Top 100 Humor Inspirational Quotes
#1. One man's warfare is another man's welfare.
Timothy Pina
#2. Religions are strange. They seem to be caught in some dream which they won't give up and trying to convince others of the truth of their dream, when in fact each person is having their own dream. Take what you need from the religions and just leave the rest, and be all right with that.
Art Hochberg
#3. A whole lot of good my IQ came when it came to judging his character.
DiAnn Mills
#4. So what's the point of it all?"
"Seriously?" I asked. "Seriously? You're asking me for the meaning of life? Isn't that a little stereotypical?"
"Well it's a reasonable question," you persisted.
Andy Weir
#5. So nobody got time for people who aren't worth your time.
Fiona Chazhoor
#6. Give your brain a break and read a book.
Jeff Lyon
#7. For an actress to be a success, she must have the face of a Venus, the brains of a Minerva, the grace of Terpsichore, the memory of a MaCaulay, the figure of Juno, and the hide of a rhinocerus.
Ethel Barrymore
#8. Your bad past is for you to learn don't pass it to others.
FB
#9. Student: why do dumb people ignore wise people. Teacher: Because, the dumb people believe they are the wise people.
Jayce O'Neal
#10. There is nothing to me but you. I know it's pathetic but, oh darling, it's true.
F.K. Preston
#11. You have as many burdens on your shoulders as you choose to place there.
Art Hochberg
#12. Dearest Amabot,
If you only had a heart to absorb our hatred...
Thanks for nothing, you jury-rigged rust bucket.
The gorgeous messiness of flesh and blood with prevail!
Brad Stone
#13. You know when you're by yourself you can say the most outrageous things. No one is listening.
Art Hochberg
#14. FK THAT. I AM TUCKER MAX. I AM BETTER THAN ALL OF YOU.
Tucker Max
#15. Everyone has crap in their background, everyone has things they wish they could undo. But most people don't go around doing their best to screw up their present lives because of it.
Nicholas Sparks
#16. Social entrepreneurs aim to combine the best of both worlds and "do well by doing good." Usually they end up doing neither.
Peter Thiel
#17. I could have blamed it on the intoxication of youth.
Others might find fault on just intoxication.
My parents would say that it was an act of plain stupidity.
Reality would point out that it was Thursday night at college and the youth are prone to err.
Mara Joaquin
#18. If someone wanted to have a grudge against me, or didn't agree with my lifestyle, the way I breathed, the space I took up on this planet, they had an open door to 'report' to the powers that be.
Mark Alders
#20. Gossip is when you hear something you like
about someone you don't.
Jane Seabrook
#21. There is a story I always tell my students ... when I came for the 1st time to the US. I didn't speak English (Only Spanish) & I saw on every door the word "exit" which in Spanish means Success = Exito. And then I said :"No wonder Americans are winners ,every door they open leads to success
Pablo
#22. I feel like I was born the day my kids were and that my life before was only there to gain wisdom for them. The point is you do your best. Your very best every day. You do it and you do it for them!
Drew Barrymore
#23. Every rule has an exception, and it's usually remedial
Josh Stern
#25. Lord, I pray today that my words may be soft and sweet, for tomorrow I may have to eat them.
Unknown
#27. Yes, I have tricks in my pocket, I have things up my sleeve. But I am the opposite of a stage magician. He gives you illusion that has the appearance of truth. I give you truth in the pleasant disguise of illusion.
Tennessee Williams
#28. And then we didn't read any more, because there wasn't any more to read.
Gracie DeForest
#30. Live life to the fullest, love deeply and laugh a lot. Be proud of what you see in the mirror and you will have no wrinkles!
Barbara Post-Askin
#31. Hospitality is the act of making people feel at home - when you wish they were.
Renee Garrison
#32. If you don't want to cook, you should try throwing a dish.
Kyung-Sook Shin
#33. How important are the visual arts in our society? I feel strongly that the visual arts are of vast and incalculable importance. Of course I could be prejudiced. I am a visual art.
Kermit The Frog
#34. My parents are in many ways embodiments of the American Dream. They came to this country with basically nothing but the clothes on their backs, and after twenty years of hard work, sweat, and sacrifice, they were getting divorced, totally broke, and deep in therapy.
David Henry Sterry
#35. Let destiny change you,but never change your destiny,for what God has given you is the best
Philosophical Library
#36. I'm good for some things, bad for a lot of things.
Jackie Chan
#37. No one's going to come shopping if the 'for sale' sign isn't on the door.
Eli Easton
#38. With true love, you can move mountains, make unusual sacrifices, live a life of deprivations and still be happy.
Janvier Chouteu-Chando
#39. Now, there are things I like just fine about church, and I don't just mean making money. The notion of getting together as a community to remind ourselves why we shouldn't behave like animals is a fucking great idea.
Nick Offerman
#40. Some people desire to be famous. I probably wouldn't be very good at it.
Sarah Warman
#41. Sorry China ... the Earth revolves around the sun ... not you. FREE TIBET TODAY!
Timothy Pina
#42. We write because we have to, not because we want to
Steve Berry
#43. I like Dancing of Indian girls more than my parents' prayers . Because they dance with love and passion . But my parents just say their prayers because they got used to it .
Ali Shariati
#44. But that's what nonfiction is, people. Shitty feelings and encounters with death.
Mark Leyner
#45. Limit your day to what you feel comfortable with doing - put the rest on the shelf - for further consideration down the line.
Art Hochberg
#46. When you come to a fork in the road, just take it
Yogi Berra
#47. The less you think you know, the more will be known. It's amazing what you can know when you let go of being the knower.
Art Hochberg
#49. Nothing makes sense, not that much of the world ever did."
Quote from the book: "UnHoly Pursuit: The Devil on My Trail.
A. White
#50. Maybe we should all just shut up and read a good book.
Mary Sisney
#51. Prayer works (unless God has a different plan for you, that is different than what you want). Pray now. It works best if God is undecided.
Juanita Ray
#52. It seems to me that dealing with little boys is a lot like playing poker. You need to know when to hold them, when to fold them, and when to walk away. But the most important thing you need to know is, oral contraceptives are only 97 percent effective.
Paula Wall
#53. If you were to gather all the minutes wasted on insignificant, immaterial yik yak spent throughout the day and add them up, how much misspent time do you think you'd have? One hour? Two hours? Consider the sunk cost on that. It's unacceptable. One minute wasted is one minute too much.
Ari Gold
#54. The thing is we can't be attached to anything we've experienced up to this point in our life - any person, any situation, any outcomes, any happiness, any pain - any of it.
Art Hochberg
#55. You might call them soft, because they're very reluctant to kill, and they might agree with you, but they're soft the way the ocean is soft, and, well; ask any sea captain how harmless and puny the ocean can be.
Iain M. Banks
#57. Slaying dragons, melting witches, and banishing demons is all fun and games until someone loses a sidekick - then it's personal. The bad guy isn't just the "bad guy" anymore, he's the BAD GUY!
Michael J. Sullivan
#58. Come forward as servants of Islam, organize the people economically, socially, educationally and politically and I am sure that you will be a power that will be accepted by everybody.
Muhammad Ali Jinnah
#59. Did you ever leave a scene and wonder, "What was that all about?
Art Hochberg
#61. Give me chastity and constancy, but not yet." St. Augustine. "Amen" Odette
Marie Clair
#62. To ugly ducklings everywhere,
Don't worry about those fluffy yellow morons:
They'll never get to be swans
Zoe Marriott
#63. In modern medicine, we have a name for nearly everything, but a cure for almost nothing.
Charles F. Glassman
#64. There is nothing wrong with feeling cold in Alaska at -70 degrees. It's when you feel nothing at all that it times to panic
Sergeant Major
#65. I knew it," she snapped. "You're no different from all men. You're just another jerk pretending to be single! I didn't wanna wrap a lie into a Christmas present anyway.
Maha Erwin
#66. Feel these muscles and understand how they boast the truth!
Hiromu Arakawa
#67. They laugh at me because I'm different; I laugh at them because they're all the same.
Kurt Cobain
#68. Library-denigrators, pay heed: suggesting that the Internet is a viable substitute for libraries is like saying porn could replace your wife.
Joanne Harris
#69. If you feel trapped in a situation and are complaining about it, figure out how to untrap yourself and stop complaining. Save your energy for further figuring out and when there is an increase in courage.
Art Hochberg
#70. My life was full of drama, with the highs and lows of Tyler's daily mood swings and my private innuendos with Vandenberg. There'd never been a movie made that could permanently shift my mood away from my disappointment with myself.
J.C. Patrick
#71. All life is in vain, for Death makes a nonsense of pain.
Gasmaskman
#72. Prayer comes through grace, and grace comes through surrender.
Art Hochberg
#73. If you don't believe in yourself ! then no one else will !
Tom Evans
#74. After being diagnose as bi-polar ... I feel that laughter is the best medicine for all. I find that I can't write humorously and be depressed at the same time.
Timothy Pina
#75. He who cannot remember the past is doomed. DOOMED!
John Howard
#76. How can you possibly do everything you want to do in life if you start doing a bunch of things twice?
Lorii Myers
#77. I feel about John ['s gospel] like I feel about my wife; I love her very much, but I wouldn't claim to understand her.
(Following Jesus, p. 27.)
N. T. Wright
#78. Writer's block' is just a fancy way of saying 'I don't feel like doing any work today.
Meagan Spooner
#79. If you think your boss is stupid, remember: you wouldn't have a job if he was any smarter.
John M. Gottman
#81. O Chid learn your ABZ's and memorize them well,
and you shall learn to talk and speak and read and write and spel
Shel Silverstein
#82. You can't control your feelings but you can control the actions that come with those feelings.
Craig Mercier
#83. Once you've crawled into what's commonly thought of as the sordid underbelly of life, you realize it's all just different versions of normal.
Josh Kilmer-Purcell
#84. It's the only way anything will change. Because we are both mother and child, cause and effect, villain and victim
Jason Najum
#85. Editing is like strawberries put on the table as a centerpiece, before the full course meal, but, you don't want them to become spoiled, or your guests will go to the neighbor's house next door.
Angel M.B. Chadwick
#86. Cheaper'n recyclin' yer nose tissues. --Mema
K.D. Harp
#87. I broke my arm in 3 places so I wont be going back to those places.
Jim Rose
#88. I'm intelligent because my mother stood in the brain-line and not the train-line.
Lorraine Gokul
#89. Just be careful that your determination doesn't turn into your fanaticism.
Art Hochberg
#91. We lay there and looked up at the night sky and she told me about stars called blue squares and red swirls and I told her I'd never heard of them. Of course not, she said, the really important stuff they never tell you. You have to imagine it on your own.
Brian Andreas
#93. I wanted to tell his dad that Nathan was fine the way he was and that he was the one that needed to change. It made me glad to have my parents. If I told my dad I was gay, he'd probably just look scared and hand over more safe sex money. -Nick Severson
C.K. Kelly Martin
#96. It's great to be alive, isn't it? Especially when you consider the alternative.
Jonathan Ross
#97. It's no use going back to yesterday, because I was a different person then.
Lewis Carroll
#98. There are no guarantees in life, which is why my motto is to live intensely, love fiercely and to always have two shelties.
Priscilla Cogan
#100. When we perfect 3-D copiers and they reproduce tissue, we'll have a million Marilyns walking around with no souls ...
John Geddes
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