Top 100 Humor Reality Quotes
#1. This is some sort of joke, isn't it?" asks Hunt, staring at the flawless blue sky and distant fields.
I cough as lightly and briefly as possible into a handkerchief I have made from a towel borrowed from the inn. "Probably," I say. "But then, what isn't?
Dan Simmons
#2. We should all just face reality and stop taking our meals together.
Jonathan Tropper
#3. A genuine sense of humor is having a light touch: not beating reality into the ground but appreciating reality with a light touch. The basis of Shambhala vision is rediscovering that perfect and real sense of humor, that light touch of appreciation.
Chogyam Trungpa
#4. Bad humor is an evasion of reality; good humor is an acceptance of it.
Malcolm Muggeridge
#5. For a man to get married and stay married, he must detach from and disavow the three things that bind him to reality: sex, travel, and near-death experiences.
Brian D'Ambrosio
#6. Life is a joke, even though it is not always funny.
Stephan Attia
#7. There is no pathos more bitter than that of parting from someone we have never met.
P.G. Wodehouse
#8. I suppose the artists invented the firm breasts they put on women, and that in reality all women had flabby ones.
Jean Cocteau
#9. I wonder what it was really like back then. We think it's all fun and flirting, but there was probably a lot of ugly reality."
"Like the dancing.
Mary Jane Hathaway
#10. I do not think, Prospero,' he said, 'that one should attribute a very high degree of reality to your house.
John Bellairs
#11. People who want to climb mountains just like taking metaphors for real. So when I say I could murder for a mangosteen, I hope you don't think I'm going to go out and do that.
Initially NO
#12. Nothing is better than the unintended humor of reality.
Steve Allen
#13. It's always seemed a little preposterous that Hamlet, for all his paralyzing doubt about everything, never once doubts the reality of the ghost. Never questions his own madness might not in fact be unfeigned.
David Foster Wallace
#14. A suspicion that lightness is not deeply serious (but instead whimsical) pervades aesthetic discourse. But what if lightness is a philosophical choice to temper reality with strangeness, to temper the intellect with emotion, and to temper emotion with humor.
Sarah Ruhl
#16. When reality and your dreams collide, typically it's just your alarm clock going off.
Crystal Woods
#17. Humor (is) the process that allows one to brush reality aside when it gets too distressing.
Andre Breton
#18. Daddy is jive talking
and showering the stripper
Mommy is sleepwalking
while changing baby's diaper
Casey Renee Kiser
#19. Really, I protest
what is left for the satirical mind to invent when reality so surpasses it?
Jude Morgan
#20. We were not actually famous, I have to add. People were just drunk.
John Duover
#21. I kind of thought actually that Trevor was gone completely mental when he called up here a few weeks ago. Like, why would he not text or email or Facebook? What's with all the reality, I thought. Does he not know he's a million times cooler in virtual form?
Donal Ryan
#22. What you experience is your reality, for the time being anyway. It's a mind-blower because, at a certain level of awareness, that's not real either.
Art Hochberg
#23. I hate reality but it's still the best place to get a good steak.
Woody Allen
#24. Has anyone ever told you," I said, "that you coalesce reality?"
"No. They only say that I'm good in the sack."
"They are accurate but limited," I said. "And if you give me their names I'll kill them.
Robert B. Parker
#25. The ego refuses to be distressed by the provocations of reality, to let itself be compelled to suffer. It insists that it cannot be affected by the traumas of the external world; it shows, in fact, that such traumas are no more than occasions for it to gain pleasure.
Sigmund Freud
#26. But this bus was a bit too full. The driver only appeared to control the glass and metal around him. In reality, he was at the nose of a travelling paroxysm.
Graham Spaid
#27. People have sex, even the religious ones. Yet, when sex is transferred into words, suddenly it's dirty, vulgar, immoral, trashy. Funny huh?
Hector Himeros
#28. The moment was surreal. A sometimes-autistic young man with two identities lecturing a room full of zombies on feelings and realities.
Jonathan Friesen
#30. The idea of one's normality is delusional fact of the reality.
J. Limbu
#32. The reality is a reality check is an oxymoron
Tom Schafer
#33. Basically, Sherri's idea had to do with bringing Fat's mind down from the cosmic and the abstract to the particular. She had hatched out the practical notion that nothing is more real than a large World War Two Soviet tank.
Philip K. Dick
#34. Yeah, yeah, it's all fun and games until someone loses an eye type of thing. There's that kind of irreverence to it the humor and in the reality of what's really going on that plays into this movie.
Jeremy Renner
#35. In the old legends, Arachne had gotten into trouble because of pride. She'd bragged about her tapestries being better than Athena's, which had led to Mount Olympus's first reality TV punishment program: 'So You Think You Can Weave Better Than a Goddess?' Arachne had lost in a big way.
Rick Riordan
#36. It's all about money, not freedom. You think you're free? Try going somewhere without money.
Bill Hicks
#37. Human history is full of depressing things like colonization, disease, racism, sexism ... inventions of things which they had no idea how to handle (the atomic bomb, the Internet, the semicolon) ... And through it all there has always been some truly awful food.
Matt Haig
#38. Isn't reality based on the prevailing culture, the trend that people want to identify with?
Janvier Chouteu-Chando
#40. My sense of humor is a turkey, and I pull it out of the oven and baste it in reality.
Tracy Morgan
#41. Dreams are fragile. Reality is a clumsy postman.
Faye McCray
#42. The things you see in Army barracks sometimes defies logic. After a while, you give up trying to rationalize and understand such things ... you just accept them as your new reality.
Scott Burkett
#44. I USHERED SOULS INTO THE NEXT WORLD. I WAS THE GRAVE OF ALL HOPE. I WAS THE ULTIMATE REALITY. I WAS THE ASSASSIN AGAINST WHOM NO LOCK WOULD HOLD.
Yes, point taken, but do you have any particular skills?
Terry Pratchett
#45. Paradox
/pera,daks/ noun
1. Being told to wake up and come back to reality by your family and friends, while being dragged to church to hear a lesson on Jonah and the whale, followed by a sermon on believing in things you can't see without faith.
Shannon L. Alder
#46. Maybe I should, I don't know leave? Because this is starting to sound like one of those reality shows I don't want to be in. Maybe you guys want to take turns in the confessional booth.
Rachel Caine
#47. History is gossip that's been legitimized, and that's really the case when you get into some of the Roman historians. Wow! They'd be right at home on reality tv.
Esther M. Friesner
#48. I hammered on the Poes' front door like Alaric on the gates of Rome. Poe said that a gaudy figure of speech was a silk cravat around a dirty neck. He didn't say whether the truth lay in the plain thing or in its fancy.
Norman Lock
#49. Reality was one step out of line, a cardigan with the buttons done up wrong.
Haruki Murakami
#50. If something is there, you can only see it with your eyes open, but if it isn't there, you can see it just as well with your eyes closed. That's why imaginary things are often easier to see than real ones.
Norton Juster
#51. I used to have a big dog, a rottweiler, to guard the place. One night I was working late, and he was outside barking in the snow. He wouldn't stop. Then he stopped. I went out ten minutes later with a lamp, and there was a ring of wolves eating my dog.
Martin Cruz Smith
#52. You know, he [Alan Rickman] played these very reserved, sometimes-cold, sometimes-threatening characters on the screen, but the reality of the man was incredible warmth and humor and generosity and wicked fun.
Helen Mirren
#53. He comes.
And he comes
loaded
with noise pollution.
If I ever prayed for anything,
it was for a man
to shut up.
Casey Renee Kiser
#55. I've been firmly grounded in reality since I was a child, and I'm still waiting for it to impress me.
Jessica Conoley
#56. With my sunglasses on, I'm Jack Nicholson. Without them, I'm fat and 60.
-Jack Nicholson
Jack Nicholson
#57. Reality is a unified whole, but thought cuts it up into fragments.
Eckhart Tolle
#58. I want to do another reality show. It's based on The Mole. It's about sexually transmitted diseases. It's called "God, I Hope That's a Mole."
Zach Galifianakis
#59. Or
and this she knew was a far more accurate way of looking at it
the book was true and reality was lying.
Terry Pratchett
#60. ...A canonical leader is someone whose exemplary rule might have appeared to be for the alleviation of the pains and miseries of a particular group, but which in reality is for the advancement of humanism...
Janvier Chouteu-Chando
#62. There's not enough psychedelic stuff on TV. I want the world to be a bit weirder than it is. I hate reality, so I hate reality TV. But I love Columbo.
Noel Fielding
#63. But our country's equivalent of gritty reality is more like "Look out Sarge, he's got a shooter!"
Bill Bailey
#64. I would love to be on a Real Housewives from somewhere reality show. Then I could show all those women how the rest of our society gets to do it.
Heather Chapple
#65. Reality - Dreams = Animal Being Reality + Dreams = A Heart-Ache (usually called Idealism) Reality + Humor = Realism (also called Conservatism) Dreams - Humor = Fanaticism Dreams + Humor = Fantasy Reality + Dreams + Humor = Wisdom
Lin Yutang
#66. We pretend to catch and eat more pretend bugs than could ever actually live in one cave. The number of pretend bugs we pretend to catch and eat would in reality basically fill a cave the size of our cave.
George Saunders
#67. I'd like to do a reality show with four white people ... who are dropped off in a really bad black neighborhood. And the show would be called ... Cracker Hunt.
Zach Galifianakis
#68. If you can kill it, or it can kill you, it's real.
Laini Taylor
#69. As an author I'm in my head all day and I worry that I lose touch with reality. But then my dog pees on my shoe and I know I've found it again.
Michelle M. Pillow
#70. Our subconscious minds have no sense of humor, play no jokes and cannot tell the difference between reality and an imagined thought or image. What we continually think about eventually will manifest in our lives.
Robert Collier
#71. Getting involved with a victim was kind of like trying to find love on a reality show ... rarely successful.
Carla Cassidy
#72. There is a fascination here that holds rich and poor, strong and weak captive,not with chains and fetters but by an almost touchable solace ...
Barbara Woodall
#73. It's true that journalism in reality is not the journalism that we learnt in the university. It is far from it.
Nilantha Ilangamuwa
#74. I could have blamed it on the intoxication of youth.
Others might find fault on just intoxication.
My parents would say that it was an act of plain stupidity.
Reality would point out that it was Thursday night at college and the youth are prone to err.
Mara Joaquin
#75. Well, fame is a drug and when you take it away from an addict, things can get ugly.
Melissa Jo Peltier
#76. ...only the dreamers of a dream are capable of translating their dreams into worthy practical endeavors that are devoid of haunting errors. After all, they are the ones who carefully observed the link between their dreams and reality; they are the ones who worked consciously to blend them into one.
Janvier Chouteu-Chando
#77. It's funny when people say something is "unreal" about something that is, in reality, real. I'm so guilty of it, it's real!
Ethan Luck
#78. The only thing set in stone are dumb quotes and names of dead people. Everything else is subject to change.
Kimberly Spencer
#79. I'm just happy our nations are on the same page of keeping shitty reality TV on the air. Small world!
Kristen Schaal
#80. Rhiannon's Law #37: Don't get so high and mighty, God will only reward that arrogance with a huge bitch slap back to reality.
J.A. Saare
#82. Human ties are the greatest distorters of reality because they tend to conceal man's worst selfish instincts.
Janvier Chouteu-Chando
#83. You spend so much of your life crafting this stuff that you want to laugh in the room. I don't want to sit there and slit my wrists. And I think it reflects reality. People use humor to survive, even in the most horrific situations.
Jenji Kohan
#84. While it is true that Frank had a great sense of humor, he was also very serious about composing music. In reality there are only a handful of skilled players who can play his most complex pieces. It takes a lot of patience to learn and requires a fantastic memory.
Dweezil Zappa
#85. If I were being honest with myself, he lit a blaze, not just a blush, but that's too much reality for me to admit.
S.L. Scott
#86. Will you promise to keep this to yourself, to not tell anyone of what we are? By his words you'd think he was giving me a choice. Like I could say,no deal, honey bunch, I'm off to shout your secret from the rooftops, and he'd be like, oh no please don't do that. In
reality, he'd have to kill me.
L. H. Cosway
#87. I'm probably something like 95% chicken nugget
Jeff Kinney
#88. Fletch is back from Austin, and turns out what sounded great on paper didn't match up to reality. He says its so hot down there, I'd spontaneously combust the second I stepped off the plane. Plus with humidity turning the air as thick as oatmeal, my hair would always be a disaster. So, Austin's out.
Jen Lancaster
#89. It's as if the universe has a sense of humor, since at a deep level it's impossible not to lead a spiritual life ...
the universe is living through you at this moment. with or without belief in god, the chain of events leading from silent awareness to physical reality remains intact.
Deepak Chopra
#90. It's impossible to walk through solid rock ... You have to walk between the molecules that make up the rock.
J.M. Dattilo
#91. Reality + Dreams + Humor = Wisdom So
Lin Yutang
#92. There's and entire world outside these bleak pages, one full of SUNRISES and KITTY-CATS and late-night BURRITO RUNS and the horrible, creaking amble of us all towards DEATH. It is to that world that I am afraid I must release you to now.
David Malki
#93. I see you brought along your violent little girlfriend. What a nice surprise! - Saint Dane (The Reality Bug)
D.J. MacHale
#94. Whatever doesn't kill them, makes them make reality TV shows ...
Glen Duncan
#95. The last thing I need is for my dad to stroll in and see me abusing myself to lighting-fast pornographic images.Military school will become a reality faster than those people are doing it.
Brent Crawford
#96. When your past shows up to haunt you, make sure it comes after supper so it doesn't ruin your whole day.
Jay Wickre
#97. It was all fine until the girls started drinking. (Everything is always fine up until that point.)
John Duover
#98. Reality depresses me. I need to find fantasy worlds and escape in them.
Noel Fielding
#99. Julie Czerneda's inner editor says, 'One day her expectations will meet reality and actually get along.
Julie E. Czerneda
#100. Magoo's appeal lies in our hostility toward an older generation. But he's not only nearsighted physically. His mind is selective of what it sees, too. That is where the humor, the satire lies, in the difference between what he thinks he sees and reality as we see it.
Jim Backus
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