Top 100 Louise Rennison Quotes
#1. Look, I can't go out with you, because ... because ... because I'm a lesbian.
Louise Rennison
#2. Everyone is so obsessed with themselves nowadays that they have no time for me.
Louise Rennison
#3. I don't think their mummy and daddy told them they were little sunbeams for Jesus.
Louise Rennison
#4. Watching TV Mum said, 'Do you miss your dad?' and I said, 'Who?
Louise Rennison
#5. It's hard to tell the truth sometimes, especially if you don't want to hurt someone. And you did. You said what you feel. And you must do what is right for you, not what other people say is right.
Louise Rennison
#6. My cousin Georgia says that boys are like gazelles. She says the get alarmed when they get close to girls. And they have to leap off into the woods like gazelles in trousers. Or have I just made that up?
Louise Rennison
#7. Cor, love a duck. And also Lawks-a-mercy. I said that inwardly, but outwardly I said, Blimey, and also, what larks.
Louise Rennison
#8. So, in conclusion, that is the moral of Heidi. 'Always push invalid chairs off the top of mountains when you get the opportunity.' The end. Excellent advice.
Louise Rennison
#9. Look, girls and boys are different. Girls like to be touched twenty times a day in a nonsexual way to feel good about themselves - that is why I tickle you and link arms with you - but boys think about sex, snogging and football, and also snogging whilst playing football. Simple.
Louise Rennison
#10. What if you were really meant to be with someone? But you kept messing about and having the Horn and so on and you lost them.
Louise Rennison
#11. He had everything a dream boy should have. Back, front, sides, Everything. A head.
Louise Rennison
#12. Campingfahrt means not, as you might imagine, an unfortunate incident with Libby in a tent ... . It means "camping trip." I think I have a natural talent for languages.
Louise Rennison
#13. Honestly, what planet do these people live on? And why isn't it farther away?
Louise Rennison
#14. He came over and ruffled my hair, which is technically assault. I could get on the blower to ChildLine.
Louise Rennison
#15. Tom is back on a flight at 6:15 P.M. That is 6:15. Do you get it? Not 6:00 P.M. but 6:15 P.M. And do you know how many minutes that is? I do. I have also become a Time Lord.
Louise Rennison
#16. In the end they worked out that Angus must have sneaked into Naomi's love parlor before his trouser snake addendums were, you know ... adjusted. Super-Cat!!! He is without doubt the 007 of the cat world.
Louise Rennison
#18. Twenty minutes later, waiting for our luggage
I haven't seen anyone who hasn't got a moustache yet.
And frankly that is not attractive in a woman.
Louise Rennison
#19. I know there is an unseen power at work of which we have little comprehension, but I don't really feel I can consult with Jesus about my basoomas.
Louise Rennison
#20. This soft grass suggests 'softness' to me, but also at the same time 'lying-down-ness'.
Louise Rennison
#21. Everyone is so bloody keen on me thinking all of a sudden. It's not what I do.
Louise Rennison
#22. The tannoy is crackling but I can only hear heavy breathing and snuffling.
...
Uh-oh, the tannoy is crackling again.
Sorry about that, ladies and gentlemen, I momentarily lost hold of my pie.
Louise Rennison
#23. You STUPID stupid girl. Honestly, you have done some stupid stupid things in your time, but this takes the biscuit of stupidity.
Louise Rennison
#25. Lord of the Flies is so boring ... and so weird. I always thought boys were very very strange, but I didn't think they would start eating each other.
Louise Rennison
#26. But I can be a very kind and caring person, especially if I am about three thousand miles away in a different country.
Louise Rennison
#27. As I have often said, she has two styles of acting: with or without the beard.
Louise Rennison
#28. Better start planning my wardrobe for the Luuurve trail. What do the Hamburgese wear?
Cowboy hats, I suppose.
Louise Rennison
#29. I put my arm around her and said, Jas, I have found that when you are troubled, it is often better to think of others rather than yourself. I think you would feel much better if you got me some milky coffee and jammy dodgers and I told you all about me.
Louise Rennison
#30. Who wouldn't want to see some owl eggs?"
I said, "Come on then, they are down here."
He said, "Tallulah, the answer to who wouldn't want to see some owl eggs is ... me!!!!
Louise Rennison
#32. What in the name of Hitler's panties and matching bra set was she talking about?
Louise Rennison
#33. I've never had anyone say they love me before. Libby lobes me, that is true, but there is something a bit menacing about the way she says it.
Louise Rennison
#34. Apparently if you want to get a boy to like you, you go sort of mysterious and icy and cool. That's what my cousin said and she has loads of boyfriends and snogging-type experiences.
Louise Rennison
#35. Your soul shines through even if you haven't got mascara on
Louise Rennison
#36. You wouldn't say ' You've got the crappest eyes I've ever seen. Your eyes make me physically sick.
Louise Rennison
#37. Does it matter that the sausages are local? I'm just going to eat them, not make friends and go to the cinema with them.
Louise Rennison
#38. Who knows what goes on in my mind? I will be the last to know. Even
Louise Rennison
#39. I am going to keep my mind (well, what's left of it) occupied by doing (and I never thought the day would come when I would say this) my homework.
Louise Rennison
#40. I could have stayed holding on to Masimo and riding round forever, round and round, like that bloke on that doomed phantom boat, The Flying Dutchman. Of course there are differences - he was not on a scooter, and I don't have a beard and I am not Dutch.
Louise Rennison
#41. You're fourteen years old. You've only had that hair for fourteen years and you want to change it already! How bored are you going to be with it by the time you are thirty? What color will you be up to by then?
Louise Rennison
#43. Oh Blimey O'Reilly's pantyhose...what is the point of Shakespeare? I know he is a genius and so on, but he does rave on.
What light doth through yonder window break?
It's the bloody moon, for God's sake, Will, get a grip!!
Louise Rennison
#44. I gave my artistic laugh and also threw in some quirky language for good measure. "Lawks-a-mercy, no! I'm going to have a long bath and ... "
I looked shyly down. Which is pretty impressive to have done artistic laugh, quirky language and shyness all in the space of ten seconds.
Louise Rennison
#46. I am so depressed and bored I may even have to do some homework.
Louise Rennison
#47. It was like being in an exciting movie, except I didn't know whether it was a romance or a comedy.
Louise Rennison
#48. Overslept and had to race to get a life to Jas's with my dad. No time for yoga or makeup. Oh well, I'll start tomorrow. God alone knows how the Dalai Lama copes on a daily basis. He must get up at dawn. Actually, I read somewhere that he does get up at dawn.
Louise Rennison
#49. Vaisey said, "Is it because your parents don't understand you?"
Charlie said, "No, it's because our parents understand us very well, and that is why they wanted us to go away.
Louise Rennison
#51. Through my curtains I can see a big yellow moon. I'm thinking of all the people in the world who will be looking at that same moon.
I wonder how many of them haven't got any eyebrows?
Louise Rennison
#52. I could have quite literally snogged until the cows came home. And when they came home I would have shouted, WHAT HAVE YOU COWS COME HOME FOR? CAN'T YOU SEE I'M SNOGGING, YOU STUPID HERBIVORES???
Louise Rennison
#53. When girls walk home we put on lippy and makeup. We chat. Sometimes we pretend to be hunchbacks. But that is it. Perfectly normal behavior.
Louise Rennison
#54. As we passed a bloke playing a saxophone underneath one of the arches, he put down the sax and started doing a juggling thing with his hands. It was a bit peculiar, though, because, as I said to Jas, He hasn't got any balls.
Louise Rennison
#55. Unbelievable! I said, What would I be doing walking the streets at night as a stuffed olive- gate-crashing cocktail parties?
Louise Rennison
#56. I said, "Do you think she thinks it's me?"
Jas said, "Well, it's pretty conclusive, isn't it? She said 'the most sniveling idiot I have ever come across.'"
I said, "I didn't know that YOU have been seeing Masimo. Tom the Slug King is going to be very upset.
Louise Rennison
#57. I can already feel myself getting fed up with boys and I haven't had anything to do with them yet - Georgia Nicolson
Louise Rennison
#58. I suppose this is what life will be like for me - never having a boyfriend, always just living through others
Louise Rennison
#59. What do you do with Sex Gods? Besides snog and worship them, I mean.
Louise Rennison
#60. Still, life carries on. Exams to be examined. Serious things to be thingied.
Louise Rennison
#61. What in the name of Buddha's bra is he going on about now?
Louise Rennison
#62. He has a song in his heart for me. I hope it is not Shut Uppa You Face, Whatsa Matta You.
Louise Rennison
#64. Mr. Darcy was in Pride and Prejudice and at first he was all snooty and huffy; then he fell in a lake and came out with his shirt all wet. And then we all loved him. In a swoony way.
Louise Rennison
#65. Rosie laughed in a not too reassuring way if you like sane laughter.
Louise Rennison
#66. When Mutti and Vati came in I didn't speak to them. I just unfurled the CAT MOLESTERS banner I had made.
Louise Rennison
#67. There he is, tall, tanned, Italian, sophisticated. So what do you do?"
I said, "Er, leap on him and snog him within an inch of his life? Taking care not to strangle myself on his false beard, or disturb his banana.
Louise Rennison
#68. What shall I say? I must tread a fine line between glaciosity and friendlinosity. With just a hint of 'you don't know what you are missing, my fine-feathered friend.
Louise Rennison
#69. Out on the moors,
The lonely moors,
I roll around in sheep poo.
Heathcliff, it's youuuuu,
I hate you, I love you tooooo.
Let me in, I'm here, it's meeeee,
Catheeeeeeee.
Look out of your windooooow.
Louise Rennison
#71. Angus is amusing himself by ambushing the postman. Och aye, they may have taken his trouser snake addendums, but they cannae tak his freedom!!
Louise Rennison
#73. At that point Ms Fox came in and said, "Hello, carry on as if I am not here."
Then she lay down on the floor.
Louise Rennison
#74. Some things in life are not pleasant but they have to be done. For instance, German and maths.
Louise Rennison
#75. So this is what men are like. Well, that's it, then - I am going to be a lesbian.
Louise Rennison
#77. I said to Mum, Vati is very very like David Beckham, isn't he? Apart from being porky, heavily bearded and crap at football.
Louise Rennison
#78. I couldn't believe it. It was unbelievable, that's why. My face was like a frozen fish finger. All rigid and pale. (But obviously not with breadcrumbs on it.)
Louise Rennison
#79. Mum said, "It is the thought that counts."
And I said, "I know, which is why I am ringing the authorities right now. Anyone who thinks like she does should be locked up out of harm's way.
Louise Rennison
#80. However, I will never feel anything again.
Good.
I am done with love.
It's a mug's game.
I am just going to sit in my room for the rest of my life not doing stuff.
Louise Rennison
#81. I am soooo excited, I am over-excited. I'm hysterical, I may have to slap my own face in a minute at this rate.
Louise Rennison
#82. I wonder if it is possible to have two boyfriends. I mean, times are changing. Relationships are more complicated. In France men always have mistresses and wives and so on. Henri probably has two girlfriends. He would laugh if you told him you just had one. He would say, 'C'est tres, tres tragique.'
Louise Rennison
#83. P.P.S. I am giving you telepathic hugs.
P.P.P.S. But not in a telepathically lezzie way.
Louise Rennison
#84. I said with great dignosity, Father, I am afraid I can't discuss my private life with you as I have a date with Lord of the Flies.
Louise Rennison
#85. He says we should take it easy and that maybe he overreacted a bit."
Dave said, "A bit? That's like Hitler saying, 'Oooh, I just meant to go for a little walk, but then I accidentally invaded Poland.
Louise Rennison
#86. Dance of the Sugar Plum Bikey. Yes, that's got a nice ring to it.
Louise Rennison
#87. Hello, my sister, Libby, also your daughter, is snogging a potato in my bed. What are you going to do about it?' Dad started yelling uncontrollably. I wonder if he is having the male menopause? If he starts growing breasts, I will definitely be running away with the circus.
Louise Rennison
#88. I don't want to be rude to the afflicted but Uncle Eddie is bald in a way which is the baldest I have ever seen.
Louise Rennison
#89. As I have said with huge wisdomosity many times, boys the world over are a bloody mystery.
Louise Rennison
#90. I am abandoned on the ship of life." "I know." "Jas, you are not really cheering me up." "Well, I know and that is because there is really nothing to be cheerful about; I would hate to be you." in
Louise Rennison
#91. Shakespeare is just some bloke who keeps ranting "what light trough yonder window breaks" its the moon for god sakes!
Louise Rennison
#92. I care too much for people. I am a bit like Jesus. Only not so heavily bearded.
Louise Rennison
#93. Jas, you are three hundred miles away. You would have to have nunga-nungas the size of France for Jock to be able to rest his hand on them.
Louise Rennison
#94. I think 'growing up' would mean that you are incredibly tolerant and easygoing, liked everything, curious about the world because you weren't so egotistically driven.
Louise Rennison
#96. Dad at breakfast today being very quiet. I notice he is clean shaven. I said to him, 'Vati, what has happened to the little beaver that used to live on the end of your chin?
Louise Rennison
#97. Oh dear. I have just seen Angus hunkering down in the long grass. He's stalking their poodle. I'll have to intervene to avert a massacre. Oh, it's OK, Mrs. Next Door has thrown a brick at him.
Louise Rennison
#98. Here is my recipe for a mood enhancer. Take a friend, preferably one with a really annoying fringe and outsize pants, and when she is rambling on swiftly, push her into a ditch and run away.
Louise Rennison
#99. I am looking at you and you are looking at me. This is very good. I am looking and I am liking. You are looking and you are thinking, 'I hope she doesn't hit me with her crop.' But that is because I am me and you are you.
Louise Rennison
#100. What is that song they are singing Is it an old Yorkshire ditty you know like that 'On Ilkley Moor Bar T'at' "
Ruby said "Nah it's a football song. It goes 'We hate Chelsea we hate Chelsea we are the Chelsea haters.
Louise Rennison
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