatch

#10. I was interned in Auschwitz for one year. I didn't bring back anything, except for a few jokes, and that filled me with shame. Then again, I didn't know what to do with this fresh experience. For this experience was no literary awakening, no occasion for professional or artistic introspection.

Imre Kertesz

#11. Character is character and voice is voice, which translates nicely from writing novels to writing TV. But the process is different. You have a writer's room, people pitch you jokes and you collaborate.

Jennifer Weiner

#12. He was the class clown, the court jester, because he'd learn early that if you cracked jokes and pretended you weren't scared, you usually didn't get beat up. Even the baddest gangster kids would tolerate you, keep you around for laughs. Plus, humor was a good way to hide the pain

Rick Riordan

#13. The Scripture warns about evil communications that corrupt good manners. Off-color jokes and dirty stories have no place in the Christian life. Thousands of people are engaging in immorality by the way they talk. Keep your talk pure. Ask God to purify your tongue.

Billy Graham

#14. I believe that a perfect house is like a perfect person; no one really wants to be around them and everyone secretly hates them. Be the weird person. Be the interesting person, the person that sometimes says inappropriate things or laughs too loud at jokes, and have your home reflect who you are.

Emily Henderson

#15. I played the tour in 1967 and told jokes and nobody laughed. Then I won the Open the next year, told the same jokes, and everybody laughed like hell.

Lee Trevino

#16. Something about not waiting for the laugh of a laugh track allows you to take lines that otherwise might be seen as just direct jokes, and make them seem realistic.

Mitchell Hurwitz

#17. An informal tone can ignore some grammar rules, crack jokes, and generally allows more creative freedom. When you need to come across as more friendly and likable, adopt a more informal tone. Brands that are specifically targeting Generation Y often take this approach.

Gabriel Aluisy

#18. I just wanted to be in show biz. I wanted to make music and sing and dance, tell jokes and stories, make ya smile, make ya cry - and charge you $ 8.50

David Lee Roth

#19. I've included these little jokes and mysteries in my writing for the amusement of readers.

Armistead Maupin

#20. But I love to drink. I can't help it. I mean, I love it Bryson-love the taste, love that buzz you get when you've had a couple, love the smell and feel of the taverns. I miss dirty jokes and the click of pool balls in the background, and that kind of bluish, under lit glow of a bar at night.

Bill Bryson

#21. The cheesecake was smooth and lush, with the personality of a warm and well-to-do uncle who knows a hundred dirty jokes and will die of sexual exertions in the arms of his mistress.

Don DeLillo

#22. There are always a lot of jokes and good vibes floating through the studio so tattooing all day doesn't feel like a job. It's rewarding to see my clients as excited as I am.

William Webb

#23. It's the fun part 'cause you don't have any of the real heavy-lifting to do. You just come in and shout and chew scenery, and just be awful and say a few jokes, and you don't have to carry the romantic storyline or the quest part of the story. You just pop up, every now and again.

Justin Theroux

#24. In 'Night At The Museum 3,' with Ben Stiller, I was only given a couple of lines. If you are in guys' comedies, it's not like you are ever going to just get handed some jokes and a brilliant role.

Rebel Wilson

#25. I think a theater show is a pure version of me doing my material. The theater crowd is a bit more polite, there really aren't hecklers, and there are a lot of people there to see me, and they're excited about the jokes and hanging out with me for a show.

Anthony Jeselnik

#26. In real life I'm the type of girl who doesn't take herself too seriously. I'm very serious when it comes to work, but I like to make jokes and have a good laugh and make fun of myself.

Gal Gadot

#27. When there are no women on the tour it can get awful and ugly - constant horrible jokes and gross behaviour. It needs to be leavened with a feminine presence.

Evan Dando

#28. I loved Omar Vizquel. He tells some really long jokes, and he has his own way of telling them, but he can make every joke very funny. He would always come up with jokes on the loudspeaker on the bus.

Steve Finley

#29. Jewish comedians do the best Jewish jokes, and anyone else doing that, they don't have a right to, because they're not coming from that experience. I know that's a slightly heightened example, but it's the same thing. We're bumpkins, so we can make bumpkin jokes.

Simon Pegg

#30. Life, the dramatist of speed. Life, that couldn't stop with its foreshadows and ironies and symbols and clues, its wretched jokes and false endings and twists. Life with its hopeless addiction to plot.

Glen Duncan

#31. I'm a plethora of stolen jokes and kitschy references.

Nathan Fillion

#32. Almost the whole of Christian theology could perhaps be deduced from the two facts (a) That men make coarse jokes, and (b) That they feel the dead to be uncanny. The

C.S. Lewis

#33. You know, OK, I made a few jokes and they killed 3000 Americans. Fair trade.

Ann Coulter

#34. Anything where I get to write a lot of jokes and have a lot of creative control - that's all I want.

Mallory Ortberg

#35. Since I was a kid, I could make up stories, I could make up funny jokes and I could always do it. When I'm walking down the street or having dinner, ideas will hit me, and I write them down on matchbooks or napkins and throw them in the draw.

Woody Allen

#36. Sitting around with funny people, banging out jokes and creating a television show. I have no hobbies, no outside interests. I'm fine with spending 14 hours a day putting a show together with tape and string.

Jon Stewart

#37. I think it's worth trying to be a mother who delights in who her children are, in their knock-knock jokes and earnest questions. A mother who spends less time obsessing about what will happen, or what has happened, and more time reveling in what is.

Ayelet Waldman

#38. I love to write jokes and that's all I think about.

Rita Rudner

#39. Like, I'm lazy, but I'm also good at not-doing things I'm not supposed to do ... Being funny is a way of not-doing. Sit around and make jokes and be Mr. Funny pants and just make fun of everyone else's attempts to do something.

John Green

#40. I used to love being the class clown. I loved to make jokes and make people laugh. There was a set of students who would find it funny. But the cool students were like, 'Eeew!'

Issa Rae

#41. I started doing pot jokes, and I noticed that audiences invariably love pot jokes. Even people who don't smoke pot think it's a funny subject.

Doug Benson

#42. The running commentary, the loving support, the jokes and the observations and the random thoughts that are made a little less random when they're shared. The desire to be heard is as deeply seeded as the desire to be loved.

David Levithan

#43. The difficulty in the way of writing a children's play is that Barrie was born too soon. Many people must have felt the same about Shakespeare. We who came later have no chance. What fun to have been Adam, and to have had the whole world of plots and jokes and stories at one's disposal.

A.A. Milne

#44. There is always something funny going on between scenes with Adam Sandler. He's always cracking jokes and yelling at people for no reason. It's pretty funny. He'll joke around during scenes, too. When he guest-starred on 'Jessie,' there was nothing in the script that he said first take.

Cameron Boyce

#45. He [Reagan] likes to tell jokes and that's why he told the ethnic joke that got him into some trouble. Perhaps if reporters didn't overreact to a politician's telling the very same joke they routinely hear and tell in the city room, we'd get more humor.

Robert Scheer

#46. He would be here treating you like a princess.'
She thought about saying that he had treated her like a princess, but she was afraid her mother would ask how, and she didn't think cock jokes and orgasms were her mom's idea of the princess treatment.

Ruthie Knox

#47. He toyed with the idea of trying to be like the other boys. But he couldn't think of any jokes, and none of theirs seemed funny. Wherever their laughter came from, Ender couldn't find such a place in himself. He was afraid, and fear made him serious.

Orson Scott Card

#48. Everyone should be able to give a wink trick, tell two jokes, and recite three poems, in case they are ever trapped in elevating waves of shore !!

Abdul'Rauf Hashmi

#49. She was desperate to see Kai again. To kiss him. To be in his arms. To laugh at his ironic jokes and watch his eyes crinkle when he laughed at hers. It

Marissa Meyer

#50. Somehow people have been sold on the idea that only professionals can entertain them, that only professionals can sing or tell jokes. And people are cut out of this creativity loop, and creativity is being limited to these large, centralized voices.

Chuck Palahniuk

#51. could hear Rico's ass laughing in the background like I was some nigga on Comedy Central telling jokes and shit

Lucinda John

#52. She never wanted an extravagant life-- only one filled with simple joys like children, family, friendship, good books, funny jokes, and a pint of mint chocolate chip ice cream.

S.A. Huchton

#53. knew it was coming, and my heart had clamored for it. It was the moment when I saw into him, past all his walls, shields, jokes, and the facade he wore for most people. He shed it for me, and as I closed my eyes, feeling him enter me, I knew this was the real Logan. He was giving himself to me.

Tijan

#54. For the first few years I wrote jokes and performed them word for word and then wrote tags for them and did that word for word and that worked pretty well. Now, I do almost all of my writing on stage and then record and listen for any new things and then I write those down.

Gary Gulman

#55. When I hit the scene, there was Billy Connolly and Max Boyce. It was all mother-in-law and Irish jokes, and we broke the mould. Now there are thousands of comedians out there, and I don't think I can be above it all.

Jasper Carrott

#56. I stand above the tree level I am a tree I catch wind storm breaths My branches claw I drink sky It stretches me I don't care I catch jokes and luck from tall thin blue air

Marie Ponsot

#57. My way of fitting in was through jokes and making people laugh.

Carrot Top

#58. There have been some very extreme hecklers in audiences whose bile was so hateful and so meant that it would be a bit frightening to think that all I'm doing is jokes and yet someone hates me that much.

Jo Brand

#59. There is laughter, shrill calls. Everyone is flirting, saying in nudges and jokes and blushing what they would do in private.

Jesmyn Ward

#60. Horse-play, romping, frequent and loud fits of laughter, jokes, and indiscriminate familiarity, will sink both merit and knowledge into a degree of contempt. They compose at most a merry fellow; and a merry fellow was never yet a respectable man.

Lord Chesterfield

#61. It is by vivacity and wit that man shines in company; but trite jokes and loud laughter reduce him to a buffoon.

Lord Chesterfield

#62. I don't laugh so much at jokes and premises as I do at a guy who goes onstage and starts twitching and acting funny.

Harland Williams

#63. I end up feeling like a spy in the house of ethnicity, you know? Because people will talk around me as they would talk around the people in their cultural group. So I get to hear all the secrets and jokes and you know, I'm a part of every community because of the way I look.

Sherman Alexie

#64. We are living in the machine age. For the first time in history the comedian has been compelled to supply himself with jokes and comedy material to compete with the machine. Whether he knows it or not, the comedian is on a treadmill to oblivion.

Fred Allen

#65. You walked in, with your ridiculous clothes and your bad jokes and your complete inability to ever hide a single thing you felt. You changed my life so much more than this money will ever change yours.

Jojo Moyes

#66. God is always joking. Look at your own life - it is a joke! Look at other people's lives, and you will find jokes and jokes and jokes. Seriousness is illness; seriousness has nothing spiritual about it. Spirituality is laughter, spirituality is joy, spirituality is fun.

Rajneesh

#67. When you have a cast and crew of people who make it light hearted and crack jokes, and break treats, and understand that we are all in this together. That's a biggest plus that you can have.

Jill Scott

#68. As an actor, it's always fun when you're able to feel like there's freedom to explore things and try out jokes and be funny.

Busy Philipps

#69. Senator John Kerry is in trouble for making a joke about soldiers being uneducated. As a result, Kerry promised to stop making jokes and stick to boring people.

Conan O'Brien

#70. When you've been doing comedy for forty years, you really do know most of the jokes. And even if you don't know a specific joke, you can pretty much guess what it's going to be.

John Cleese

#71. I crack jokes and play games and that's really more my nature than being cold.

Bernhard Langer

#72. My driver Kellie Frost and I would race these fellows home and they were always faster on the highway. We did the same with Daniel and his driver, and thus began a long series of jokes and competitions to alleviate the impossible hours and tensions this film provoked.

Madeleine Stowe

#73. Cheap jokes and dirty minds." Patrick

Leta Blake

#74. I'm so excited. Jay Leno is on the show tonight. He brought some really funny jokes and some great stories. Although I'm a little concerned he also brought his old desk and Kevin Eubanks. I just want Jay to be comfortable, but not too comfortable.

Jimmy Fallon

#75. I recently did the David Letterman Show about my book. He was very serious and made no jokes and it caught me off guard a little bit. He was much more serious than some of the joke shows that journalists get on.

Bob Woodward

#76. others swapped lewd jokes and fictitious tales of several kinds of booty scored.

Hugh Howey

#77. I'm a fun person. I like cracking jokes and being completely nerdy.

Helena Christensen

#78. I love practical jokes and humor. That there's frankly no joke that I don't think is funny. I love practical jokes, but I don't like being scared.

Mitt Romney

#79. People keep referring to me as a standup, and that just doesn't sit well with me because a lot of my friends are standups and they're brilliant at writing jokes, and I'm not.

Nick Offerman

#80. A dead man sits on all our judgment seats; and living judges do but search out and repeat his decisions. We read in dead men's books! We laugh a dead men's jokes, and cry at dead men's pathos!

Nathaniel Hawthorne

#81. I never want to cannibalize my act, and I'm really excited that I am going to be able to perform new material. I'm not a huge fan of repeating jokes, and I don't really do any of my old material from old stand-up acts.

Daniel Tosh

#82. My life is passed in making bad jokes and seeing them turn into true prophecies.

G.K. Chesterton

#83. There were two things I used to do to seduce girls: jokes and music. Since I'm not a great pianist, jokes were my thing.

Gad Elmaleh

#84. When you have a couple hundred people in one huge space, that's gonna lead to jokes and it's a breeding ground for practical jokes and teasing.

Erin Duffy

#85. If you want to call me names, make jokes and doubt my intentions, go ahead, because the reality is I can take it.

Caitlyn Jenner

#86. Well, I am not always joking, sometimes I am serious. But some people always expect you to be funny. If you were like you are on stage, you would be obnoxious. With the jokes and the putdowns, I would need to take a break ... juggle something.

Dom Irrera

#87. And so he poured himself with renewed determination into her arms, into her conversations, into her fears and jokes and stories, hoping that this intimacy would finally smother all memory of Amy Mulvaney.

Richard Flanagan

#88. Bad jokes and gay marriage are destroying this country. But torture can save it.

Jon Stewart

#89. There's a lot of actors that I admire because they can just switch one second into the character. Then, they go back to jokes, and then they're doing something really dramatic. I can't do that. I have to really focus.

Juan Pablo Di Pace

#90. Pain is beyond reason, an obliterating giant stupidity to which all your history of jokes and nuance and ideas and caresses is nothing, simply nothing.

Glen Duncan

#91. I have some speakers up here, thank God, because last night I didn't have them and I was telling jokes and I had no idea which joke I was telling. So I told jokes twice. I even told that one twice.

Mitch Hedberg

#92. It seems to me that the good lord in his infinate wisdom gave us three things to make life bearable- hope, jokes, and dogs. But the greatest of these was dogs.

Robyn Davidson

#93. He took a long drink, then grimaced. "I do not have a drinking problem," he announced, his voice needlessly loud. "I have a Churchillian relationship with alcohol: I can crack jokes and govern England and do anything I want to do. Except not drink.

John Green

#94. Nate and me ... we aren't built for truces, for good times, for light jokes and giggles. We're meant for the shadows. For the dirty, ugly, secret parts of our souls, the parts we can't hide because we know each other too well.

Julie Johnson

#95. I was an athlete growing up and I miss that. I miss hanging out with dudes and making raunchy jokes and telling stories, trading details, you know? There's something I really miss about that.

Chris Pratt

#96. I still feel threatened by academics, but my books have a lot of academic in-jokes and everybody assumes I went to university and studied English.

Jasper Fforde

#97. Evolution has programmed our brains to find two things particularly interesting, and therefore memorable: jokes and sex - and especially, it seems, jokes about sex.

Joshua Foer

#98. He's a very funny and very nice man. When you read the script, you want to stick with it. But when you're with Eddie Murphy you've got to improvise. He's always making jokes and making me crack up when the camera's on.

Raven-Symone

#99. Our subconscious minds have no sense of humor, play no jokes and cannot tell the difference between reality and an imagined thought or image. What we continually think about eventually will manifest in our lives.

Robert Collier

#100. Before doing my first open mic, I was sitting in the back watching all these comedians banter back and forth and fire jokes and up each other, and I thought, 'This is where I wanna be.'

Patton Oswalt