Top 80 Sayings About Going To The Toilet
#1. I've learned that a ten-minute shower and the gift of going to the toilet without a ticking clock restores much more in new parents than personal hygiene.
Cecelia Ahern
#2. But calling up magic when there were arrows flying and chunks of the countryside disappearing was about as easy as going to the toilet on command with a dozen people watching. Who all hated you.
Eoin Colfer
#3. Eating, bathing, going to the toilet, talking, thinking, and many other activities related to the body are all work. How is it that the performance of one particular act is alone (considered) work? To be still is to be always engaged in work. To be silent is to be always talking.
Ramana Maharshi
#4. Fred just shrugged enigmatically. 'What? Just a load of girls going to the toilet? Personally I prefer wildlife videos.
Sue Limb
#5. People who announce they are going to the toilet. Thanks that's an image I really didn't need.
Billy Connolly
#6. When I was writing my dissertation, I wrote about Freud and the process of sublimation, which is when you learn to stop breast-feeding, or stop going to the toilet whenever you want to. It's about learning to repress a desire for instant gratification.
Bat For Lashes
#7. Nothing reminds one of how shitty inequality is more often than the fact that there are companies who make and people who use 1-ply toilet papers.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
#9. I like to play pranks on my girlfriend, you know, keep things fresh for me, make me laugh, you know? She hates it. But like, the other night, I put Saran wrap over the toilet seat, you know, which doesn't sound that original, but she's bulimic.
Anthony Jeselnik
#10. I didn't go to high school. I think that after you learn to read and write and do your numbers and flush the toilet behind yourself, you don't need no more schoolin'. You need to get out in the water and swim.
Wilford Brimley
#11. It takes a minimum of six people, working in close harmony, to successfully flush a nautical toilet. That's why those old ships carried such large crews.
Dave Barry
#12. I think the bottom line for me and for Newsweek is that there were a lot of - we did retract this specific matter about the Koran and the toilet for the reasons that you just cited.
Michael Isikoff
#13. After two weeks of feeling dead numb, I decided the sewage system needed the pills more than I did, so I flushed them all down the toilet.
Kate Ellison
#15. The poor toilet's never had anything as horrible as your head down it - it might be sick.
J.K. Rowling
#16. Some kid asked what a dilemma is. And I replied: When a starving man has to choose between a plate of food, and, a roll of toilet paper.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
#17. Done properly," she said, "cunnilingus and fellatio should be more pleasant, and a lot cleaner, than kissing a toilet seat. I hope that answers your question.
Tom Perrotta
#18. I'd rather clean my toilet than go to a show-business party.
Shania Twain
#19. Cubans were getting a monthly ration of five pounds of rice, three pounds of beans, five eggs, one chicken, half a pound of coffee, milk for children up to age seven, one bar of soap, two rolls of toilet paper, three packs of cigarettes.
Tony Mendoza
#20. You've no idea how wonderful toilet paper is until it's taken away from you by an unfeeling universe. I think it's the defining characteristic of human civilization, the ability to manufacture something decent to wipe your ass on.
Peter F. Hamilton
#21. As the kid was getting his head dunked in the toilet, Joi started pointing and laughing while saying, "What a LOOOSEEEER!
The Lexies
#23. Let me tell you, people go on and on about what a great idea electricity was, but I'm going to put toilet paper right next to the wheel and say those are the best ideas anyone's ever had. Scoff at it if you will, but try living for two millennia without it and then we'll talk.
Kevin Hearne
#24. Sensitive. That killed me. That guy Morrow was about as sensitive as a toilet seat.
J.D. Salinger
#25. When I was on the swim team as a kid, I used to hide out from my coach by going into the bathroom and hiding out in one of the stalls. And I would literally wrap myself in toilet paper so as not to get hypothermia.
Jeff Kinney
#26. Listen - when you're on the toilet, from the point of view of the toilet, you are not an icon taking a crap. You are a bottom taking a crap. If you can get that, you're going to be okay.
Tori Amos
#27. Mothers born on relief have their babies on relief. Nothingness, truly, seems to be the condition of these New York people. They are nomads going from one rooming house to another, looking for a toilet that functions.
Elizabeth Hardwick
#28. Her boyfriend, Camdon or Brandon or whatever his name is, tosses Callie his wallet and says, 'Gotta take a leak.' They exchange a kiss--- which, I mean, why? Is he going to drown in the toilet?
Julie Murphy
#29. Are you really going to let a toilet stand in the way of you and financial independence?
Robert Kiyosaki
#30. I can tell you, going out to buy toilet paper in the U.S. is a completely predictable experience.
Evan Osnos
#31. Some jobs are worse than actual wives. Ad agency vs. Matrimony, for instance: Even the most capricious and demanding spouse is not going to divorce you for refusing to spend forty hours a week making up lies about toilet paper.
P. J. O'Rourke
#32. In two days I'll fly to Georgia to sign estate paperwork and retrieve Father's remains, which are going straight down a toilet at the dodgiest petrol station I can find.
Wendy Higgins
#33. I'm going to the bathroom, not to Beirut. What horrible fate do you think's waiting for me in there? Death by toilet swirly?
Melissa Landers
#34. Well, I've thought many times when my career was in the toilet, that I was going to have to seriously consider getting another job, I don't know what I'd do.
Aaron Eckhart
#35. The question was, "Is your sexuality constructed by environment and experience, or is it innate?" I examined this issue by wanking off a man in a toilet. In conclusion, your sexuality is innate.
Anonymous
#36. At some point all of this is going to catch up with me," I said.
"What is?"
"Gay, boyfriend, job loss, career in the toilet, gay, criminals in my house, criminals in my bed."
"You said the gay thing twice."
"It deserves double billing.
Dani Alexander
#37. War with Canada was far less of an enigma to me than what Aunt Evelyn was going to use for a toilet during the night
Philip Roth
#38. The first thing I did when I decided that I was going to dive into the world of poop was look at who was doing stuff in that world. The first I came across was the World Toilet Organization. So one of the first things I did was to go to their annual show in Moscow.
Rose George
#39. You okay, chuck?
I nodded, or tried to, anyway. To be honest, I was pretty confused and disorientated. The three thoughts circling round my head were How was I going to get to my toilet now?, Oh my God, I can see Evan's cock! and Did Rai just say he wanted untying?
Josephine Myles
#40. On the way out of the bathroom, he stopped to put the toilet seat down. You're going to break my heart, Ford Winter, she thought.
Michele Jaffe
#41. ...I have test... "I wanna to make a screenshot of this... on the board..."...
"Can I go to the toilet?"...
Hahaha... this fucking people... I'm going to cheat and nobody can do anything about that!
Deyth Banger
#42. Acting is invigorating. But I don't analyse it too much. It's like a dog smelling where it's going to do its toilet in the morning.
Liam Neeson
#43. I think it's the next thing, getting out of the comfort-zone readership, that at some point you have to try and break out of that and see if you can go in new directions. I wanted to do something that felt a lot bigger than a book that's going to sit on a toilet.
Drew Magary
#44. At one point Malkin and one of his colleagues took Eichmann to the toilet. They waited outside. After a few minutes, Eichmann called out to Malkin, 'Darf ich anfangen?' ('May I begin?') Only when told yes did he begin to move his bowels.
The Eichmann Trial, page 17
Deborah E. Lipstadt
#46. This guy was making me tired. "Thanks for the afternoon's entertainment," I said. "I'll flush a copy of my bill down the toilet. You should be getting it in a couple of days.
John Swartzwelder
#47. European toilet paper is made from the same material that Americans use for roofing, which is why Europeans tend to remain standing throughout soccer matches.
Dave Barry
#48. Yup, the toilet is my best friend before a show.
Eric Carr
#49. I don't know if he needs a tic tac or toilet paper.
Jerry Lawler
#50. This is the man who called the fire department when the toilet backed up, and I'm asking him for help. What was I thinking? Why am I attracted to weak men?
Christopher Moore
#51. I was sorting through my mother's things. All the letters from friends had to go. I don't know why she kept them, and now they meant nothing to anybody alive. Each generation flushes the toilet for the last.
Lucy Ellmann
#52. Something had happened. The bath towels knew it, the bathtub and the toilet knew it. My father turned and walked out the door. He knew it. It was my last beating. From him.
Charles Bukowski
#53. My parents taught me many of the things that people need in life to feel confident: practical things, such as managing finances, mucking out the goat barn, cleaning a house, doing repairs, mending a broken roof or a toilet.
Bryce Dallas Howard
#54. I said a silent prayer. Actually, silent is probably the only type of prayer a guy should attempt when his head's in a toilet.
Andrew Smith
#55. I looked up and she said, "You have to believe I did everything a reasonable person would do. Maybe I didn't reach my hands into toilet water, but I did everything else I could.
Charlie Close
#56. Issie?"
After a second her voice comes out small and tired. "I'm not here."
"Oh." I back up so I can stare at the bathroom door. No feet. "Then I should probably freak out because the toilet is talking back to me, huh? A little too many pain meds for Zara today.
Carrie Jones
#57. Like the rest of the house, it was beautifully appointed with shiny European wallpaper, lavender-scented soap and an oil painting over the toilet. Geoff
Dan Skinner
#58. I'd grown up thinking that a [sanitary toilet] was my right, when in fact it's a privilege - 2.5 billion people worldwide have no adequate toilet.
Rose George
#59. Success is like toilet paper, it only seems important when you don't have it.
Richard Jeni
#60. It was a weird sensation. Like getting caught eavesdropping, or lying, or sitting on the toilet and having the bathroom walls suddenly drop away.
Janet Evanovich
#61. There are 41 million people who do not have access to a toilet in Pakistan and as a result they are defecating in the open. And open defecation has significant health and nutritional consequences.
Geeta Rao Gupta
#62. THESE ARE BEAUTIFUL PROPERTIES with basketball courts, bathroom facilities, toilet facilities. Many young people would love to get the hell out of cities
Carl Paladino
#64. Philosophers of genius, children, and the people are equally wise - because they ask equally foolish questions. Foolish to a civilized man who has a well-furnished European apartment, with an excellent toilet, and a well-furnished dogma.
Yevgeny Zamyatin
#65. I was sitting in the toilet and I was by myself. I was tired of playing with the roller, so I said I'd better write a book.
Don Rickles
#66. When I find out a hotel doesn't have a DSL, it's like "What? There's no toilet?" Once you get used to high speed you ain't going back
Robin Williams
#67. ...when you start to feel like you are better than someone else, you should probably stick your head in a toilet because at that moment your thoughts are crap.
Ellen Potter
#68. Her mother began to pick apart the toilet paper covering her gift. 'I suppose, she said brightly, 'we should be grateful this hasn't been used before as well!
Wendy Holden
#69. And I'd really appreciate it if you'd grow the hell up and stop walking around like the world crapped on your only roll of toilet paper. Because it's stupid,
Tahereh Mafi
#70. Somebody's going to be reading, right? Wrong. They're FBing. Doing a Number Two. Maybe I shouldn't have had those chilli peppers. Hope y'all having a good day! - Coming from a toilet not far from you. xxxx
Hope Barrett
#71. Its okay Ginny. Don't be upset. We'll send you a toilet seat or something. Fred and George said to Ginny
J.K. Rowling
#72. Son, how violent is yer woman?" The older man asked sounding curious. Aiden leaned in and whispered. "She knocked me unconscious once with the back of my toilet." The older man's eyes widened. "Better get you some chocolate bars. You can throw those from a distance." Aiden nodded.
Anonymous
#73. Teddy said it was a hat, So I put it on. Now dad is saying, where the heck's the toilet plunger gone?
Shel Silverstein
#74. What do you need, babe?" "You." "Okay. I can sit with you while you finish your shower." I shut the lid on the toilet. "No. I need you in here with me - in the shower.
Georgia Cates
#75. I believe your friends Misters Fred and George Weasley were responsible for trying to send you a toilet seat. No doubt they thought it would amuse you.
J.K. Rowling
#76. Sometimes, to relieve stress, he would soak his feet in the toilet, a practice that was not as soothing for his collegues.
Walter Isaacson
#77. Out of all the medical advancements in human history I'm still most in awe of that tiny little piece of toilet paper that can stop a gushing razor cut in its tracks.
Gregor Collins
#78. Fine, but if you get yourself killed I reserve the right to flush your ashes down the toilet while I sing the theme from Titanic.
Quinn Loftis
#79. Poop humor is fun. If you do the toilet scenes well and commit to them, they can be really, really powerful.
Sandra Bullock
#80. And I have this little litany of things they can do. And the first one, of course, is to write - every day, no excuses. It's so easy to make excuses. Even professional writers have days when they'd rather clean the toilet than do the writing.
Octavia Butler
