Top 100 Hate Humor Quotes
#1. I'll let you in on a secret: I can't stand Jay Ward. I hate being compared to Rocky and Bullwinkle. It's just a different style of humor.
John Kricfalusi
#2. Why can't I just Google it like everything else?! I hate you public library system!
Vera Brosgol
#3. I hate reality but it's still the best place to get a good steak.
Woody Allen
#4. Have you ever noticed how good things go to those who hate?
Sol Luckman
#5. It is said by some that the gods show us their bitter humor by molding us into what we hate most in others.
Raymond E. Feist
#6. Well, I hate to be the one to take the flyswatter to Tinker Bell, but ...
Kinky Friedman
#7. I hate zombies.
I know that sound prejudiced. I'm sure some zombies are really nice to kittens and love their parents. But it's been my experience that most are not the kind of people you want sending you friend requests.
James Ponti
#8. My old man taught me to never trust anything that bleeds for three days and doesn't die.
Tommy Tran
#9. I don't have kids. That's why I leave it in the dumper or in the mouth, because I hate kids.
Jim Norton
#10. Quotations "Oh man, I hate that poofing shit. You scared me so bad, Ash, you made me eat this crappy cheese." (Nick in Night Embrace).
Sherrilyn Kenyon
#11. Get out of here. Yoda so does not have an English accent!'
'Other than that you're saying I'm a dead ringer?'
'If the shoe fits.'
'Sheesh, I hate tall girls.
Joss Stirling
#12. I hate to say it but I hate black humor. I feel like a Klan member saying it, but it's just not funny.
Issa Rae
#13. I don't understand how I can always want to sleep, hate waking up, and yet be afraid of death.
Mike Heil
#14. Some murders are well worth their prison term.
Morrissey
#16. God, how I hate the fact that I know this stuff. It only proves that it is possible to learn by osmosis.
Natalie Blitt
#17. That's not a bad word ... hate and war are bad words, but fuck isn't.
Judy Blume
#18. [Rayleen talking to Billy.] "Grace is thriving here, and I dare anybody to challenge that. Anybody who has a problem with that can come take it up with me."
"Thank God," Billy said, "because I really hate it when people come take things up with ME.
Catherine Ryan Hyde
#19. Why do I spend every moment with you thinking about why I did not go in the opposite direction when I had the chance?
Isabella Carter
#20. I hate when I'm not done with my cup but my mom decides to put it in the dishwasher anyway and the cup isn't dishwasher safe. I keep telling my mom that my origami coffee mugs are hand wash ONLY. Handshakes are also hand wash only.
-Karen Quan and Jarod Kintz
Karen Quan
#21. I hate housework. You make the beds, you wash the dishes and six months later you have to start all over again.
Joan Rivers
#22. I'm not mean, I just give people a good reason to hate me
Haresh Daswani
#23. When you see what some girls marry, you realize how they must hate to work for a living.
Helen Rowland
#24. I'm not saying I hate you right now; I'm saying that if I had a knife in my hand, you would be bleeding.
Claire Contreras
#25. Probably no purer incitement to hatred existed, Lydia had found, than being told of anyone or anything: you will love him, her or it. The spirit immediately rose up like a fanged cobra.
Jude Morgan
#26. I hate that stuff. It tastes like feet."
At that he smiled. "How would you know what feet taste like?"
"I just know.
Cassandra Clare
#27. Plus, no matter how many times I'd brushed my teeth in Casey's bathroom (after half an hour she'd knocked on the door to make sure I was okay), the taste of disgusting, womanizing bastard was still in my mouth. Ugh!
Kody Keplinger
#28. I hope I know my own unworthiness, and that I hate and despise myself and all my fellow-creatures as every practicable Christian should.
Charles Dickens
#29. I am a believer in free will. If my dog chooses to hate the whole human race except myself, it must be free to do so.
Diana Wynne Jones
#30. Principled hate is a hell of a lot stronger than "Boy, I wish you hadn't mummified me and thrown me into the lake" hate.
John Green
#31. I hate when people say 'I see'. It doesn't mean anything and I think it's hostile. Whenever anyone tells me 'I see' I think they're really saying 'Fuck you'.
Peter Cameron
#32. I object!
What?
Bugger, was that acting?
Is not courtroom, Katya.
Shut up! I'm not good at having two conversations at once. And I hate Scott's plan!
You mean you "object" to it.
Joss Whedon
#33. To be honest, I thought of you as an amateur - a spoiled, entitled, runaway princeling bent on revenge who would get caught and then complicate my elegant scheme. I figured the less you knew, the better."
"I hate it when you sugarcoat things," Ash said.
Cinda Williams Chima
#34. One the advantages about this life is that you can hate someone without knowing him
Alessandro Manzoni
#35. They said I was a valued customer, now they send me hate mail.
Sophie Kinsella
#36. I hate you. I hate you so much I hope you get a severe allergic reaction to chocolate and sex.
Eden Butler
#37. I hate when I break my own rules. What's the point of me being rational if I flail around like a clown?
Jesse Ball
#38. Now I remember why I hate eating sheep. Horrible, fluffy things that give me hair balls and indigestion. ( Saphira from the Eragon Series)
Christopher Paolini
#39. Her hands cupped his face, thumbs caressing his cheekbones. "I love you, Mr. Bennett."
"Good thing. Hate to be the only one afflicted.
Ellen O'Connell
#40. My whore of a brother has done it again." "Then, as always, orders me to clean up the mess." "I think I hate him." Poseidon to his brother, Zeus.
Yelle Hughes
#41. This is supposed to be a surprise - a huge, life-changing surprise that could make or break our future. Or my kneecaps if George decides he really does hate me.
Tara Sivec
#42. students, eh, you can love them or hate them, but you're not allowed to hit them with a shovel
Terry Pratchett
#43. You've got to have, like, a lentil for a soul to hate wiener dogs.
Laini Taylor
#44. (We are merely narrators, and would hate to make assumptions as to what the reader would find tragic.)
Cynthia Hand
#46. Haydn lets out a low whistle. "You're a real piece of work."
"It's okay," I say, turning to face him. "I got the memo." He arches a brow. "The one that says you hate my guts. There's no need to rub it in.
Siobhan Davis
#47. It wasn't fair, he thought - Aaron having no family and Tamara having her scary family and now Jasper. Soon, there would be no one left for him to hate without feeling bad about it.
Cassandra Clare
#48. <> Me, too ... Huh, maybe I do like Tom Cruise. But I hate feeling pressured to find him attractive. I don't.
Rainbow Rowell
#49. I don't smoke a lot of pot anymore. No one wants to hang around a guy who ends every sentence with, "Do you guys hate me?"
Mike Birbiglia
#51. So? Most people hate their jobs. That's why they're called jobs.
David Nicholls
#52. I hate when I look in my closet and find clothes instead of Narnia.
H.B. Bolton
#53. There's not enough psychedelic stuff on TV. I want the world to be a bit weirder than it is. I hate reality, so I hate reality TV. But I love Columbo.
Noel Fielding
#54. Being a leader is making the people you love hate you a little more each day.
Patrick Ness
#55. Why do people who so obviously hate children have so many of them? Audrey asked...Because they hate everyone else more. Their bratty kids are their revenge on a society that has denied them the riches they so rightly deserve.
Shaun David Hutchinson
#56. I hate to think that all my current experiences will someday become stories with no point.
Bill Watterson
#57. You know why the French hate us so much? Thay gave us the croissant. And you know what we did with it? We turned it into our croissandwich, thank you very much.
Denis Leary
#58. He tasted all minty and fresh, and lord knows I had to have tasted all rotten, full of hate and frustration.
Ethan Day
#59. Fucking hell." He sighed dramatically. "I hate you, Beckstrom."
"Hold on to that," I said. "You know, because anger will get you there.
Devon Monk
#60. I hate positive people. They always criticize negative people.
Daniel Marques
#61. International awareness of his deceptive practices is the reflection of the frustration that is prevailing in Sri Lanka which the President is trying to undermine by the traditional emotive and hate mongering politics.
Nilantha Ilangamuwa
#62. I hate women who complain about being fat when they're like a size 5. Anything under size 5 isn't a woman. It's a boy with breasts.
Laurell K. Hamilton
#63. I'm so good at my job the law thinks I'm three different hit men and a serial killer. I speak Russian and French, I never had a pet, and the reason why you hate my coffee is that it's decaf.
J. Fally
#64. New Rule: There's only one thing to say about the Christian Film and Television Commission giving me the Bigoted Bile Award and naming Religulous the number-one Most Unbearable Movie of 2008: Thank you! You hate me, you really hate me!
Bill Maher
#65. We hate it when our friends become successful.
Morrissey
#66. I really hate that I need my glasses while using my laptop. What I hate even more is that I need those glasses to be full of vodka at all times.
-Karen Quan and Jarod Kintz
Karen Quan
#67. I hated Shallow Grave, that movie made me angry. And I hated Happiness. I generally hate movies that use extreme violence or gratuitous shock value in place of having a heart. For example: movies that combine extremely sadistic violence with humor I find offensive.
Jesse Michaels
#68. If it weren't for greed, intolerance, hate, passion and murder, you would have no works of art, no great buildings, no medical science, no Mozart, no Van Gough, no Muppets and no Louis Armstrong.
Jasper Fforde
#71. Humor is how you change people's opinions, and if you can make someone laugh, they'll listen, even if they hate you.
John Waters
#73. I hate the vamp jobs. They think they're so suave. It's not enough for them to slaughter and eat you like a zombie would. No, they want to be all sexy, too. And trust me: vampires? Not. Sexy.
Kiersten White
#74. Why don't you come with me?"
"Why? Where are you going?"
"Home. I've had enough. I hate England."
"Hate England?" It was too much to grasp, with a head full of searing headache.
Geraldine McCaughrean
#75. I would so hate to be a first-person character! Always on your guard, always having people read your thoughts!
Jasper Fforde
#76. God, I hate rogue necromancers," said Magnus. "Why can't they just follow the rules?"
"Probably because the biggest rule is 'no necromancy'?" Emma suggested
Cassandra Clare
#77. The GPS still has return coordinates programmed, although when I crank over the engine, I get the "reprogramming route" message. I hate the tone of these things-it manages to be mechanical yet condescending at the same time. All systems have it. Some frustrated engineer's idea of a joke, I suppose.
Jeanne C. Stein
#78. I shouldn't have to do the foot-soldier work, Tahiri. Be my eyes and ears. I'd hate to have to use ch'hala trees. You're smarter than a tree
aren't you?
Darth Caedus to Tahiri Veila
Karen Traviss
#79. I hate that there's never anyting good on TV on Saturday afternoons. It's like even the networks are trying to get you off your ass and have a life.
Julie Murphy
#80. If he didn't call you by name, then you've got nothing to worry about. Maybe he has a glass eye and couldn't look at anyone but you."
"You could be right. But I've always thought glass eyes were kind of expressionless, not hate-filled and menacing.
Liliana Hart
#81. I hate nothing more then being angry and outside. It always feels like I lost an argument and was kicked out of the house
Larry Gent
#82. I would hate to see the state of my house if I had displeased Amelia under my roof. The servents would revolt. No doubt I'd have gruel for dinner, holes in my shirts, and the most foul-smelling tallow candles they could find.
Kristi Ann Hunter
#83. I hate patience. Slows everything down.
J.D. Robb
#84. I hate girls that giggle all the time ...
You hate any girl that David looks at.
Audrey Hepburn
#85. I'm just a simple guy. I love beer, sex, and hockey. I hate liars, Sting, and art that doesn't have people in it. - Luke Almeida
Kate Meader
#86. I hate you, I thought, I hate you with your bloody nature-boy airs and your bloody forced-march voyage of bloody discovery. I wondered then if Finn's personality worked on everyone, or whether I had just the the right sort of mentality to fall in step with a self-centered hermit-boy crab murderer.
Meg Rosoff
#87. In an interview, Paris Hilton said that of her and her sister, "People love to hate us. But when you know us, you love us. And if you really get to know us, you get gonorrhea."
Tina Fey
#88. For the record, I hate skiing ... and if you get killed doing it, GOOD.
Jim Norton
#91. I like a woman with a head on her shoulders. I hate necks.
Steve Martin
#92. So are you happy? he asks.
I hate it when anyone asks me that. It's such a loaded fucking question. Are they talking aggregate years? Doesn't it depend on the day, the moment? Or are they referring to last year or last month?
Terry McMillan
#93. I hate niggas! I hate em! I wish they'd let me join the Ku Klux Klan!
Chris Rock
#94. New Rule: You don't need a paper shredder. I've seen your mail
it's not that interesting. What are you worried about, that the magazine from the auto club might fall into the wrong hands? I hate to break it to you 007, but the Victoria's Secret catalog isn't actually a secret.
Bill Maher
#95. I hate meeting new people even new clients who intend to give me money. I try to be pleasant but I'm not very good at it. The best I can usually pull off is 'professional if somewhat chilly.' It's not ideal no. But it beats 'awkward and bitchy.
Cherie Priest
#96. Nothing so uncertain as general reputation. A man injures me from humor, passion, or interest; hates me because he has injured me; and speaks ill of me because he hates me.
Henry Home, Lord Kames
#97. I hate seeing people that look like you. Especially if God's living by the motto 'If at first you don't succeed.'
Demetri Martin
#99. Why hate someone for the color of their skin when there are much better reasons to hate them.
Denis Leary
#100. I'm not a vegetarian because I love animals, I'm a vegetarian because I hate plants.
A. Whitney Brown
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