Top 100 My Sarcasm Quotes
#1. You'll make a sucky father someday," I tell him with a smile. "I feel sorry for the kid that doesn't get to burst into light to get out of your house."
He chokes out a laugh. "Is it my sarcasm?"
"Definitely. And that obnoxious accent.
Suzanne Young
#2. A lot of people think my sarcasm comes from insecurity and defensiveness, but I assure you I'm just being petty and cruel.
Dana Gould
#3. He didn't hold the door open, instead letting it fly back and knock me in the face.
"Thanks," I muttered, rubbing my nose.
"You're welcome," he said, my sarcasm lost on him as always.
A Meredith Walters
#4. Sometimes when things get too real, my sarcasm takes over
Colleen Hoover
#5. Where are you supposed to stay?" He ground out ...
"Hendrix, are you kidding me?"
"By me, Reagan. Always, by me," he answered, ignoring my sarcasm.
Rachel Higginson
#6. I wanted to come clean many times. I wanted to admit my jealousy, to confess my sarcasm and endless anger, to put all my cards on the table and say the word. But no I'm not that kind, I love deeply; innocently but alone, and my unrequited love will haunt me, forever ...
Invisible Sam
#7. Captain? It's ... it isn't dark. I can see just fine." He frowned in confusion and, after a moment, worry. His jaw flexed. "Please tell me you're practicing your sarcasm." "My sarcasm? Why would I do that?" Shaking
Marissa Meyer
#8. Well, I'd certainly hate to interrupt your pleasant night stroll with my sudden death."
He blinked. "There is a fine line between sarcasm and outright hostility, and you seem to have crossed it. What's up?
Cassandra Clare
#9. He was impugning my virtue. I ought to have been offended, but for some reason the idea tickled me. That could be my next career: instrument of torture! Seducing prisoners, and then revealing my dragon scales! They would confess out of sheer horror.
Rachel Hartman
#10. I - though forced through lack of space to assume the form of a stoic guinea pig crouched between the girl's shoe and the glove compartment - was my usual dignified self.
Jonathan Stroud
#11. I always had to rely on humor and sarcasm. And when I started having kids, that doesn't work with kids. Kids don't understand sarcasm, and they certainly don't understand my humor.
Kurt Fuller
#12. Just remember that you're on my list, Marcone. Soon as I get done with all the other evils in this town, you won't be the lesser of them anymore."
Marcone stared at me with half-lidded eyes and said, "Eek.
Jim Butcher
#13. I thought the line 'I am the daughter of the former governor of Alaska' was very funny. I think the word is 'sarcasm.' In my family we think laughing is good. My parents raised me to have a sense of humor and to live a normal life.
Andrea Fay Friedman
#14. My heart applauds inside my ears, first like a roaring crowd, then slows and slows until it's a solitary person, clapping with unbridled sarcasm.
Clap. Clap.
Clap.
Well done, Ed.
Well given up.
Markus Zusak
#15. She washed he hands,then looked at my side. "you haven't even had it stitched?" She said incredulously.
"I've been rather busy," I said. "With the running like hell and hiding all night.
Patrick Rothfuss
#16. Marriage is always something of a compromise, as I'm sure you're now aware. Any long-term relationship is - and one does have to see it in the long term, Charles. No, I expect your mother and myself will never divorce. It's uneconomic and, at my age, usually unnecessary.
Martin Amis
#17. I will take all my rights! Can you deliver them to my house?
Ljupka Cvetanova
#18. Satan impregnated my mother one lovely spring morning. We didn't have the heart to tell my father.
Holly Hood
#19. My tone must have seemed hostile, even though I wasn't angry or offended; there was just a touch of sarcasm. He tried to respond but he did so in an awkward, muddled way, half in dialect, half in Italian. He said he was sure that his mother was wandering around Naples as usual.
Elena Ferrante
#20. One day I'll work out what it is you are saying, my lad, and then you'll be in trouble.
Terry Pratchett
#21. I couldn't hack it in Hollywood, my writing's wasn't bad enough.
Russ Lippitt
#22. I don't believe this. This is utter shit!" I yelled.
"Does it look like I'm lying?" Steven asked.
I rolled my eyes at his incredibly stupid question, "I don't know. Let me look at you with my x-ray vision to see through this stupid blindfold and I'll get back to you.
Sara Massa
#23. Then the small man suddenly ran after them and said:
"I want to get my haircut. I say, do you know a little shop anywhere where they cut hair properly? I keep on having my hair cut, but it keeps on growing again."
One of the tall men looked at him with the air of a pained naturalist.
G.K. Chesterton
#24. I don't want to be here when my latest work of accidental art is discovered.
Becca Fitzpatrick
#25. My dominant (no pun intended) discourse seems to be needy as fuck.
Alexis Hall
#26. Silverstream: You idiot!!! What are you doing in my territory???
Graystripe: ... Drowning?
Silverstream: Can't you do that in your own territory?
Graystripe: Ah, but who would rescue me there?
Erin Hunter
#27. I admire all my three sons-in-law highly. Wickham, perhaps is my favourite; but I think I shall like your husband quite as well as Jane's.
Jane Austen
#28. I could feel the heat rising in my cheeks. 'We spent one night together.'
'You had sex then?'
'No we crocheted a quilt.' I cocked my head to side and gave him my nastiest glare. Lorelei Preston to Agent Brody-The Wild Hunt
Ashley Jeffery
#29. Sometimes Americans don't quite get my sense of humor. My good ol' British sarcasm seems to go over their heads.
Lee Westwood
#30. As I said, this was my sarcastic summer. It was only long after that I recognized sarcasm as the protest of people who are weak.
John Knowles
#31. The cops got out of the car and came straight towards me. My first thought was, How hypocritical ... They head straight for the kid all in black ...
Bella Shadow
#32. She wished she had a set of greeting cards at the ready, but Hallmark probably didn't make any that said Thank you for giving up your life so that me and my friends could escape! It was SO appreciated. XOXO!
Gina Damico
#33. Oh no, Nick" Jaime said in tones of supremely unconvincing shock, "how could you? When my back was turned for one momement. And my food was so delicious.
Sarah Rees Brennan
#34. I wanted to say, with as much sarcasm as I could put into my voice, "Sir, your poem is both original and interesting, but the part that is interesting is not original, and the part that is original is not interesting." But all I said was, "Not bad, you need to work on it some more.
Helon Habila
#36. Could you please stop dripping your sarcasm all over my car's interior?
Robin Benway
#37. Gotta have my make up, in case I run into Joey and he wants to beat the shit out of me. Gotta look my best! Maybe he'll punch me repeatedly in the kidneys and the stomach so it doesn't mark up my face. He's so thoughtful!
George Carlin
#38. He wouldn't let her work. You know, he was controlling. Some men are like that.' He gives me a quick sideways smily. 'Really? A controlling man, surely a mythical creature?' I don't think I can squeeze any more sarcasm into my response.
E.L. James
#39. Carefully I opened my eyes and looked at him again. All his natural gifts were there in a blaze of light: the delicate but strong limbs, large sober brown eyes, and his mouth that for all the irony and sarcasm that could come out of it was childlike and ready to be kissed.
Anne Rice
#40. You were a well-respected agent, Michael, a rags-to-riches fairytale ending. Until you became disgraced. Now it appears your own organization wishes to be rid of you. Why is this?"
"My gun turned back into a pumpkin.
Nenia Campbell
#41. I try to smile at her, but I can't extend my flexibility training to my mouth, it just won't move.
Steph Campbell
#43. I forgot my purse of laughter when I dressed this mornin'," she told me. "Have you not bought anythin' the last few days? Prices have gone up. Pay or starve, it's all one to me.
Tamora Pierce
#44. I started rubbing my temples and she suggested I don't really get headaches. It just hurts me to think.
Kelley Armstrong
#45. It's like in most parts of America, where there was industry and there is no longer; there is cynicism mixed with sarcasm and some optimism. That's how my background influenced my comedy.
Jim Gaffigan
#47. Kaitlyn froze and then said in a low tone, "That'd better be your gun."
"Why yes, I always pack my gun where it'll blow my balls off."[Landon]
Patrice Michelle
#48. My brothers are both 6 ft. 5 in., and if you have younger brothers who are bigger than you then you have to learn the ancient martial art of sarcasm.
Nick Moran
#49. Turner didn't have to put up with this. He had enough trouble with George's sarcasm. He held his hand. "Keys please."
Her face fell. "Sorry. I sometimes speak without thinking. Well, not sometimes. Often. Never an unspoken thought, my dad used to say. And my mum. And my employers.
Barbara Elsborg
#50. I have a black belt in sarcasm, and my wit is like lightning.
N.R. Walker
#51. The bastard kissed her. She was so mad, she bit him hard enough to draw blood. Raphael pulled back, lip already beginning to swell. "We are no longer even, Elena. You're now in debt."
"You can deduct it from my slow and painful death.
Nalini Singh
#52. I've been a bad influence on you, Mr. Galloway. Less of the sarcasm, young man. Cynicism doesn't suit you," she said.
"I hardly think sarcasm is the worst thing you've brought into my life," he muttered.
Lauren James
#53. Your hand lingered on my butt to make sure I understood, right?"
"I did everything slow, so even someone with limited perceptive abilities could follow what I was doing.
Martyn V. Halm
#54. Oh, my! I'm so sorry, my lord!" I apologised, my voice coated with sarcasm. "As hardy as I am, it's just impossible to catch myself when I trip.
Cayla Kluver
#55. As I grabbed my cocoa, chocolate ran down my hand.
"This makes me feel like a five-year-old," I said, licking it off.
"If I ordered a sandwich at this place, do you think they'd cut the crusts off?
Mindi Scott
#56. For the first time, but certainly not the last, I began to believe that Arsenal's moods and fortunes somehow reflected my own
Nick Hornby
#57. I do." He was clearly amused by my disdain. "We have only been speaking for two minutes, Paige. Try not to waste all your sarcasm in one breath."
I wanted to kill him. As it happened, I couldn't.
Samantha Shannon
#58. As a general rule, I preferred not to have my soul reaped.
Rick Riordan
#59. As my laughter faded, he shot me an amused glance. "You should laugh more often. It's far less nauseating than your speaking voice."
"That may be the nicest thing you've ever said to me."
"Don't let it go to your head.
Cecily White
#60. My parents, grandparents, aunts and uncles were all funny, and I felt that energy, that delivery, that timing, that sarcasm. All that stuff seeped into my brain.
Jeff Ross
#61. Knock him out, Paris!'
'Sure. Want me to spew diamonds from my ass while I'm at it?
Gena Showalter
#62. Are you insinuatin' that my daughter is a liar?"
"Oh, no, not at all. I'm saying your daughter is a liar. Surely you can appreciate the difference.
Kami Garcia
#63. Judging from the unfamiliar number, I assumed the text came from Shannon. If not, I would see who came by my house at 4:30 and go with it. Maybe it would be Mr. Darcy coming to pick me up in an extravagant horse-drawn carriage, but I couldn't picture Mr. Darcy using a cell phone.
Michelle Madow
#64. In my youth, I was always one for the dramatic entrance. Now, in keeping with my character, I gravitate more toward the subtle and refined. Okay, with the occasional feathered serpent thrown in.
Jonathan Stroud
#65. They didn't have novels back then. (Tory) History says they didn't have books, yet what's this thing in my hand? It's square, bound paper that's been written on. Looks like a book to me. (Acheron) Thank you, Captain Sarcasm. How nice of you to join us again. (Tory)
Sherrilyn Kenyon
#66. Just so you know, I get incredibly bored quite easily and you will be forced to be my source of entertainment. You'll kind of be like my own personal jester."
I flipped him off.
"Well that wasn't funny at all.
Jennifer L. Armentrout
#67. All My Bitches Are Mad At Me Right Now.
Brad Pitt
#68. Someone walking past might think that he was being cruel, making fun of his young son. They would be missing the mark. It wasn't my ability to catch a ball that we were bonding over, it was my ability to catch his sarcasm.
Jack D. Ferraiolo
#69. I am often thought of as being remarkably bright, and yet my brains, more often than not, are busily devising new and interesting ways of bringing my enemies to sudden, gagging, writhing, agonizing death.
Alan Bradley
#70. How did you merit so much devotion so quickly?' I asked, making no attempt to keep the sarcasm from my voice.
'I show them Heaven', said she, without a trace of irony. 'People are so desperate for light'.
Rachel Hartman
#71. I wish there was some method to transform all the agony in my imprudent heart to an energy source. It would have lit up the world till eternity!!!
Alcatraz Dey
#72. My job is not to talk smack about anything. This is why I dislike strongly doing magazine articles: My personality does not translate to print. People don't read it as sarcasm, and it just comes off badly.
Sandra Bullock
#73. It's always a pleasure to see you," I told him, my voice dripping with sarcasm. "Remember, red lights are for quitters.
Molly Harper
#74. Your testing my patience here, duchess," he growled. "If you have any doubt about my ability to fuck the ever-loving sarcasm right out of you, I'll be more than happy to clear it up.
Tessa Bailey
#75. I don't know what it is about "magic happens"-stickers on cars but every time I see one I wanna get out my permanent marker and sneak over and write underneath it "so does cot death".
Tim Minchin
#76. By the time you were in your cradle," said Darcy, his voice laced with sarcasm, "I was already riding my first pony." "You
Jann Rowland
#77. Best to have only a few absolutely perfect trait - for example, my hair and eyes and sparkling personality - so you don't overwhelm.
Kiersten White
#78. Sascha nodded. "Want me to wait?"
"Do I want my mate to wait in a deserted forest while a dangerous Psy fugitive remains on the loose? Wait, let me think."
"Sarcasm does not suit you." She kissed him again, laughter in her eyes.
Nalini Singh
#79. Thomas: Is it [my brain] fixed?
Brenda: It worked, judging from the fact that you're not trying to kill us anymore ...
James Dashner
#80. Hey," he said.
"Hi." Oh, damn. It was awkward.
"What're you doing?"
"Shearing a sheep. It's cold outside, and I need a new hat."
He paused. "You're joking, right?"
"Yes, Marshall." I gnawed on my fingers some more and sunk back in my chair.
Chanelle Gray
#81. I don't want tea," said Clary, with muffled force. "I want to find my mother. And then I want to find out who took her in the first place, and I want to kill them."
"Unfortunately," said Hodge, "we're all out of bitter revenge at the moment, so it's either tea or nothing.
Cassandra Clare
#82. Thorn grunted and the metal control fell from his spasming fingers. It bounced across the dusty concrete and I stomped down as hard as I could. I felt more than heard the metallic crunch under my boot. Another irreplaceable artifact ruined, courtesy of Julia Reed.
Erica Lindquist
#83. I have no doubt that they'll tell you a lot of kind things about me when my back is turned. They may not have been behind the door when God passed out the pretty faces, but Heaven only knows where they were when He divided up the gratitude.
Kurt Vonnegut
#84. Sometimes I feel so sick at the state of the world I can't even finish my second apple pie.
Banksy
#85. In the meantime, I'll get a job. I'll pay my own way."
"A job?"
"Mmm, yeah. It's that thing people do to make money.
Kelley Armstrong
#86. As he pulls away from her, his gaze meets mine, and we stare at each other for one long moment before I slowly raise my left hand and give him the middle finger.
Deanna Chase
#87. My son Cooper has just turned ten and the sarcasm fairy has already started to take up residence inside his body. Not only am I living with my mother - again! - but I've also got her mini-me to contend with.
Melissa Rivers
#88. Coming into your powers can be a very confusing time. Perhaps there is a book on the subject. If you like, we can go see Marian.
Yeah, right. Choices and Changes. A Modern Girl's Guide to Casting. My Mom Wants to Kill Me: A Self-Help Book For Teens.
Kami Garcia
#89. I know that you're worried about me, but crushing my lungs isn't going to help anyone.
Sara Massa
#90. My heart swells," she mimicked. She snapped out of her caricature, and said sternly, "Woman don't like to be on the receiving end of sarcasm."
"They only like to give it," he drawled.
Julia Quinn
#91. To my astonishment I saw him standing at a table with Kitty Jones. It was the Kitty Jones bit that was astonishing. Not the table. Though it was very nicely polished.
Jonathan Stroud
#92. I was the sibling that kind of kept it all on a level when life at home got tough. I did it through comedy, sarcasm and distraction. All families are complicated, but my home life was glaringly uncomfortable much of the time, and it was me that took the onus.
Johnny Galecki
#93. Sarcasm is my sacred totem animal. I swear I wouldn't survive without it.
Anonymous
#94. Sarcasm doesn't appear to work on him. If that's true, I'm in trouble: It's my normal mode of communication.
Rick Yancey
#95. Oh. I get it now. God had Nader beat my ass and my mom leave my dad just so Jodi could learn how to chop onions and use a propane grill. Great. Awesome.
A.S. King
#96. And I know I'm sarcastic and defensive and I make a joke out of everything and am highly resistant to anything that reeks of sentimental corniness, but I'm giving you my heart anyway because being with you feels like home, and I know you won't break it.
Shauna Cross
#98. YES. BECAUSE THAT'S HOW I ROLL. LIKE A SUAVE THING. In fact, from here on, please forward my mail to 1 Suave Hill, Suave Boulevard, Suavieland, Planet of She's-So-Smooth-I-Can't-Believe-She's-Not-Butter.
Michele Jaffe
#99. Yeah, it's a kodak moment. Quick, take a picture.
Sarah scoffs. I stick my tongue out at her.
Annie Brewer
#100. Sketchy black van? Weird stalking of my house? What are you going to do next, offer me some candy?
Hannah Harrington
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