Simon Rich Famous Quotes & Sayings

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Top 17 Simon Rich Quotes

#1. Otto could be extremely convincing. During our sophomore year, he'd persuaded me to boycott McDonald's, even though they'd recently brought back the McRib. - Author: Simon Rich
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#2. Before OkCupid profiles became mandated by the Galactic Government, the only way to find a mate was to self-induce brain-damage and beg strangers for sex in public. The fact that anyone ever achieved sexual congress during these dark times is a remarkable testament to man's will to survive. - Author: Simon Rich
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#3. "It's not just about Jen," he said. "It's about the entire romantic system. Ninety-nine percent of men are in love with the top one percent of women. And yet they often refuse to date us. It's a complete injustice. - Author: Simon Rich
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#4. I read the Bible when I was 12 while studying for my bar mitzvah. I was also reading a lot of Dilbert comics at the time, and I guess the two kind of got fused in my mind. I've always imagined God as an irrational, distractible boss. It's my best explanation for our planet. - Author: Simon Rich
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#5. The trick to surviving with low funds is to not have such high standards. - Author: Simon Rich
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#6. I spend long, long time in shoe box. - Author: Simon Rich
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#7. Well, that's splendid!" Mr. Goat said. "As long as we preserve our friendship - that's the important thing." "Yes!" Olivia said. "Exactly!" There was a pause. "Can I kiss you?" Mr. Goat said. Olivia groaned. "I just want to be friends," she said firmly. "That's all." "I - Author: Simon Rich
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#8. I was never a cool person; in fact, cool people have always made fun of me. That's why I loved [the Robert Cormier YA novel] The Chocolate War - because the cool kids (not the establishment) were the villains. I totally identified with that. - Author: Simon Rich
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#9. There were a lot of fun things to do in heaven. But none were as thrilling as what you could do on Earth. - Author: Simon Rich
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#10. I try not to write jokes that are mean. I try my best to write jokes that are pretty universal and jokes that don't attack anyone. I know I often fall short of that and end up taking unfair swipes at people, but I try not to. - Author: Simon Rich
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#11. I never felt ostracized or made to feel strange by obsessing over 'The Onion' or 'Calvin and Hobbes.' That was considered completely normal. - Author: Simon Rich
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#12. I never really liked "cool" books. I plowed through as much Borges and Joyce as possible, read the first half of V. and spent whole Bar Mitzvah checks on Beat poetry. - Author: Simon Rich
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#13. Most of my work is, I get an idea, and, with the help of Wikipedia, I can write. I don't have to leave my apartment. - Author: Simon Rich
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#14. I know the odds are against us. I know she's a siren. I know she's eaten people. I know she's five thousand years older than me. But I really like her. - Author: Simon Rich
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#15. Dreams were invented by Angels to test out their beta programs. - Author: Simon Rich
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#16. There are actual monsters in the world, but when my kids ask I pretend like there aren't. - Author: Simon Rich
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#17. At the end of the day I'm writing comedy. If you get too realistic as a comedy writer with your disasters, it stops being funny. - Author: Simon Rich
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