Top 51 Comedy Club Sayings

#1. My dream is not Hollywood, but to perform my act in English to 30 people in a Soho comedy club, to show New Yorkers what they look like from the French point of view.

Gad Elmaleh

Comedy Club Sayings #22502
#2. Some comedians tell nice jokes that you can tell to your kids. Some use bad words - they work 'blue.' If you don't want to hear a joke that's blue, you shouldn't go to a comedy club where a comedian who makes blue jokes is performing.

Gilbert Gottfried

Comedy Club Sayings #91406
#3. The rest of the morning would consist of checking on a pothole in the parking lot of the village clinic and writing up a schedule for the community centre that might finally settle the ongoing feud between the local quilting group and the bridge club.
It was good to be queen.

Molly Harper

Comedy Club Sayings #96753
#4. When I was a child, I wanted to watch things that made me laugh. It's attacking boredom, as simple as that. I was 19 when I first went to a comedy club - I wanted to do it, so I gave it a try and that was it. I found my office.

Dylan Moran

Comedy Club Sayings #103985
#5. If I find a comedy club where no one's camera works, I'll go.

Chris Rock

Comedy Club Sayings #117135
#6. I took a job in a comedy club - not doing stand-up comedy, because that's my idea of hell, but in the office - and I went traveling.

Phoebe Fox

Comedy Club Sayings #148757
#7. The fact is that most crime novels contain a good many punchlines. They are just rather darker than the ones you might hear in a comedy club.

Mark Billingham

Comedy Club Sayings #198059
#8. No small part of the club's audience consisted of would-be comics, as well as the leading comics of the day. In fact, there were so many gagsters around that it was difficult to know who was part of the act and who was just sitting in.

Kliph Nesteroff

Comedy Club Sayings #234407
#9. The first rule of book club - is that nobody wants to talk about book club.

Douglas Lewis

Comedy Club Sayings #246878
#10. I feel like comedy had a boys'-club label when we were starting.

Abbi Jacobson

Comedy Club Sayings #345678
#11. I used to go to the Improvisation Comedy Club every night in Times Square. How I didn't get killed in that area either means that 1) God is watching over me or 2) I am so insignificant to God that he didn't bother having me killed.

Gilbert Gottfried

Comedy Club Sayings #431120
#12. I think the process of 'SNL' is still pretty formal. You make an audition tape, your agent sends it in, they watch people's tapes, and then they invite people to perform at a comedy club in Los Angeles or New York. But I don't know how much actual scouting they do online.

Noel Wells

Comedy Club Sayings #458467
#13. No one set that I ever do is the same. I mean, if I go to a comedy club, and I perform three sets, all three sets are different because anything can happen in between sets.

Tracy Morgan

Comedy Club Sayings #510160
#14. The Internet has done nothing but good for comedy all around. Comedians no longer have to rely on TV execs and club owners deciding if they are funny or not.

Doug Stanhope

Comedy Club Sayings #550501
#15. The Comedy Bar is an intimate club, which I prefer. I refuse to play theatres, because large empty spaces make me nervous, and I don't enjoy the echo. I'm no sell out. Literally.

Andy Kindler

Comedy Club Sayings #563967
#16. I joined the after-school club, School of Comedy, which progressed wildly, and in quite a Hollywood way. It sounds like 'School of Rock', right up to trying to raise money to pay for a venue in Edinburgh.

Will Poulter

Comedy Club Sayings #581361
#17. The only reason I got into stand-up was because my brother told me to. I had no idea what I was going to do with my life. I was 17 and my brother went to a comedy club and he said - you can do that.

Adam Sandler

Comedy Club Sayings #585070
#18. I very rarely laugh. I remember I used to have a joy at comedy. I remember going to see Sean Lock for the first time live, just in some comedy club when I was 18, and again, just guttural, pure laughter. I didn't know what he was doing; I couldn't see the tricks.

Stephen Merchant

Comedy Club Sayings #602968
#19. I feel that if you can play on the streets or in a comedy club, then in a theatre it's a doddle because you've got an audience.

Simon McBurney

Comedy Club Sayings #704414
#20. Years have passed since I have set foot in a comedy club. If the comic is doing badly it's painful, and if the comic is doing brilliantly, it's extremely painful.

Dick Cavett

Comedy Club Sayings #779156
#21. I went to a performance-art high school, and a teacher there was signing me up for open-mic nights at the comedy club. I think about it now, and I think, 'Well, that may be inappropriate,' but it was great!'

Margaret Cho

Comedy Club Sayings #797050
#22. "Entertainers Of Faith," funnyman Jim Gaffigan isn't ashamed of his Catholicism. He's seen here leaving a New York comedy club with his Bible in hand.

Jim Gaffigan

Comedy Club Sayings #833762
#23. The DC Improv food is amazingly edible for a comedy club.

Jim Gaffigan

Comedy Club Sayings #883009
#24. I became aware of applause. It seemed natural. I had been living in the world of romantic comedy and this was the final scene. But it was real. The entire University Club dining room had been watching. I decided to complete the story according to tradition and kissed Rosie.

Graeme Simsion

Comedy Club Sayings #887570
#25. Why don't those stupid idiots let me in their crappy club for jerks?

Homer Simpson

Comedy Club Sayings #899305
#26. I can pretty much guarantee that if I do a show in a comedy club, there will be someone who will come out of the audience and tell me the worst joke ever. It's just a guarantee.

Lewis Black

Comedy Club Sayings #952766
#27. If I had to perform in a comedy club I would bomb; I would be trying too hard.

Henry Rollins

Comedy Club Sayings #1031479
#28. I didn't take anything from anyone - first of all. Second of all, I opened a comedy club with money that I saved over 25 years. I created jobs.

Jon Lovitz

Comedy Club Sayings #1053033
#29. If I'm not on tour, I can run down to the comedy club and do a little stand-up. If you're an actor, you can't go - I guess there's forms of it.

Louis C.K.

Comedy Club Sayings #1068724
#30. The first night you walk down to a comedy club, at least for me, I had my voice, and then I went on stage and I lost it.

Bill Burr

Comedy Club Sayings #1165703
#31. In my Comedy Club sets, I just work on what is fresh and try to build that show as long as I can. I don't like to do burnt material on stage. Even though my crowd loves to hear me do old stuff, I don't like to do old stuff.

Ron White

Comedy Club Sayings #1292007
#32. I did a gig at a comedy club in Bournemouth where they served a buffet while the acts were on. There was the clang of people carving turkey during the set. If you put comedy and turkey side by side, turkey always wins.

Jack Whitehall

Comedy Club Sayings #1295677
#33. I used to go to the Cleveland Comedy Club all the time. If there was a comic I liked, I'd go see him two or three times that week. Bob Saget was one of those guys.

Drew Carey

Comedy Club Sayings #1349899
#34. Comedy has sort of been my life-long obsession. I literally obsessed over comedy. I really didn't play sports - for me it was just comedy, computers and chess club; those were my big things.

Chris Hardwick

Comedy Club Sayings #1479434
#35. The development of the comedy club industry destroyed the uniqueness and intimacy of the profession but it also created jobs for comics and bred some great performers.

Marc Maron

Comedy Club Sayings #1522918
#36. A comedy club is a place where you work out material, you're trying material.

Chris Rock

Comedy Club Sayings #1535913
#37. With stand-up, I can have an idea, go down the street to a comedy club and work on it, flesh it out, book a venue, people will come, then film it. I do all that myself; I never have to answer to anybody.

Aziz Ansari

Comedy Club Sayings #1569739
#38. I did auditions at a club called the Comedy Connection. They wanted nothing to do with me. But one night they were doing a night of all women comics, and they invited me to do that.

Paula Poundstone

Comedy Club Sayings #1600746
#39. I thought 'Garfunkel and Oates' would be too confusing, but it ended up being confusing in the best of ways because the first time we played a comedy club, it was because they thought we were the real Garfunkel and Oates.

Kate Micucci

Comedy Club Sayings #1601500
#40. I've been driving in the city for years because, as a stand-up in N.Y.C., you can perform at more comedy clubs a night if you have a car. Getting from club to club by subway is too slow at night and too expensive by cab. So, many comics live far out from Manhattan and drive in every night.

Judah Friedlander

Comedy Club Sayings #1616295
#41. Every few months I'll pop into a comedy club or go to Vegas.

Kevin James

Comedy Club Sayings #1637737
#42. I think it's great training for any comedian to start on cows. Because with cows, you expect them to be bored and just stare at you blankly. And that's exactly what you'll get at a comedy club. If you can toughen up with a cow audience, then you'll never be worried with a human audience.

Kristen Schaal

Comedy Club Sayings #1659455
#43. Comedy club audiences pay up to $25 per person and another fistful of cash to cover a two-drink minimum, so when they don't like something, they let you know - with silence.

Chris Hardwick

Comedy Club Sayings #1670228
#44. It's depressing sitting at a comedy club all night, waiting to get on to do your five or ten minutes of material.

Sandra Bernhard

Comedy Club Sayings #1711494
#45. I grew up in Iowa, and the improv comedy club Comedy-Sportz across the river in Illinois held auditions. They took me even though I was only 16 - you really had to be 18, but they never checked me for ID.

Eric Christian Olsen

Comedy Club Sayings #1769175
#46. Okay, so how, exactly, did I get into this mess - up onstage at a comedy club, baking like a bag of French fries under a hot spotlight that shows off my sweat stains( including one that sort of looks like Jabba the Hutt), with about a thousand beady eyeballs drilling into me?

James Patterson

Comedy Club Sayings #1804227
#47. In the '90s, comedy was at a very low point, but these days, you've got people like Hannibal Burress, Ron Funches, Maria Bamford - people who can play any club, anywhere.

Andy Kindler

Comedy Club Sayings #1832077
#48. People don't come to a comedy club simply to hear someone's thoughts, no matter how profound.

Ted Alexandro

Comedy Club Sayings #1838677
#49. There's nothing like the energy in a small comedy club room or a small theater when it's going really well. I can see everybody's face practically in the whole room. There's no cameras in the way, and it's just me.

Drew Carey

Comedy Club Sayings #1844491
#50. When you're at a comedy club, if you're not funny, you don't work. People will let you know, whether it's by booing or yelling for you to get out of the club. People are drunk or whatever and they'll let you have it.

Brad Stine

Comedy Club Sayings #1846181
#51. TV is easier: it's all planned out for you, and the audience is there to see a show and they are all pumped up, but when you are in a comedy club, you have to be really funny to win them over. To me, that's more pure.

Drew Carey

Comedy Club Sayings #1850550

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