Bo Burnham Famous Quotes & Sayings

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Top 100 Bo Burnham Quotes

#1. Bitches and hoes don't exist because the hoes know Bo's a feminist. - Author: Bo Burnham
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#2. Twitter is a lot like crystal meth, because it's really fun to do and Oprah's on it. - Author: Bo Burnham
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#3. My first concern is that when you go to a show, you should be present. It's much more exciting to put the camera down and lose yourself in it. - Author: Bo Burnham
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#4. Drugs kill, just like cancer. So don't smoke ... tumors. - Author: Bo Burnham
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#5. Love is all about ... whistles. - Author: Bo Burnham
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#6. I think comedy has a range, with multiple peaks in different areas. It's like trying to compare Beethoven and the Beatles. Sometimes I hear from people, 'I think you try too hard in your comedy.' And that's what I worry about. - Author: Bo Burnham
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#7. If I had a dime for every time a homeless guy asked me for change, I'd still say no. - Author: Bo Burnham
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#8. Once a week, I like to slip into a deep existential depression where I lose all my sense of oneness and self-worth. - Author: Bo Burnham
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#9. I'm not a grown up until everybody realises I'm a grown up. When everyone remembers me as the dirty kid singing little songs I am the dirty little kid. - Author: Bo Burnham
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#10. Your afraid of sharks?
Really?
They don't even have bones!
They have cartilage.
Are you afraid of ears too? - Author: Bo Burnham
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#11. The U.K. and Europe in general seem to be a lot more patient. The U.S. are expecting 'joke joke joke joke joke joke joke.' They don't actually sit and listen to you. - Author: Bo Burnham
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#12. The strange thing was, when I was starting on YouTube, even the paradigm of YouTube and Internet sensation - or whatever - that didn't really exist. So I didn't even know that that was a thing. - Author: Bo Burnham
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#13. Comedy is very strange to me and I don't fully understand it's purpose or function. - Author: Bo Burnham
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#14. I'm a drunken midget with a loaded gun, a loaded gun. - Author: Bo Burnham
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#15. Maybe life on earth could be heaven, doesn't just the thought of it make it worth a try? - Author: Bo Burnham
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#16. I love you just the way you are
but you don't see you like I do.
You shouldn't try so hard to be perfect.
Trust me, perfect should try to be you. - Author: Bo Burnham
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#17. There's a certain line between jokes and music and poetry that's a bit blurred in my mind. - Author: Bo Burnham
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#18. In comedy, falling means laughter. You can take something sacred and make it silly. The more sacred it is, the funnier it is. It has a bigger drop to fall. - Author: Bo Burnham
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#19. I think controversy has this allusion of being controversial but it's totally not, which is why I'm trying to get away from it because it's just easy and automatic. - Author: Bo Burnham
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#20. I actually wrestled in high school. I was only in one match, and I lost ... my virginity. - Author: Bo Burnham
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#21. When things [writing] are over, I always think, 'well, I'm never going to do anything again because I have no ideas so I'm going to go be a farmer'. Or else ideas will come and and if not then I become a farmer. Hopefully won't happen. - Author: Bo Burnham
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#22. I'd really love to make something that doesn't involve my stupid face. - Author: Bo Burnham
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#23. And an anteater plus a large hungry mutant ant? An ironic way to die. - Author: Bo Burnham
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#24. In high school, I worked eight hours a day just so I could get into the college of my dreams and say that I got in - and I never went. - Author: Bo Burnham
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#25. For me, comedy is constantly presented as this fake casualness, like a guy just walked on stage going, 'This crazy thing happened to me the other day.' And he's in front of 3000 people, and he's acting like an everyman, and he's getting paid so much money. - Author: Bo Burnham
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#26. I don't need anything as long as I have my family, friends, millions of dollars, unlimited pussy. - Author: Bo Burnham
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#27. What's a pirate minus the ship? just a creative homeless guy - Author: Bo Burnham
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#28. I think the comedy clubs tend to homogenize the acts a little bit, because they force them to be palatable in way too many environments. - Author: Bo Burnham
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#29. In the distance, Bo saw a fairy. A fairy so beautiful that he felt proud of being called one in highschool. - Author: Bo Burnham
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#30. Bombs The first bomb dropped unheard, unlike the loudly dropped second and third; then the final bomb dropped from the sky to the ground and the last-seen bomb made the last-heard sound. - Author: Bo Burnham
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#31. All you god damn dirty Catholics can cath-o-lick my balls. - Author: Bo Burnham
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#32. For fifteen cents a day you can feed an African, they eat pennies. - Author: Bo Burnham
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#33. At the time of 'Words, Words, Words,' I'm a 19-year-old getting up feeling like he's entitled to do comedy and tell you what he thinks of the world, so that's inherently a little bit ridiculous. - Author: Bo Burnham
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#34. What's that? My six song album entitled Bo Fo Sho is currently available on iTunes? With three songs that have never been heard on the internet? Uh, and if I try to pirate it for free I'll get AIDS? I would have guessed scurvy. Well, see you later ghost of Dr.Martin Luther King Jr. - Author: Bo Burnham
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#35. I've found, across the board, that comedians have been very respectful and kind to me. And that seems to stem from the fact that they are just respectful and kind people in general. Comedians get a bad rap for being dark and anti-social I think. - Author: Bo Burnham
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#36. When life gets you down, make a comforter! - Author: Bo Burnham
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#37. If your belief is hateful towards people, I couldn't respect that. - Author: Bo Burnham
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#38. Most of my songs make fun of myself. - Author: Bo Burnham
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#39. Imagination They say adults have no imagination. Not true. Just instead of dinosaurs and spaceships, they imagine silence and the new babysitter bent over the coffee table. - Author: Bo Burnham
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#40. The strange thing with Wikipedia is that the first article that ever gets written about you will define your Wikipedia page forever. - Author: Bo Burnham
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#41. When I see someone filming me, I don't usually think, 'No, man, don't put this up online!' I'd think, 'Hey man, you don't get to go to shows very often, put down the camera and enjoy it!' I love going to theatre and to shows so much. - Author: Bo Burnham
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#42. At one point when I was very young, when I was first starting out, I thought, 'Well, one day I'll be able to put all the music away and become a real comedian.' But then I realized there are amazing musical comedians out there, that musical comedy is probably something I'll always want to pursue. - Author: Bo Burnham
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#43. If you were perfect, I'd tattoo this on my chest. If you were beautiful, I'd carve this into a tree trunk. If you were nice, I'd write this in a letter. But you're none of those - - Author: Bo Burnham
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#44. I'm friends with a lot of comedians, but we don't talk about material. Most comedians I know don't watch a lot of other comedy. - Author: Bo Burnham
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#45. The average person has one Fallopian tube. - Author: Bo Burnham
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#46. Ya back home they call me the tie-dye shirt kid, well that and fagot. - Author: Bo Burnham
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#47. What's important is that you stay true to yourself. Because when you enter the real world, the most valuable thing you can bring is all your you-ness. The world doesn't need any more hot chicks or tough guys or smooth talkers - the world needs more you. And don't let anyone tell you otherwise. - Author: Bo Burnham
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#48. Comedy should be a source of positivity. I don't want to bully people, and I don't want people to come to my show to feel terrible about something. So I'm actually very open to having a conversation about what I should or shouldn't say. - Author: Bo Burnham
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#49. My career was exploding at the same time that social media itself was expanding. But when my online videos were taking off, I didn't think, 'Oh, great! I'm going to be able to parlay this into a career!' I just wanted to be a comedian. I just wanted to perform live. - Author: Bo Burnham
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#50. My persona is most importantly just to communicate the material in a way that is most funny and meaningful in the moment. It's more like a character that's sculpted for whatever joke needs communicating at the moment. - Author: Bo Burnham
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#51. I'm gay for Jesus, fill me with your grace. Pour your love all over me, but please aim away from my face. - Author: Bo Burnham
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#52. I believe, firmly, that women are always right. Ah, I should actually rephrase that: I ... don't. - Author: Bo Burnham
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#53. My work is trying to at least define myself on my own terms, and then if other people enjoy things that's a lovely addition. - Author: Bo Burnham
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#54. The strength of comedy is I don't have to answer to anybody but sometimes you want to learn from other people and see your ideas strengthen by other people. - Author: Bo Burnham
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#55. For some comedians it feels so cool to be like: 'I'll say anything, man!'. I'm not quite there yet. - Author: Bo Burnham
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#56. I stopped and I thought, 'What would Jesus do?' So I didn't exist. - Author: Bo Burnham
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#57. I've always liked the format of YouTube, sharing things for free, which is a nice exchange between people. - Author: Bo Burnham
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#58. I don't try to call myself a poet. But I know that my stuff is pretty literal, in that the themes are pretty simple and on the surface. - Author: Bo Burnham
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#59. I never said I was funny, OK, so stop staring at me ... - Author: Bo Burnham
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#60. People do complain about the way I act on stage ... They think on stage I act too arrogant, too self-obsessed, solecistic, self-contained, synonyms. - Author: Bo Burnham
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#61. Squaring numbers are just like women. If they're under thirteen, just do them in your head. - Author: Bo Burnham
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#62. I've been doin' drive-bys all of my life. Except the bullets are newspapers, the car is my bike. - Author: Bo Burnham
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#63. I got a safe full of cherries 'cause I pop it and lock it. - Author: Bo Burnham
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#64. If Jesus can walk on water, can he swim on land? - Author: Bo Burnham
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#65. Well, man, you know what they say.
No, I don't. I don't know what they say.
I don't even know who they are.
Who is this they?
They seem pretty smug.
They seem to think they know shit.
Fuck them. - Author: Bo Burnham
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#66. I've always liked TV shows that have slightly unlikable leads, where you root for them in spite of a lot of things. I know it's not common with shows with young people; they have to be so likable. But, I mean, teenagers just generally aren't very likable. I know I wasn't as a teenager. - Author: Bo Burnham
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#67. I don't consciously try to make things difficult as much as I try to make them a little different. I like all kinds of laughs. I tried to make a show that elicit groans, guffaws, chuckles, boos. - Author: Bo Burnham
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#68. Comedy doesn't really matter that much; I know that. I treat it like an adult - I don't treat it like a child or a god, which some people do. This might just be in America, but 'stand-up comedy' is something very particular that I don't particularly relate to. - Author: Bo Burnham
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#69. For me, if you distill comedy down, it is surprise and the unexpected. That has to be it on its most base level, in any form. - Author: Bo Burnham
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#70. Quotes are for dumb people who can't think of something intelligent to say on their own. - Author: Bo Burnham
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#71. You guys like impressions? Why? - Author: Bo Burnham
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#72. 'Words, Words, Words' was very much its title. It's just words, words, words and trying to show that I can pack as much material into an hour as I possibly could word count-wise. - Author: Bo Burnham
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#73. Mmmmmm
I like that thing you do with your tongue. What do you call it? Speaking? Yeah, I dig it - Author: Bo Burnham
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#74. Women are like fingers and toes because they're easy to count on. - Author: Bo Burnham
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#75. I thought I wanted to be a physicist in high school until I learned that there was much more math than philosophy in it. I assumed I would just sit around all day and think. - Author: Bo Burnham
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#76. If comedy is about surprises, about tension, there's a lot of tension and surprise there, in the fact that people are expecting this to be natural. - Author: Bo Burnham
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#77. Do unto others as you would have them do to you, said the rapist. - Author: Bo Burnham
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#78. Where are all the sour patch parents? - Author: Bo Burnham
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#79. What do you call a kid with no arms and an eyepatch? Names. - Author: Bo Burnham
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#80. You How, may I ask, did you get so you, you beautiful true-to-you doer? I've met many today but can honestly say that I've never met anyone you-er. - Author: Bo Burnham
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#81. No one entertains the thought that maybe God does not believe in you. - Author: Bo Burnham
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#82. There's a metal train that a mile long and at the very back end a lightning bolt struck her. How long til it reaches and kills the driver, provided that he's a good conductor? - Author: Bo Burnham
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#83. Even if he is your friend, never, ever call an Asian person. - Author: Bo Burnham
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#84. When I tried to hit puberty I swung and I missed. - Author: Bo Burnham
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#85. I remember being superyoung, like nine or ten years old, and thinking, 'Man, I wonder what famous people eat for breakfast. They must have some special kind of cereal!' My mind was so warped by the idea of fame. - Author: Bo Burnham
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#86. Was Einstein's theory good? Relatively. - Author: Bo Burnham
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#87. I masturbate 'cause I'm the only one whose standards are low enough to f-k me. - Author: Bo Burnham
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#88. We're having a traditional Thanksgiving - turkey, mashed potatoes, hat buckles, smallpox, genocide, a blue corn moon, etc. - Author: Bo Burnham
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#89. And if ten percent of men are gay and twenty percent of men are Chinese, what are the odds that a men chosen at random spends his free time and mealtime while on his knees. - Author: Bo Burnham
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#90. If you can think of all the times in your life, some of the happiest times were probably when you were laughing. And some of the worst times in your life you were being laughed at. - Author: Bo Burnham
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#91. Humour is often linked to shared experience. Like, a guy gets up and says, "Have you noticed public restrooms have really inefficient hand-dryers?" Oh my God, yes I have, hahaha, really
good point, they should ... fix that. It's good to know that somebody finally gets me! - Author: Bo Burnham
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#92. The problem for us, as viewers, is that we want famous people who are passionate about the things they're famous for, because that makes them worthy of the attention. But I think many of those famous people just want to be famous. - Author: Bo Burnham
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#93. Fireflies Hey, fireflies! Fly higher, guys! Fly high above this place. Till a sky rise is a wire's size. Then fly off into space. I catch stupid bugs in jars but you're not bugs you're baby stars! - Author: Bo Burnham
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#94. And two balls minus one, six titles at the tour de France. - Author: Bo Burnham
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#95. I just like to write and then perform. - Author: Bo Burnham
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#96. At once I feel that comedy is this amazing sort of transcendent thing, and I'm also open to the fact that maybe it's just an evolutionary hiccup, something that upright apes do in their free time. - Author: Bo Burnham
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#97. Forever and An Instant met up one day,
Had a short, but lovely talk,
then each went on it's way. - Author: Bo Burnham
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#98. Judge Jesus I said, "You can't judge me. Only Jesus can!" He said, "Well I can 'cause I'm a judge and 'cause you just killed a man. - Author: Bo Burnham
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#99. Comedy is the one absolutely self-aware art form. Actually, hip-hop's another one, I suppose. Because in your songs you're talking about how good a hip-hop artist you are. It's like a painter painting a panting of himself painting a painting. - Author: Bo Burnham
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#100. People give me money and I don't know why, my real collection plate is an empty cup held by a homeless guy. - Author: Bo Burnham
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