Top 100 Fart Quotes
#1. Left to my own devices, I'm content to wake myself with a fart.
Nicole Krauss
#2. The biggest milestone in a relationship is when you can fart in front of each other freely and loudly. Without judgements
Himmilicious
#3. Though I've turned 21, I don't drink. I'm an old hag now. I'm just an old fart.
Mena Suvari
#4. I tell you this, madam, no man at court will be able to fart soon without asking Cecil first.
Susan Kay
#6. You think I'm gross?" Grayson asked.
"Yes, I do. You are so horny it's unhealthy. You burb in my face every time you eat onions, and you don't bother to leave the room before you fart. This afternoon you dripped your sweat on me. On purpose!
Kelly Oram
#7. Come athwart my hawse and I shall ride you down, you half-baked son of an Egyptian fart,' to a wool-gathering jolly-boat; and art echoed from either shore.
Patrick O'Brian
#8. That has less significance than a dog's fart.
Mao Zedong
#9. I hate dates. I sit at home all day, and I don't fart once. I go on a date and I've got twenty in the bank straight away.
Carl Barron
#10. After a few minutes there was a click on the line and a voice said in Farsi,"Goh Benares roo gahbret."
This roughly translated as: "May shit rain down upon your grave."
"Goozidam too chesmet," Tom replied.
"I fart in your eye.
Mark Mills
#11. It's so Quite around here, I'm sure I heard a Bird Fart!
Dorothy Garlock
#12. I arrived to work on the wrong foot. I was jumpy and agitated, constantly watching the doors. A loud fart would have sent me skyrocketing into orbit.
J.A. Saare
#13. Then he lost all coherence and began a hysterical giggle, compounded with a slight twitch and very pronounced emission of saliva from his mouth. When he finally fell silent, the stillness was of that horrified kind that follows a fart in a Methodist church.
Frederick Exley
#14. Using blasphemy as entertainment is as cheap as a comedian telling a fart joke.
Katy Perry
#15. This is bigger than a fart in a bathtub, you know.
John Marsden
#16. [the car] backfired a lot. Loud enough that when I drove in the wrong part of town and it let loose with a gas fart, people actually ducked for cover.
Adrienne Wilder
#17. What kind of doctor are you? Get up! Get up! And then all of a sudden she let out the biggest, loudest, smelliest fart in the history of farts. Mom thinks it was actually the fart that finally woke the doctor up. Anyway,
R.J. Palacio
#18. In the cosmos of time, there's not a cocksucker in this room who is more than a fart in the wind!
Daniel S. Pena
#19. I have a pacemaker in, but it doesn't work very well, because every time I fart the garage door opens.
Frank Carson
#20. Agatha Christie n. A silent, putrid fart committed by someone in this very room, and only one person knows whodunnit.
VIZ
#21. Ela did you just fart? Because you just blew me away.
Mark A. Cooper
#22. You don't have anything, you don't know anything, you're just a noise like a fart in somebody's pants, Segura said.
James Lee Burke
#23. Are you still doing that crap?" I ask.
"You can't even do it properly," Eileen says.
"Just a matter of practice," Simone says.
"Wow! Practicing how to poison yourself and make your breath reek like the fart of a seagull!" Eileen cries.
Randa Abdel-Fattah
#25. I thought the fart was a human thing. It's something to do with like, arse cheeks, or whatever.
Karl Pilkington
#28. You see, I'm not the hack. God is. And the Old Fart doesn't know how to write a conclusion that'll satisfy his audience. He leaves that to us, his lost children, doing his dirty work, inventing uplifting endings to erase his mistakes.
Rafael Yglesias
#29. Let me see if I can put this in scientific terms: Think of autism like a fart, and vaccines are the finger you pull to make it happen.
Jenny McCarthy
#30. When I tell you you'll fart and pee in your pants with terror.
Luo Guanzhong
#31. He had a real mother, and a stepfather named Bart who Martin called Fart but only with his brothers and James
Marthe Jocelyn
#32. In the four hundred years since the last devouring soul appeared; the last man to know the meaning of ecstasy, there has been a constant and steady decline of man in art, in thought, in action. The world is pooped out: there isn't a dry fart left.
Henry Miller
#33. Maybe it was me," Grandma said."Sometimes they sneak out.Did I fart?
Janet Evanovich
#35. Girls don't poop, so don't claim you do. You can fart - because farting is funny - but we don't want to know that you poop.
Ryan Hansen
#36. This Earle of Oxford, making of his low obeisance to Queen Elizabeth, happened to let a Fart, at which he was so abashed and ashamed that he went to Travell, 7 yeares. On his returne the Queen welcomed him home, and sayd, My Lord, I had forgott the Fart.
John Aubrey
#37. Probing the corners of the room like a caged cat, fly caught in a jar, fart in an elevator.
Dennis Vickers
#38. I tell you, we are here on Earth to fart around, and don't let anybody tell you different.
Kurt Vonnegut
#39. I'm sounding like an old fart talking about how bad advertising is today, but it's true. Advertising sucks. Guys like me and Bob Gage and certainly Bill Bernbach and two or three other guys, we exemplified and led the creative revolution.
George Lois
#40. Every particle being connected with every other; you can't fart without changing the balance in the universe. It makes living a funny joke with nobody around to laugh.
Philip K. Dick
#41. I desperately wanted a chance to prove myself. Not because I cared a fart for druids. No. I had instead conceived a new plan for escape.
Stephen R. Lawhead
#42. We're naked under our clothes; we both know what it's like to need to fart and hold it in, or not be able to get a hard-on, or worry that a bloke across the room might be looking at your bird and you might have to fight him but he looks well hard.
Russell Brand
#43. I'd like to think I'd never do a gratuitous fart joke.
Harold Ramis
#44. Rather than hanging around like a fart under a duvet.
Ian Rankin
#45. Every man knows the smell of his own fart.
Confucius
#47. I think I would know Nora's fart anywhere. I think I could pick hers out in a roomful of farting women.
James Joyce
#48. The next morning I woke up with a furry lump pressed against my chest, its butt right under my chin. Before I could move, a toxic cloud of dog fart floated into my face. Barbeque sauce scented dog
Susan Lash
#49. On the downside, to paraphrase Thom Yorke talking about the music business, we're still having to deal with the stench of the last fart of the dying corpse of this regressive vision that America is a white, middle-aged, male, conservative country.
Edward Norton
#50. I fart, you fart, he farts, she farts.
Let's not deny it, people. Farting is a regular, healthy, and hilarious part of life. Squeezing out big plumes of noxious gas doesn't always smell good, but it generally feels might fine.
Neil Pasricha
#51. Atlantic reckoned we should use a top Yank producer and appointed one Eddie Kramer to the post. It turns out the guy was full of bullshit and couldn't produce a healthy fart.
Bon Scott
#52. After all, a silent fart has a smell that really sticks!
W.W. Wright
#53. Love is the fart
Of every heart
It pains the man when 'tis kept close,
And others doth offend, when 'tis let loose.
John Suckling
#54. Love? Dude. It's like a fart. You don't even know it's happening, but all of a sudden,it crawls up the crack of your ass and then the stink hits you.
Ann Everett
#55. Oh, that was smooth. I'm as subtle as a fart.
Barry Lyga
#57. Gods curse it, Kel, you heard what he said!"
"I heard a fart," Kel said grimly. You know where those come from. Let it go." -Faleron and Kel
Tamora Pierce
#58. A sneeze travels at a peak velocity of two hundred miles per hour. A burp, more slowly; a fart, slower yet. But a kiss thrown by fingers- its departure is sudden, its arrival ambiguous, and there is no source that can state with authority what speeds are reached in its flight.
Tom Robbins
#59. My father once told me, and it's stuck with me to this day: As you walk through life, every time you fart it pushes you forward.
Bob Saget
#60. Home is where the heart is, home is where the fart is.
Come let us fart in the home.
There is no art in a fart.
Still a fart may not be artless.
Let us fart and artless fart in the home.
Ernest Hemingway,
#62. Isn't he gorgeous? With those rolls, the wet-sounding grunts, bulbous wiggly tail, and smashed face - not to mention the fart the dog let out once he situated himself - he was gorgeous in a way that only a parent could appreciate.
Jeaniene Frost
#63. These young folks, with that twerking, I thought, just like an old fart.
R.K. Lilley
#64. Since moving to Valhalla, I'd learned an impressive number of Old Norse cusswords. Meinfretr translated as something like stinkfart, which was, naturally, the worse kind of fart
Rick Riordan
#66. Never liked Kolanos. Was at a feast with him one time. Never heard him fart at all. Can't trust a man who doesn't fart at a feast.
David Gemmell
#67. I'm out of the room in the next instant, like a man wanting breath, after suffocating through the horror of a burrito eating obese man's fart." - Emily Dolt
Nix Banner
#68. He's only being polite. You should look the word up," Denise settled on.
Ian snorted. "And angels fly out of my arse when I fart."
First Drop of Crimson by Jeaniene Frost
Page 78
Jeaniene Frost
#69. Love is like a fart. It's warm, unpredictable. And sometimes it stinks, but it can also be the best feeling in the world. That's why I'm so happy that I passed you that day. I know now ... I fart you
Ryan Higa
#70. If I fail, the film industry writes me off as another statistic. If I succeed, they pay me a million bucks to fly out to Hollywood and fart.
George A. Romero
#71. In Ghana, many issues start with the vim of boiling beans and end with the dignity of a fart.
Nana Awere Damoah
#72. And nostalgia is a cancer. Nostalgia will fill your heart up with tumors. Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's what you are. You're just an old fart dying of terminal nostalgia.
Sherman Alexie
#73. But it was no ordinary fart. It was the Rainbow Fart Of Power. Who farted? Hoof Hearted did, that's who. All the colors of the rainbow shot from his butt and propelled him forward in the Cosmos.
Daniel Mega
#74. You can't even trade a single fart with the next guy. Each and every one of us has to live out his own life. Don't waste time thinking about who's most talented.
Kodo Sawaki
#75. For me, I need to be able to show up on set and fart around and goof around. If I can have that, when I'm not acting, then when I'm acting I can go however deep and dark and bad I need to. I developed that more with 'Breaking Bad' because I've never worked on anything as dark for as long.
Betsy Brandt
#76. It seems that when you have cancer you are a brave battler against the disease, but when you have Alzheimer's you are an old fart. That's how people see you. It makes you feel quite alone.
Terry Pratchett
#78. Me? I'm nothing. I'm a fart in the air conditioning. I'm always there, but most of the time nobody knows it.
Orson Scott Card
#79. I'm a fart in a gale of wind, a humble violet under a cow pat.
Djuna Barnes
#80. Got me as fussed as a fart in a mitten.
Sue Hubbell
#82. If you're on a plane and the person in front of you starts slowly tilting to one side, it means he's letting out a fart. Take cover!
Jessica Zafra
#83. All of our lives suck right now, okay? You might think yours is an extra special sparkly rainbow unicorn fart type of suck, but it's not. Just get on with it!
Lia Habel
#84. Damn! Blazing Hades! That filth-eating son of a pig-fart!
Diana Gabaldon
#85. When the silence gets warmer, the fart has been released
T. Haque
#86. And so Deb is the only person in the world who gives a rusty possum fart whether I live or die.
Jeff Lindsay
#87. I play around with my Japanese Garden. Since Im half way to 70 today I need to start pruning trees and sharpening plants like an old fart.
Jason Bateman
#88. I'm into paradoxes. I wanted to make an album about them, but the group told me I was a pretentious fart. They were right.
Brian May
#89. We go in dark, quiet, and at a crawl. We do not gravitate, transmit, or even fart in the general direction of that thing.
Evan Currie
#90. People dressed in a certain kind of clothing are never wrong. Also they never fart.
Margaret Atwood
#91. A good fart joke makes me bawl with laughter, so will somebody farting. And the word 'poo.' You can't beat a good poo joke.
Jenny Eclair
#92. We're being treated to the wisdom of some puffed up, little fart. Doing exactly what I used to do, pretensions to anarchy and art.
Don Henley
#93. In many ways, Eulah-Beulah prepared me for literary criticism. After having a two-hundred-pound babysitter fart on your face and yell Pow!, The Village Voice holds few terrors.
Stephen King
#94. Farting, don't think, just fart.
John Cage
#95. The only thing that bothers me is if I'm in a restaurant and I'm eating and someone says, 'Hey, mind if I smoke?' I always say, 'No. Mind if I fart?
Steve Martin
#96. Normally I laugh at such things, because there is nothing like a fart to lighten up a tense situation.
Kevin Hearne
#97. You're like a big kid, aren't you?" I laugh. "Eh, yeah, I guess so. I don't see the point in acting like a stuffy old fart. Might as well have some fun with life. You're only here once.
Micalea Smeltzer
#98. What did you do?" "Blew up a fuel depot, stole twelve rockets and made off with them in a stolen van, got kidnapped by a maniac, and had dinner with a guy who farted fire." "That would be funny, but I'm worried it's all true." "It's been a long couple days." "Did he really fart fire?" Morelli asked.
Janet Evanovich
#99. One little known fact: The water that spouts out of a whale's blowhole in such a picturesque way reeks like the most toxic fart imaginable.
Susan Casey
#100. If you wanted reflections on the nature of the universe and your place in it, you should have stayed in school. You want fart noises and cock jokes, I'm your man.
A.J. Hartley
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