Top 100 Jackass Quotes
#1. Can you see the future, Kerbouchard?"
"Who would wish to? Our lives hold a veil between anticipation and horror. Anticipation is the carrot suspended before the jackass to keep him moving forward. Horror is what he would see if he took his eyes off the carrot.
Louis L'Amour
#3. He slammed the door shut in Ian's face, the lock clicking into place. Ian hit it again with his fist before roaring, If I were a pervert, I'd be looking for something a damn bit more attractive than you, jackass. And definitely someone that smelled alive.
Rose Wynters
#4. Yup," Heather replied. "Some jackass tries to prick me and I'm gonna prick him right back! Leave the bottle, bucko. Save ya a trip.
Jacob D. Lochner
#5. Murray said, "Is this Heaven?"
The Voice said, "This is no place as you understand place."
Murray was embarrassed, but the next question had to be asked. "Pardon me if I sound like a jackass. Are you God?
Isaac Asimov
#6. They?" he said, sounding apprehensive.
"Me. They're like me."
"Don't be a jackass," Roswell said, but not meanly. "No one's like you.
Brenna Yovanoff
#8. When wine drinkers tell me they taste notes of cherries, tobacco and rose petals, usually all I can detect is a whole lot of jackass.
Joel Stein
#9. Every woman should have four pets in her life. A mink in her closet, a jaguar in her garage, a tiger in her bed, and a jackass who pays for everything.
Paris Hilton
#10. If looks could kill ... well, Dick was already dead, so nothing would happen. But Gabriel was not laughing.
"See Dick," Dick said, pointing at his chest. He then swept his hand dangerously close to mind. "Jane. Dick and Jane. Come on, you humorless jackass. That's funny.
Molly Harper
#11. I don't think it's cool when I have to announce that I'm gluten-free; in fact, I feel like a total jackass 99.9 percent of the time.
April Peveteaux
#12. You look more of less the same."
She strode right past him. "And you still look like a jackass," she said sweetly.
Sarah J. Maas
#13. 'Jackass: The Movie' is great. I think it's in the tradition of physical comedy, which I'm really interested in. Its relationship to gravity, and how gravity acts on the body.
Matthew Barney
#14. You stupid, selfish, philandering coach-class jackass.
Kate Klise
#15. This someone you were talking with wouldn't be that Frost fellow, would it?" Ewan's crisp accent floated into the kitchen like a brisk breeze. "The last thing you need is to be talking to that moronic jackass.
Monica Burns
#16. A woman could love a jackass. She could not love a son of a bitch. Many have tried, Gideon. Many have tried.
Deanna Raybourn
#17. Want to copy my stellar notes?" Cooper asked, scooting his desk closer.
Glancing at his notes, I shrugged. "You do have very nice penmanship. Dainty even."
"Bitch."
"Jackass."
"Gorgeous."
"Stud."
"You have no idea.
Bijou Hunter
#18. I don't want easy. I want the impossible. I want love so thick, I drown in it; it's the only thing worth having and, I'm sorry Kona, you're a nice guy when you're not acting like an entitled jackass, but I really don't think you're capable of being anything more than that.
Eden Butler
#19. But the reality is we often become our kindest, most ethical selves only by seeing what it feels like to be a selfish jackass first.
Cheryl Strayed
#20. On an otherwise normal Tuesday evening I had the chance to live the American Dream. I was able to throw my incompetent jackass of a boss from a fourteenth-story window.
Larry Correia
#21. TEXAN: "Where are you from?" HARVARD STUDENT: "I am from a place where we do not end our sentences with prepositions." TEXAN: "OK, where are you from, jackass?" - Variation on an old joke
Ammon Shea
#22. A jackass can kick a barn down, but it takes a carpenter to build one.
Sam Rayburn
#23. You'd better be careful, they are going to revoke your vampire license if you get any more romantic and mushy."
"Don't worry," Burnett said, his eyes pinched as if serious. "I can still be a jackass, and kick ass, when it's called for.
C.C. Hunter
#24. Concerning the difference between man and the jackass: some observers hold that there isn't any. But this wrongs the jackass.
Mark Twain
#25. You look like a Goth factory exploded all over you!" he called as she ran down the hall.
"Love you, too, jackass!
Rachel Caine
#26. You stupid jackass," Ian said.
"Who's got the crush on a worm, bro? You gonna call me stupid?
Stephenie Meyer
#28. Oh, sweetie, you are a jackass. I love you, but you are dumber than a one legged duck in an ass kicking contest when pigs fly.
Tara Sivec
#29. Idiot! Lunatic! Moron! Jackass! Selfish irresponsible fool!
Stephenie Meyer
#30. I once told Nixon that the Presidency is like being a jackass caught in a hail storm. You've got to just stand there and take it.
Lyndon B. Johnson
#31. What?' Noah looked at me, all innocence.
'You're not shy.'
'No?'
'No,' I said, narrowing my eyes. 'And pretending to be makes you look like a jackass.'
Noah feigned offense. 'You've wounded me to the core with your profane characterization.'
'Pass the tissues.
Michelle Hodkin
#32. Just because a jackass brays does not mean you have to pay attention.
Jeanne Phillips
#33. does." Not enough of it to avoid dating a jackass like Jeff, but solving other people's problems was often easier than taking care of your own. I considered
John Connolly
#34. Being president is like being a jackass in a hailstorm. There's nothing to do but to stand there and take it.
Lyndon B. Johnson
#35. And I will not be beaten by that jackass."
"Jackass?" said Foaly, wounded. "My favorite uncle is a jackass.
Eoin Colfer
#36. The young no longer want to study anything, learning is in decline, the whole world walks on its head, blind men lead others equally blind and cause them to plunge into the abyss, birds leave the nest before they can fly, the jackass plays the lyre, oxen dance.
Umberto Eco
#37. I'm glad I found you."
"Gee, that makes exactly one of us," I muttered, not bothering to look at him. "Say, don't you have a wife to go bone?"
"You knew I was married all along, Topher." He sounded weary, as though I was being bothersome. Jackass.
Amelia C. Gormley
#38. Fuck you. Hunter (I decided not to call him Liam anymore - Liam was a nice name for a nice guy, and it didn't fit this bastard at all) glanced at his friend, then rubbed a hand over his face. For a minute he looked tired. Jackass. I was going to laugh at his funeral.
Joanna Wylde
#39. Any jackass can kick down a barn, but it takes a good carpenter to build one.
Sam Rayburn
#40. The stairs ended. I wished I knew the jackass who'd made the staircase so short. I'd throw him down the damn steps so he could count them with his head.
Ilona Andrews
#41. I said his name softly to myself. Lucky. Lucian Radcliffe. His name must come from the Latin lucianus, meaning light, and that's what he was, golden and bright.
I didn't care what Jack's name meant. Probably Jackass.
Marta Acosta
#42. Air ye deaf, lass?
I think. He might have called me a hairy jackass
Karen Marie Moning
#44. You idiot! You misbegotten son of a jinn's meeting with a jackass, may the grave of your maternal grandmother be defiled by the dung of ten thousand syphilitic she-camels!
Anne McCaffrey
#46. I wish for you four animals: a mink on the shoulders, a Jaguar in the garage, a tiger in the bedroom, and a jackass to pay for it all. To you!
John Oldale
#47. I just always had a penchant for performing for people.I'm a jackass clown.
Nick Offerman
#48. I guess it's true what they say," observed Jace. "There are no straight men in the trenches."
"That's atheists, jackass," said Simon furiously. "There are no atheists in the trenches.
Cassandra Clare
#49. The Jackass movies are honestly some of the best movies I've ever seen. I laugh so hard at them. Those guys are geniuses. If they had grown up with a different group of people, they could've been performance artists at Bard College, and people would be writing papers about them.
Louis C.K.
#50. A person without her or his own truth ain't a person at all, Ida said. Anybody who tells you different - is a jackass, and no longer deserves to be called human being.
Tom Spanbauer
#51. But then, even with cuts, bruises and blood all over him, he looked like his jackass self again.
- Alex Gold
R.J. Morse, R.J. Brookes
#52. That's where I'm comfortable - playing a jackass on the scene, rolling in with my pocket watch and my buffoon hairdo, with my shoes.
Alan Tudyk
#53. Who would have thought working for an angry jackass would result in my getting fucked up against a cold window at work and liking it?
Christina Lauren
#54. Take your patience pill ... You can be joyous, but you can't be a jackass.
Michael Nutter
#55. Every jackass going the roads thinks he has ideas.
James Joyce
#56. How is it that you can go from decent human being to complete jackass in zero-point-two seconds? Did they teach you that in The Eye?"
He stopped, and his eyes glided over my lips.
"Actually, I'm just trying to see if I can make you mad enough to kiss me again.
Rachel Hawkins
#57. Why had she imagined he was attractive? He was absolutely the biggest, most complete and utter jackass she'd ever had the bad fortune to meet.
Christina Dodd
#58. Lady, I didn't get up this morning wanting to be a jackass ... but you just pushed my jackass button.
Bill Engvall
#59. [He] was always here to offer cups of good clear Walden Pond, or shout down the deep well of Shakespeare and listen, with satisfaction, for echoes. Here the lion and the hartebeest lay together, here the jackass became a unicorn.
Ray Bradbury
#60. And Nate? You kiss like a slobbering dog, you have bad breath, and you wouldn't know how to punch the right buttons on a girl if we came with manuals. Happy Thanksgiving, Jackass.
Elizabeth Eulberg
#62. Don't try to win over the haters; you are not a jackass whisperer.
Brene Brown
#63. Shut up!" Eve yelled from somewhere upstairs. "Jackass!"
"You know, when people say that, I just hear the word awesome,
Rachel Caine
#64. You once asked if I told Maxon about you, and I did. He knows exactly what a spineless, ungrateful jackass you are.
Kiera Cass
#65. The title of the class was listed in fresh dark ink: Introduction to Not Being a Stupid Jackass.
Patrick Rothfuss
#66. I have learned that one of the most important rules in politics is poise - which means looking like an owl after you have behaved like a jackass.
Ronald Reagan
#67. Any jackass can kick down a barn. It takes a carpenter to build on.
Sam Rayburn
#68. If I were marooned here till it suited my overbearing, domineering, pig-headed jackass of a husband to finish risking his stupid neck, I'd use the time to see what I could spot.
Diana Gabaldon
#69. Only a jackass ever talks over his affairs with a woman, whether she be his sweetheart, wife, or sister, or mother.
H.L. Mencken
#70. You jackass. We're all going to die here. You know that, right?' Harrier said.
Yeah, Eugens said shakily. ' ... Guess I might as well die here with you as out on the desert with a bunch of other jackasses.
Mercedes Lackey
#71. I don't like to do anything that's mean spirited just because I don't find it funny. I'd rather be the jackass than makes fun of somebody else. It just seems too cheap and easy.
Melissa McCarthy
#72. No' is golden. 'No' is the kind of power the good witch wields. It's the way whole, healthy, emotionally evolved people manage to have relationships with jackasses while limiting the amount of jackass in their lives.
Cheryl Strayed
#73. You're a disgusting, shallow, womanizing jackass, and I hope that soda stains your preppy little shirt." Just before I marched away, i looked over my shoulder and added, "And my name isn't Duffy. it's Bianca. we've been in the same homeroom since middle school, you selfabsorbed son of a bitch.
Kody Keplinger
#74. Maybe you can talk to donkeys, too," Dr. Milligan smiles. Emma nods. "I can sometimes Galen can be a jackass."
"That hurts my feelings, Emma," Galen says, trying to look hurt.
Anna Banks
#75. Listen, I gather you have a problem working with a psychic. Believe me, I don't like working with a jackass any better.
Kim Harrington
#76. The thing about letting yourself fall in love with a jackass was - you might be in love, but he was still a jackass.
Karen Robards
#77. He's practicing his Constitutional right to be a jackass.
Julie Miller
#78. The look of success, when it is worn a certain way, would infuriate a jackass.
Albert Camus
#79. When I loved myself enough, I let the tomboy in me swing off the rope in Jackass Canyon. Yes!
Kim McMillen
#80. How about this?" I said, because now it was the principle of the thing. "I'm sorry, jackass.
Rosemary Clement-Moore
#81. Jackass, jackass on the wall, where's the info on Hex Hall?
Rachel Hawkins
#82. A pack of jackasses led by a lion is superior to a pack of lions led by a jackass.
George Washington
#83. Jessica: "You great drunken jackass!"
Dain: "I did not give you leave to use my Christian name.
Loretta Chase
#84. More than one side? You're Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Jackass!
Chuck Palahniuk
#85. I moved to the counter. A note was propped on the register. Welcome home, Ms. Lane. Arrogant, overconfident jackass.
Karen Marie Moning
#86. A burger and fries will be fine, servant."
"I appreciate your order, jackass."
"As you should, beauty.
Bijou Hunter
#87. The rasp in his voice did her in. It wasn't the lazy boredom of a jackass who wanted a warm place to stick his dick. It was edgy.
Kit Rocha
#88. The penguins love Emma. They waddle around, dive in and out of their pool, call out to her. She laughs. "They sound like donkeys!"
"Maybe you can talk to donkeys, too," Dr. Milligan smiles.
Emma nods. "I can. Sometimes Galen can be a jackass.
Anna Banks
#89. What happens when someone throws you against a wall or tells you you're a jackass or puts you down or calls you bad names? It goes into your body. We hold it in our body. If we don't have a way to let that go and release that, it becomes sickness eventually.
Eve Ensler
#90. - He's arrogant, and he sleeps with everything he can get his filthy hands on. Most of time, I just want to claw his creepy eyes out. How could I like him? He's a jackass.
- And girls love jackasses. That's why I can't get a date. I'm too damn nice.
Kody Keplinger
#91. When people say that animal rescuers are crazy, what they really mean is that animal rescuers share a number of fundamental beliefs that makes them easy to marginalize. Among those is the belief that Rene Descartes was a jackass.
Steven Kotler
#92. I can take a joke," she tells me, sounding insulted.
"Yeah? When?"
"When it's not being delivered by a childish jackass who thinks he's God's gift to women."
"I am not childish." God's gift on the other hand? My record speaks for itself.
"Oh, bite me."
I wish.
Emma Chase
#94. I felt like people really do their best work when they're having a really good time and feel safe to push the envelope and make a jackass out of themselves.
Clark Gregg
#95. Comparing John to James is like comparing a racehorse to a jackass.
Donna Andersen
#96. Whatever," I said. "It's getting cloying in here. Are we there yet?" He smiled. "Jerk." "Wuss." "Jackass." "Pansy." "Philistine." "Dandysprat." "Butthead." "Whiner ...
Jim Butcher
#97. Is everything okay with you and Jackass over there?" "I can hear you," Seth replied, dumping the eggs in a heated skillet.
Jennifer L. Armentrout
#98. I stared at the couch with revulsion. "She's someone's daughter, Travis. What if, down the line, someone treats your daughter like that?"
"My daughter better not drop her panties for some jackass she just met, let's put it that way.
Jamie McGuire
#99. You're hammered, Jack!" Jenna yells back.
The male voice laughs. "Hammered Jack. Jack hammer. I'm a jackhammer."
"You're a jackass," she shouts
Chelsea Fine
#100. The way that I look at it is that, when we film for eight months straight for a new 'Jackass' movie, I know that I'm going to wind up with at least two broken bones. I don't know when it's going to happen, but you can't contemplate how you're going to fall and what's going to happen.
Bam Margera
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