Top 100 Girls Humor Quotes
#1. Having an affair with your good friend's wife while he's in an institution and your wife is in a hospital ranks somewhere between Benedict Arnold and the guy who invented Girls Gone Wild on the spectrum of Total Dickheads in American History.
Daniel O'Brien
#2. I felt bad for the girls in my school, who flocked to prom like it was the second coming of Christ, complete with double-rainbows and unicorns.
G.G. Silverman
#3. I didn't like his tone. In fact I didn't like boys' tone when they knew they were hot and tried to be rude to girls because they knew they were hot.
Luella Christie
#4. I was out with a friend and he came over with a pair of girls. I said to him "They're like buses." He said "What? Because you wait for ages and then two come along at once." I said "No, they are like buses!"
Jimmy Carr
#5. Face it girls. I'm older and I have more insurance.
Fannie Flagg
#6. Tell me what you want, what you really, really want," he said.
"Braiiinnnnssss," we said in unison.
Maureen Johnson
#7. Young girls and mass murders are tender hearted creatures
Pierre Lemaitre
#8. The next day Georgia left for school before I even got to the breakfast table. From behind his newspaper, Papy asked tiredly, Are you girls on World War Four now, or is it Five?
Amy Plum
#9. She paused in the doorway, tipping her head to consider Brittany, who only glared. "You're right. I think most girls don't look like the tooth fairy dresses them every day.
Wendy Knight
#10. You're human, that's what I like about you. Well not that you're a human, well yes that you're human but that you're a girl human.
Evelyn Smith
#11. Get out of here. Yoda so does not have an English accent!'
'Other than that you're saying I'm a dead ringer?'
'If the shoe fits.'
'Sheesh, I hate tall girls.
Joss Stirling
#12. Maybe you can explain to me what is so spectacular about her, because you gay girls can't seem to keep your hands off that daffy redhead.
Cassandra Duffy
#14. You need your beauty sleep for tomorrow"
she tells us "don't stay up too late talking"
We ignore her of course.The whole point of a sleepover is to stay up too late talking.
Heather Vogel Frederick
#15. Show me a girl with her feet planted firmly on the ground and I'll show you a girl who can't put her pants on.
-Annik Marchand
Ann Brashares
#16. As for learning to wear high heels, no need to worry. I've got no tolerance for those dreadful things. If God wanted us girls tottering around like a bunch of drunken sailors, we'd have been born wearing stilts!
Jenny Lundquist
#17. Jewish introspection and Jewish humor is a way of surviving ... if you're not handsome and you're not athletic and you're not rich, there's still one last hope with girls, which is being funny.
Mike Nichols
#18. Ducks and geese are foolish things, and must be looked after, but girls can take care of themselves.
Washington Irving
#19. Few girls go to Washrooms just to take selfies
Subhasis Das
#20. I grew up as a very sarcastic person. I was always the class clown, and to date girls, I had to be really funny. I was really skinny growing up. I was so thin, I had to run around in the shower to get wet. That kind of thin. So I always had to rely on humor and sarcasm.
Kurt Fuller
#21. 'Jane's World' has pushed the boundaries for mainstream comic strips: girls have kissed, punched each other, have been abducted by aliens, taken steamy showers together and turned into monkeys. Jane has been through a lot and I love her for it.
Paige Braddock
#22. Tony knew if he ever needed anything done again, he was calling on the Lesbian Network of Massachusetts. Those girls worked fast. And they were everywhere.
K.A. Mitchell
#23. When you see what some girls marry, you realize how they must hate to work for a living.
Helen Rowland
#24. Please do not strain yourself, Miss Doyle. I won't have my girls going cross-eyed in the name of art.
Libba Bray
#25. I never particularly thought of myself as great with girls. I can be awkward, and I have a strange sense of humor at times. But I've also been learning to try and embrace that.
Matt McGorry
#26. A good since of humor and someone who is loyal and cute-I like cute girls
Harry Styles
#27. Let's face it: Most girls are annoying. I mean, most humans are annoying, so it's not specific to girls. Also, I don't really mean "annoying." I guess I mean that most humans like to try to fuck up your plans.
Jesse Andrews
#28. Guns, she was reminded then, were not for girls. They were for boys. They were invented by boys. They were invented by boys who had never gotten over their disappointment that accompanying their own orgasm there wasn't a big boom sound.
Lorrie Moore
#29. I'm a big fan of independent girls who are strong-willed, vocal in their opinions, and have a sense of humor.
David Lambert
#30. As a journalist, I am compelled to know the answers."
"As a girl, I am compelled to protect what's left of my manicure," Petra said.
Libba Bray
#31. When girls walk home we put on lippy and makeup. We chat. Sometimes we pretend to be hunchbacks. But that is it. Perfectly normal behavior.
Louise Rennison
#32. Haven't you ever heard that modesty is an attractive trait?"
"Only from ugly people," Jace confided. "The meek may inherit the earth, but at the moment it belongs to the conceited. Like me." He winked at the girls, who giggled and hid behind their hair.
Cassandra Clare
#33. I take that back. Saying you fight like a girl is an insult to girls everywhere.
Wesley Chu
#34. boys, girls and music . . why do they need gin?
Frank
#35. I'm a terrible person. I should have stayed in college. I should have gone skydiving while I had the chance. I should have gone swimming with dolphins. I should have seen The Spice Girls perform on their reunion tour!
Jillianne Hamilton
#36. Jesus girls! Wake up! If a guy wants to drain you of your energy, emotions, and life force he won't sparkle in the sunshine, he'll just marry you.
Nick Shamhart
#37. Hey, maybe instead of going to college, you should drop out and I could quit my job and we can form an all-girl band with Lane, you know, like Bananarama. We could call it Tangerinarama or Banana-fana-fo-fana-rama ... or something.
Daniel Palladino
#39. She's a lesbian Marty. Girls, she likes girls and no amount of frosted eye shadow is going to make her want dick.
Dakota Cassidy
#40. Didn't you have any sadistic nannies who told you these tales to keep you quiet and well behaved at night? Heavens, what's to become of the Empire if governesses have lost their touch for scaring the wits out of their girls?
Libba Bray
#41. The doctor was a frequent visitor at Miss Trumball's establishment, preferring it to the Lanchester house, whose girls had a saturnine disposition in his opinion, as if imported from Maine or other gloom-loving provinces.
Colson Whitehead
#42. If all the girls attending [the Yale prom] were laid end to end, I wouldn't be at all surprised.
Dorothy Parker
#43. Anyone that looked like that wouldn't need to tie up girls and imprison them in order to get them to marry him
Cassandra Clare
#44. I discovered that seventeen-year-old girls have such huge verbal energy that their brain drives them to expend it every twenty seconds. On the third day I decided I had to find her a boyfriend
if possible, a deaf one.
Carlos Ruiz Zafon
#45. Renee was beautiful, but she was my friend now. On the other hand, Annette was my friend, but now she was beautiful. makes about as much sense as anything ever does with girls
Jordan Sonnenblick
#46. Turns out, most girls would rather put on lip gloss than play with sand toads.
Jenny Lundquist
#47. It never really occurred to her that literary men, if they like women at all, do not want literary women but girls.
Muriel Spark
#48. Lions and tigers and pissed-off girls, oh my.
Katie Bayerl
#50. MARIE ,THE MADAM-She has the looks of Liz Taylor and the brains of a Wall Street broker. " We were lovers for a hot five minutes when I first hit the TL. Marie always liked a lot of diamonds,and I've always liked alot of girls. With that combination,we're better off as friends.
Jeri Estes
#51. We watched Vamps hunting Vamps, Vamp hunters and Witches torching Vamps, teenage girls kissing Vamps. And we giggled and swooned through it all.
Shelly Crane
#52. Girls are so much nicer than men (apart from Tom-but homosexual).
Helen Fielding
#53. I feel pretty sure I know why the dinosaurs went extinct. They were waiting for Sam to pick out a cell phone case.
P. Anastasia
#54. I can't forget things, or ignore them-bad things that happen," I said. "I'm a lay-it-all-out person, a dwell-on-it person, an obsess-about-it person. If I hold things in and try to forget or pretend, I become a madman and have panic attacks. I have to talk.
E. Lockhart
#56. Q and Beanpole and I giggled at the way our math teacher, Mr. Sung-Li, wore four pencils in his shirt pocket in case he was suddenly attacked by a multiplication problem or something.
Alan Sitomer
#57. I swear to Go, if I see one of you girls anywhere near us, I'll have your prospective spouses whip you, fifties-style.
Amelie Fisher
#59. Girls want to be with guys who have a sense of humor-it makes them far more attractive to us.
Drew Barrymore
#61. What's your name?"
"Emma Gould," she said. "What's yours?"
"Wanted."
"By all the girls or just the law?
Dennis Lehane
#62. I am wearing an old yellow sundress of Celia's, and I have tied my hair back with green ribbon. I think I look real nice. And all they see is the cake.
Jenny Han
#63. Girls," their mother interjected, "you must both stop being strange - it is unattractive. And don't forget your hats. It would be absolutely the end for me if you two came down with freckles at a time like this.
Anna Godbersen
#64. I'm not trouble at all. I'm just a guy trying to get a girl to give him the time of day. I'm like every song on the radio.
Hailey Abbott
#65. I could only approach girls half my age, so I never brought any girl home. Mom thought I was disciplined, but the truth is that I was deprived.
Nick Nwaogu
#66. Before he sat down, my internal heat-seekers sensed what was coming my way: deep blue eyes that melted girls like Velveeta in a microwave. I tried to resist those microwave eyes, but sometimes there's no defense against them. I had a feeling I'd be seeing him weeping over my coffin later that night.
Natalie Standiford
#67. Girls are always complaining that they can never meet a nice guy. Nice guys are everywhere. The problem isn't that there aren't any nice guys, the problem is that all of the nice guys are ugly.
Carroll Bryant
#68. I like Dancing of Indian girls more than my parents' prayers . Because they dance with love and passion . But my parents just say their prayers because they got used to it .
Ali Shariati
#69. When did you become a woman?"-Hatori
How dare you ask that after you have seen me naked so many times ... "-Yuki
GASP! No it cant be! Yuki-kun, does that mean ... " fan club girls
NO! He's my doctor ... "Yuki
Natsuki Takaya
#70. If looks could kill ... well, Dick was already dead, so nothing would happen. But Gabriel was not laughing.
"See Dick," Dick said, pointing at his chest. He then swept his hand dangerously close to mind. "Jane. Dick and Jane. Come on, you humorless jackass. That's funny.
Molly Harper
#71. Sure, I liked girls but I was always too terrified to speak to them unless we were arguing or I was calling them stupidos, which was one of my favorite words that year.
Junot Diaz
#72. Your sense of humor needs some work, then,' Wesley suggested. 'Most girls find my jokes charming.'
'Those girls must have IQs low enough to trip over.
Kody Keplinger
#73. Oh, sorry. My excitement must be clouding my ability to judge comedic hyperbole.
Daniel Palladino
#74. Something girls never understood about poker night. The real point of the card play was to razz. Razzing calls forth unbridled farm-boy humour, earthy by some standards. The best quip involves belittling someone else's penis, or turning it back on the sayer, or both.
Allan Dare Pearce
#75. The two had been together since they were little girls, and so loved and hated each other like sisters.
Christopher Moore
#76. I like girls with a good sense of humor.
Tyler Posey
#77. But because it was able to balance that kind of humor with a sweet story and characters you really rooted for and also got across the girls' point of view, I've heard nothing but great things from younger and older females as well.
Jason Biggs
#78. When you celebrate, there is sure to be cake."
Florence Ditlow, in "The Bakery Girls.
Florence Ditlow
#79. There are two Venices I know about and one of them is a hotel in Vegas. The other is an L.A. beach where pretty girls walk their dogs while wearing as little as possible and mutant slabs of tanned, posthuman beef sip iced steroid lattes and pump iron until their pecs are the size of Volkswagens.
Richard Kadrey
#80. What exactly constitutes an emergency in a modelling agency? Two girls fighting to death with a hair straightener?
Kate Forster
#81. Girls have got balls. They're just a little higher up, that's all.
Joan Jett
#82. There was another group of students already filing down the hall. College students. We looked like babies beside them. The college girls tossed their hair and giggled. hee hee hee, two years closer to minivans and soccer practices and Botox than the girls from my bus. I wished I hadn't come.
Maggie Stiefvater
#83. I hate girls that giggle all the time ...
You hate any girl that David looks at.
Audrey Hepburn
#84. Strippers should be role-models for little girls. If only for the fact that they wax their assholes.
Sarah Silverman
#85. It was all fine until the girls started drinking. (Everything is always fine up until that point.)
John Duover
#86. How often have not the demons called 'Nix,' drawn women and girls into the water, and there had commerce with them, with fearful consequences.
Martin Luther
#87. Hunky Heroes, rescuing distressed women, captive princesses, and girls without wheels since 1684. p. 450
Lauren Oliver
#88. L shot Maki a disappointed look. But soon he forgot everything when Misa Amane appeared onstage. Enraptured he began to cheer with the girls in black lace and frilly skirts.
Tsugumi Ohba
#89. Like the ski resort of girls looking for husbands and husbands looking for girls, the situation is not as symmetrical as it might seem.
Alan McKay
#90. Girls like good-looking guys, and I am not very good-looking. In fact, I sort of look like a pudding
Jesse Andrews
#91. I've been writing poems since I was sixteen. Back then, poems were an obvious release for all the frustrations and anxieties associated with adolescence. Mostly, they were a way for me to impress girls, even though I never remember any girls being impressed.
Tony Magistrale
#92. I like girls who are funny with a warped sense of humor.
Robert Buckley
#93. sticks and stones might break your bones, but cement pays homage to tradition.
Estelle Getty
#94. He would be atleast sixteen-old enough to have a driver's licence- and he would have crinkles around his eyes that showed he had a sense of humor and he would be tall, the kind of boy all the other girls would like to date
Beverly Cleary
#95. Two girls walk past in gargantuan heels and dresses so tight that their skin is spilling out, and one of them says to the other, "Wait, who the fuck is Lewis Carroll?" and in my imagination I pull a gun out of my pocket, shoot them both and then shoot myself.
Alice Oseman
#96. Girls, well, when God was coding their speech pattern, he deliberately left out the brevity parameter. He probably had a good laugh, and did the needful to the other kind to maintain the balance.
Rajat Mishra
#97. And what am I to do?"
"Well, that depends. Do you like the girl?"
"Like her? I don't know. How do you know if ... ?"
"It's very simple. Do you look at her furtively and feel like biting her?"
"Biting her?"
"On her backside, for example.
Carlos Ruiz Zafon
#98. Beatrix, do you know what happens to girls who ask such naughty questions?"
"They're ravished in haylofts?" she inquired hopefully.
Lisa Kleypas
#99. You girls need to work on your fucking happy noises," Ryke says angrily. "They shouldn't sound like someone is being assaulted.
Krista Ritchie
#100. What's this?" he demanded, looking from Clary to his companions, as if they might know what she was doing there.
"It's a girl," Jace said,recovering his composure. "Surely you've seen girls before, Alec. Your sister Isabelle is one.
Cassandra Clare
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