Top 100 Funny Can't Live Without You Quotes
#1. Greg: Scott, great horde.
My realization was that I could never *actually* live a life where I had to be constantly doing things like praising a dude's horde.
So that made me feel better about myself.
Jesse Andrews
#2. We don't live far away, I'll hold her on my lap. Dominic has Bronagh."
I heard male grumbling then a quick, "I call shot gun."
It was Kane who spoke.
"The fuck?" Damien snapped. "Why do I have to sit between lover boys and the drunken sisters?
L.A. Casey
#3. It's funny, though, because when I first started going to races after we met, I was extremely nervous. It's like being backstage and hoping you don't trip over something or break an amp or accidentally speak into a live microphone, so I was really hesitant.
Ashley Judd
#4. Comedy is a serious business. It's frustrating when I can't find the right thing that makes the crew laugh. If I don't make them laugh, I get very disappointed in myself. You don't really have a live audience, so you just depend on the crew to let you know if you're doing something funny.
Allison Janney
#5. The funny thing is, people only know me for having straight hair for work, but I live in Atlanta where it's hot and humid in the summertime. So when I'm home, I wear my hair natural. My hair is naturally curly; I don't have a relaxer.
Keshia Knight Pulliam
#6. There isn't a need to sugar coat life anymore,
Cant we see we live through enough lies, deciet and painful realities to create more, by stagnating the growth of the ones your suppose to make an Impact on and more importantly yourself.
Let life be funny, but never a joke.
Nikki Rowe
#7. I installed a skylight in my apartment ... The people who live above me are
furious!
Steven Wright
#8. Hey. I just wanted to make sure you got home," I say. "Katniss, I live three houses away from you," he says.
Suzanne Collins
#9. The best thing to ever happen to marriage is the pause-live-TV button.
Rick Reilly
#10. Did you hear about the rose that grew from a crack in the concrete? Proving nature's laws wrong, it learned to walk without having feet. Funny, it seems to by keeping it's dreams; it learned to breathe fresh air. Long live the rose that grew from concrete when no one else even cared.
Tupac Shakur
#11. Doctor told me I've got two weeks to live. I said: "Can I have the last week in July and the 1st week in August?"
Frank Carson
#12. It's funny, our beauty standard has become harder and tougher because we live in a tough age. I don't think anyone wants to walk down the street and feel vulnerable. You want to walk down the street and feel like you're in control.
Tom Ford
#13. I love 'Saturday Night Live,' and it's such a funny show. I don't know if I'm funny enough to be on it but definitely would be interested in doing it.
Lindsey Vonn
#14. What they saw was a hero baby. That's what you are. A survivor. A strong woman. Beautiful... Funny as hell... Sexy... Sweet...
Lucian Bane
#15. He hoped he would live through this, but he was willing to die, if that was what it took to be alive. And, for a moment he thought that the whole thing was funny, just the funniest thing in the world;
Neil Gaiman
#16. You know, I was gutting this loser the other day, and I thought, It'd be more fun fighting that little dhampir. I wonder if she's recovered yet. And here you are."
"Lucky me," I said.
Scarface grinned. "You know, I might even let you live. You're funny.
Karen Chance
#17. A man walks into a hospital feeling unwell and the doctor says: "Sorry, you've only got three minutes to live." The man said: "Can you do something for me?" "Yes," he said. "I'll boil you an egg."
Frank Carson
#18. When I was growing up they used to say, "Robin, drugs can kill you." Now that I'm 58 my doctor's telling me, "Robin, you need drugs to live." I realize now that my doctor is also my dealer ...
Robin Williams
#19. I'd rather live my life believing in God to die and see there is one. Because if there isn't one, it means there's no eternal life, therefore I will never know.
Sandra Chami Kassis
#20. I don't think it's any coincidence that I lost my religious faith and 'manned up' in the same year. I was described somewhere as a lapsed Catholic, which is funny because I'm not going back! I want to achieve things rather than live life in an animalistic way.
Jimmy Carr
#21. Words to live by: If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.
Robin Glasser
#22. I definitely knew I wanted to be an actor in high school. I was doing plays and musicals, and I loved 'Saturday Night Live' and thought that was what I wanted to do - funny sketches and comedies. So I knew then, but I didn't know how to go about it, but I found my way.
Jerry Trainor
#23. The combination of ammonia and chloride can be lethal but I've discovered it can work miracles as long as you keep telling yourself, I want to love, I want to live ...
David Sedaris
#24. The funny thing is, I was never much of a fighter. Better a live coward than a dead hero, that was my motto.
Ozzy Osbourne
#25. Yes. Yes, when we live our life like 1950s detective films. I often go to my fridge, "Hullo, we're out of milk. I say mother, where's the milk?"
Bill Bailey
#26. Even through my good-looking youth, I wasn't called on for any romantic parts, which is okay. What I was called on to do, I enjoyed doing. The funny thing about life is that if you live long enough, I think, you'll get every wish you ever had. It'll all come true.
Morgan Freeman
#27. How Are We to Live is a collection of short stories, not a novel. This in itself is a disappointment. It seems to diminish the book's authority, making the author seem like somebody who is just hanging on to the gates of Literature, rather than safely settled inside.
Alice Munro
#28. A man says to the doctor: "What's the good news?" "You've got 24 hours to live." He says: "What's the bad news?" The doctor says: "We should have told you yesterday."
Frank Carson
#29. When you're sending emails, you live and die by your subject line. Making it personal or funny can increase your open rate 10 times or more. At the very least, try to pitch some value rather than pointless bragging. 'Work Faster!' is better than 'Version 10.4 now available!'
John Wall
#30. We probably won't live long enough to run out of food, or electricity, or anything important." "Oh, you'll live," Murphy said. "I have no doubt." "Really?" Jerome asked, real curiosity in his voice. "What makes you think I'll last?" "Because you're a pussy!
Bobby Adair
#31. It's funny, as you live through something you're not aware of it.
Maya Lin
#32. Isn't it funny how we live inside the lies we believe?
A.S. King
#33. There have been times when I felt suicidal and I would stop my head from going in that direction of negativity because I thought there'd be something I'd miss that was funny in the future. If there's a chance I'm going to laugh tomorrow then want to live to experience that.
Dave Navarro
#34. It seemed that it was not only live magicians which Mr. Norrell despised. He had taken the measure of all the dead ones too and found them wanting.
Susanna Clarke
#35. I live in Los Angeles, I know it exists. I know you're not supposed to taste air.
Marc Maron
#36. In movies, you don't get reactions: Live, when you do a joke, you know in a second whether it's good or bad. But in a movie, since no one is allowed to laugh or do anything, when you're done with a scene, you're left asking, 'Was that funny?'
Carrot Top
#37. To be creative and spontaneous, you have to live with imperfection.
John Abercrombie
#38. Funny! A person lives one way and he thinks all people live that way because there is no other way. Then he goes away somewhere and sees there are other ways to live.
Betty Smith
#39. Best fight ever in a movie: 'They Live.' I want to do a martial arts version of that, where you think it's ended, and it just keeps on going. I love that fight. It was funny as well. Unexpected.
Scott Adkins
#40. Funny how different life could be, so many things that make you take one route instead of another. If only we could live them all.
Peter F. Hamilton
#41. So much of a stand-up's life is doing live radio and having to be funny and quick on the spot with these strangers, and sort of surgical in terms of how funny I can be in three minutes.
Aisha Tyler
#42. When you live in a city, as I do, where violence is really in the streets, and people die every day, there's nothing funny about it.
Alejandro Gonzalez Inarritu
#43. You know what happens on live TV?
Janet Jackson's Super Bowl Boob happens on live TV. Adele Dazeem happens on live TV. President Al Gore happens on live TV
Shonda Rhimes
#44. Hollywood, we decided, was a nice place to die, but we wouldn't want to live there.
Jack Paar
#45. I never thought I'd live this long. It sounds funny because I still think of myself as a kid.
Larry Dixon
#46. I can tell you how bad our boards are ... I don't have to watch Saturday Night Live anymore; I just go to the board meetings.
Carl Icahn
#47. Funny to think that every day you have ever lived is a yesterday, and you will never live one single tomorrow. But then again, every day is a today when you're living it.
Mik Everett
#48. It's funny, my kids and I live together, and I have a lot of actor friends. So my kids think everyone is on television every now and again, since everyone they know pops up here, but there's a whole rap of things they won't watch until they're 16 or 17.
Dallas Roberts
#49. The name fuse followed me from the book to the screenplay, and now I have to live with the name, which I chose in 30 seconds with no thought about how it might sound or what it might imply. It was just a funny thing.
Diablo Cody
#50. Funny, isn't it, how your whole life goes by while you think you're only planning the way you're going to live it?
Edna Ferber
#51. The Doctor says, "You'll live to be 60!" "I AM 60!" "See, what did I tell you?"
Henny Youngman
#52. They say we're 98% water. We're that close to drowning. I like to live on the edge.
Steven Wright
#53. In a funny way, nothing makes you feel more like a native of your own country than to live where nearly everyone is not.
Bill Bryson
#54. A friend of mine from college is married to Neil Levy, who started on 'Saturday Night Live' in the early days and is a really great guy and funny writer.
Richard LaGravenese
#55. Funny is the world I live in. You're funny, I'm interested. You're not funny, I'm not interested.
Jerry Seinfeld
#56. And she didn't once say anything about this being a sin. It used to be I got the word sin slapped in my face every time I did something wrong, but come on, when you live in a sin-free family with sin-free parents and a sin-free sister, well, you can't help but sin a little extra on their behalf.
Han Nolan
#58. Man is born for uprightness. If a man lose his uprightness and yet live, his escape from death is mere good fortune.
Confucius
#59. I would have to hide in the jungle and live wild amoung the pandas
Diane Messidoro
#60. I'm happy for the kid and everything, but how the fuck does Lio get a friend before me? I live here.
'I told you I could do it ' Lio IMs me. I want to rip out that smiley's eyes.
Hannah Moskowitz
#61. A James Cagney love scene is one where he lets the other guy live.
Bob Hope
#62. I live near a remedial school. There is a sign that says, slow ... children. That can't be good for their self esteem. But look of course on the positive side, they can't read it.
Jimmy Carr
#63. 2 Jewish women in New York. One says, "Do you see what's going on in Poland?" The other says, "I live in the back, I don't see anything."
Henny Youngman
#64. Let's roll out, Batman."
"I'm Batman and you're Robin?"
"Don't make me laugh. I'm Spider-Man."
"Then we live in different universes. I'm DC and you're Marvel."
Duncan rolled his eyes. "Can't we all get along? And since when are there different universes?
Mimi Strong
#65. I live on shameless flattery ... and vodka ... but the two usually go hand in hand.
Vicktor Alexander
#66. So now live for real, Craig. Live. Live. Live. Live.
Ned Vizzini
#67. It's funny how we all live under the same sky, but we don't all have the same horizon.
Habeeb Akande
#68. Why do you have to be out of town to write a postcard? I want a to write a postcard to my neighbor: "I still live near you!" The guy sees me go into my apartment, flips the card over, it's just a picture of me holding a rifle.
Jim Gaffigan
#69. It's a funny world, Hobbes."
"True."
"But it's not a hilarious world. ... unless you like sick humour."
"The world is probably funnier to people who don't live here.
Bill Watterson
#70. What would you like to do today?" he says. She gives him a funny look. "What are my options?" "Sky's the limit." She considers it for a moment. "Brunch?" "I say the sky's the limit and all you can come up with is brunch?" "I'm just not sure we live under the same sky.
Jonathan Tropper
#71. I thought the line 'I am the daughter of the former governor of Alaska' was very funny. I think the word is 'sarcasm.' In my family we think laughing is good. My parents raised me to have a sense of humor and to live a normal life.
Andrea Fay Friedman
#72. What I find relatively funny is that I'm not a model. I'm five foot six and a half; I have absolutely no dream or desire to be a model, I don't live for fashion. But when an opportunity comes your way very early in your career, like Burberry, you do it.
Sophie Kennedy Clark
#73. On the stage you're there, it's live. There's a beginning, a middle, an end. When something is funny you hear it right away.
Theodore Bikel
#74. Yeah, I love living in New York, man, and people who live in New York, we wear that fact like a badge right on our sleeve because we know that fact impresses everybody! I was in Vietnam. So what? I live in New York!
Denis Leary
#75. The story of money is very funny. Others burn what we earn. Why not give as we live, so the world will cry when we die. -RVM
R.v.m.
#76. Love requires a willingness to die; marriage, a willingness to live.
Mignon McLaughlin
#77. Sort of' is such a harmless thing to say ... sort of. It's just a filler. Sort of ... it doesn't really mean anything. But after certain things, sort of means everything. Like ... after "I love you" ... or "You're going to live" ... or "It's a boy!
Demetri Martin
#78. It's funny when you start writing an album and then recording - the songs begin to take on a spirit of their own. Once you start to perform it live, this happens even more so than in the studio. They really start to develop a personality that takes shape over time with the audience.
Matt Shultz
#79. It's funny how you can live somewhere your whole life, but not really see it.
Kami Garcia
#80. It's a funny thing ... but people mostly have it backward. They think they live by what they want. But really, what guides them is what they're afraid of. What they don't want.
Khaled Hosseini
#81. Oh. Well was this your first time painting a live model?"
She nodded her head, with an almost guilty look on her face.
"What's it like?"
"Hard," she replied.
Zack Love
#82. Sure. I'd like to live regular. Go home to a good looking wife, a hot dinner, and a husky kid. But I guess I got film in my blood. I love this racket. It's exciting. It's dangerous. It's funny. It's tough. It's heartbreaking.
Weegee
#83. It's funny - when you look at the real A-listers nowadays, look at how many live in and around Hollywood. Most of them live on a ranch in Utah. It's no coincidence these guys get in and get out.
Darren Boyd
#84. I live in a flat with 3 women, I call it surround sound. I keep the ugly one behind the sofa as a woofer.
Frankie Boyle
#86. Some people play a horse to win, some to place. I should have bet this horse to live.
Henny Youngman
#87. When someone told me I live in a fantasy land, I nearly fell off my unicorn.
Unknown
#88. CONFESSION NO. 18 Girls just want to have fun ... and live to tell about it the next day.
Ronda Thompson
#89. It's funny. I thought she'd live through anything."
Charlie said, "Me too. I figured even if there was a nuclear war, it would still leave radioactive cockroaches and your mum.
Neil Gaiman
#90. You don't have to be afraid of me. Eugene likes you. Doc likes you. That means I like you. We're all family now. All the funny little people who live in the cracks of the world.
Richard Kadrey
#91. It's nice to find people who live on the fringe, finding one another and she's just unrelentingly funny.
Steve Carell
#92. According to the fortune-cookie logic most people live by, the best things in life are free. That's crap. I have a gold-plated robot that scratches the exact part of my back where my hands can't reach, and it certainly wasn't free.
Josh Lieb
#93. Do married people live longer than single people or does it just SEEM longer?
Steven Wright
#94. If you find yourself lost in the woods, build a house. "Well, I was lost, but now I live here!"
Mitch Hedberg
#95. Funny how you can get used to not having things you thought you couldn't live without.
Liza Palmer
#96. When you live in a leading lady's body, which I do, you have to constantly prove that you are funny.
Elizabeth Banks
#97. Funny how you can live a whole life waiting and not know it.
Peter Heller
#98. In the dark, Dave reached for Roger's hand as they watched the shadowed lovemaking. "Were we ever that beautiful?"
"You still are," Roger told him.
"Maybe we should make the most of the hurricane."
"This is definitely foreplay."
"It's like Tumblr, the live version.
S.E. Jakes
#99. You see the button with the guy with the tray, and you push it, AND HE ARRIVES WITH A SANDWICH! ... And you think: "Yes! Yes! I control sandwich monkey! I live in magic land, magic land, magic land"
Dylan Moran
#100. This is where you all live?" Asked John as they ascended the stairs. "It's small."
"This is just our Thanksgiving house," Scott muttered. "We have a house for every day of the year.
Adam Rex
