Top 100 Quotes About Sarcasm
#1. Sam gave Captain Suicide a droll stare. How did you die again? Oh wait, I know this. 'I can take 'em. I don't need to wait for reinforcements. I can do it myself.' How'd that work out for you again?
Sherrilyn Kenyon
#2. Janice rolled her eyes. First, the doctor had ogled her, and now Karr was leering at her and licking his lips lasciviously.
Oh this is great. I'm being mentally undressed by a space pirate.
William L. Lavell
#4. You might as well laugh at yourself,
everyone else is.
B.J. Neblett
#5. I swear to God, if GreatReads doesn't stop sending me these notification emails...how many times do I have to turn them off?
Melanie Marchande
#6. Well, I'd certainly hate to interrupt your pleasant night stroll with my sudden death."
He blinked. "There is a fine line between sarcasm and outright hostility, and you seem to have crossed it. What's up?
Cassandra Clare
#7. The sarcastic little know-it-all needs help, does he?
John Flanagan
#8. He was impugning my virtue. I ought to have been offended, but for some reason the idea tickled me. That could be my next career: instrument of torture! Seducing prisoners, and then revealing my dragon scales! They would confess out of sheer horror.
Rachel Hartman
#9. If you have to explain your sense of humor, then you are performing for the wrong crowd.
Shannon L. Alder
#10. How'd you get through yesterday, though?"
"Running away, you, sarcasm, violence, and last but not least, tequila.
Kylie Scott
#11. The National Rifle Association says, 'Guns don't kill people. People do'. But I think the gun helps.
Eddie Izzard
#12. I think you want a little unofficial help. Three undetected murders in one year won't do, Lestrade. But you handled the Molesey Mystery with less than your usual - that's to say, you handled it fairly well.
Arthur Conan Doyle
#13. She thinks you're stalking me."
"Why the hell would I do that? I see too much of your ugly mug as it is.
Margaret Watson
#14. Women KNOW, we just know. Even if we didn't know, we would know. Men won't get this, but women will..because we KNOW
Karen Gibbs
#15. You'll pardon me," said Beatrice, "if I fail to appreciate sarcasm and all the other brilliant nuances of your no doubt famous wit, Mr. Constant[ ... ]
Kurt Vonnegut
#17. Some of us are looking at the stars, but all of us are living in the gutter.
Vann Chow
#18. Until you finally lose the strength for sarcasm, Locke, I wouldn't hire any mourners.
Scott Lynch
#19. Optimism: That effervescent, blindingly- bright, perky, chipper, twittering quality you want to squash out of annoying people.
Richelle E. Goodrich
#20. You listen to any monologue on late-night TV or just in general, to people talking, and there's always a joke at someone's expense. It's sarcasm; it's nasty. Kids grow up hearing that, and they think that's what humor is, and they think it's OK. But that negativity permeates the entire planet.
Ellen DeGeneres
#21. I believe sarcasm is the passive form of rudeness and should not be tolerated in the Body of Christ.
Sean Feucht
#22. I - though forced through lack of space to assume the form of a stoic guinea pig crouched between the girl's shoe and the glove compartment - was my usual dignified self.
Jonathan Stroud
#23. The sun came out the next day, which it had no right to do.
Maggie Hall
#24. The sky was of the deepest blue, with a few white, fleecy clouds drifting lazily across it, and the air was filled with the low drone of insects or with a sudden sharper note as bee or bluefly shot past with its quivering, long-drawn hum, like an insect tuning-fork.
Arthur Conan Doyle
#25. When all else fails ... try smoking a good cigar and have a stiff drink. If that doesn't work ... have another.
Timothy Pina
#26. Listen, Peaches, trickery is what humans are all about," said the voice of Maurice. "They're so keen on tricking one another all the time that they elect governments to do it for them.
Terry Pratchett
#27. Yeah, and we could fly in on dragons and release a cloud of sugar plum fairies to tiptoe in an get the watch.
Mora Early
#28. I always had to rely on humor and sarcasm. And when I started having kids, that doesn't work with kids. Kids don't understand sarcasm, and they certainly don't understand my humor.
Kurt Fuller
#29. Just remember that you're on my list, Marcone. Soon as I get done with all the other evils in this town, you won't be the lesser of them anymore."
Marcone stared at me with half-lidded eyes and said, "Eek.
Jim Butcher
#30. - Why did blondes vote for Clinton?
- They didn't know how to read and thought she can make their life hilarious!
Bryanna Reid
#31. Varyk's deadly gaze turned brittle. 'You really don't want to take that tone with me.' Dev crossed his arms over his chest. 'Well, I do have several others we can choose from. Contemptuous. Angry. Snide. Aggravated. How about I just settle on extreme sarcasm and we call it even?
Sherrilyn Kenyon
#32. [about a hat]
You can put it on and say, Hey you, person without a hat! I've got something you don't! How did I get it? Probably by being worth more to society.
Alice LeGrow
#33. Out of the unconscious lips of babes and sucklings are we satirized.
Mark Twain
#34. What could I possibly be mad about?' The sarcasm was thick enough to eat with a spoon.
Laurell K. Hamilton
#35. That's the spirit! Make it chicken broth or nothing. That's putting the old foot down. If she's determined to have a nervous breakdown, the least we can do is see that she doesn't have it in peace.
J.D. Salinger
#36. I thought the line 'I am the daughter of the former governor of Alaska' was very funny. I think the word is 'sarcasm.' In my family we think laughing is good. My parents raised me to have a sense of humor and to live a normal life.
Andrea Fay Friedman
#37. While the Clave disapproves of trespassers, oddly they take an even darker view of beheading and skinning people. They're peculiar that way.
Cassandra Clare
#38. It's easy to make women happier and busier. How? Buy her a talking mirror beside bitching it has to be programmed to say, "You are looking very beautiful and slimmer," at precisely every hour.
Megha Khare
#39. So, I bought a new CD and I was trying to get it open but couldn't with all the layers ... I mean plastic and then tape, and the tape is like government tape. It says 'open here.' Is that sarcasm?
Ellen DeGeneres
#40. A painting is worth a thousand confused art-gallery visitors.
Ljupka Cvetanova
#41. Well, sir, let us do what we can to curtail this visit, which can hardly be agreeable to you, and is inexpressibly irksome to me.
Arthur Conan Doyle
#42. That's one way we differ, Jaime and I. He's taller as well, you may have noticed.
George R R Martin
#43. She was a sarcastic bitch and when she was pissed off the sarcasm took on a life of it's own.
Suzanne Wrightt
#44. Miss Prendregast!" He rapped on his desk with his knuckles. "You were never in any danger!"
"Except from the wild animals."
His lids swept down as if he needed a reprieve from looking at her. "Alert me if you're attacked by a rabbit.
Christina Dodd
#45. Well after that testosterone-shattering experience, I have no more dignity to worry about. Ever. Anyone have a cushion I can sit on? A really big fluffy one? Hell, let's even make it pale pink with bows on it just for good measure.
Sherrilyn Kenyon
#46. My heart applauds inside my ears, first like a roaring crowd, then slows and slows until it's a solitary person, clapping with unbridled sarcasm.
Clap. Clap.
Clap.
Well done, Ed.
Well given up.
Markus Zusak
#47. What are we doing tonight, Spock?' Luca grinned at Jacob.
'Apparently, he's going to New Zealand,' Ellen replied with heavy sarcasm.
'New Zealand?'
'It's code for Outer Space.
Sharon Sant
#48. I got an 'A' in Business Marketing in college!- as if that means a goddamn thing in the real world ...
Whitney Gracia Williams
#50. You're sure you didn't leave? Didn't try to explore Thunder Bay again, maybe go down to the park and, I don't know, dismember some poor jogger?
Kendare Blake
#51. Child-- "I can't be patient, that's not a word, so don't even say it mommy."
Mommy-- "What?
Mel Brown
#52. She washed he hands,then looked at my side. "you haven't even had it stitched?" She said incredulously.
"I've been rather busy," I said. "With the running like hell and hiding all night.
Patrick Rothfuss
#53. Marriage is always something of a compromise, as I'm sure you're now aware. Any long-term relationship is - and one does have to see it in the long term, Charles. No, I expect your mother and myself will never divorce. It's uneconomic and, at my age, usually unnecessary.
Martin Amis
#54. Should I pull on a shirt?" he asked with hint of amusement. I WILL NOT BLUSH. "No." He'd be doing the world a favor if he never wore a shirt again, but I wasn't going to tell him that part. "You're fine.
Gena Showalter
#56. I had no shoes, and I felt sorry for myself until I met a man who had no feet. I took his shoes. Now I feel better.
George Carlin
#57. Sarcasm is such an unattractive quality in anyone but me.
Samantha Young
#58. You couldn't find your dick in the dark, you scheming, sleaze-mongering scumwad.
Nenia Campbell
#59. Are you a house-wife, Mrs Silvers?' he asked. 'What would you recommend for getting burger relish out of a white shirt?'
The seething woman cranked the venom-level of her gaze up to eleven, and Raven smiled pleasantly back.
A. Ashley Straker
#60. Summing up: Be agreeable, be sympathetic, be loving, be compassionate, be humble. That goes for all of you, no exceptions. No retaliation. No sharp-tongued sarcasm. Instead, bless - that's your job, to bless.
Eugene H. Peterson
#61. You are such a kind and caring man, and so sizzling hot and studly. Please, please don't go nutty on me.
Nicki Elson
#62. The Amulet of Samarkand. It was Simon Lovelace's. Now it is yours. Soon it will be Simon Lovelace's again. Take it and enjoy the consequences.
Jonathan Stroud
#63. Double Sword Tavern." Tristan said, reading out loud. "Sounds charming and inviting.
B.C. Morin
#64. Playful, positive sarcasm is different from negative mean sarcasm, and many people don't know the difference.
Bryant McGill
#65. I will take all my rights! Can you deliver them to my house?
Ljupka Cvetanova
#66. Satan impregnated my mother one lovely spring morning. We didn't have the heart to tell my father.
Holly Hood
#68. That's great," Katie said. "Actually, it's revolutionary. If you can work and be in love at the same time, you're the first woman I ever knew that could. Maybe you're the missing link, Amanda."
Maybe you ought to get a job for the 'Ladies Home Journal.' They like simplistic shit like that.
Ellen Gilchrist
#69. Puns are just another form of sarcasm, which may or may not make you - smile, giggle, or laugh.
Aniruddha Sastikar
#70. What happened?" he demanded. "I heard an explosion!"
"Yeah.That was me. I set the boat alight."
"What?"
"I set fire to the boat."
"But we're on the boat!"
"I know.
Anthony Horowitz
#71. Your sarcasm is unwelcome here, Horseman," the Crowfather rasped at him. "Pity. It seems determined to follow me everywhere.
Ari Marmell
#72. What? You mean this crap shack isn't part of the Four Seasons. Shocking.
Ashley Elston
#73. Buy Fable! the book that rejuvenates your soul! makes your belly belly-laugh! turns your cares to dust! ... likewise your moods, woes an wounds! ... turns everything rosy, deflates spleen and bile! pocondria! not just any old work! not just any old words! Fable!
You gotta be categorical.
Louis-Ferdinand Celine
#74. Your quick 'no' is because I refused to say 'yes' to sex. They say men think with their dicks. I hope you do not run Easton with your -
Avery Aster
#75. You're Professor Mills? The new one who teaches history?
As opposed to the old Professor Mills who preached overthrow of the government?
Josh Lanyon
#76. My tone must have seemed hostile, even though I wasn't angry or offended; there was just a touch of sarcasm. He tried to respond but he did so in an awkward, muddled way, half in dialect, half in Italian. He said he was sure that his mother was wandering around Naples as usual.
Elena Ferrante
#77. Life has a whimsical way of kicking you in the throat. I find it to
be one huge cosmic joke at our expense, only nobody is laughing
but the forces that be - given that they are even a wee bit human.
Lori Goldson
#78. ... believing sarcasm and rude remarks kept the monsters at bay. They didn't.
Louise Penny
#79. One day I'll work out what it is you are saying, my lad, and then you'll be in trouble.
Terry Pratchett
#80. As if I'd had time to drug it in the two milliseconds she'd let me out of her sight.
Nenia Campbell
#81. It's a plastic surgeon you need, not a doctor
John Cleese
#82. Satire must not be a kind of superfluous ill will, but ill will from a higher point of view. Ridiculous man, divine God. Or else, hatred against the bogged-down vileness of average man as against the possible heights that humanity might attain.
Paul Klee
#83. Sarcasm is the lowest form of wit.
E.L. James
#84. What--has O-Tar seen an ulsio and fainted?" demanded I-Gos with broad sarcasm.
"Men have died for less than that, ancient one," E-Thas reminded him.
"I am safe," retorted I-Gos, "for I am not a brave and popular son of the jeddak of Manator.
Edgar Rice Burroughs
#85. I couldn't hack it in Hollywood, my writing's wasn't bad enough.
Russ Lippitt
#86. That's the difference between irony and sarcasm. Irony can be spontaneous, while sarcasm requires volition. You have to create sarcasm.
Christopher Moore
#87. Minho snickered and leaned back in his chair. Man, you are one butt-load of sunshine, let me tell you.
James Dashner
#88. While Daniel disappeared into his room, probably to limn the contours of some exquisite constellation of philosophical nonsense for his internship applications and gasp in the throes of his overachieving OCDness.
Michelle Hodkin
#89. I don't believe this. This is utter shit!" I yelled.
"Does it look like I'm lying?" Steven asked.
I rolled my eyes at his incredibly stupid question, "I don't know. Let me look at you with my x-ray vision to see through this stupid blindfold and I'll get back to you.
Sara Massa
#90. Then the small man suddenly ran after them and said:
"I want to get my haircut. I say, do you know a little shop anywhere where they cut hair properly? I keep on having my hair cut, but it keeps on growing again."
One of the tall men looked at him with the air of a pained naturalist.
G.K. Chesterton
#91. It's weird, marriage. It's like this license that gives a person the legal right to control their spouse / their 'other half.
Jess C. Scott
#92. I don't want to be here when my latest work of accidental art is discovered.
Becca Fitzpatrick
#93. There were so many viciously sarcastic ways to respond, Jaden's brain was temporarily paralyzed due to witty comeback overload.
Courtney Kirchoff
#94. The way you walked away
The way you stopped and waited
All that time
What was in your heart?
A laugh?
A sarcasm?
Couldn't we be lovers?
Though we have never walked together
Shasika Amali Munasinghe
#95. 1. Do what you say you're gonna do
2. Show up!
3. Give genuine praise whenever you can
4. Never say sorry when you don't mean it
5. Never use sarcasm in email (and use the corny ass emoticons)
Matthew Lasar
#96. My dominant (no pun intended) discourse seems to be needy as fuck.
Alexis Hall
#97. You're stubborn- anyone ever tell you that before?
Carrie Ryan
#98. I'm not bipolar, I've just had a bipolar life foisted upon me.
Daniel O'Malley
#99. It's wildly irritating to have invented something as revolutionary as sarcasm, only to have it abused by amateurs.
Christopher Moore
#100. Look at what you've done,' Sanguine said, shaking his head with mock severity. 'You have foiled out insidious little plot. You have emerged triumphant and victorious. Curse you, do-gooders. Curse you.
Derek Landy
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