Top 100 Crazy Humor Quotes
#1. My objection to war was not that I had to kill somebody or be killed senselessly, that hardly mattered. What I objected to was to be denied the right to sit in a small room and starve and drink cheap wine and go crazy in my own way and at my own leisure.
Charles Bukowski
#2. Eventually, Krysomallos would be skinned for his fleece, which became known as the Golden Fleece, which means I am related to a sheepskin rug.
This is why you don't want to think too hard about who you're related to in the Greek myths. It'll drive you crazy.
Rick Riordan
#3. You know what truth is? [ ... ] It's some crazy thing my neighbor believes. If I want to make friends with him, I ask him what he believes. He tells me, and I say, Yeah, yeah - ain't it the truth?
Kurt Vonnegut
#4. I swear, you're a crazy person. You go around up to your eyeballs in snakes and dead people and exploding beavers. It's just not normal. Even when I was a 'ho, my life wasn't that freaky.
Janet Evanovich
#5. We've eaten, but he looks hungry, and experience tells me that crazy takes a lot of calories to sustain.
Emil Ostrovski
#6. It didn't feel sporting to shoot at a crazy person, even if that person was a vampire who'd agreed to the job.
Gail Carriger
#7. Greetings, cybernuts! This is I.B. Nosey, your official unofficial reporter!
I.B. Nosey
#8. Most women beg me to lick them, and I give it to you for free and you push me away," he said with a fake pout on his face.
"You're crazy." I giggled
"I'm the good kind of crazy, though.
Abbi Glines
#9. I'm a big fan of gallows humor. When my aunt passed away, she was in a coma for a day before my cousins pulled the plug. And the amount of joking and base humor that went on that day around her bed was so insane. It's crazy how people talk when something horrible is happening.
Amanda Peet
#10. I may be crazy, but that doesn't mean I'm wrong. I'm mad but not ill.
Gregory Hill
#11. What I'm putting forth," he said, "is that the four of us make some memories, become fast friends and abandon starchy old mind-sets about monogamy. The world's gone crazy. Let's do the same."
"The answer is no," Dad said. "And I'm surprised I'm not punching you.
George Saunders
#12. When you find yourself surrounded by sane people excited about your idea and lending support, you realize, perhaps, you are not as crazy as you think you are
Paresh Shah
#13. Maintain a sense of humor. People who take themselves too seriously are power-crazy. If they win it will be haircuts for all. Beware of power freaks.
Abbie Hoffman
#14. With humor, it's so subjective that trying to think of what the ideal reader would think would drive you crazy.
Calvin Trillin
#15. Maybe Ian doesn't come from london at all, but from Idaho. And not the potato part of Idaho, but the crazy, inbred parents locking their children up in a cabin, away from schooling and vitamins, guarding 'em safe with a twelve-gauge shotgun, part of Idaho.
Alison Pace
#16. You can't pull a gun just because a crazy person wants to talk to you. If I did that I'd never get through a family Christmas.
Marc MacYoung
#17. No wonder kids grow up crazy. A cat's cradle is nothing but a bunch of X's between somebody's hands, and little kids look and look and look at all those X's ... "
"And?"
"No damn cat, and no damn cradle.
Kurt Vonnegut
#18. A part of me wants to spin around and slam the bottom of my heel into her head. In kick-boxing, we'd call that a Spinning Back Kick. Here, it's called, "how to get my crazy jealous ass fired." There's no way I'd get a thumbs up from Cain on that part.
K.A. Tucker
#19. Roger said, 'I don't know about having a shrink around all the time. Are you analyzing me right now?'
Sophie rolled her eyes. 'How original. No, I'm not analyzing you. It'd take a whole team of shrinks to figure out your crazy ass, and I simply don't have the time or energy.
Jennifer Lane
#20. Have you ever been at a point that you don't know what to say? But yet you came up with this crazy idea to type this.
Eric Mayes
#21. I have a crazy sense of humor so if someone is just trying to be rude to me, or if you can tell that someone is angry for no reason, I like to entertain them.
Jhene Aiko
#22. Panty Melter: an exceedingly rare species of man blessed with so many desirable attributes he effortlessly gains access into a girl's panties.
Tracy Brogan
#23. I've got a black-belt in crazy, and I know where you live.
Marjorie M. Liu
#24. Chloe Carlson: But don't think I'm all alone without Lennon. Oh, no. I'll be perfectly fine. I still have my friends, Ben and Jerry.
Riley Carlson: They're my friends too!
Megan Stine
#25. There really is no sense in pretending to be normal. Just be you because the moment you do, weirder things happen. Crazy comes back into fashion and every woman has to go out and find her some.
Shannon L. Alder
#26. The difference between your crazy and my crazy is that you don't think you're crazy.
Steve Maraboli
#27. Did you talk to him about it?"
"Oh, sure. Nothing happened, yadda yadda. The usual. But my maydar went off like crazy."
"Maydar?"
"As in, he may be thinking about super hot sex with her. Like radar, only not as sure.
Rachel Caine
#28. Everyone thinks I'm crazy, you know, because I can't tell them the truth; which is, that I'm driven crazy by all these thoughts, all these heads.
Charlaine Harris
#29. Mad cow disease? A crazy hunger for blood. There had to be a reasonable explanation for all of this. And there's no such thing as vampires, right?
Alisha Costanzo
#30. Technology is too crazy for me, but I would be very happy when they make phone that can cook.
Patricia Dunn
#31. I thought of several alec smart remarks, but you should humor crazy people when you're at their mercy; it's a rule.
Laurell K. Hamilton
#32. Do you remember a little phenom called step aerobics? If you do, then you know how crazy it was to take two ninety-minute classes in a row. It's incredible that I didn't die from a blunt injury to the back of my head from slipping on my own pool of sweat.
Kathy Griffin
#33. And now," Eric yelled into his mircophone, "we're going to sing a new song-one we just wrote. This one's for my girlfriend. We've been going out for three weeks, and, damn, our love is true. We're gonna be together forever, baby. This one's called 'Bang You Like a Drum.
Cassandra Clare
#34. Son, my dad said, every man needs a bitter, resentful woman in his life. Because there's nothing more touching to a mother's heart than to know that her son thinks of her constantly.
David C. Holley
#35. I knew you were crazy, but I didn't realize that you were out of your goddamned mind!!
Cassandra Clare
#36. I'm not crazy, but I suspect the voices in my head are. ~Chrissy
Kelli Sullivan
#37. In love? You're crazy, and even if you weren't, you're too young to get married.
Stacey Jay
#38. You're thinking that if the North Pole has little elves and shape-shifting reindeer that maybe werewolves aren't quite so farfetched. Am I right? Well, you're wrong. There's no such thing as werewolves. That would just be crazy.
Candi Kay
#39. If you don't do crazy things when you're twenty, then you do them when you're sixty and then, it looks pathetic.
Tionne Rogers
#40. What do you think we should do about Sampson?" I asked.
"I would have to say ... stop him," Sam said.
"How?" I asked her.
"Someone who is as powerful and as smart and crazy as he is should do it."
"Okay, but who?"
"Well ... you should."
"So you think I'm crazy?" I asked her.
Jennifer Priester
#41. So what are you doing around here?" I ask, feeling all jittery, but this time it's in a good way.
"Oh, I was just in the area." he says vaguely. "I thought I'd take Welly for a walk ... " He trails off and stuffs his hands in his pockets.
Those butterflies are going crazy in there.
Alexandra Potter
#43. He'd been crazy about her for more years than he cared to admit. Unfortunately, he knew nothing would ever come of it, so he would have to settle for proximity and hope that like a mold or a fungus, he would eventually grow on her.
Michael McBride
#44. Human females, they're kind of crazy during this time aren't they?
If you chose to believe the stories written by male writers.
They heard a bang and thump from the kitchen. Followed by Meg yelling at something.
That many males can't be wrong.
Anne Bishop
#45. This supreme instance of Troy's goodness fell upon Gabriel's ears like the thirteenth stroke of a crazy clock.
Thomas Hardy
#46. And I like his conceit. He's so conceited he's actually humble, the crazy bastard.
J.D. Salinger
#47. I discovered that there was just as much humor to be found in the minutiae of everyday life as there was in a tale of crazy capers.
Nancy The Cat
#48. I know all about insanity. It's not that bad once you beat up everyone who teases you about it.
Eve Langlais
#49. If bliss are a type of potato, then ignorance can be french-fried
Josh Stern
#50. Cam shook his head. 'Do you ever listen to how much crazy shit comes out of your mouth?'
'Nope.' I hooked my fingers into his waistband and pulled him closer. 'Nobody does. That's why I remain undiagnosed.'
Lisa Henry
#51. I've accepted the fact I have mental illness but when my imaginary friends start calling me crazy that's where I draw the line
Stanley Victor Paskavich
#52. Am I going crazy? Am I supposed to believe that God is a big black woman with a questionable sense of humor?
William Paul Young
#53. When trouble arises and things look bad, there is always one individual who perceives a solution and is willing to take command. Very often, that individual is crazy.
Dave Barry
#54. Years of insanity have made this guy crazy!
Woody Allen
#55. I'm not crazy, but several of my other personalities are.
Allen Parker
#56. I don't know karate, but I know ka-razy!
James Brown
#57. Come Hell or High Water usually depends on the kind of plug you use in the bath tub
Josh Stern
#58. I took my son to Coney island, I said "wanna go in the crazy house?", he said "save your money we'll be home soon"!
Rodney Dangerfield
#59. Jace shook his blond head in exasperation.
You had to make a crazy jail friend, didn't you? You couldn't just count ceiling tiles or tame a pet mouse like normal prisoners do?
Cassandra Clare
#60. If it's the thought that counts, then ignorance must use a calculator
Josh Stern
#61. Take it easy, Norman. When the psychiatrist goes crazy, it's a bad sign.
Michael Crichton
#63. When you're out in the wilderness and get back to base camp only to discover sleeping bag turndown service ... .that's no chocolate on the pillow
Josh Stern
#64. People who entered the Courtyard without an invitation were just plain crazy! Wolves were big and scary and so fluffy, how could anyone resist hugging one just to feel all that fur?
"Ignore the fluffy," she muttered. "Remember the part about big and scary.
Anne Bishop
#65. Love has a way of making the sane insane and the insane normal.
Shannon L. Alder
#66. The fat woman's expression implied that she would go crazy on the spot if anybody did any more thinking.
Kurt Vonnegut
#67. Kenzie took two staggering steps backward, staring at the feeline as if in a daze. "O-kay," she breathed, shaking her head slightly. "A cat. A cat that talks. I'm going crazy." she glanced at me. " Or you slipped something into my drink at the tournament. One or the other.
Julie Kagawa
#68. Prideful fool. It hurt his feelings that he couldn't make my crazy go away. You know how men are. Always trying to fix things can't be fixed.
Ken Wheaton
#69. Don't you wish we all lived in black light ... for one thing, it would mean an end to toothpaste as we know it
Josh Stern
#70. That's crazy-rare."
"And now it's extinct.
Devon Monk
#71. Quit analyzing me. My crazy needs no definition.
K.F. Breene
#72. Yeah. I told you he was crazy, right? I heard he does some weird stuff at home, too.' He said it with a conspiratorial stage whisper. 'Like mowing his lawn, and trimming his peonies.'
'Peonies?' I balked. 'God, he really is a freak.
Francesca Zappia
#74. What's in your head is more important than what's on your head. - THE WIG: Crazy Summer
Renata Suerth
#75. I may become weak and start listening to what my body has to say more than my brain. So I elect you the responsible one."
"I've been crazy about you since we met. You've elected Bill Clinton president of the chastity club.
Robin Alexander
#76. I also found it particularly encouraging that the decent people in his life were now outnumbering the crazy bitches
R.K. Lilley
#77. I'm not really crazy about all this tit-for-tat stuff. I'm always asked to be the one to first give up the tit.
Karen E. Quinones Miller
#78. If you have the woman you love, what more do you need? Well, besides an alibi for the time of her husband's murder.
Dark Jar Tin Zoo
#79. Would Crazy Horse have spent this much to remodel a kitchen?
Ian Frazier
#80. If you don't laugh at the crazy things, you're liable to lose your mind.
Andrew Sturm
#82. I'm going crazy, Louis thought wonderingly. Wheeeeee!
Stephen King
#83. Or maybe go sci-fi. You sorta look like that guy who roamed outer space everybody's so crazy about."
"Malcolm Reynolds?" asked Rook.
Richard Castle
#84. I can't believe you just did that! Are you crazy?"
I gripped the steering wheel tighter. "Why do people keep asking me that?"
He turned to stare at me, his eyes worried. "Who else keeps asking you that? Are any of them doctors?
Janette Rallison
#85. Alma had been falling in love with a crazy terrier that thought "stay" mean to take off like a rocket. Gaby knew he'd already taken off with Alma's heart.
Angela Cervantes
#86. I turned on Fox News and jumped when I saw that they had one of those things in their studio. "Are you people crazy?" I screamed at the television. "Get out of there. Somebody shoot it!" Then I realized I was watching Special Report and had mistaken Charles Krauthammer for a zombie.
Ian McClellan
#87. Just because I'm insane doesn't mean I have to act all crazy.
Diana Rowland
#88. Me? Crazy? I should get down off this unicorn and slap you
Unknown
#89. Well, how did you die, then?" the old man finally asked.
"Die?" Matthew threw back. "Are you crazy? I'm not dead. I'm just very late.
J. Tonzelli
#90. Cole: "One day you'll meet someone you can stand to commit to, and I'll meet someone who isn't batshit crazy."
Hannah: "Oh, you dreamer you.
Samantha Young
#92. I looked at the hit man who was watching us closely and told him, "Don't think in the crazy-ass soap opera that is my life that I've forgotten about you. Or you," I said to Rosie.
Kristen Ashley
#93. This is no time for drinking a mug of water - which you would do nowhere else in the world. A mug of water! You just don't drink water from mugs, do ya? Except on the telly. Water out of a mug! Should be a hot drink ... mug of water.
Russell Brand
#94. You're going to end up like one of those crazy cat ladies with your apartment smelling of piss and regret.
Kylie Scott
#95. Oh, Lord, she thought. This was crazy. She was being haunted by one ghost and guarded by another.
Heather Graham
#96. I'm the crazy girly captain, Remember?
Eoin Colfer
#97. Cyclones cannot see you if you don't move"
"That's dinosaurs you crazy fruit bat!
G. Norman Lippert
#98. Some people never go crazy. What truly horrible lives they must lead.
Charles Bukowski
#99. By no means was crazy unique to the South,but it sure did love to parade it around on the front porch, give it a drink and welcome the world to stare.
Robert Reeves
#100. If you tell people you talk to God, they'll think you're religious, but if you say God talks to you, it's ten to one they'll think you're crazy.
Robert Fulghum
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