Top 100 Claus Quotes
#1. I'm concerned about my daughter because she will not believe in Santa Claus. No matter what I say to her, she just doesn't buy it, and she's 2. I refuse to give it up. I say, 'There is a Santa Claus,' and she says, 'Okay, Mommy. In pretend world, right?' She really doesn't believe.
Salma Hayek
#2. For me growing up, Christmas time was always the most fantastic, exciting time of year, and you'd stay up until three in the morning. You'd hear the parents wrapping in the other room but you knew that also, maybe, they were in collusion with Santa Claus.
Chris Pine
#3. I try not to repeat myself too often, but it's a gamble. 'Fred Claus' had three Oscar winners in it. No business - it was a bad movie.
Elizabeth Banks
#4. Talk about cheap - on Christmas Eve, my neighbour shoots off three blanks and tells his kids Santa Claus just committed suicide.
Milton Berle
#6. God is a Republican, and Santa Claus is a Democrat.
H.L. Mencken
#7. And don't put a bunch of bullshit in my mouth, or get cute and try to make me look stupid. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go to the salon to have my pubic hair straightened and dyed white so that my dick looks like Santa Claus." He closed the door, farting loudly all the way to his car. I went
David Wong
#8. I stopped believing in Santa Claus when I was six. Mother took me to see him in a department store and he asked for my autograph.
Shirley Temple Black
#9. We have confused God with Santa Claus. And we believe that prayer means making a list of everything you don't have but want and trying to persuade God you deserve it. Now I'm sorry, that's not God, that's Santa Claus.
Harold S. Kushner
#10. About how we were all created by a super-powerful dude named God who lives up in the sky? Total bullshit. The whole God thing is actually an ancient fairy tale that people have been telling one another for thousands of years. We made it all up. Like Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny.
Ernest Cline
#11. The three phases of Santa belief:
(1) Santa is real.
(2) Santa isn't real.
(3) Yes, Virginia, there is a Santa Claus.
Alton Thompson
#12. I mean, I don't think I would call Claus to do an album of big band tunes. You know, just like arrangers write for the artist they have in mind; you have to keep in mind if you're going to work with Claus Ogerman. You invite him to do what he does.
Diana Krall
#13. Christmas at my house is always at least six or seven times more pleasant than anywhere else. We start drinking early. And while everyone else is seeing only one Santa Claus, we'll be seeing six or seven.
W.C. Fields
#15. Gyuri had dropped church much in the same way he had stopped believing in Santa Claus; there came a point where it was impossible to take it seriously.
Tibor Fischer
#16. Well when I was a kid, I asked Santa Claus for some toys. Santa Claus wrote me a letter that he lost his bag. He said he'd get back to me next year.
Benicio Del Toro
#17. There's been fifty-million people that died since Sharon Tate died and I got everybody in Santa Claus land chasing me, trying to make me feel remorse for one psychotic episode of (Tex) Watson.
Charles Manson
#18. So Santa Claus is bogus but Grim Reapers are the genuine article. What does that say about the world?
Mindee Arnett
#19. And, like Christmas, Armand has brought gifts. But he is no fat, sweet Santa Claus who rewards the nice; he is the Lord of Misrule, the Abbot of Unreason in charge of scandalous fun.
Eliza Crewe
#20. No, it was because he had kind eyes and a face that lit up when those eyes hit Tabby. The overall look might be scary to some, but to me, he looked like Biker Santa Claus. Hey,
Kristen Ashley
#21. If you look at Christmas movies, there are certain things in them that lend themselves to a 'Harold & Kumar' movie. In particular, the more out-of-this-world things like Santa Claus and flying reindeer.
Hayden Schlossberg
#22. Jake looked down at Mandy's face in the firelight. He didn't know if he believed in Santa Claus, but the soft glow of those blue eyes made it a lot easier to believe in peace on earth, good will toward men.
Sierra Donovan
#23. Physically he was the connoisseur's connoisseur. He was a giant panda, Santa Claus and the Jolly Green Giant rolled into one. On him, a lean and slender physique would have looked like very bad casting.
Craig Claiborne
#24. In a country of children where the option is Santa Claus or work, what wins?
Rush Limbaugh
#25. I was once part of a Christmas cabaret. I sang 'I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus.' I tap-danced. I had a ten-gallon hat. It was quite absurd.
Peter Dinklage
#26. Many practitioners think there is some giant balance scale, where someone is keeping track, like Santa Claus, and that will determine your allotment of presents. That's a very exoteric understanding of reincarnation.
Frederick Lenz
#27. Some of what we learned early on turned out to be true (the earth is round; if you want a friend be a friend; cleanliness is next to impossible) and some of it turned out to be false (Santa Claus; the Tooth Fairy; Kansas is more fun than Oz).
Peter McWilliams
#28. All right, so you believe in Santa Claus, and I'll believe in the 'Great Pumpkin.' The way I see it, it doesn't matter what you believe just so you're sincere! (Linus)
Charles M. Schulz
#29. If Mitt Romney was Santa Claus, he would fire the reindeer and outsource the elves.
Ted Strickland
#30. ...no matter how liberal a church may seem, Christian dogma still revolves around an ancient, paternalistic image of God the Father, who quite frankly isn't much more believable than the Easter Bunny or Santa Claus.
Gudjon Bergmann
#31. So you say there is no Father Christmas, You say there is no Santa Claus Reindeer cannot fly, it's all a grown-up lie...
M.C. Frank
#32. Like everyone in his right mind, I feared Santa Claus.
Annie Dillard
#33. Grandmother's knee is a wonderful place to learn about the Bible, ghosts, and even Santa Claus, but a mighty poor place to learn about history.
L.B. Taylor Jr.
#34. This is, first and last, the real value of Christmas; in so far as the mythology remains at all it is a kind of happy mythology. Personally, of course, I believe in Santa Claus; but it is the season of forgiveness, and I will forgive others for not doing so.
Gilbert K. Chesterton
#35. Prayer is not adult letters written to Santa Claus, and God is not some parent-like figure up in the sky who's going to take care of us.
John Shelby Spong
#37. Of course, my Christmas is (so much more) gorgeous and romantic (than Germany's)!! And unlike the rest of the world, we leave wine behind for Santa Claus!"
"So Santa-san is delivering gifts to children while driving under the influence ... ?
Hidekaz Himaruya
#38. Someone once said that taxes are the price we pay for civilization. That may have been true when he said it, but today taxes are mostly the price we pay so that politicians can play Santa Claus and get reelected.
Thomas Sowell
#39. The Grateful Dead were very kind. It was Santa Claus. It did good things. It allowed other people to benefit. The benefits that we played were enormous, and we played free. So you've got a band that loves to play free, and that was a wonderful thing.
Mickey Hart
#40. I put on weight like Santa Claus. I just get this belly that kind of extends out.
Christian Bale
#42. When I was a kid, I believed in Santa Claus. But it was very tough because in the Dominican ... there are not a lot of rich people there.
Alfonso Soriano
#43. I don't really care what people tell children - when you believe in Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny and the Tooth Fairy, one more fib won't hurt. But I am infuriated by the growing notion, posited in some touchy-feely quarters, that all women are, or can be, beautiful.
Julie Burchill
#44. The only thing wrong with the U.S. economy is the failure of the Republican Party to play Santa Claus,
Jude Wanniski
#45. My goodness, no one gives a gift to Santa Claus!
Michael Brown
#46. God put Santa Claus on earth to remind us that Christmas is 'sposed to be a happy time.
Bil Keane
#47. Garris had pet names for all of them. Mahler was the Mad Doktor. Franz Liszt was Son of Lovecraft. Mendelssohn was Santa Claus Meets the Hell's Angels. Beethoven was the High School Principal.
Chet Williamson
#48. Prayers never bring anything ... They may bring solace to the sap, the bigot, the ignorant, the aboriginal, and the lazy - but to the enlightened it is the same as asking Santa Claus to bring you something for Xmas
W.C. Fields
#49. What is red, white and black all over and says "Ho! Ho!"? Santa Claus after he has came down the chimney.
Beverly Adams
#50. If you can delude yourself by believing that there is some kind of Santa Claus out there who is going to bail you out in the end, then it will help you get through. Even if you are proven wrong in the end, you would have had a better life [than a non-believer].
Woody Allen
#51. The gravedigger looks like Santa Claus, and I don't believe for a minute he doesn't know it. With his long white beard and stout build, he has to know the effect of wearing a red and white anorak and how inappropriate the whole getup looks in the Mount Zion Cemetery.
Jonathan Tropper
#53. The reality of loving God is loving him like he's a Superhero who actually saved you from stuff rather than a Santa Claus who merely gave you some stuff.
Criss Jami
#54. Santa Claus has the right idea: visit people once a year
Victor Borge
#55. Growing up, Santa Claus would cover the presents with a white blanket, so when we'd wake up Christmas morning, we had to wait for my dad to do the big reveal of all the presents Santa brought.
Martina Mcbride
#56. I'm trying to get far away from [picturing God as] Gandalf or Santa Claus.
William P. Young
#57. Growing up, it seemed, was just a series of disenchantments. First you find out there's no Santa Claus; then you find out there's no such thing as happily-ever-after.
Jennifer Ziegler
#58. Santa Claus has nothing to do with it," the latke said. "Christmas and Hanukah are completely different things."
"But different things can often blend together," said the pine tree. "Let me tell you a funny story about pagan rituals.
Lemony Snicket
#59. Ronald has had bicycle safety and safety in the home. Yes, Ronald is McDonald's, second most recognised figure after Santa Claus, and there's an element of obviously benefiting your business.
Jim Cantalupo
#60. The title of that great Christmas song was 'Boogie Woogie Santa Claus,' and no one ever heard of it.
Patti Page
#62. It was almost Christmas, and a Santa Claus in a vacant lot was offering to appear in pictures for five dollars. The trim on his suit was mangy, as if it had been dug out of a dumpster, yet young mothers queued ten deep on the sidewalk, holding the hands of kids waiting to get in.
Garth Risk Hallberg
#63. A man of fifty looks as old as Santa Claus to a girl of twenty.
William Feather
#64. Not everyone who sells Christmas trees believes in Santa Claus.
Matt Barr
#65. My father managed shopping malls when I was a kid, and my high school job was to dress up in an elf costume and take photos of kids sitting on Santa Claus's lap.
Karen Duffy
#66. In the years since his murder, we have transformed King into a kind of innocuous black Santa Claus.
Timothy B. Tyson
#67. There are three stages of man: he believes in Santa Claus; he does not believe in Santa Claus; he is Santa Claus.
Bob Phillips
#68. George Martin looks like Santa Claus, but he's got a wonderfully disturbed mind.
Sean Bean
#69. "The only reason some of us are not exiled or thrown into prison is simply because we do not preach as fervently and as sternly as did Paul, John, Peter R.A. Torrey and others. This modern "santa claus" religion that is sweeping country today is not the religion Jesus taught and John practiced."
Oliver B. Greene
#70. It sounded a bit like his mother, a woman who'd lied to him about the existence of Santa Claus and was therefore not to be trusted on matters of any importance.
Tom Holt
#71. Santa Claus wears a Red Suit, he must be a communist. And a beard and long hair, must be a pacifist. What's in that pipe that he's smoking?
Arlo Guthrie
#72. I use to believe in Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny, and Tom Cruise too.
Barbara Bretton
#73. Be sure to lie to your kids about the benevolent, all-seeing Santa Claus. It will prepare them for an adulthood of believing in God.
Scott Dikkers
#74. By holiday time, Buena Vista Street felt like Bedford Falls, with its vintage lights and decorations, and a classic Santa Claus listening to children's holiday wishes at Elias & Co. Cocoa clutching---Guests in scarves and parkas filled the streets and shops.
Leslie Le Mon
#75. I'm the only one who still believes in Santa Claus!
Edith Piaf
#76. Z: "You know, this was a hell of a lot easier when you were out cold in the back of that truck."
Phury: "That was you?"
Z:"You think it was Santa Claus or some shit?
J.R. Ward
#77. Of course there is a Santa Claus. It's just that no single somebody could do all he has to do. So the Lord has spread the task among us all. That's why everybody is Santa Claus. I am. You are.
Truman Capote
#78. But chiefly, no lies! No lies about there being a Santa Claus or about the world being full of noble and honorable people all eager to help each other and do good to each other. I'll tell her there are honor and goodness in the world, the same as there are diamonds and radium.
Marilyn Monroe
#79. You can make a child believe a lot of things. Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy, the Easter Bunny ... just about anything really, except love. You cannot make a child believe you love him if you don't
Samantha Sotto
#80. Democracy is only a dream: it should be put in the same category as Arcadia, Santa Claus, and Heaven.
H.L. Mencken
#81. The first sort of big present I remember getting from Santa Claus was quite a small telescope that I remember going into our backyard with my parents and figuring out how to assemble, and staring at the night sky, just for hours, with both of my parents.
Chelsea Clinton
#82. You folks feeling the economic pinch? Are you a little fed up with the economic news? It's bad. The department stores, this holiday season, no Santa Claus. They're laying off department-store Santa Clauses. So more bad news for John McCain.
David Letterman
#83. Besides, the mhis that surrounded the compound could scramble anything from GPS to Santa Claus.
J.R. Ward
#84. When I found out that Santa Claus wasn't real, I wasn't upset; rather, I was relieved that there was a much simpler phenomenon to explain how so many children all over the world got presents on the same night! The story had been getting pretty complicated
it was getting out of hand.
Richard P. Feynman
#85. Guys who dress up like Santa Claus, see, and give presents away do it because when they was young they must have did something bad and they feel guilty about it. So now they do something they think is good to make up for it, see?
George Seaton
#86. He would be billed, in short, as being something like Jesus Christ, Albert Einstein, Alexander the Great, and Santa Claus all rolled into one. Not
James Friend
#87. Bullshit was the adult version of Santa Claus. For reasons I'll never comprehend, the general population seemed to enjoy wallowing, spouting, and believing in bullshit.
Penny Reid
#88. I remember being banned from other houses as a younger child during the winter holiday season; I was the only one who didn't believe in Santa Claus, and I was ruining everyone's Christmas.
Jami Attenberg
#89. Tilli stroked her Chihuahua. Max's heart made a sound like the sleigh bells on Mrs. Santa Claus's dildo.
Tom Robbins
#90. Ty's grin died and he muttered, "Fuck , what I do not need is another fuckin' problem." "Well, now you're makin' me feel like Santa Claus.
Kristen Ashley
#91. Christmas always sucked when I was a kid because I believed in Santa Claus. Unfortunately, so did my parents. So I never got anything.
Charlie Viracola
#92. The New Nordic diet originated in 2004, when the visionary chefs Rene Redzepi and Claus Meyer called a symposium of regional chefs to address the public's increasing consumption of processed foods, additives, highly refined grains, and mass-produced poultry and meat.
Kate Christensen
#93. I thought you were all-seeing."
All-knowing, not all-seeing!" he snapped. "I'm a God, not Santa Claus!
Kelley Armstrong
#94. Sin: I've survived a winter in Siberia when I was ten.
Boyd: what were you doing there at ten years old?
Sin: searching for Santa Claus.
Santino Hassell
#95. Nick chided a censor, who wished some books gone, and suggested she scan Fahrenheit 451. For the book-budget cutters, Old Claus had no plan, cause if they could read, they just read Ayn Rand.
David Davis
#96. You never realize how much your mother loves you till you explore the attic - and find every letter you ever sent her, every finger painting, clay pot, bead necklace, Easter chicken, cardboard Santa Claus, paperlace Mother's Day card and school report since day one.
Pam Brown
#97. Climate alarmists insist that the apparently missing heat (from CO2 warming)is hiding in the deep ocean -- which is like telling a child Santa Claus lives at the North Pole, as deep ocean heat can't be measured.
-- Ralph B. Alexander, Letter to The Oregonian, January 28, 2013
Ralph B. Alexander
#98. I was probably nine or ten the first time I heard there was no Santa Claus.
Joe Nichols
#99. Whenever you give someone a present or sing a holiday song, you're helping Santa Claus. To me, that's what Christmas is all about. Helping Santa Claus!
Louis Sachar
#100. OK, I admit it. I was just a front-man for the real fathers of Linux, the Tooth Fairy and Santa Claus.
Linus Torvalds
