Top 100 Kinky Friedman Quotes
#1. I support gay marriage. I believe they have a right to be as miserable as the rest of us.
Kinky Friedman
#2. I even went so far as to become a Southern Baptist for a while, until I realized that they didn't hold 'em under long enough.
Kinky Friedman
#3. If you're lookin' for a helpin' hand, try the one at the end of your arm.
Kinky Friedman
#4. Seventeen publishers rejected the manuscript, at which time we knew we had something pretty hot.
Kinky Friedman
#6. I just want Texas to be number one in something other than executions, toll roads and property taxes.
Kinky Friedman
#7. You've got to find what you love and let it kill you. I don't think any of us should ever forget that.
Kinky Friedman
#8. This is called "spiritual lifting." It's not heavy lifting. The governor of Texas should not be confused with Arnold Schwarzenegger. That's a powerful position. The governor of Texas can't do any heavy lifting really. It's not that powerful a position.
Kinky Friedman
#9. Whether your destination is heaven or hell, you always have to change planes in Dallas.
Kinky Friedman
#10. People are drooling for the truth. They want honesty from politicians, and they're not getting it.
Kinky Friedman
#11. Cuban cigars is a big expense because I do smoke a lot of them, eight to 12 a day, so that would be almost as bad as a cocaine habit, a hundred bucks a day.
Kinky Friedman
#12. I'm not afraid to live. I'm not afraid to fail. I'm not afraid to succeed. I'm not afraid to fall in love. I'm not afraid to be alone. I'm just afraid I might have to stop talking about myself for five minutes.
Kinky Friedman
#13. Finding a cat
or having a cat find you
can change your world as much as marriage, divorce, love, death, or even winning the lottery can, and sometimes more.
Kinky Friedman
#14. If Raymond Chandler came from the South, his name would be Ace Atkins.
Kinky Friedman
#15. I want to be governor [of Texas] because I need the closet space.
Kinky Friedman
#16. Remember: Y'all is singular. All y'all is plural. All y'all's is plural possessive.
Kinky Friedman
#17. When you have a cat you assume certain responsibilities that, in a spiritual sense, transcend those of a marital or a business relationship.
Kinky Friedman
#20. We've got to clear some of the room out of the prisons so we can put the bad guys in there, like the pedophiles and the politicians.
Kinky Friedman
#21. If Willie Nelson had been Rosa Parks, there never would have been a civil rights movement in this country, because he refuses to leave the back of the bus.
Kinky Friedman
#22. He looked like an accountant or a serial-killer type. Definitely one of the service industries.
Kinky Friedman
#23. The art of writing fiction is to sail as dangerously close to the truth as possible without sinking the ship
Kinky Friedman
#24. I don't believe in carrying a weapon. If somebody wants to shoot me, he'll have to bring his own gun.
Kinky Friedman
#25. There will be a whole new spirit blowing through Texas. There will be a smile on everybody's face and a chill up the spine of every politician.
Kinky Friedman
#26. The Ten Commandments being taken out of the public schools. I want them back.
Kinky Friedman
#27. You can pick your friends and you can pick your nose, but you can't wipe your friends off on a saddle.
Kinky Friedman
#29. I am not anti-death penalty, but I'm damned sure anti-the-wrong-guy-getting-executed.
Kinky Friedman
#31. I'd felt that a man without a woman was like a neck without a pain.
Kinky Friedman
#33. Money can buy you a fine dog, but only love can make him wag his tail.
Kinky Friedman
#34. I rarely meddled in the cat's personal affairs and she rarely meddled in mine. Neither of us was foolish enough to attribute human emotions to our pets.
Kinky Friedman
#35. Well, I hate to be the one to take the flyswatter to Tinker Bell, but ...
Kinky Friedman
#36. He looked a shade too healthy and nobody likes that. Particularly in New York.
Kinky Friedman
#38. The folks in Mississippi are saying, 'Thank God for Texas.'
Kinky Friedman
#39. I have a better head of hair than Rick Perry; it's just not in a place I can show you.
Kinky Friedman
#40. I'm not pro-life, and I'm not pro-choice. I'm pro-football.
Kinky Friedman
#41. The distance between the limousine and the gutter is a short one.
Kinky Friedman
#42. I was so high, I needed a stepladder to scratch my own ass.
Kinky Friedman
#43. No matter where you go, you always see yourself in the rearview mirror.
Kinky Friedman
#44. I've always said money may buy you a fine dog, but only love can make it wag its tail.
Kinky Friedman
#45. Like most of us, I determined that I'd rather be a large part of the problem than a small part of the solution.
Kinky Friedman
#46. And I'll tell you another thing, you won't find any candidate that supports prayer in school and gay marriage. For that reason alone, people should vote for an independent-thinking person.
Kinky Friedman
#47. The good teachers are bailing out. Education is very important ... This should be the centerpiece on the table of Texas.
Kinky Friedman
#48. The system is not perfect. Until it's perfect, let's do away with the death penalty.
Kinky Friedman
#49. You never marry the person you first see 'Casablanca' with.
Kinky Friedman
#50. William Bennett is my patron saint, one of them. Redd Foxx is another.
Kinky Friedman
#51. We're all worm bait waiting to happen. It's what you do while you wait that matters.
Kinky Friedman
#52. There are more inspirational people in music than there are in politics.
Kinky Friedman
#53. May the God of your choice bless and keep you. I respect Him as long as He does not circumcise me anymore.
Kinky Friedman
#55. In six days the Lord created the heavens and the earth and all the wonders therein. There are some of us who feel that He might have taken just a little more time.
Kinky Friedman
#56. I don't apologize to people who try to intimidate.
Kinky Friedman
#57. Golf is the only opportunity that middle-aged WASPs have to dress up like a pimp.
Kinky Friedman
#59. You have to pretend that your life is a financial pleasure even when your autographs are bouncing.
Kinky Friedman
#60. Inspiration thing is important, to teach the kids that JFK is not an airport, RFK's not a stadium, Martin Luther King ain't a street
Kinky Friedman
#61. If you gotta kill two birds, might as well get stoned.
Kinky Friedman
#62. This system is really broken. No Child Left Behind has really failed and the only way to solve education is to leave one governor behind.
Kinky Friedman
#63. These days, there are many people around the world who listen to the songs that made me infamous and read the books that made me respectable.
Kinky Friedman
#64. Always beware of people offering you one-time money. That only works in an election year. How are you going to permanently pay for education?
Kinky Friedman
#65. Musicians can run this state better than politicians. We won't get a lot done in the mornings, but we'll work late and be honest.
Kinky Friedman
#66. A happy childhood ... is the worst possible preparation for life.
Kinky Friedman
#67. It wasn't a healthy attitude, but it wasn't really a healthy world.
Kinky Friedman
#68. Rocky Hawkins has written a rare, fun and beautiful book. If you don't believe me, read it for yourself.
Kinky Friedman
#70. In April 1933, Willie's mother, Myrle, gave birth to him in a manger somewhere along the old highway between Waco & Dallas. There were angels in attendance that night. Some of them, no doubt, flying too close to the ground:
Kinky Friedman
#71. Remember, the Legislature is the joke, not our campaign.
Kinky Friedman
#72. Poly means more than one, and ticks are bloodsucking parasites.
Kinky Friedman
#73. You struggle with your demons and you conquer them.
Kinky Friedman
#74. I admit I was drinking a Guinness ... but I did not swallow.
Kinky Friedman
#75. I'm also for gay marriage, because I say they have every right to be just as miserable as the rest of us. Love is bigger than government. And Texas, by the way, has a very progressive law about gay couples adopting kids. We just won't let them get married. So that's not common sense.
Kinky Friedman
#76. An editor's job is to take something great and make it good.
Kinky Friedman
#77. There is a difference between who is important and who is significant.
Kinky Friedman
#79. My three favorite travel writers of all time are Robert Louis Stevenson, Graham Greene, and Chuck Thompson. Smile When You're Lying not only tells the truth about the travel-writing racket, it gets to the heart of some of the travel industry's best-kept secrets.
Kinky Friedman
#81. No, nothing has changed in my life at all, and nothing would change if I had millions.
Kinky Friedman
#82. On the whole I prefer cats to women because cats seldom if ever use the word 'relationship'.
Kinky Friedman
#83. And I think musicians can better run this state than politicians. And, hell, beauticians can better run the state than politicians.
Kinky Friedman
#84. The teachers are getting screwed, blued, and tattooed by the system.
Kinky Friedman
#86. I came from an upper-middle class home, which is always a hard cross for a country singer to bear.
Kinky Friedman
#87. I don't think I have even achieved fame. Of course, Hemingway says that fame is death's little sister.
Kinky Friedman
#88. Why did i so passionately require the truth? because all great fiction is true
Kinky Friedman
#89. I don't see how the people who created the problem can fix it. Texas is worth fighting for, and the best way to fight is to get the politicians out of politics.
Kinky Friedman
#90. Friday night was the night most people thought they were supposed to have fun. Trouble was most people didn't know what fun was or how to have it, so things usually ended up pretty ugly.
Kinky Friedman
#91. The reason educational spending in Texas is so low is because you don't have a state tax there, and that's why Texas is big growth because you don't tax people to death.
Kinky Friedman
#92. I'm going to lower the drinking age to eighteen. If you're old enough to die in Iraq, you're old enough to drink.
Kinky Friedman
#93. You don't accomplish much by swimming with the mainstream. Hell, a dead fish can do that.
Kinky Friedman
#94. Yes, I'm a Judeo-Christian. Jesus and Moses are in my heart, and ... both of them were independents, by the way.
Kinky Friedman
#95. I believe that voices like Ross Perot (search), Pat Buchanan, Ralph Nader should be heard. They don't have to be president. Give 'em a chance.
Kinky Friedman
#97. My goal as a young man, to be fat, famous and financially fixed by 50.
Kinky Friedman
#98. Students don't know who Mark Twain was because he wasn't on the test.
Kinky Friedman
#99. They probably would've taken Jesus if he hadn't been nailed down.
Kinky Friedman
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