Top 100 Quotes About Work Humor
#1. In my own work, humor is necessary, for the reasons stated above, but also because forbidding your characters silliness, absurdity, irony, and vulgarity forbids them aspects of the human experience every bit as universal as sorrow.
Anthony Marra
#2. Smack me if we ever get that awful."
"But I smack you so often," she said, "how will you know that's what I'm smacking you for?"
"We shall work out a smacking code.
Gina Damico
#4. We have to work extra hard, because we in America are very ethnocentric
we think our culture is superior. Why's that? It's because we've got moon rocks, and nobody else has moon rocks.
Dick Couch
#5. I probably shouldn't even be out here this early by myself, but it's the only only way I can get to work and I have to work mornings because this is the only shift I can get at the only job I can get.
Catherine Clark
#6. Capitalism tries for a delicate balance: It attempts to work things out so that everyone gets just enough stuff to keep them from getting violent and trying to take other people's stuff.
George Carlin
#7. The whole of life is just like watching a film. Only it's as though you always get in ten minutes after the big picture has started, and no-one will tell you the plot, so you have to work it out all yourself from the clues.
Terry Pratchett
#8. When all else fails ... try smoking a good cigar and have a stiff drink. If that doesn't work ... have another.
Timothy Pina
#9. Your sense of humor needs some work, then,' Wesley suggested. 'Most girls find my jokes charming.'
'Those girls must have IQs low enough to trip over.
Kody Keplinger
#10. A great many people have come up to me and asked how I manage to get so much work done and still keep looking so dissipated.
Robert Benchley
#11. When I was younger I used to think that band-aids did all the work. I mean after all, it binds your wound together and makes everything better back to the way it was. But then I became an adult and started to fall in love,fvi and I realize that band-aids are so overrated lol.
Onee'sha Ford
#12. I always had to rely on humor and sarcasm. And when I started having kids, that doesn't work with kids. Kids don't understand sarcasm, and they certainly don't understand my humor.
Kurt Fuller
#13. A bit of sniffles and men are more work than a brood of babies.
Nora Roberts
#14. My parents are in many ways embodiments of the American Dream. They came to this country with basically nothing but the clothes on their backs, and after twenty years of hard work, sweat, and sacrifice, they were getting divorced, totally broke, and deep in therapy.
David Henry Sterry
#15. And this is my solemn pledge: I will work to build a single nation of justice and opportunity. I know this is in our reach because we are guided by a power larger than ourselves who creates us equal in His image.
George W. Bush
#16. I'm a great admirer of Primo Levi's work. It's always mind-boggling, the idea of how much pain people can endure and still come back from the edge with a sense of humor, with this tremendous animal desire we have to get on with life.
Allan Gurganus
#17. Racing cars which have been converted for road use never really work. It's like making a hard core adult film, and then editing it so that it can be shown in British hotels. You'd just end up with a sort of half hour close up of some bloke's sweaty face.
Jeremy Clarkson
#18. He's always checking out your arse."
Kevin's laugh died on it's way up his throat. "Are you serious? Shit, I need to work on my gaydar."
"No, you don't." Cedric folded his arms over his chest. "I'm gay and I want you. That's all you need to know.
Taylor V. Donovan
#19. Terry loved candlelight dinners and red wine. It was a nice contrast from work.
And killing people.
Jonas Eriksson
#20. Gwen: It's not going to work.
Paul: Pardon me?
Gwen: Cinderella's not going to sleep with you because you're taking the ugly stepsister to the ball. She'll still make you wait.
Jo Leigh
#21. It was a well-known fact that Lorna was leaving in six months' time, since Lorna had been leaving in six months' time for close to twenty-five years.
Danielle Wood
#22. A sure way to start your own business is to stay out of everyone else's.
Kathy McClary
#23. Do you work for Starbox? If so, I can't say I dig your new marketing strategy.
Jonathan Maberry
#24. I manage through a sense of humor. We all work hard, and work has to be a really interesting, fun place. And that has to start at the top.
Carol Bartz
#25. There is no one who has ever created music with the combination of intelligence, intuition, depth, creativity, and humor that Jerry Garcia has. His work and life will continue to be a limitless source of inspiration for all of us.
Bruce Hornsby
#26. If you were to gather all the minutes wasted on insignificant, immaterial yik yak spent throughout the day and add them up, how much misspent time do you think you'd have? One hour? Two hours? Consider the sunk cost on that. It's unacceptable. One minute wasted is one minute too much.
Ari Gold
#27. I don't know how breeder marriages ever work, since the wife never seems to understand.
Andrea Speed
#28. You're not doing a good job of selling me this dumb fantasy. I'm not climbing into the back of your van if I have to be Robin. I'm Batman. That's how these things work.
John Kerry
#29. The President has a wonderful sense of humor, which is one of the reasons it is so much fun to work for him.
Karen Hughes
#30. On my way to the parking lot, in quick succession, I saw students wearing t-shirts which read, "Save the whales. Collect the whole set," "Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now," and "Half the people you know are below average." Typical for the Eastern student body.
Neil S. Plakcy
#31. Martin: Yes, I'd like to go home and do some work. I'm writing a novel about women from the women's point of view.
Caryl Churchill
#32. I like work: it fascinates me. I can sit and look at it for hours.
Jerome K. Jerome
#33. Intelligence is the ability to avoid doing work, yet getting the work done.
Linus Torvalds
#34. Australia is filled with roundabouts and everyone drives on the wrong side of the road. In the end we decided to split up the work and I feverishly watched the GPS and yelled, Left! Right! ROUNDABOUT!
Jenny Lawson
#35. The spells are made up. I have met people who assure me, very seriously, that they are trying to do them, and I can assure them, just as seriously, that they don't work.
J.K. Rowling
#36. Writer's block' is just a fancy way of saying 'I don't feel like doing any work today.
Meagan Spooner
#37. I wish there were more humor in my work than I see in it.
Jasper Johns
#38. Hash, x. There is no definition for this word - nobody knows what hash is.
Famous, adj. Conspicuously miserable.
Dictionary, n. A malevolent literary device for cramping the growth of a language and making it hard and inelastic. This dictionary, however, is a most useful work.
Ambrose Bierce
#39. One day I'll work out what it is you are saying, my lad, and then you'll be in trouble.
Terry Pratchett
#40. If wishes were horses, paupers would ride. If the queen had balls, she'd be king. If I didn't have to WORK, I'd write stories all day.
Suki Michelle
#41. And you think that's going to work?" Dink, dink, dink, dink. "Oh, shut up." Gemma turned and went into the bathroom as he tried not to gloat.
"What?" Dink. "I didn't say a thing." Dink. And with that, he failed to not gloat.
Kathleen Brooks
#42. If you do the job badly enough, sometimes you don't get asked to do it again.
Bill Watterson
#44. No sense in being pessimistic. It wouldn't work anyway.
Cathie Linz
#45. Claire to Tony: I know you enjoy coffee, I'd offer you some. But, the last time I got you coffee, it didn't work out so well for me.
Aleatha Romig
#46. Work consists of whatever a body is obliged to do.
Play consists of whatever a body is not obliged to do.
Mark Twain
#47. Most books on witchcraft will tell you that witches work naked. This is because most books on witchcraft were written by men.
Neil Gaiman
#48. To me you are a work of art, and I would give you my heart - that's if I had one.
Morrissey
#49. Now that I thought of it, perhaps whacking the burglar wasn't quite ... necessary.
It occurred to me that he said "Hi." I thought he did, anyway. He said hi. Do burglars usually
greet their victims? Hi. I'd like to rob your house. Does that work for you?
Kristan Higgins
#50. WARD: I'll be home in time for dinner, honey.
JUNE: Alright - I'm pregnant - Have a fine day at work, dear.
WARD exits ... WARD reenters.
JUNE: Did you forget something, dear?
WARD: What did you say?
JUNE: I asked if you'd forgotten anything -
Benjamin R. Smith
#51. There's more to this amazing body than awe-inspiring abs. I have a pair of ears, too, and they happen to work superbly.
Kody Keplinger
#52. Ethan: "Abstaining definitely doesn't work."
Beth: "what do you suggest?"
Ethan: "We're obviously going to have to make love often, but keep the encounters from getting too intense." He sounded perfectly serious, like he really believed what he was saying.
Lucy Monroe
#54. Nobody knows anything ... Not one person in the entire motion picture field knows for a certainty what's going to work. Every time out it's a guess and, if you're lucky, an educated one.
William Goldman
#55. It's continuously humbling to work hard, you know? As long as you've got a good work ethic and a sense of humor, I don't think anybody can become too much of an egoist under those circumstances.
Rachael Ray
#56. There is something sinister about putting a leprechaun in a workhouse. The only solid comfort is that he certainly will not work.
G.K. Chesterton
#57. If a couple has their picture taken at a wedding or other social gathering, and the woman looks hot, her guy could be blinking, chewing, or even mid-sneeze, and she'll still display it on her desk at work.
Brian P. Cleary
#58. Humor's always been the problem of my work, hasn't it? When working, I feel satisfied when I surprise myself. And when I surprise myself, I wind up laughing.
Kara Walker
#59. Lots of people in history have only done their jobs and look at the trouble they caused
Terry Pratchett
#60. Indeed I have always been of the opinion that hard work is simply the refuge of people who have nothing to do.
Oscar Wilde
#61. I never took the work less than serious, my work ethic is ingrained in me. But I've always had a sense of humor about myself.
George Hamilton
#62. In the household in which I was raised, the themes were pretty simple. 'Work hard. Don't quit. Be appreciative, be thankful, be grateful, be respectful. Also, never whine, never complain. And always, for crying out loud, keep a sense of humor.'
Michael Keaton
#63. I hired you for your attitude, and so far I'm pretty happy with my decision. But I'm not sure I can work with you until I've fucked this attraction out of my system.
J.C. Reed
#64. I like to think my sense of humor is sort of smart and dumb at the same time. I like to work on multiple levels - smart and dumb, funny and sad, profound and mundane, cynical and hopeful.
Robert Lopez
#65. Tam considers me a challenge. I consider Tam a work in progress. I also think there's a gentleman lurking under that calculating exterior. Tam thinks 'gentleman' is a dirty word. I talk dirty to Tam every chance I get.
Lisa Shearin
#66. Heavens," said Galdo in a deep, dramatic voice, "only one man living could have squeezed forth such a gleaming brown jewel
this is the work of Squatting Calo, the Midnight Shitter!
Scott Lynch
#67. Why do you work so hard to make yourself disliked? I should think you'd find it happens enough on its own without putting yourself to any extra trouble.
Steven Brust
#68. Not everyone can look past an insult and continue to work with the person who slights them
Jean Johnson
#69. They were strong singers, with swift minds and open good humor--arrogant enough to think they could stand on a stage and dogged enough to have done the work to get there.
Vivien Shotwell
#70. You girls need to work on your fucking happy noises," Ryke says angrily. "They shouldn't sound like someone is being assaulted.
Krista Ritchie
#71. I despise Wednesdays! They are the Marquis de Sade of the work week. Wednesday are so awful that...wait..what? It's Thurs? (face-palm)
L.G.A. McIntyre
#72. Whiskey grunted. By his count, he and Patrick had six days to go before he hauled the kid out by his ear on field work and let Fly Bait plan the destruction of all testosterone-based land mammals on general principal.
Amy Lane
#74. Computers are heaven-sent when they work and hell-spawn when they don't.
There's just not much middle ground when it comes to technology.
Dani Harper
#75. Last hopeless chances have got to work. Nothing makes sense otherwise. You might as well not be alive.
Terry Pratchett
#76. Don't worry, I'm not quitting. I've decided I'm going to stay and
make his life a living hell while I run his business into the ground.
Kim to Abe
Devon Rhodes
#77. It is awfully hard work doing nothing. However, I don't mind hard work where there is no definite object of any kind. -Algernon
Oscar Wilde
#78. He cut short my request for something to eat, snapping out, "I don't believe you want to work."
Now this was irrelevant. I hadn't said anything about work. The topic of conversation I had introduced was "food." In fact, I didn't want to work. I wanted to take the westbound overland that night.
Jack London
#79. Unless you're in an early seventies-era Eagles cover band, a founding member of a religious cult, or sleeping under a bridge in Seattle, lose the beard and get a haircut. Power doesn't have time for any form of hirsute hipster self expression.
Ari Gold
#80. The sun doesn't live in England; it comes here on holiday when we're all at work.
Benny Bellamacina
#83. As I pressed the doorbell button it popped off the wall and hung by two colored cords. Obviously it didn't work, so I knocked.
Elle Klass
#84. And there is distrust in Washington. I am surprised, frankly, at the amount of distrust that exists in this town. And I'm sorry it's the case, and I'll work hard to try to elevate it.
George W. Bush
#85. I have been studying the principles of socialism deeply of late, and I came to the conclusion that I must join the cause. It looked good to me. You work for the equal distribution of property and start in by swiping all you can and sitting on it. Ah, noble scheme! Me for it!
P.G. Wodehouse
#86. I'm married, honey. My social life consists of work, church, taxiing the kids around and trying to schedule sex with my husband at least once a month.
Marilyn Pappano
#87. Sometimes I'll be sitting with my friends; I'll say something Koothrappali-esque and make a face. There is a lot of Koothrappali in me as a human being. A lot of mannerism, humor, mischievousness, my innocence. So I don't know if I bring him home so much as I bring myself to him at work.
Kunal Nayyar
#88. Gentlemen do not work. Since I do not work, therefore I must be a gentleman.
Mary Jo Putney
#89. Nathan nods. "Have a good time. Don't do anything I wouldn't do." I hear Andy as I'm walking out the front door. "Honey, that threat doesn't work when you're gay.
Stephanie Perkins
#90. I like men who have goals, something that they are passionate about and work hard to achieve. A good sense of humor is important too. And I like tall guys!
Ana Ivanovic
#91. Llarimar had told him to do his best. That sounded like an awful lot of work. Unfortunately, doing nothing was beginning to seem like even MORE work.
Brandon Sanderson
#92. If you feel that you can solve others problems, then please, work little more on your own problems and solve them first.
Honeya
#93. I do not like work even when someone else is doing it.
Mark Twain
#94. This is why we work together," he said. "We're different, but harmonious".
Olivia Cunning
#95. With reporting, if you work hard, you can usually pull something out. But writing humor doesn't respond to working hard, necessarily. I mean, you could just sit there and look at the page all day and maybe something will come.
Ian Frazier
#96. I push him off, sit up an start puttin my clothes to rights. He's made a heroic effort to undress me.
You work fast, I says.
Yer a moving target, I hafts. Here, he says, lemme help.
I button, he unbuttons. I tuck, he untucks.
I slap his hand. I'll do it myself, I says.
Moira Young
#97. Sally laughed. "When you first told me you were interested in Decebel, I honestly thought that there was no way you two would ever work. But man, you are both such freaks, I honestly don't think anyone else could put up with either of you."
"Or keep up with us." Jen winked.
Quinn Loftis
#98. Some people see things that are and ask, Why?
Some people dream of things that never were and ask, Why not?
Some people have to go to work and don't have time for all that.
George Carlin
#99. He inherited some good instincts from his Quaker forebearers, but by diligent hard work, he overcame them.
James Reston Jr.
#100. Uh, yeah - how about a warm hell no to that request? Does that work for you? Because it works for me.
Tahereh Mafi
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