Top 55 Graham Chapman Quotes
#1. My philosophy, like color television, is all there in black and white.
Graham Chapman
#2. I am known by many names, but you may call me...Tim.
Graham Chapman
#3. WHAT is your name? WHAT is your quest? and WHAT is your favorite color?
Graham Chapman
#4. You see, I don't belive that libraries should be drab places where people sit in silence, that has been the main reason for our policy of employing wild animals as librarians.
Graham Chapman
#5. Kilimanjaro is a pretty tricky climb you know, most of it's up until you reach the very very top, and then it tends to slope away rather sharply.
Graham Chapman
#6. Health care does not worry me a great deal. I've been impressed by some wonderful old people.
Graham Chapman
#7. No one expects the Spanish Inquisition! Our chief weapon is surprise, fear and surprise; two chief weapons, fear, surprise, and ruthless efficiency! Er, among our chief weapons are: fear, surprise, ruthless efficiency, and near fanatical devotion to the Pope! Um, I'll come in again ...
Graham Chapman
#9. If life seems jolly rotten, There's something you've forgotten.
Graham Chapman
#10. John Howard Davies was not a very human person ... if you made a mistake of any kind, any sort of pause in speech, he would treat you rather as if he was a schoolmaster.
Graham Chapman
#12. I don't want to talk to you no more, you empty headed animal food trough wiper. I fart in your general direction. Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries.
Graham Chapman
#13. You been shopping? no i been shopping. well what'd you buy? i bought a piston engine. well how you going to cook it? you don't cook it it's a piston engine! well your not going to eat it raw are you? oh, i never thought of that ...
Graham Chapman
#15. World War II ... did not happen to everyone, but it happened to most. There were people from Germany who were throwing bombs at us.
Graham Chapman
#16. At that time, a friend shall lose his friend's hammer, and the young shall not know where lieth the things possessed by their fathers that their fathers put there only just the night before ...
Graham Chapman
#18. McGough: I'm sorry. I'm afraid I've caught poetry.
Mr Bones: Oh really? Well, don't worry, sir - I used to suffer from short stories.
McGough: Really? When?
Mr Bones: Oh, once upon a time ...
Graham Chapman
#19. An argument is a connected series of statements intended to establish a definite proposition ... A contradiction is just the automatic gainsaying of anything the other person says.
No, it's not ...
Graham Chapman
#20. We found that we didn't have much problem with him [J.C.], it was his followers we found questionable.
Graham Chapman
#21. When Beethoven went deaf, the mynah bird just used to mime.
Graham Chapman
#22. Dressing up as decrepit old ladies, and even decrepit young ladies, was one of our staples.
Graham Chapman
#23. Sir Beldevere: What makes you think she's a witch?
Peasant 3: Well, she turned me into a newt!
Sir Beldevere: A newt?
Peasant 3: [meekly after a long pause] ... I got better.
Crowd: [shouts] Burn her anyway!
Graham Chapman
#24. We don't deliberately set out to offend. Unless we feel it's justified.
Graham Chapman
#25. You know, Python should have won a Grammy for our musical work on the show.
Graham Chapman
#26. When you're chewing on life's gristle
Don't grumble, give a whistle
And this'll help things turn out for the best ...
And ... always look on the bright side of life ...
Always look on the light side of life.
Graham Chapman
#28. Oh, you're in television! That's interesting. No, I mean, the word television is interesting. It's a hybrid, you see: tele- comes from the greek, and -vision comes from the latin. It should have been either "telerama", or "procolvision".
Graham Chapman
#29. In 1945, peace broke out. It was the end of the Joke. Joke warfare was banned at a special session of the Geneva Convention, and in 1950 the last remaining copy of the joke was laid to rest here in the Berkshire countryside, never to be told again.
Graham Chapman
#30. All ideas come about through some sort of observation. It sparks an attitude; some object or emotion causes a reaction in the other person.
Graham Chapman
#31. You know, there are many people in the country today who, through no fault of their own, are sane. Some of them were born sane. Some of them became sane later in their lives.
Graham Chapman
#32. One thing for sure - a sheep is not a creature of the air.
Graham Chapman
#33. There is no cannibalism in the British navy, absolutely none, and when I say none, I mean there is a certain amount.
Graham Chapman
#34. Your highness, when I said that you are like a stream of bat's piss, I only mean that you shine out like a shaft of gold when all around it is dark
Graham Chapman
#35. Exploding is a perfectly normal medical phenomenon.
Graham Chapman
#36. When danger reared its ugly head,
He bravely turned his tail and fled.
Graham Chapman
#39. By the power bestowed in me by the Ministry of Silly Underpants ...
Graham Chapman
#40. Apart from the sanitation, the medicine, education, wine, public order, irrigation, roads, the fresh water system, and public health ... what have the Romans ever done for us?
Brought peace!
Graham Chapman
#41. It's nice to see that look of alarm on the faces of the others.
Graham Chapman
#42. I mean, if I went 'round saying I was an emperor, just because some moistened bint had lobbed a scimitar at me, they'd put me away!
Graham Chapman
#43. I'm afraid I'm not personally qualified to confuse cats.
Graham Chapman
#44. We are no longer the knights who say Ni! We are now the knights who say ekki-ekki-ekki-pitang-zoom-boing!
Graham Chapman
#45. We come from nothing, we are going back to nothing-In the end what have we lost? Nothing!
Graham Chapman
#46. Oh Lord please don't burn us don't kill or toast your flock. Don't put us on the barbecue or simmer us in stock. Don't bake or baste or boil us or stir-fry us in a wok.
Graham Chapman
#50. Death can really absorb a person. Lik most people, I would find it pleasant not to have to go, but you just accept that it's more or less inevitable.
Graham Chapman
#51. I can't talk to a man who bears an undeserved animosity towards ferrets.
Graham Chapman
#54. Tis but a scratch!"
"A scratch? Your arm's off!"
"No it isn't."
"Then what's that?"
"Oh come on, pansy!
Graham Chapman
#55. What is the airspeed velocity of an unladen swallow?
Graham Chapman
Famous Authors
Popular Topics
Scroll to Top
