Funny But Hurt Quotes

#1. No funny business. I'll scream and dead or not it will hurt your ears

Penelope Fletcher

#2. We both looked down at the stake through my heart.
Funny. I would have thought that should hurt more.
From the look on the vampire hunter's face, he thought it should hurt more too.

Helen Keeble

#3. I took my father on a coach trip last summer.We were halfway there when the driver lost control of the coach, it flew down a hill around a bend and crashed through a brick wall. I wasn't hurt but luckily my father had the presence of mind to kick my head in.

Chic Murray

#4. I can see why they named that ballet the Nutcracker. It's gotta hurt having 'em crushed in something that tight.

Mark A. Cooper

#5. That's the funny thing about old hurts- they just wait for new heartache to come along and then show up, just as sharp and horrible as the first day you woke up with the world changed all around you.

Lilith Saintcrow

#6. I tried to like it. For me, it was like being smacked around the head by a piece of IKEA furniture: it hurts, but you've got to admire the workmanship.

Bill Bailey

#7. I have always tried to use humor to "help ever" and "hurt never," for I find that to laugh is like swallowing a secret that Santa Claus farted.

David Cross

#8. You support me when I falter, and give me strength to bear the pain of my past. You make me laugh until I hurt, and soothe me when I'm tied up inside. It's funny how things work out, how life can throw curveballs, yet two people wind up exactly where they're supposed to be.

Kristin Miller

#9. He didn't care whose panties he put in a twist to catch this killer. He'd give the whole damned town wedgies if it meant finding out who killed Caroline before Katelyn was hurt and before Alan passed away.

Lori Ryan

#10. I'm apologizing. For whatever I did. For whatever the guy who hurt you did. For the JFK assassination or the botched moon landing. Take your pick." ~Cain, Ghost of You

Kelly Moran

#11. When you knock people out, it's sometimes a very scary situation - but I always hoped that no one got seriously hurt. Now when I see them get knocked out, I laugh. When you finish the game, it's funny. And when I look at film of myself, I think, 'I wouldn't fight that guy.'

Marvin Hagler

#12. I feel very very old. My hair hurts. I have buttocks all over my body and I can't even smoke properly any more. I don't have lungs, I just have two poppadoms in here.

Dylan Moran

#13. You need to be more careful, or you could hurt yourself.
Right. Thank you, Mrs. Detweiler. I never would have come to that conclusion by myself. I was planning on incorporating a backflip into my next walk across the classroom but on second thought ...

Janette Rallison

#14. Maybe curiosity did kill your cat. But it wouldn't hurt to keep an eye on the neighbor's rottweiler just the same.

Lois Greiman

#15. The funny thing is, I've never really hurt myself in an action movie. I've done 'Wanted,' 'X-Men,' 'Welcome To The Punch,' even 'Trance' to a certain extent has little bits of action and stuff, but I've never really hurt myself at all - not even like a sprained ankle.

James McAvoy

#16. Then there was the time in Hollywood when I sat down in a breakaway chair and it collapsed on me. I was nearly knocked out and might have been even more seriously hurt but my fall was broken by the smog.

Jack Paar

#17. Its funny when I'm cyber bullied(anonymously) because when people do it to me,I don't think of how much I want to hurt them or punch them in the face like my friends do ... but I go on this site and write a quote to them back, hoping to kill them with kindness.

Ashley Jackson

#18. I take a lot of pride in managing to be funny without having a victim at the end of my joke. I laugh at a really dark joke as much as the next person, but my jokes, I feel, don't have to hurt anybody to be really funny.

Ross Mathews

#19. The patient says, "Doctor, it hurts when I do this." "Then don't do that!"

Henny Youngman

#20. I was glad to get in that stall. It was a funny feeling, being naked and fighting a man with a gun. I didn't like it. I felt the bullets would hurt more, naked.

Jonathan Latimer

#21. I saw that she was looking right at me. Not dead - dying. Funny how two things could be so similar and yet so far apart. Something about the expression in her liquid black eye made my chest hurt. It was like - patience. Or forgiveness.

Maggie Stiefvater

#22. Does it hurt?"
He bent his head and lightly kissed her forehead. "Only when I laugh."
"I'll try not to be funny."
"Epic fail, beautiful.

Rachel Caine

#23. I've never eaten a Hot Pocket and then afterwards been, "I'm glad I ate that." I'm always like, "I'm gonna die! I paid for that? Did I eat it or rub it on my face? My back hurts."

Jim Gaffigan

#24. Being dead wasn't supposed to hurt. Where was the fairness in that? If I was dead, the least the universe could do was make it painless

Kiersten White

#25. The thing is ... I was a very proud girl. I never wanted to take the chance I might get hurt. Isn't that funny? I was game for any exciting adventure that came my way, but when it came to risking my heart, I was a coward.

Nicole Christie

#26. I just like the continue doing what I've been doing. A melange of funny, straight drama, television, movies, a little theater here and there wouldn't hurt. So if I can keep doing that, I'll be a very happy person.

Mary Tyler Moore

#27. Drainage tubes ran out of his belly and side, and there was a catheter the size of a pencil coming out his penis. Nothing particularly hurt, so he had to assume he was on pretty nearly all the narcotics there were.

James S.A. Corey

#28. So I went to bed, full, happy, and caring nothing for all the hurt of all the englished Welshmen that ever festered upon a proud land

Richard Llewellyn

#29. Herein find fiction full of whimsy, wit, hurt, and terror. Wicked, as in wickedly funny, is in the mix, too, along with a prose style both seductive and sly. Any one of Doug Watson's first collection of stories, The Era of Not Quite, can mend a broken world.

Christine Schutt

#30. It's funny how many ways there are to hurt people. As many ways to hurt as there are species of flower. Whole bouquets of hurt.

Joshua Gaylord

#31. A little vanilla never hurt anybody." He nipped her ankle. "Great shoes by the way. Sexy as hell.

Hanna Lui

#32. Be honest, but don't hurt anyone's feelings be independent, but not a loner be smart, but not a nerd be sexy, but not a slut be skinny, but don't barf up your burger be funny, but not to hide some other deficiency.

Wendy Mass

#33. Black people have slavery. And white people have our own thing-stuff we went though that hurt us that we have to cope with. Like when they took our slaves away. That was really hard for us. So it's pretty even.

Louis C.K.

#34. I love to eat. That's why I got so fat; I love to eat. If I don't walk away from a meal hurting, I didn't do it right. If I don't walk away from Thanksgiving dinner feeling like I've been turkey-f**ked in a gingerbread prison, I didn't do it right.

Greg Behrendt

#35. Sheep hurt my father, and through my father, sheep have also hurt me.

Haruki Murakami

#36. How funny we are, I thought, the way we dance about each other, each afraid of being hurt by the other.

Judith Merkle Riley

#37. He looked longingly out the window at the towering skyline of New York City and thought about jumping. It would hurt less than following orders.

Kelly Moran

#38. He didn't want me to get hurt? Wow. Just wow. I might actually be close to a swoon here

Jessica Verday

#39. He many not be hurt as much as he really is.

Jerry Coleman

#40. Here," I said, shoving the board into his hands. He started laughing.
"WHAT are you laughing at?!" I demanded irritably.
"Well, it's just that ... that's going to hurt a bit, my dear. Go on, bend over. I'll demonstrate.

Sadey Quinn

#41. Puppies are cute. I'm fierce!"
"Yeah!" Evelyn snorted. "Romas says you're as fierce as a kitten."
"A kitten?" Kiera's tone grew more hurt. "I'm not afraid of him, just because he's twelve feet tall and can bench press me with his toes. It's not nice of him to say that

Lizzy Ford

#42. It's funny how seeing another person hurt can break you down faster than your own emotions -Audrey

Suzanne Young

#43. Funny how his two special abilities - taking and giving life - were so opposite, but only the "good" one came with pain. He supposed it made sense; life fucking hurt.

Larissa Ione

#44. I'm sorry I laughed ... I know it isn't funny for you. It was incredibly stupid of me to laugh. Does it hurt a lot anywhere?
'Not really,' I said.
'Only a bit in your soul?'
'Maybe a bit.'
'Let it sink,' he said. 'Just leave it. You can't use it for anything.

Per Petterson

#45. Forgiveness is a funny thing. We act like it has to be earned, as if there are a certain number of hoops someone can jump through to make us forget that they hurt us. But forgiveness can't be earned! It can only be given freely, as a gift!

Louisa Edwards

#46. When I was in boy scouts, I slipped on the ice and hurt my ankle. A little old lady had to help me across the street.

Steven Wright

#47. It is funny how when you have been hurt in love and you fall in love again, every reason you have for loving that person is both enough and not, all at once.

R. YS Perez

#48. Where I come from, they won't let me play with this rope. They think I might hurt myself.

Will Rogers

#49. According to the group People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals, fish have feelings too. Whenever my sons go fishing they always tell me, "Dad it doesn't hurt a fish to get hooked." Well I watch and I see and I believe it's painful for the fish.

Donald Trump

#50. He raised his hand in a peaceful gesture. "You need to relax a bit, dove. Like Mouse over there. You trust me, don't you, Mouse?"
"Nope!"
"Ahhh, I'm hurt. Nobody likes me.

Ilona Andrews

#51. Be serious. Life hurts. Reflect what hurts. I don't mean that you can't also be funny, or have fun, but at the end of the day, stories are about what you lose.

John Irving

#52. Benedict may not be as hurt as he really is.

Jerry Coleman

#53. Zombies, deadheads, corpsicles. What's the difference? They don't care. They don't have feelings to hurt.

Daniel Waters

#54. Two days after my dad's funeral, my mom went on a mission. I never understood it until then
that sometimes a spy doesn't need a cover so much as she needs a shield.

Ally Carter

#55. I have a funny relationship with religion. I'm a big believer in ritualistic behavior as long as it doesn't hurt anybody. But I'm not a big fan of rules. And yet, we cannot live in a world without order.

Madonna Ciccone

#56. Time has that funny way of smoothing out the rough edges of things, even ones that hurt a little bit. Or a lot.

Megan Hart

#57. When somebody says, "The last thing I want to do is hurt you," it means they've got other things to do first.

Mark Schiff

#58. If you are an adult, and you are planning to dress up on Halloween ... don't. I will find you. I will hurt you.

Lewis Black

#59. "Doctor, my leg hurts. What can I do?" The doctor says, "Limp!"

Henny Youngman

#60. What the dev - er, deuce did you do that for? It hurt!"
"Good," said the angel. "I was afraid these new shoes would not be sturdy enough.

Anne Gracie

#61. When you put Listerine in your mouth, it hurts. Germs do not go quietly.

Mitch Hedberg

#62. The humble Cumulus humilis - never hurt a soul.

Gavin Pretor-Pinney

#63. Yeah, that's funny, huh? ... Something hurts you real bad and you get used to it. Like being hurt becomes part of who you are.

Walter Dean Myers

#64. He might want to watch where he lands when tackling that guy, because he could really hurt his hand if it gets stepped on.

John Madden

#65. I rubbed at my temple, where the zit was gone. It still hurt a little , though, deep under the skin. I hate those zits that burrow underground. You think they've vanished, but no, they just barricade themselves right next to the bone and hurt.

Lili St. Crow

#66. Airplanes may kill you, but they ain't likely to hurt you.

Satchel Paige

#67. The way I deliver it is meant to be fun. Does it hurt sometimes? Yes, but it is meant to be funny not offensive.

Michelle Visage

#68. We are sometimes hurt mostly or only not by what happened or is happening to us but by being felt sorry for.

Mokokoma Mokhonoana