It's A Joke Quotes

#1. I said I kicked a French chicken in the stomach once." "Huh?" "It said, 'Oeuf.'" "What is that?" "It's a joke. Do you want to hear another, or have you already had un oeuf?

Jonathan Safran Foer

#2. What I don't like today is, to put it coarsely, the phony Hasidism, the phony mysticism. Many students say, "Teach me mysticism." It's a joke.

Elie Wiesel

#3. A lot of people don't get my humor. My mom calls it dry humor. I think that means "not funny," but it also means I'm the only one who ever knows it's a joke.

Kasie West

#4. I was joking earlier when I said that all writers are manic depressives, but it's a joke with a lot of truth behind it. For fiction writers and poets, too, there's something wrong with you and you do this art as a way of correcting it or addressing it in some way.

T.C. Boyle

#5. It's a joke to think that anyone is one thing. We're all such complex creatures. But if I'm going to be a poster child for anything, anger's a gorgeous emotion. It gets a bad rap, but it can make great changes happen.

Alanis Morissette

#6. I did many other things before I ever got into the movies. I've been in so many businesses, it's a joke. All of them totally unsuited to me. Selling used cars. Running a club in London.

Sean Connery

#7. The whole westward expansion myth is seen as romantic. But it's a joke, a blot on American history.

Frank Waters

#8. I enjoy the way I look, but it's a joke.

Dolly Parton

#9. What I don't understand is these people who go on the street wearing riding clothes, and they have never been on a horse. They ought to have their heads examined, really. It's a joke. But, let's face it, we live in a fantasy world.

C. Z. Guest

#10. I have a no-apology policy. No apologies for jokes. I apologize in my real life all the time. I say ridiculous things, I make mistakes constantly. But when I'm on stage, I'm at a microphone ... it's a joke!

Kathy Griffin

#11. Always warm up the audience with a joke ... If you are not a particularly funny person, make sure that you inform them that it's a joke ...

Jacob M. Appel

#12. Is there any other way to Erudite headquarters?" I say. "Not that I now of," says Cara. "Unless you want to jump from one roof to another." She laughs a little as she says it, like it's a joke. I raise my eyebrows at her. "Wait," she says. "You aren't considering
?

Veronica Roth

#13. With Congress, every time they make a joke it's a law, and every time they make a law it's a joke.

Will Rogers

#14. It's a joke. Greed and the desire to take drugs are two separate things. If you want to separate the two, the thing you do is make drugs legal. Accept the reality that people do want to change their consciousness, and make an effort to make safer, healthier drugs.

Jerry Garcia

#15. Darwin Award. That's not a real award, it's a joke. They give them to people who die doing something so stupid that it counts as a service to humanity.

Gregg Dunnett

#16. Tell people the truth, they laugh. The truth is so tragic they have to pretend it's a joke.

Lucille Kallen

#17. A fire broke out backstage in a theatre. The clown came out to warn the public; they thought it was a joke and applauded. He repeated it; the acclaim was even greater. I think that's just how the world will come to an end: to general applause from wits who believe it's a joke.

Soren Kierkegaard

#18. Don't make a film if it can't be the film you want to make. It's a joke, and a sick joke, and it'll kill you.

David Lynch

#19. They ask me what the biggest thing I have going on right now is, and I usually say, "I think this interview?" And then they don't get that it's a joke. So then I say, Yogi Bear 3D. That's my default.

T. J. Miller

#20. We need to get rid of the Federal Elections Commission. It's a joke. It doesn't enforce the law.

Russ Feingold

#21. I think the thrust of any child is to try to fit in and be part of it. And I can't tell you how many times my humor, you know, what I thought was humor ended up making me the outsider. Like I'd be, I go, 'It's a joke.' And they'd go, 'Well, what was funny?' And they just thought I was insane.

Howie Mandel

#22. The saddest task for the ironist is having to tell the listener that it's a joke, because of course it is never a joke.

Paul Theroux

#23. I ain't apologizing for anything, especially if it's a joke.

Artie Lange

#24. The deepest motivation for a lot of artists is obviously the one they all share: their great fear they are a fraud. It's a joke. In my case the problem is not that I don't question myself. It's just that I question other people even more ...

Philip-Lorca DiCorcia

#25. With anything you put out there, you're going to offend somebody, but most people get that it's a joke, that I'm playing a character, and that I'm actually making fun of what I'm saying by saying it.

Trevor Moore

#26. There is no such thing as an appropriate joke. That's why it's a joke.

Michael Scott

#27. I have this very abstract idea in my head. I wouldn't even want to call it stand-up, because stand-up conjures in one's mind a comedian with a microphone standing onstage under a spotlight telling jokes to an audience. The direction I'm going in is eventually, you won't know if it's a joke or not.

Garry Shandling

#28. It's a joke in the zoo business, a weary joke, that the paperwork involved in trading a shrew weighs more than an elephant, that the paperwork involved in trading an elephant weighs more than a whale, and that you must never try to trade a whale, never.

Yann Martel

#29. Just because something makes you smile or laugh ... doesn't mean it's a joke.

David Rees

#30. They've been talking about their prom nonstop. Even the people that think it's a "joke" like Mary Elizabeth can't stop talking about what a "joke" it is. It's all very fun to witness.

Stephen Chbosky

#31. But men and women, getting along, it's a joke. We have completely different brains, it's a completely different thing.

Christina Applegate

#32. Even if the painting is green, well then! The 'subject' is the green. There is always a subject; it's a joke to suppress the subject, it's impossible.

Pablo Picasso

#33. I thought I could make a sarcastic joke about it. But it's based on my own struggle with how much to give, how much it's really helping or not, and how foolish or not I feel. Giving sometimes backfires ...

Nicole Holofcener

#34. It's hard talking about acting, in a way, because it's like explaining a joke: I do think it loses something in the telling.

Martin Freeman

#35. Yes, we were amazed when that happened. It was a real joke to us. Konrad Lueg and I did a Happening, and we used the phrase just for the Happening, to have a catchy name for it; and then it immediately got taken up and brought into use. There's no defence against that - and really it's no bad thing.

Gerhard Richter

#36. I have been invited to do something called 'Celebrity MasterChef' in England, which, of course, I can't do. It's complete nonsense. You have to be a decent cook to begin with. I'd be the joke one.

Lesley Nicol

#37. Being raised Catholic myself, I think people who are Catholic tend to carry a lot of guilt. It's almost a joke.

Linda Cardellini

#38. You listen to any monologue on late-night TV or just in general, to people talking, and there's always a joke at someone's expense. It's sarcasm; it's nasty. Kids grow up hearing that, and they think that's what humor is, and they think it's OK. But that negativity permeates the entire planet.

Ellen DeGeneres

#39. How do you know you told a good punch line, a good joke? It's because they laugh. How do you know you've got a good scary punch line? It's because they jump out of the seat or scream. So the best reward is one you can listen to.

Katie Holmes

#40. I even get tired performing standup, which is normally a low-impact exercise in futility but looks hard the way I do it. That's why I take a lot of breaks, often stopping in the middle of a joke to catch my breath, or blame the crowd for not laughing before the punchline.

Andy Kindler

#41. The school crossing guard is a zombie?" screams the youngest Smiley. Then she starts crying. "I hugged her once, Mommy! Am I gonna turn into a zombie, too?" "Take it easy, dear," says Aunt Smiley. "It's just a joke. I think. Right, Jamie?

James Patterson

#42. If you're going to do a Chris Christie joke, just say, 'Christie spent $82,000 at a concession stand at MetLife Stadium. Then he turned to his friends and said, 'You guys want anything?' That's a joke. I can't believe it. I caved in. I feel awful.

Jimmy Fallon

#43. Lend's dad, two werewolves, and a vampire. It was like the setup to a bad joke or something. A doctor, two werewolves, and a vampire walk into a bar. "What'll you have?" the bartender asks. "We were thinking him," the vampire answers, eyeing the doctor.
Okay, jokes weren't my strong point.

Kiersten White

#44. You can analyse a joke and say it's funny because this guy thought this was going to happen, and that happened, and it's surprising. But not all surprising things are funny.

John Lloyd

#45. They take away your options and all you can do is live, and it's just like Humble said: I'm not afraid of dying; I'm afraid of living. I was afraid before, but I'm afraid even more now that I'm a public joke.

Ned Vizzini

#46. If you can't joke about giant french ticklers and gas powered dildos in a fucking locker room then the terrorists win, E. Our freedoms are eroding. I'll pick up lube and condoms instead. Bring your hand. It's the only action you're getting.

Celia Aaron

#47. I don't go off and sit down and try to write material, because then it's contrived and forced. I just live my life, and I see things in a word or a situation or a concept, and it will create a joke for me.

Steven Wright

#48. Watson loved them sour kind of jokes, which I enjoyed myself. I mean, ain't life some kind of a sour joke? Might's well laugh, that's the way him and me seen it, whether nice folks seen the joke or not. One time when Watson caught me grinning along with him, he give a wink and lifted up his hat.

Peter Matthiessen

#49. I guess my feeling is is that if you're going to make a joke, that's fine, but you should also sort of stand behind it, you know? A joke should be more than a joke, it should be a point that you're trying to make.

Adam Carolla

#50. People are so stupid, that they repeat your words and said in other words and what??
(I'm stupid, so stupid that I want to repeat), I just heard that probably I have missunderstand something...
(NOte- It's joke a Get it?)

Deyth Banger

#51. There is a joke that I use all the time. I say it to my kids. I used to say it to my wife. She'd be talking to me about something very serious and then I would just look at her and go "Where are you from originally?" And she would go "Humphhh! C'mon. That's terrible!"

Stanley Tucci

#52. I just heard the latest joke about my hair: 'Do you know what that is on her head? It's a steering wheel to drive the state.'

Yulia Tymoshenko

#53. If somebody accuses you in a story of being a crook, you can demand that they prove it. But if a comic says it and you protest, people say, 'What's the matter, you can't take a joke?

Robert Orben

#54. We used to joke about canned men, putting people in a can and seeing how far you can send them and bring them back. That's not the purpose of this program ... Space is a laboratory, and we go into it to work and learn the new.

John Glenn

#55. British politics, as the world knows, is a joke. Yet it's rarely funny.

Morrissey

#56. Woody Allen - nobody has been a better joke teller than him - and even in his great films, it's always coming out of the character. If you don't have that, jokes are just empty and I think that people rely too much on jokes.

Brett Gelman

#57. Spring me from this role I play of the smothered son in the Jewish joke! Because it's beginning to pall a little at thirty-three!

Philip Roth

#58. Kissing's a lot like laughing. If the joke's funny, it doesn't matter how long it's been since you last heard one.

Maggie Stiefvater

#59. I honestly and truly love and believe in what I'm making, and it's not a joke, whereas some people would take a singer-songwriter sitting behind an acoustic guitar as sincere.

Casey Spooner

#60. I've always wanted to have a suitcase handcuffed to my wrist. That's not a full joke there! It's filler.

Mitch Hedberg

#61. It's mandatory in this day and age to be considered to have a sense of humor and to demonstrate it. You're not paying me for a joke, You're paying me for the right joke.

Robert Orben

#62. Yeah, man. It's time to let de people get good herbs and smoke. Government's a joke. All dey wan' is ya smoke cigarettes and cigar. Some cigar wickeder den herb. Yeah, man, ya can't smoke cigar. Smoke herb. Some big cigar me see man wit', God bless! Me tell him must smoke herb.

Bob Marley

#63. Suppose the world were only one of God's jokes, would you work any the less to make it a good joke instead of a bad one?

George Bernard Shaw

#64. I performed stand-up because I didn't have to ask anyone's permission. My set was never joke-centric. It was a performance.

Michael Keaton

#65. Neither of them had kissed someone else in a while, but it didn't much matter. Kissing's a lot like laughing. If the joke's funny, it doesn't matter

Maggie Stiefvater

#66. No, that part's not true! That's a joke-lie. I'm not going to lie to you in this story because I want you to know that the rest of it is true.

Tina Fey

#67. A joke is never a joke if it is at the expense of another person's feelings

Heather Wolf

#68. It's all been a bad joke that just ran out of control. I got into food for fun but the business got a mind of its own. Now - my good Lord - look where it has gotten me. My products are on supermarket shelves, in cinemas, in the theater. And they say show business is odd.

Paul Newman

#69. What if it's just a big, cosmic joke?
Then ... laugh!
.85.

Dee Lestari

#70. GRANDMA: Are you a gay?
ORPHEUS: I am straight. I'm definitely dating a girl, gran. Do you think she's a man?
*She laughs*
ORPHEUS' BRAIN: Thank god she took it as a joke. I would have been executed on the town square for such a rude back answer.

Scarlett Brukett

#71. Love's a weird one, isn't it? I've never told my husband Graham that I love him. He's never told me either. I think it started as a bit of a joke. We just decided never to say it.

Sarah Beeny

#72. One evening, Mike Myers and Steven Spielberg were discussing 'Goldmember,' and I just happened to joke, 'If you need a Japanese character, let me know!' The next day, they called me for audition! I find it's always helpful to maintain a sense of humour.

Nobu Matsuhisa

#73. I come from a town of great musicians: Washington, D.C. It's no joke, that history.

Henry Rollins

#74. I use a lot of humor, and I follow the saying that if you want to tell people the truth, you better make them laugh first, otherwise, they will shoot you. So I can tell you a joke and maybe you will laugh at the beginning. But it's not about telling jokes.

Sayed Kashua

#75. Did I have a heart to be contented? Well, no, not particularly. I had a tendency to be discontented: ambitious, dissatisfied, fretful, and tough to please ... It's easier to complain than to laugh, easier to yell than to joke around, easier to be demanding than to be satisfied.

Gretchen Rubin

#76. Only the day before, Cockie's dark joke wouldn't have included me, but now it did. "Is love always such a mess, do you suppose?

Paula McLain

#77. Someone once told me a joke," he said. "I'd like to be a pacifist, but people keep getting in the way.' I made a decision to fight for my friend in prison. It was a deliberate decision. It isn't the only way-it's just something I decided.

Edeet Ravel

#78. Lucian's voice rang inside my head, loud and clear, "Move your ass, Elena, and no matter what, trust your reflexes." Relying on my clumsy butt was more like it. I'd made a joke, That was a good sign.

Adrienne Woods

#79. Watching movies in the U.S. is great fun because they get every joke, they smile, they laugh so much; it's a great feeling.

Jet Li

#80. Guys will definitely settle for women who get the joke. But a woman who can make you laugh? It's not high on a guy's must list. Perhaps it should be.

Hank Azaria

#81. Running for me is a sport. It's not a joke. It's serious.

J. R. Martinez

#82. Oh the irony life sometimes throws our way. It's almost like fate plays a sadistic joke on us just because she's in a mood that day - fickle bitch that she is.

Suzanne Steele

#83. A joke isn't yours. It's used and you don't know where it's been.

Ricky Gervais

#84. It's crazy because people expect you to be funny all the time and every day is not a funny day. I go to funerals and people are like 'tell a joke' and 'say one of your lines in a movie.' It's a funeral, man!

Chris Tucker

#85. Richard Lewis is the master at taking a joke that he's told a million times in a row in the past year, on the road, and making it look like he's pulling it out of thin air.

Artie Lange

#86. And it's Gryffindor in possession again, as Johnson takes the Quaffle - Flint alongside her - poke him in the eye, Angelina! - it was a joke, Professor, it was a joke - oh no - Flint in possession, Flint flying toward the Gryffindor goal posts, come on now, Wood, save - !

J.K. Rowling

#87. I felt like onstage I have to have a certain amount of anonymity, like, personal anonymity, to feel loose and free. When you're up there with people who've known you for a decade, and you make a bad joke and you hear the cackling behind the drums, it's hard to get lost in the moment.

Jenny Lewis

#88. We associate the North Atlantic with cod. The motto of Newfoundland used to be 'In cod we trust.' It was a joke, but it was essentially true. But there is no cod anymore. And that's extraordinary. It's all because of either greed or politics - Canadian politics.

Simon Winchester

#89. Hey, Axi. What's the difference between a doctor and a lawyer?" I knew this joke - it was one of Robinson's standards. And I was only half-surprised he was trotting it out now. Playing along, I said, "I don't know. What?" "A lawyer will rob you; a doctor will rob you and kill you, too.

James Patterson

#90. I will do almost anything for the sake of a joke or for the sake of someone's real belief in something to help tell a story. I will not do something shocking for the sake of being nasty. If it's not hurting anyone's feelings, I'm in on the joke.

Selma Blair

#91. What 'SNL' taught me that was useful on 'The Watch' was, only put in bad words if they can get a laugh - there was no need for swear words and beeps in places that weren't necessary. Those beeps should only be in there when they mean something and it's important to the joke.

Akiva Schaffer

#92. It's easier not to make a particular joke in case it offends. But every joke will offend someone, and I've always believed that the audience is bigger than one person. The danger is that things will become bland.

David Walliams

#93. It's a cruel joke of the universe that the one person who makes me come alive is himself dead. And evil. His very existence defies all moral laws and all known laws of physics.

Kitty Thomas

#94. I'm not the comedy police, but you watch a movie, and everyone's laughing, and then you shake it out, and you realize, 'There's no joke there!'

Maria Semple

#95. I somewhat joke that I know an awful lot because I learn from my mistakes. I just make a lot of mistakes. It's OK to fail in science just as long as you have the successes to go with the failures.

Craig Venter

#96. Percy wouldn't recognize a joke if it danced naked in front of him wearing Dobby's tea cozy.

J.K. Rowling

#97. Buffett and Munger joke that envy is the only one of the seven deadly sins that isn't any fun. "Envy is crazy," remarks Munger. "It's 100 percent destructive. . . . If you get those things out of your life early, life works a lot better.

Guy Spier

#98. I think when the joke comes from the situation in a horror film, it's really great. I don't like jokey horror films like where people are cracking a joke or being post-modern about it.

Guillermo Del Toro

#99. If you do a joke that's really old, then what happens is people on Reddit and Twitter just go, 'Real original, you're just doing old jokes!' But bands do it all the time.

Chris Hardwick

#100. I know what's funny, and I probably know the best way to deliver the joke. Whether it's walking out of a room, facing that way, facing this way. I just have a sense of that.

James Burrows