John Swartzwelder Quotes

#1. This guy was making me tired. "Thanks for the afternoon's entertainment," I said. "I'll flush a copy of my bill down the toilet. You should be getting it in a couple of days.

John Swartzwelder

#2. I was sleeping like a baby - waking up every three hours screaming and crapping my pants.

John Swartzwelder

#3. Kids have too much money these days, if you ask me.

John Swartzwelder

#4. I made a circular motion with my finger around my temple to indicate I thought this guy was crazy, forgetting that there was no one in the room to see this circular motion except him. He saw it and frowned.

John Swartzwelder

#5. If you can take advantage of a situation in some way, it's your duty as an American to do it.

John Swartzwelder

#6. They can kill the Kennedys. Why can't they make a cup of coffee that tastes good?

John Swartzwelder

#7. I'm 190 pounds of rock hard muscle, underneath 40 pounds of sturdy protective fat.

John Swartzwelder

#8. As my exciting story began I was being punched in the stomach.

John Swartzwelder

#9. I try to maintain a positive attitude at all times, because clients notice little things like that, and if you're frowning and crying all the time and saying "why? why?", they get worried.

John Swartzwelder