Top 100 Quotes About A Joke
#1. Oh definitely. It'll be in a hot tub, with my entire head squeezed into a jet. The photos are going to be hilarious. Man, I really hope the internet sticks around so people can reference this article in my obituaries and see that what sounds like a joke was actually amazingly prescient.
Jason Sudeikis
#2. Thought you were making a James Band Joke. Hard to tell with that accent
G. Norman Lippert
#3. Damn, Ty, I'm getting slizzard," Mel says, sending everyone into bouts of laughter. "Dumb ass, you don't have a G6. You can't get slizzard in a frickin' Prius," I joke with her. We all laugh again
Julie Prestsater
#4. When things get so absurd and so stupid and so ridiculous that you just can't bear it, you cannot help but turn everything into a joke.
David Byrne
#5. In Europe, they travel a lot lighter. I always joke that my Indonesian passengers bring their house and their neighbor's house.
Tony Fernandes
#6. I thought I could make a sarcastic joke about it. But it's based on my own struggle with how much to give, how much it's really helping or not, and how foolish or not I feel. Giving sometimes backfires ...
Nicole Holofcener
#7. It's hard talking about acting, in a way, because it's like explaining a joke: I do think it loses something in the telling.
Martin Freeman
#8. Twitter is a much more dangerous cauldron of groupthink than happy hours or dinners. On Twitter the reward comes from agreeing or loudly disagreeing with the joke, or the "smart take." In person you hash things out.
David Weigel
#9. A joke is like building a mousetrap from scratch. You have to work pretty hard to make the thing snap when it is supposed to snap.
Kurt Vonnegut
#11. In all of Western civilization, there have been societies that celebrating the homosexuality, the ancient Greeks. But they, in fact, protected the institution of marriage as a union between one man and one woman. They got the joke. And the American people get the joke.
Ken Blackwell
#12. Being a parent is not for the faint of heart. I may joke about knowing fear, but the fact is, the first time I ever knew real fear was the day Charlotte, my first child, was born. Suddenly there is someone in the world you care about more than anything.
Harlan Coben
#13. Yes, we were amazed when that happened. It was a real joke to us. Konrad Lueg and I did a Happening, and we used the phrase just for the Happening, to have a catchy name for it; and then it immediately got taken up and brought into use. There's no defence against that - and really it's no bad thing.
Gerhard Richter
#14. I have been invited to do something called 'Celebrity MasterChef' in England, which, of course, I can't do. It's complete nonsense. You have to be a decent cook to begin with. I'd be the joke one.
Lesley Nicol
#15. See, justice is a joke in this country, and it stinks of its hypocricy.
H. Rap Brown
#16. I don't dismiss the music that I was involved with, I don't think it was a joke, I don't think it was funny or a phase, I don't think it was just something I was doing back then, to me it was who I am. It connects all the way through. I don't distance myself from any of it.
Ian MacKaye
#18. If something stinks, I say it stinks. But I try to massage it a little and not be as cutting, come behind it with a joke: Hey, I cut you deep, but now let me put a couple of stitches in you.
Wanda Sykes
#19. And I offer this book with the heartiest sentiments to all the jolly people who hate what I write, and regard it (very justly, for all I know), as a piece of poor clowning or a single tiresome joke.
G.K. Chesterton
#20. Chance could share shit like that with his brother. Chance shared everything with his brother. To him, Quinn was some sort of superhero who occasionally got knee-walking drunk, told great stories, could crack a joke, and pissed him off from time to time.
Alex Morgan
#21. Lydia shook her head. "This is my life. Getting yelled at in a Walmart parking lot on a Friday night by somebody doing a bad impression of PG-13 fart-joke-movie comedian.
Jeff Zentner
#22. If you can't take a joke, you shouldn't have joined.
Karen Traviss
#23. Sometimes you just create a joke out of thin air in the editing room. So I'm really glad I've had that experience. It gives me a little more confidence in front of the camera.
Ed Helms
#24. I'm a professional hanger outer. I'm a super liability, too. I joke around and I'm like a hyper-active child.
Donal Logue
#25. People think I'm selling feminism in my books, but what I'm really doing is writing advertising copy for expensive private colleges that most women can't afford anyway. Oh, and try to find a job with a major in English literature. No luck? Joke's on you, sucker!
Mary Gordon
#26. Being raised Catholic myself, I think people who are Catholic tend to carry a lot of guilt. It's almost a joke.
Linda Cardellini
#27. Pretension is a poor joke that you play on yourself. Snap out of it. Recognise your strengths, work on your weaknesses. Real achievement is liking what you see in the mirror every morning.
Virat Kohli
#29. Never put a razor inside your nose - even as a joke.
Jake Johannsen
#30. People joke, in our field, about Pythagoras and his religious cult based on perfect geometry and other abstract mathematical forms, but if we are going to have religion at all then a religion of mathematics seems ideal, because if God exists then what is He but a mathematician?
Matt Haig
#31. I'm very wary of doing political stuff for a lot of reasons. One of the big ones is that the shelf-life for them is not very long, and the joke becomes old news very quickly.
Tim Heidecker
#32. Postmodernism is among other things a sick joke at the expense of revolutionary avant-gardism.
Terry Eagleton
#33. You listen to any monologue on late-night TV or just in general, to people talking, and there's always a joke at someone's expense. It's sarcasm; it's nasty. Kids grow up hearing that, and they think that's what humor is, and they think it's OK. But that negativity permeates the entire planet.
Ellen DeGeneres
#34. My joke is that my father was a minister and my mother was an English teacher, so I'm trained to see the world in terms of symbols, which is hard when you just want to make toast.
Libba Bray
#35. In the end, perhaps we should simply imagine a joke; a long joke that's continually retold in an accent too thick and strange to ever be completely understood. Life is that joke my friends. The soul is the punch line.
Tom Robbins
#36. How do you know you told a good punch line, a good joke? It's because they laugh. How do you know you've got a good scary punch line? It's because they jump out of the seat or scream. So the best reward is one you can listen to.
Katie Holmes
#37. In the second grade, I would just get bored and a joke would pop into my head and I would have to say it. It was almost like I had some brilliant novel in my head that I had to get down, and I would interrupt class all the time and get in trouble.
Anthony Jeselnik
#38. Anthropologist Mary Douglas (1991) examines the very thin line separating a joke from an insult: a joke expresses something a community is ready to hear; an insult expresses something it doesn't want to consider.
Henry Jenkins
#39. We are essence of love, and when we die that love returns to our Father. This angel's love was corrupted, so I believe my Father sent his essence elsewhere. Possible Detroit, but that my have just been a joke.
John Wiltshire
#40. Patriotism is a joke in the UK.
Matt Tong
#41. I even get tired performing standup, which is normally a low-impact exercise in futility but looks hard the way I do it. That's why I take a lot of breaks, often stopping in the middle of a joke to catch my breath, or blame the crowd for not laughing before the punchline.
Andy Kindler
#42. One would understand a ban on surrogate advertising, but to completely ban [smoking] is ridiculous, a joke taken too far.
Mahesh Bhatt
#44. The school crossing guard is a zombie?" screams the youngest Smiley. Then she starts crying. "I hugged her once, Mommy! Am I gonna turn into a zombie, too?" "Take it easy, dear," says Aunt Smiley. "It's just a joke. I think. Right, Jamie?
James Patterson
#45. I can never tell a joke, I've always found it easier to just fall over.
Norman Wisdom
#46. A joke is a witticism or play on words that's meant to be funny. I say 'meant to be' because most jokes aren't funny. They range between mildly amusing and grimace-inducingly annoying.
Michael Monroe
#47. I was a terrible employee. I've been fired from almost every job I've ever had, luckily, in a good way, or else I'd be stuck. I would always joke around with everybody, and no one enjoyed my humor.
Anthony Jeselnik
#48. If you're going to do a Chris Christie joke, just say, 'Christie spent $82,000 at a concession stand at MetLife Stadium. Then he turned to his friends and said, 'You guys want anything?' That's a joke. I can't believe it. I caved in. I feel awful.
Jimmy Fallon
#49. Luck was a joke. Even good luck was just bad luck with its hair combed.
Stephen King
#50. Ma Baxter rocked complacently. They were all pleased whenever she made a joke. Her good nature made the same difference in the house as the hearth-fire had made in the chill of the evening.
Marjorie Kinnan Rawlings
#51. Because, as we are told - a sad old joke, too - Ghosts, like the ladies, never speak till spoke to.
Bill Vaughan
#52. Lend's dad, two werewolves, and a vampire. It was like the setup to a bad joke or something. A doctor, two werewolves, and a vampire walk into a bar. "What'll you have?" the bartender asks. "We were thinking him," the vampire answers, eyeing the doctor.
Okay, jokes weren't my strong point.
Kiersten White
#53. Reagan was an exceedingly likeable guy, just a heck of a nice fellow, despite his politics. He was funny and loved a good joke, the dirtier, I'm afraid the more ethnic, the better. I don't think he brought very much to the presidency, except charisma and success.
Walter Cronkite
#54. After a while, a joke, if you say it too much, just becomes contrived, or fake-sounding.
Dave Chappelle
#55. I like to joke that I already married a 26-year-old and divorced a 29-year-old, so I wasn't going to do that again when I got remarried.
Grant Show
#56. I joke, but only half joke, that if you show up in an American hospital missing a finger, no one will believe you until they get a CAT scan, MRI and orthopedic consult.
Abraham Verghese
#57. You can analyse a joke and say it's funny because this guy thought this was going to happen, and that happened, and it's surprising. But not all surprising things are funny.
John Lloyd
#58. I certainly got the jokes within the joke, dressing up in a wet suit, sitting in a Twingo, scaling a rubber mountain, dressing up and stealing a diamond, of course. If not now, when?
Pierce Brosnan
#59. What was the future? The future was a solid wall, not promising, not threatening - all bunk. No guarantees of anything, not even the guarantee that life isn't one big joke.
Bob Dylan
#60. There was always another side to a joke, the side of the victim. He
Pico Iyer
#61. That was Chas. Furious and black-hearted one minute, ready to crack a wry joke the next.
Colleen Gleason
#62. There are certain queer times and occasions in this strange mixed affair we call life when a man takes this whole universe for a vast practical joke, though the wit thereof he but dimly discerns, and more than suspects that the joke is at nobody's expense but his own.
Herman Melville
#63. Well, I live a double life. Tonight, I'll escort you to dinner. Then I have to rush home and finish my calculus homework.'
'You're not joking, are you?'
'I never joke about calculus homework.
Rick Riordan
#64. They take away your options and all you can do is live, and it's just like Humble said: I'm not afraid of dying; I'm afraid of living. I was afraid before, but I'm afraid even more now that I'm a public joke.
Ned Vizzini
#65. If a joke is too hard to visualize, I tell the young comics, then what the hell good is it?
Henny Youngman
#66. If you can't joke about giant french ticklers and gas powered dildos in a fucking locker room then the terrorists win, E. Our freedoms are eroding. I'll pick up lube and condoms instead. Bring your hand. It's the only action you're getting.
Celia Aaron
#67. I make a joke that I'm the Internet curmudgeon, but 'wary' is a good way to put it.
Bill Keller
#68. I said I kicked a French chicken in the stomach once." "Huh?" "It said, 'Oeuf.'" "What is that?" "It's a joke. Do you want to hear another, or have you already had un oeuf?
Jonathan Safran Foer
#69. I don't go off and sit down and try to write material, because then it's contrived and forced. I just live my life, and I see things in a word or a situation or a concept, and it will create a joke for me.
Steven Wright
#70. Watson loved them sour kind of jokes, which I enjoyed myself. I mean, ain't life some kind of a sour joke? Might's well laugh, that's the way him and me seen it, whether nice folks seen the joke or not. One time when Watson caught me grinning along with him, he give a wink and lifted up his hat.
Peter Matthiessen
#71. There is an old Belfast joke about the man stopped at a roadblock and asked his religion. When he replies that he is an atheist he is asked, Protestant or Catholic atheist?
Christopher Hitchens
#72. I guess my feeling is is that if you're going to make a joke, that's fine, but you should also sort of stand behind it, you know? A joke should be more than a joke, it should be a point that you're trying to make.
Adam Carolla
#73. I like that we don't have to come out the first 10 minutes and score, you know, with joke, joke, joke. We can open it in a more novel way and keep playing different pranks as we go through the thing.
Bruce Vilanch
#74. What I don't like today is, to put it coarsely, the phony Hasidism, the phony mysticism. Many students say, "Teach me mysticism." It's a joke.
Elie Wiesel
#75. Being funny is one of my greatest strengths. I can make girls smile when they're down, and when they're having a good time, I can carry on the joke.
John Krasinski
#76. My Lord told me a joke. And seeing Him laugh has done more for me than any scripture I will ever read.
Meister Eckhart
#77. You learn what can become a good joke and can be repeatable. You have a shorthand about how to introduce a joke to someone.
Lennon Parham
#78. People are so stupid, that they repeat your words and said in other words and what??
(I'm stupid, so stupid that I want to repeat), I just heard that probably I have missunderstand something...
(NOte- It's joke a Get it?)
Deyth Banger
#79. There is a joke that I use all the time. I say it to my kids. I used to say it to my wife. She'd be talking to me about something very serious and then I would just look at her and go "Where are you from originally?" And she would go "Humphhh! C'mon. That's terrible!"
Stanley Tucci
#81. A hooker, a truck driver, and a nun walk into a hotel," Ida Belle said. "There's the start of a bad joke.
Jana Deleon
#82. In my deepest parts of sadness, I'm always making a joke or being sarcastic.
Lea Thompson
#83. Sometimes I joke around that if I weren't a musician, I would be a power lifter. I don't think people expect it from me because I'm little.
Mirah
#84. Our world will not die as a result of the bomb, as the papers say, it will die of laughter, of banality, of making a joke of everything, and a lousy joke at that." Professor
Carlos Ruiz Zafon
#85. It is almost a joke, but a joke that nobody tells.
Hilary Mantel
#86. What's cool about Twitter is that you can make a joke about something very of-the-moment or random that I wouldn't be able to joke about in stand-up.
Aziz Ansari
#87. I have a file of four million jokes ... I have them cross-indexed. Whatever subject you want, I have a joke on it.
Milton Berle
#88. I've been joking that 'On the Road' is the prequel to 'The Road.' I don't know if that's a very good joke.
Kodi Smit-McPhee
#89. Some two thousand stone-throwing protesters gathered in the street outside the school. They chanted, "We want fairness. There is no fairness if you don't let us cheat." It sounds like a joke, but they were absolutely serious.
Cathy O'Neil
#90. Never make a person feel, that he/she is very (extra) special.. Cause, then that person starts feeling that 'You' are not worth him/her.
Honeya
#91. An illusion is when everyone is in on the joke, a delusion is when you are the joke.
Austin Aragon
#92. I think repeating yourself is a sign of old age, telling the same joke again and again. Especially if they're jokes that don't make people laugh.
Simon Le Bon
#93. I believe reality is a marvelous joke staged for my edification and amusement and everybody is working very hard to make me happy.
Terence McKenna
#94. I just heard the latest joke about my hair: 'Do you know what that is on her head? It's a steering wheel to drive the state.'
Yulia Tymoshenko
#95. If somebody accuses you in a story of being a crook, you can demand that they prove it. But if a comic says it and you protest, people say, 'What's the matter, you can't take a joke?
Robert Orben
#96. We used to joke about canned men, putting people in a can and seeing how far you can send them and bring them back. That's not the purpose of this program ... Space is a laboratory, and we go into it to work and learn the new.
John Glenn
#97. British politics, as the world knows, is a joke. Yet it's rarely funny.
Morrissey
#98. In all the commotion, no one noticed that Minubar was missing or that Tanner, cynical and thrill- seeking, quick to crack and joke or start a fight, who had befriended Sevara at an early age and protected her until the last, was dead.
Damian Wampler
#99. The Texas Commission on Environmental Quality - what a joke. In my district, we caught them lying to us about the results of air quality studies in the Barnett Shale. They are playing with the health and safety of our communities, and we are going to tell them that is not acceptable.
Wendy Davis
#100. Around year seven or eight, you'd kill yourself when you realized Norm had to enter and you had to come up with a new beer joke.
Ted Danson
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