Top 100 Humor God Quotes
#1. I like being a Baha'i who has an out-there sense of humor. God gives us talents and faculties, and making people laugh is one of mine.
Rainn Wilson
#2. Catholic schools carry out a great mission, to serve God by building knowledge and character ... By teaching the word of God, you prepare your students to follow a path of virtue.
George W. Bush
#3. It's as if the universe has a sense of humor, since at a deep level it's impossible not to lead a spiritual life ...
the universe is living through you at this moment. with or without belief in god, the chain of events leading from silent awareness to physical reality remains intact.
Deepak Chopra
#4. My God, the corruptions of literature. It put all these notions into our heads.
Charles Baxter
#5. I swear to God, if GreatReads doesn't stop sending me these notification emails...how many times do I have to turn them off?
Melanie Marchande
#6. If you're making love to a man of God, then God must endorse your lovemaking.
Eileen Pollack
#7. The arrogant man probably thought his path to heaven was already assured, and that he acted in accordance to God's will just by breathing.
Maya Banks
#8. He made the country down in Illinois, and He made the Missouri", the little girl continued. "I guess somebody else made the country in these parts. It's not nearly so well done. They forgot the water and the trees.
Arthur Conan Doyle
#9. God sure has a sense of humor. I've always tried to stay as far away as possible from lighthouses, and here I am the acting lightkeeper
Jody Hedlund
#10. Adina appealed to the sky. "We asked for rescue and you sent us incompetent rockstar pirates with a broken ship and perfect abs?"
"Thank you, God," Petra said.
Libba Bray
#11. You wanna know how to make God laugh?" he said. "Tell him your plans." (God-shaped Hole)
Tiffanie DeBartolo
#12. One hardly need believe that the events in your life are actually planned as bolts from the blue, sent special delivery from a deity who is testing and training you like a lab rat! And that is what we are saying when we fretfully ask, What can God be trying to teach me through this tragedy?
Robert M. Price
#13. As usual in such matters, God's sense of humor trumped all imagination.
Diana Gabaldon
#15. Faith is Hope on a treadmill. Love is the reason we stay on.
Solange Nicole
#16. Dear God, she couldn't give this man sex. She could barely give it to Van, and he currently smelled so good she just wanted to shove her face under his t-shirt and eat whatever she found there.
Charlotte Stein
#17. Writing is my dream. From romance to dragons; fairies to fantasy worlds, this is where I live and play. Thanks be to God!
Lisa Hannah Wells
#18. Let destiny change you,but never change your destiny,for what God has given you is the best
Philosophical Library
#20. What part did she give you?" Zoe asked her mother.
"Mary, the mother of God."
"Talk about miscasting," Nelia said.
Pamela Todd
#21. Tantra is only recommended for someone who has a very developed will power, a terrific sense of humor, and a sense that nothing else matters but God and self-realization.
Frederick Lenz
#22. I like Dancing of Indian girls more than my parents' prayers . Because they dance with love and passion . But my parents just say their prayers because they got used to it .
Ali Shariati
#23. My God," Hadrian said. "They finally did it! All those oh-so-cute-my-cuddly-kitten-here's-a-pic bastard! They finally went and did it!
Steven Erikson
#24. We trust, sir, that God is on our side. It is more important to know that we are on God's side.
Abraham Lincoln
#25. Good God." he said incredulously. "You've got a black belt in purse attack, that's for damn sure.
Linda Howard
#26. Prayer works (unless God has a different plan for you, that is different than what you want). Pray now. It works best if God is undecided.
Juanita Ray
#27. Alternatively, anyone who favors Intelligent Design in lieu of evolution might pause to wonder why God devoted so much of His intelligence to designing malarial parasites.
David Quammen
#28. That woman doesn't have the sense God gave a retarded flea.
Nora Roberts
#29. I've always wondered though," Orn mused aloud, "what does God need with a starship?"
"Are you going to make that stupid quip every time we pass a missionary ship?"
"Until they learn a new position.
Sabrina Zbasnik
#30. Christians rejected the need for proof to support belief in God, yet dismissed proof altogether when it was there.
Kira Peikoff
#31. The old, endless, approachable and always answering Sorrow," says my father Lucifer. "For who calls on me never goes unanswered. Only prayers to God go without answers.
Robert Nye
#32. So that's little Scorpious. Make sure you beat him in every test, Rosie. Thank god you've inherited your mother's brains.
J.K. Rowling
#33. Fruit ... it's just God showing off. "Look at all the colours I know!"
Dylan Moran
#34. I'm a godmother, that's a great thing to be, a godmother. She calls me god for short, that's cute, I taught her that.
Ellen DeGeneres
#35. As we rode along LaBoeuf commenced whistling tunes, perhaps to take his mind off his sore arm. Rooster said, "God damn a man that whistles!" It was the wrong thing to say if he wished it to stop.
Charles Portis
#36. A lot of people say, 'Hey, God doesn't have a sense of humor.' Yes, He does. God has a great sense of humor.
Si Robertson
#37. Most preachers say the nature of God is unknowable, but I'm certain of one thing at least. God almighty has a sense of humor.
Robert Ferrigno
#39. Supplementing the far, remote Glory-of-God expression in his face, the glory-of-doughnuts shone suddenly very warmly.
Eleanor Hallowell Abbott
#40. Yeah. I told you he was crazy, right? I heard he does some weird stuff at home, too.' He said it with a conspiratorial stage whisper. 'Like mowing his lawn, and trimming his peonies.'
'Peonies?' I balked. 'God, he really is a freak.
Francesca Zappia
#41. Hit ain't sacrilege. Miss Effie Belle says when she cain't think what to have for dinner, she asts God and right off He gives her an idea. To my thinkin', thet's sacrilege."
Miss Love really laughed. "There's not a woman in the world who hasn't prayed what to cook for dinner, Rucker!
Olive Ann Burns
#42. And the news got worse. It appeared that there was this whole other person Jesus Christ whose birthday a lot of people tended to confuse with mine. I was personally outraged. It was a long time before I forgave the Lord for that.
Ava Gardner
#43. Oh my God, you are making my girlie parts happy
Toni Aleo
#44. 'It's not you, it's me.'
'Oh God. That's exactly what my last three boyfriends said when they dumped me. Is it in the Y-Chromosome User's Manual or something?'
He grinned. 'On page five. But, you know, don't tell anyone I told you.'
Kim Fielding
#45. Never talk back to a teacher. Teachers are like God. Actually, teachers are God's boss.
Deborah Wiles
#46. Be strong, believe in freedom and in God, love yourself, understand your sexuality, have a sense of humor, masturbate, don't judge people by their religion, color or sexual habits, love life and your family.
Madonna Ciccone
#47. God, don't laugh!" Jamie said, alarmed. "I didna mean to make ye laugh! Christ, Jenny will kill me if ye cough up a lung and die out here!
Diana Gabaldon
#48. Gokudera: Anyway I don't like that guy.
Tsuna: Huh? Why not?
Gokudera: Anyone older than me is my enemy.
Tsuna: [shocked - thinking to himself] God! That's alot of enemies!
Akira Amano
#49. After Hiram Bingham built the first church on Oahu the student recalls, When it was completed some of the natives said among themselves, 'That house of worship built by the haoles is a place in which they will pray us all to death. It is meant to kill us.
Sarah Vowell
#50. Billions of years before twelve step groups, God committed shotgun suicide. Today wall scrapings share His gratitude stories.
Brian Spellman
#51. You've lost faith in yourself? Isn't that rich? A god who's become a self-atheist!
Orson Scott Card
#52. It's ironic that as scientists that don't believe in god, were the ones that are closest to god.
Hiromu Arakawa
#53. If there is a god maybe it rewards those who don't believe on the basis of insufficient evidence
and punishes those who do.
Peter Boghossian
#54. Never mind what God is doing. What are you doing? That's called interspection.
Art Hochberg
#55. Pg. 231-232: They'd given me a minivan. They could have picked any car and they picked a minivan. A minivan. O God of the Vehicular Justice, why dost thou mock me? Minivan, you albatross around my neck! You mark of Cain! You wretched beast high ceilings and few horsepower!
John Green
#56. Dreams like a podcast,
Downloading truth in my ears.
They tell me cool stuff."
"Apollo?" I guess, because I figured nobody else could make a haiku that bad.
He put his finger to his lips. "I'm incognito. Call me Fred."
"A god named Fred?
Rick Riordan
#57. There are many things evil people can take from you. However, they can never steal your ability to laugh and laugh loud.
Shannon L. Alder
#58. I liked the humor of it, I've always enjoyed a sense of humor in God and in religion and in spirituality.
Amber Tamblyn
#59. Sin endeavors to subject the blessed God to the humor and lust of every person in the world
Stephen Charnock
#60. GRANDMA: Are you a gay?
ORPHEUS: I am straight. I'm definitely dating a girl, gran. Do you think she's a man?
*She laughs*
ORPHEUS' BRAIN: Thank god she took it as a joke. I would have been executed on the town square for such a rude back answer.
Scarlett Brukett
#61. (Note: If you don't appreciate a little humor in the midst of critically important theological issues, you may not have come to the same conclusion I have, which is this: I don't have to take myself too seriously in order to take God seriously.)
Angie Smith
#62. Exercise II.
Write a diary, imagining that you are trying to make an old person jealous. I have written an example to get you started:
Dear Diary,
I spent the morning admiring my skin elasticity.
God alive, I feel supple.
Joe Dunthorne
#63. Courage is not beating up the bully or letting the bully beat you up, it is standing strong before the bully and seeing him for what he truly is: a child of God in need of an attitude adjustment.
Toni Sorenson
#64. Oh, God. Not again."
Not again?
"Do you make a habit of driving into people's houses?
Christina Dodd
#65. God does not love us because we are lovable, have a pleasing personality or a good sense of humor, or at rare times show exceptional kindness. In spite of who we are and what we have done, God wants to pour out His love on us, for the unlovable are also precious unto Him.
David B. Haight
#66. Well, I did tell you I couldn't give you a thing. Maybe you've just realised that Alistair can give the god damn world, and the pleasure of kissing his shiny slap-head every day!
LeeAnn Whitaker
#67. I've heard the call. I believe God wants me to run for president.
George W. Bush
#68. Whosoever shall not fall by the sword or by famine, shall fall by pestilence so why bother shaving?
Woody Allen
#69. Nell Armstrong was a demi-god, he succeded travelling to space, after numerous deaths.
Michael Bassey Johnson
#70. She was satisfied with the answer God had given Moses from the burning bush when Moses had seen fit to question. Who are you? Mose asks, and God comes back from that bush just as pert as you like: I Am, Who I AM. In other words, Mose, stop beatin around this here bush and get your old ass in gear.
Stephen King
#71. I think God has a sense of humor, and the way my lessons come from God is very funny. I have to laugh at myself even if it's a tough lesson.
Yvette Nicole Brown
#72. If you want to know what God thinks of money, just look at the people he gave it to.
Dorothy Parker
#73. You can hear my dreams? God, you must never get any quiet. I'd be shooting myself in the head if I were you.
Jeaniene Frost
#74. All God does is watch us and kill us when we get boring. We must never, ever be boring.
Chuck Palahniuk
#75. A lot of people come up here and they thank Jesus for this award. I want you to know that no one had less to do with this award than Jesus. He didn't help me a bit. If it was up to him, Cesar Millan would be up here with that damn dog. So all I can say is, 'suck it, Jesus! This award is my God now'!
Kathy Griffin
#76. We grant God the possession of all the qualities of mind except the one that keeps the others healthy; that watches over their dignity; that focuses their vision true
humor.
Mark Twain
#77. Dear God,how can I live a vanilla life when I'm a strawberry girl?
Lorna Seilstad
#78. So that means that Peter ... " I swallowed. "That his full name was Peter Parker."
"Yeah"
I burst into tears. "Oh, my God! I killed Spiderman!
Michelle Rowen
#79. I stood my ground. "You evil scientist are all the same
evil. Count me out."
Fang and I brushed past Mr. God and walked quickly but smoothly to the exit. It was barely noon, and I'd already made a huge enemy.
Dang, I'm good.
James Patterson
#80. A Beautiful Woman Is A Baggage. Thank God Yours Is A Suit Case
Maurys Gaucho
#81. And before you barrel through some idiotic Cosmo girl list of how-well-do-you-know-your-man questions, let me say that I don't know squat about him except that he kisses like a god and screws like a devil.
Kristin Hannah
#82. A great paradox which should God make us understand, we will weep, laugh, wonder and ponder is the paradox of human ignorance
Ernest Agyemang Yeboah
#83. Being made merely in the image of God but not otherwise resembling him enough to be mistaken by anybody but a very near sighted person.
Mark Twain
#84. It was like my uterus was tapping out a happy dance on the rest of my organs. God, I was dying the longest, most tortuous, and arousing death in the history of the world.
Cora Carmack
#86. Prayer is the time you spend alone with God.
Art Hochberg
#87. I am the lord your God, and I will smite you until you are smitten.
Anthony Chapman
#88. After a murmur of general assent, Ariadne spoke up. "And oh my God, I have to pump my boobs. You guys, you don't even know. It's like having blue balls strapped to your chest!" After a horrified silence, the men practically ran screaming from the building.
Amy Lane
#89. We take ourselves way too seriously, and we don't take God seriously enough. It is not by accident that humor and humility come from the same root word. If you can laugh at yourself, you'll always have plenty of good material.
Rick Warren
#90. I don't believe you really know God if you do not recognize His sense of humor.
Robert Breault
#91. Even though I was fairly certain God wasn't Ted Bundy, I kept an open mind, since this phone call was getting a bit confusing.
Scott Buckel
#92. Oh God", Nate dropped his head down on the arm of the couch next to Si. "Has my love life really been reduced to talking to my cat about this?" Si just licked his whiskers and waited for Nate to start talking. So he did...
Erin Shaw
#93. I don't think that God cares about what you think. It's the actions that count. Actually He doesn't care what you do as long as you keep Him in mind.
Art Hochberg
#94. On the sixth day god created man,
on the seventh day man created god.
Now we are even.
A.J. Beirens
#95. Oh, God, I don't know what's more difficult, life or the English language.
Jonathan Ames
#96. God said "Let there be light" and George morgan flipped the switch.
Tara Sivec
#97. A nation's not a child, for God's sake ... It's like a wild horse you tame by breaking it. Or a fiery woman you slap till she sees sense and warms your bed.
David Hewson
#98. I looked to the ceiling and told God, God, next time I want an adventure, strike me with lightning. You have my permission.
Kristen Ashley
#99. Colon has always thought that heroes had some special kind of clockwork that made them go out and die famously for god, country and apple pie, or whatever particular delicacy their mother made. It had never occurred to him that they might do it because they'd get yelled at if they didn't.
Terry Pratchett
#100. Good humor and laughter are far too wonderful not to come straight from the heart of God.
Beth Moore
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