Top 71 Funny Gay Quotes
#1. You can't just go gay, its not like buying a ladder.
Noel Fielding
#2. I'd like to make it clear from the start that I am gay, gay,
gay. Like, when I come out of the closet, I'm usually wearing
my sister's prom dress kind of gay.
Gwen Hayes
#3. My cousin is gay, I always tell him that in our family tree, he's in the fruit section.
Rodney Dangerfield
#4. It's not called being gay, it's called being fabulous!
PewDiePie
#5. Dear Hope, I NEVER thought Id see the day when two of your daily e-mails sandwiched a message from none other than PAUL PARLIPIANO. My crush to end all crushes! Gay man of my dreams! OOOH!
Megan McCafferty
#6. Is he following? Can you have a flaming gay moment or something and check?"
"Why do I have to be the flaming gay one?
Finn Marlowe
#7. No doubt two straight men couldn't easily fit in it together let alone maneuver around each other. Gay men had all sorts of space-saving advantages, namely their willingness to insert parts into one another.
Gina A. Rogers
#8. Dear Josh, we stopped by to fuck you but you didn't answer the door. Therefore you are gay.
Sincerely, Tiffany and Amber.
Daniel Clowes
#9. Rock-Paper-Scissors for it."
"But you always cheat," Blake whined. "And then you just punch me and growl that 'rock beats face'.
Kyle Adams
#10. The problem is that we live in an uptight country. Why don't we just laugh at ourselves? We are funny. Gays are funny. Straights are funny. Women are funny. Men are funny. We are all funny, and we all do funny things. Let's laugh about it.
Bob Newhart
#12. Day drag." Ashley answered simply. "The sun turns vampires into dust and drag queens into this." He motioned with his hand down his body.
Kyle Adams
#13. I'm actually all for gay marriage. Just the thought of having a man around the house ...
Daniel Tosh
#14. Breckin shrugs. "I'm new here. And if you haven't deducted from my impeccable fashion sense, I think it's safe to say that I'm ... " he leans forward and cups his hand to his mouth in secrecy. "Mormon," he whispers.
Colleen Hoover
#15. I mean if you two were to make love, that would be gay. Two men touching each other physically and emotionally ... erotically caressing each other ... on the hood of a car ... or the back of a movie theater ...
Kristen Schaal
#16. [...]he's a man you'd be proud to bring home to mom.
Gay or straight.
Unfortunately, if your mother is anything like mine, you'd probably never get him back out of her house.
Adrienne Wilder
#17. I wasn't close to my father, but I wanted to be all my life. He had a funny sense of humor, and he laughed all the time - good and loud, like I do. He was a gay Irish gentleman and very good-looking. And he wanted to be close to me, too, but we never had much time together.
Judy Garland
#18. People don't know if i'm gay, straight or an alien from outer space.. its funny
Gerard Way
#19. It's not wrong, pal," he said to her back. "You've been brought up to think so. Most of us have. But who are they hurting? Nobody. They're just making each other happy. And you want their heads to roll because it makes you feel funny.
Ann Bannon
#20. I had heard before that there were rumors I was gay. It's funny. My cousin gets his hair cut at this place, and one of the guys there told him that Scott Wolf was gay. He didn't realize that he was my cousin.
Scott Wolf
#21. There is some sort of perverse pleasure in knowing that it's basically impossible to send a piece of hate mail through the Internet without its being touched by a gay program. That's kind of funny.
Eric Allman
#22. Isabelle looked dubious. "Mom and Dad won't be pleased if they find out."
"That you freed a possible criminal by trading away your brother to a warlock who looks like a gay Sonic the Hedgehog and dresses like the Child Catcher from Chitty Chitty Bang Band? Simon inquired. "No, probably not.
Cassandra Clare
#23. I realized I was gay in the shower one day with Barbra Streisand. It happened while I was lathering, rinsing, and repeating with Pert Plus. As I was belting out the chorus to my favorite song from 'Funny Girl,' 'Oh my man, I love him so, he'll never know ... ' it hit me.
Ross Mathews
#24. Look, if I were straight, you'd be grandparents before your time. You should be relieved that I'm gay. Aren't you grateful?
Hayden Thorne
#25. I'm in a weird position, because I like rainbows, but I'm not gay. So whenever I go out wearing a rainbow shirt, I have to put "Not gay." But I'm not against gays, so under that I'll have to put " ... but supportive." It's weird how one group of people took refracted light. That's very greedy, gays.
Demetri Martin
#26. I was in the recording studio when Pink was recording for a part of the gay rights anthem. It was just amazing to watch her perform. She's just such an incredible singer. She so funny, and so smart, yet she's doing it for this silly, silly song.
Judd Apatow
#27. It's upsetting that it is such a big deal. I wish it weren't an issue all the time. It's funny that people say it's a departure, because I've been acting since I was a child. I've played three gay roles out of hundreds.
Randy Harrison
#28. People sometimes think I'm gay because I once played a gay in a movie. It's funny. Audiences don't think you're a murderer if you play a murderer, but they do think you're gay if you play a gay.
Perry King
#29. His ass has seen more cock than a poultry farm!
Lou Harper
#30. You don't think that mean people can be funny, and Jane Lynch is the epitome of that. If there could be, like, a gay version of 'Mean Girls,' I'd totally be in it.
Alex Newell
#31. Scoot over, man. I don't like you that much."
"Dick. That's not what you said last night."
"Bite me.
Rachel Caine
#32. Is she special? (asks the gay waiter)" I thinks she's going to break my heart" On arrival of the girl" The flannel is fine honey,but I have'nt seen anyone that over accesorized since batman!
Christopher Moore
#33. You've been all black and white, like Kansas. It's time to get back to Oz. Enjoy the colors.
Kaje Harper
#34. Don't you even watch gay porn?"
It was Ryan's turn to blush. "Not really. Sometimes. Not very often, though."
"Why not?"
He shrugged awkwardly. "It doesn't really turn me on."
"You need to watch better porn," Henry muttered.
Anna Martin
#35. -Question: "On a scale from one to ten how fierce are you?"- David: "You are just asking me this because I am gay ... What the fuck does that mean?" -David Levithan, at Teen Lit Con-
David Levithan
#36. Ahhh, you two are special friends." Nick
"How do you mean?" Kyrian
"He thinks we're a couple" Ash
"No No No Definitely not. Not that Acheron is not an attractive man, not that I've ever really noticed whether or not he's attractive, but male is not my type." Kyrian
Sherrilyn Kenyon
#37. GRANDMA: Are you a gay?
ORPHEUS: I am straight. I'm definitely dating a girl, gran. Do you think she's a man?
*She laughs*
ORPHEUS' BRAIN: Thank god she took it as a joke. I would have been executed on the town square for such a rude back answer.
Scarlett Brukett
#38. Is this your boyfriend?" the first nun asked.
Clair Olivia looked me up and down. "No. This is my gay friend who decided he was straight and single-handedly wrecked havoc at an all-boys school in Massachusetts this fall. He's gay again and home for Christmas, so yay!
Bill Konigsberg
#39. He swallowed, and his voice was a bit rough, but he was "You know, I think moving is key to this whole fucking thing."
"This does t feel good?" Gavin kissed under Jamie's ear while rubbing circles around his nipples with a hard palm.
"What is this, Fucking For Slackers?
K.A. Mitchell
#40. I'm gay for Jesus, fill me with your grace. Pour your love all over me, but please aim away from my face.
Bo Burnham
#41. The token gay character is always so funny and so fantastic. That's happened a lot. Or they're often purely victims.
Ezra Miller
#42. I'm sitting in the bus station, minding my own business, reading 'Ta-Da!' magazine; a magazine by and for gay magicians, but that's a different story.
Dave Attell
#43. In the old-fashioned sitcoms, to be gay was, in itself, funny, and you laughed at the characters rather than with them.
Ian McKellen
#44. What do you mean 'speaking of fairy tales'? Since when do fairy tales include gigolos?" Annie asked.
"Well, since most fairy-tale princes are either gay or weirdly attached to their mommies, I think Walt Disney should seriously consider their inclusion," Sophie answered.
Elle Aycart
#45. Our witness, one Edward Littleton, was as gay as Elton John's handbag.
Ann Somerville
#46. We didn't, with 'Will & Grace,' set out to change the gay world. We just set out to be funny.
Eric McCormack
#47. I had to face the fact that I had been using my gay friends as props. They were always supposed to be funny and entertain me and praise me and listen to my problems, and their life was supposed to be a secret that no one wanted to hear about. I wanted them to stay in the half closet.
Tina Fey
#48. Christ, they'd be getting a cat next. He mentally recoiled from the idea: the day they did that, he'd cut off his dick and call himself a lesbian.
Kate Aaron
#49. My cousin is gay, in school while other kids were dissecting frog, he was opening flies.
Rodney Dangerfield
#50. What am I supposed to do if I go bald? Get a wig? Fat, goofy, gay, wig. I might as well get a piano and start an Elton John tribute act!
Alan Carr
#51. You know how some people have gay-dar? I have fat-dar. I can automatically tell if you're fat or not. And I also have cerebral-palsy-dar.
Zach Galifianakis
#52. Actually, I wouldn't mind a Malibu and coke."
"You're having a fucking pint."
"Is my choice of drink too gay for you?"
"Malibu and coke is a pussy drink. Last I heard you were strictly anti-pussy.
L.A. Gilbert
#53. I love you like a gay geneticist loves designer genes.
Bo Burnham
#54. And if ten percent of men are gay and twenty percent of men are Chinese, what are the odds that a men chosen at random spends his free time and mealtime while on his knees.
Bo Burnham
#55. I am a gay writer, but I am also a Scottish writer and some days a lazy writer, or a funny writer. Being gay is just a part of who I am.
Damian Barr
#56. He's wearing flannel!" Alan yelped. "He's shoving his straight in my face!
K.D. Sarge
#57. Welcome to apartment life," Cash breathed.
"I sure know how to make a great first impression," I muttered, following Cash as he laughed. I didn't see what was so funny. I'd been yearning for that kiss for months.
"No welcome cookies for you then.
Shaye Evans
#58. The worst of being a Communist is the parties you may go to are - well - awfully funny and touching but not very gay ... I don't see the point of sad parties, do you? And Left-wing people are always sad because they mind dreadfully about their causes, and the causes are always going so badly.
Nancy Mitford
#59. And Sanderson?" "Are you kidding? I bet his girlfriend is a dominatrix or something." "Or his boyfriend." "No, he's so not cool enough to be gay." She was very funny.
Mary Calmes
#60. A peacock escaped from the Central Park Zoo and wandered around the city. Either that or I just saw a pigeon on his way to a gay pride parade.
Jimmy Fallon
#61. I went to a gay bar, they wanted proof of sex so I showed them, they said it wasn't enough.
Rodney Dangerfield
#62. I have no idea why gay men love me, but I would have to assume it's because they know how much I love the gays! Everyone needs a good gay man in their life.
Chelsea Handler
#63. He patted my shoulder. "What's up with you? All of a sudden, you're bucking the system."
"i got drunk and had an epiphany."
"Shit, this is serious!" He gasped. "Last time that happened to me, i woke up gay.
J.C. Isabella
#64. I support gay marriage. I believe they have a right to be as miserable as the rest of us.
Kinky Friedman
#65. Because, like Dorothy in the Wizard of Oz, I was embraced by the gays. They loved me and praised me. I was funny and so mean and mature for my age!
Tina Fey
#66. I really don't have a problem with gay marriage ... because I'm tolerant and rational.
David Cross
#67. Any of you who have members of your family in the lifestyle, we have a member of our family that is [lesbian]. This is not funny. It's a very sad life. It's part of Satan, I think, to say that this is gay.
Michele Bachmann
#69. First, I'm going to teach you how to Irish Whip someone."
"Oh, that sounds kinky. I want my safeword to be peaches," I said, grinning.
Kyle Adams
#70. A lot of my friends are club people. It's not me. It's funny to represent that, because it's not me. I don't fit into a gay club setting. It's just ironic that I represent that somehow.
Randy Harrison
#71. I don't wanna be labeled as straight or labeled as gay. I just want people to look at me and see me as white.
Sarah Silverman
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