Top 100 Life Humor Quotes
#1. Faith handles the ultimate incongruities of life, humor handles the more immediate ones.
William Sloane Coffin
#2. It's as if the universe has a sense of humor, since at a deep level it's impossible not to lead a spiritual life ...
the universe is living through you at this moment. with or without belief in god, the chain of events leading from silent awareness to physical reality remains intact.
Deepak Chopra
#3. No offense, Jaron, but I don't want your life. Even locked away behind closed doors I got a taste for how awful it can be."
"Did anyone try to kill you while I was gone?"
"No."
"Then you didn't even get a taste.
Jennifer A. Nielsen
#4. My teacher asked my favorite color. ... I said 'Rainbow'.... and I was punished to stand out of my class.
Saket Assertive
#5. Life is supposed to have ups and downs. But for me, it's been more like ups and downs ... and downs ... and downs.
James Patterson
#6. So what's the point of it all?"
"Seriously?" I asked. "Seriously? You're asking me for the meaning of life? Isn't that a little stereotypical?"
"Well it's a reasonable question," you persisted.
Andy Weir
#7. So nobody got time for people who aren't worth your time.
Fiona Chazhoor
#9. I've endured my entire life struggling from a split personality. The problem is that the other guy, a wise guy named (Jack) ... has always been in charge.
Timothy Pina
#10. Lydia shook her head. "This is my life. Getting yelled at in a Walmart parking lot on a Friday night by somebody doing a bad impression of PG-13 fart-joke-movie comedian.
Jeff Zentner
#11. Dogs are here to remind us life really is a simple thing. You eat, sleep, take walks, and pee when you must. That's about all there is. They are quick to forgive trespasses and assume strangers will be kind.
Jonathan Carroll
#12. There are essentially three types of people: those who love life more than they fear it, those who fear life more than they love it, and those who have no clue what I'm talking about.
Neel Burton
#13. It's important in life if you don't give a shit. It can help you a lot.
George Carlin
#14. The stupidest people suddenly become a little cleverer when we learn that they think well of us
Jude Morgan
#15. But one place ain't no different from no place else. People try and make it like everything's new only to find the devil done followed you wherever you moved and all you can do is hold him off whiles you catch your breath
Amina Gautier
#16. I think I've discovered the secret of life
you just hang around until you get used to it.
Charles M. Schulz
#17. Horror. I can't manage it. I become
well
horrified. Self-help books have a similar effect.
When asked, "Any literary genre you simply can't be bothered with?" - (By the Book: Writers on Literature and the Literary Life from the NYT Book Review, by Pamela Paul)
Emma Thompson
#18. One hardly need believe that the events in your life are actually planned as bolts from the blue, sent special delivery from a deity who is testing and training you like a lab rat! And that is what we are saying when we fretfully ask, What can God be trying to teach me through this tragedy?
Robert M. Price
#19. There is nothing to me but you. I know it's pathetic but, oh darling, it's true.
F.K. Preston
#20. Be proactive; and ready to run if proactive backfires.
Jesse Petersen
#21. To alcohol! The cause of ... and solution to ... all of life's problems
Matt Groening
#22. I think humor is incredibly positive, I think it is life advancing. There's medical research to show that it improves your antibodies. It's all about sense and perspective.
John Cleese
#23. OVERREACTING" sounds like "OVARYACTING" Coincidence? I think NOT!!
Tanya Masse
#24. Boyhood, like measles, is one of those complaints which a man should catch young and have done with, for when it comes in middle life it is apt to be serious.
P.G. Wodehouse
#25. Thin Burning Light Gun
If the car found life, it could try to use this gun to learn about it, but the life might not be alive when it was done.
Randall Munroe
#26. Comedy is a necessity to get through life with the fewest scars. Humor is the best antidote to help relieve all struggles.
Suzy Kassem
#27. YOU FEAR TO DIE?
It's not that I don't want ... I mean, I've always ... it's just that life is a habit that's hard to break ...
Terry Pratchett
#28. If someone wanted to have a grudge against me, or didn't agree with my lifestyle, the way I breathed, the space I took up on this planet, they had an open door to 'report' to the powers that be.
Mark Alders
#30. I had a dream about you. You were lost in a daydream, when I walked in and you began screaming. But I know that could never actually happen. In real life I only enter people's nightmares.
Bauvard
#31. If you run away from trouble, it always follows.'
Rather my impression, too. Though that never stopped me trying.
Tanith Lee
#32. You see, things being good has nothing to do with how you feel outside, it is all to do with how you are inside.
Helen Fielding
#33. There is a story I always tell my students ... when I came for the 1st time to the US. I didn't speak English (Only Spanish) & I saw on every door the word "exit" which in Spanish means Success = Exito. And then I said :"No wonder Americans are winners ,every door they open leads to success
Pablo
#34. He's lighting up my life and I don't even know his name. He's already perfect.
Poppet
#36. It was rather too late in the day to set about being simple-minded and ignorant.
Jane Austen
#37. I feel like I was born the day my kids were and that my life before was only there to gain wisdom for them. The point is you do your best. Your very best every day. You do it and you do it for them!
Drew Barrymore
#39. The whole of life is just like watching a film. Only it's as though you always get in ten minutes after the big picture has started, and no-one will tell you the plot, so you have to work it out all yourself from the clues.
Terry Pratchett
#40. Things that we do without knowing why are we doing them are usually the best things that we do.
Minhal Mehdi
#41. You would do the same for me. He smiled a big toothy smile before he hopped off my car and walked away, leaving me wondering what was up with the guy in the girl jeans and why I couldn't get him off of my mind.
Magan Vernon
#42. I do believe you would be perfectly happy shut up in your study with your rolls of manuscript all your life, without seeing another human being save a servant to bring you in bread and fruit and water twice a day.
G.A. Henty
#43. A minute later he (Brady) collapsed next to me. "What do you say to the person who gave you the best orgasm of your life?"
"Thank you, Keanu (Reeves)?
Michele Bardsley
#44. Some Saian mountaineer
Struts today with my shield.
I threw it down by a bush and ran
When the fighting got hot.
Life seemed somehow more precious.
It was a beautiful shield.
I know where I can buy another
Exactly like it, just as round.
Archilochos
#45. Live life to the fullest, love deeply and laugh a lot. Be proud of what you see in the mirror and you will have no wrinkles!
Barbara Post-Askin
#46. Most creatures run when they sense danger. People grab a six-pack and a folding chair.
Nenia Campbell
#47. Lying is an indispensable part of making life tolerable.
Bergen Evans
#48. Dear me, what an unsatisfactory world it was! When one did find a nice kind of life something or somebody always seemed to shove you out of it just as you were beginning to enjoy it.
Hugh Lofting
#49. A sense of humor saves your life, and being able to make friends wherever you go.
Jason O'Mara
#50. Anything designed to be inoffensive isn't worth your time
life itself is pretty offensive, ending as it does with death.
Holly Lisle
#51. How she looks is watered-down.
How she looks is disappearing.
How she looks is erased.
"Don't stress", she says. "This is just me not wearing any makeup.
Chuck Palahniuk
#52. I'm a great admirer of Primo Levi's work. It's always mind-boggling, the idea of how much pain people can endure and still come back from the edge with a sense of humor, with this tremendous animal desire we have to get on with life.
Allan Gurganus
#54. - Why did blondes vote for Clinton?
- They didn't know how to read and thought she can make their life hilarious!
Bryanna Reid
#55. So long as you have courage and a sense of humor, it is never too late to start life afresh.
Freeman Dyson
#56. Wisdom comes from experience. Experience is often a result of lack of wisdom.
Terry Pratchett
#57. The question is not how to survive, but how to thrive with passion, compassion, humor and style.
Maya Angelou
#58. He was a glass half full kind of person and she was ... what? The glass is going to break before you can even pour kind of person. Yikes.
Erin McCarthy
#59. Life just wants to be; but it doesn't want to be much.
Bill Bryson
#60. With true love, you can move mountains, make unusual sacrifices, live a life of deprivations and still be happy.
Janvier Chouteu-Chando
#61. I thought the line 'I am the daughter of the former governor of Alaska' was very funny. I think the word is 'sarcasm.' In my family we think laughing is good. My parents raised me to have a sense of humor and to live a normal life.
Andrea Fay Friedman
#62. Black Humor (Umor): a sensation --of the theatrical (and joyless) pointlessness of everything.
Jacques Vache
#63. Statistically speaking, there is a 65 percent chance that the love of your life is having an affair. Be very suspicious.
Scott Dikkers
#64. [In the Universe it may be that] Primitive life is very common and intelligent life is fairly rare. Some would say it has yet to occur on Earth.
Stephen Hawking
#66. I like Dancing of Indian girls more than my parents' prayers . Because they dance with love and passion . But my parents just say their prayers because they got used to it .
Ali Shariati
#67. I'm not sure if there's one right place I'm supposed to be, he said, but I know a couple of wrong places I'd give a second try in a heartbeat.
Brian Andreas
#68. You'd put our parents at risk for some piece of tail?" Ghleanna demanded.
"She saved my life."
"You can fight your own battles!"
"Not when I'm knocked out on my ass!"
"You mean knocked out on your fat ass!"
"My ass, like the rest of me, is perfection!
G.A. Aiken
#69. A life that partakes even a little of friendship, love, irony, humor, parenthood, literature, and music, and the chance to take part in battles for the liberation of others cannot be called 'meaningless' ...
Christopher Hitchens
#70. We trust, sir, that God is on our side. It is more important to know that we are on God's side.
Abraham Lincoln
#71. There is no one who has ever created music with the combination of intelligence, intuition, depth, creativity, and humor that Jerry Garcia has. His work and life will continue to be a limitless source of inspiration for all of us.
Bruce Hornsby
#73. Nothing makes sense, not that much of the world ever did."
Quote from the book: "UnHoly Pursuit: The Devil on My Trail.
A. White
#74. Because sometimes in life, Ken didn't always choose Barbie. (Jane Alcott)
Rachel Gibson
#75. Oh, come on. Drama is just life with the dull bits cut out."
"Well, I'm ready for a long patch of boredom.
D.L. Orton
#76. I do find things funny. When you see life through the eyes of someone with a good sense of humor, which my grandmother did, life is a human comedy.
George Takei
#77. If you were to gather all the minutes wasted on insignificant, immaterial yik yak spent throughout the day and add them up, how much misspent time do you think you'd have? One hour? Two hours? Consider the sunk cost on that. It's unacceptable. One minute wasted is one minute too much.
Ari Gold
#78. Give the People what they want - and they'll get what they deserve.
The Kinks
#79. The thing is we can't be attached to anything we've experienced up to this point in our life - any person, any situation, any outcomes, any happiness, any pain - any of it.
Art Hochberg
#80. Isabelle, it's all right for you to be a little afraid, but you should also be very excited and joyful, too. You're about to bring a new life into this world."
"I would rather Winslow do it.
Julie Garwood
#81. You know you've spent a lot of time writing fiction when you meet a new person and instead of asking them about what they do, or where they're from, you ask "what's your backstory?
David Filmore
#82. That woman doesn't have the sense God gave a retarded flea.
Nora Roberts
#83. Humor, in one form or another, is characteristic of every nation; and reflecting the salient points of social and national life, it illuminates those crowded corners which history leaves obscure.
Agnes Repplier
#84. I am a Christian, you know, Julia.'
So am I. But I'm not above staying out of jail any way I can.
Ann B. Ross
#85. But if you don't watch me, I will try and sneak in some humor. I see humor everywhere in life around me.
Marion Ross
#86. My stories are very somber, so I think I need the comic ingredient. Besides, life has so much humor.
Manuel Puig
#87. I knew it," she snapped. "You're no different from all men. You're just another jerk pretending to be single! I didn't wanna wrap a lie into a Christmas present anyway.
Maha Erwin
#88. Never make a person feel, that he/she is very (extra) special.. Cause, then that person starts feeling that 'You' are not worth him/her.
Honeya
#89. Real love is on the inside. It's somebody you have a common ground with, you share the same values, you share the same interests, you share the same humor, you share all those things that are things that will last you the rest of your life.
George Lucas
#90. I never wanted to be a painter; I wanted to be a tap dancer.
Andy Warhol
#91. Writing is like giving yourself homework, really hard homework, every day, for the rest of your life. You want glamorous? Throw glitter at the computer screen.
Katrina Monroe
#92. Normal is an illusion. What is normal for the spider is chaos for the fly.
Charles Addams
#93. I'm Allen Walker!"
My life....is over...I'm going to die....
Katsura Hoshino
#94. Fill me in on the details of your life."
"I thought you didn't give a shit."
"It'll give me something to do while I wait for you to stab me to death.
Christina Dodd
#95. Asking me to do ANYTHING before I've had my first cup of coffee should be an episode on 1000 Ways to DIE.
Tanya Masse
#96. I happen to have a certain fondness for existing
soda wouldn't have that lovely fizzy feeling if you were dead. Think of all the things you would miss: Cartoons, music, movies, video games, music, art, fingernail growth, sex ... well, perhaps not sex, depending on how weird your mortician is.
Jhonen Vasquez
#97. My life was full of drama, with the highs and lows of Tyler's daily mood swings and my private innuendos with Vandenberg. There'd never been a movie made that could permanently shift my mood away from my disappointment with myself.
J.C. Patrick
#98. Living life without humor is like eating food without taste buds.
Jonathan Heatt
#100. All life is in vain, for Death makes a nonsense of pain.
Gasmaskman
