Top 100 Jeff Foxworthy Quotes

#1. You might be a redneck if the hood and one door are a different color from the rest of your car.

Jeff Foxworthy

Jeff Foxworthy Quotes #8009
#2. You might be a redneck if your good deed for the month was hiding your brother for a few days.

Jeff Foxworthy

Jeff Foxworthy Quotes #50774
#3. If your thighs look like the hood of a white Toyota minivan after a hailstorm, you aren't juicy.

Jeff Foxworthy

Jeff Foxworthy Quotes #52681
#4. You don't get married to get sex. Getting married to get sex is like buying a 747 to get free peanuts.

Jeff Foxworthy

Jeff Foxworthy Quotes #81454
#5. If you think a quaterhorse is that ride in front of Kmart.. You might be a rednneck

Jeff Foxworthy

Jeff Foxworthy Quotes #151881
#6. I actually had a chance to be in Delta Farce, but I couldn't do it because I read the script.

Jeff Foxworthy

Jeff Foxworthy Quotes #152440
#7. You might be a redneck if it's easier to spray weed killer on your lawn than mow it.

Jeff Foxworthy

Jeff Foxworthy Quotes #154322
#8. You might be a redneck if you're moved to tears every time you hear Dolly Parton singing I Will Always Love You.

Jeff Foxworthy

Jeff Foxworthy Quotes #172683
#9. What I hated was doing what somebody in LA thought Jeff Foxworthy ought to do.

Jeff Foxworthy

Jeff Foxworthy Quotes #187076
#10. We're a heart attack away from losing the right to bear arms.

Jeff Foxworthy

Jeff Foxworthy Quotes #199329
#11. You might be a redneck if ... you've been on TV more than times describing the sound of a tornado.

Jeff Foxworthy

Jeff Foxworthy Quotes #208094
#12. You might be a redneck if your grandmother has ever been asked to leave a bingo game because of her language.

Jeff Foxworthy

Jeff Foxworthy Quotes #208321
#13. I tried real hard to play golf, and I was so bad at it they would have to check me for ticks at the end of the round because I'd spent about half the day in the woods.

Jeff Foxworthy

Jeff Foxworthy Quotes #210381
#14. You might be a redneck if your favorite Christmas present was a painting on black velvet.

Jeff Foxworthy

Jeff Foxworthy Quotes #225031
#15. You might be a redneck if the receptionist checks the rat traps at your place of business.

Jeff Foxworthy

Jeff Foxworthy Quotes #242075
#16. You might be a redneck if ... your high school basketball game got rained out.

Jeff Foxworthy

Jeff Foxworthy Quotes #320365
#17. When you get to your third millionth frequent flyer mile, I think something snaps in your brain.

Jeff Foxworthy

Jeff Foxworthy Quotes #336127
#18. You might be a redneck if three quarters of the clothes you own have logos on them.

Jeff Foxworthy

Jeff Foxworthy Quotes #336496
#19. You might be a redneck if you have been fired from a construction job because of your appearance.

Jeff Foxworthy

Jeff Foxworthy Quotes #339808
#20. You might be a redneck if getting a package from your post office requires a full tank of gas in the truck.

Jeff Foxworthy

Jeff Foxworthy Quotes #345261
#21. People are like, Hey, Jeff, lemme tell you ... I'm like, Hold on, let me get a pen and a piece of paper.

Jeff Foxworthy

Jeff Foxworthy Quotes #367975
#22. Comics don't usually have very long careers, and I'm 22 years into this.

Jeff Foxworthy

Jeff Foxworthy Quotes #383844
#23. If men have a smell it's usually an accident.

Jeff Foxworthy

Jeff Foxworthy Quotes #388837
#24. Redneck is: the glorious absence of sophistication

Jeff Foxworthy

Jeff Foxworthy Quotes #391488
#25. It's sad when you see somebody that talented that passes away and doesn't have to.

Jeff Foxworthy

Jeff Foxworthy Quotes #399646
#26. Country music is about new love and it's about old love.

Jeff Foxworthy

Jeff Foxworthy Quotes #447651
#27. You might be a redneck if you use a radiator hose to fix your kitchen sink.

Jeff Foxworthy

Jeff Foxworthy Quotes #470902
#28. If you own a home with wheels on it and several cars without, you just might be a redneck.

Jeff Foxworthy

Jeff Foxworthy Quotes #483409
#29. Women in bed are like Diesel engines. What I mean by that is, it may take them a while to get going, but when you do, they can go for a long, long time. Whereas men are like ... bottle rockets.

Jeff Foxworthy

Jeff Foxworthy Quotes #509219
#30. You might be a redneck if you refer to the time you won a free case of oil as the day my ship came in.

Jeff Foxworthy

Jeff Foxworthy Quotes #603755
#31. You might be a redneck if you move your refrigerator and the grass underneath it has turned yellow.

Jeff Foxworthy

Jeff Foxworthy Quotes #604890
#32. You might be a redneck if there is a sheet hanging in your closet and a gun rack hanging in your truck.

Jeff Foxworthy

Jeff Foxworthy Quotes #642293
#33. You might be a redneck if you've ever stood in line to get your picture taken with a freak of nature.

Jeff Foxworthy

Jeff Foxworthy Quotes #643189
#34. You may be a redneck if ... you think you are an entrepreneur because of the "Dirt for Sale" sign in the front yard.

Jeff Foxworthy

Jeff Foxworthy Quotes #650811
#35. You might be a redneck if your grandfather completely executes the pull my finger trick at the family reunion.

Jeff Foxworthy

Jeff Foxworthy Quotes #708780
#36. You may be a redneck if ... your lifetime goal is to own a fireworks stand.

Jeff Foxworthy

Jeff Foxworthy Quotes #723090
#37. If your neighbors think you're a detective because a cop always brings you home, you might be a redneck.

Jeff Foxworthy

Jeff Foxworthy Quotes #734740
#38. I don't necessarily think of it as Southern comedy. I just think I'm a comedian and I have a Southern accent.

Jeff Foxworthy

Jeff Foxworthy Quotes #737838
#39. You might be a redneck if your wife wants to stop at the gas station to see if they've got the new Darrell Waltrip Budweiser wall clock.

Jeff Foxworthy

Jeff Foxworthy Quotes #741628
#40. I teach a Bible study for homeless guys in downtown Atlanta every week. Been doing it for years. That's the guys I'd rather go talk to. I'd rather take my act outside the church.

Jeff Foxworthy

Jeff Foxworthy Quotes #745451
#41. The stuff that made me mad 20 years ago doesn't really make me mad any more.

Jeff Foxworthy

Jeff Foxworthy Quotes #761044
#42. You might be a redneck if you're a lite beer drinker, because you start drinking when it gets light.

Jeff Foxworthy

Jeff Foxworthy Quotes #781632
#43. You just may be a redneck if your lawn furniture used to be your living room furniture.

Jeff Foxworthy

Jeff Foxworthy Quotes #797204
#44. You might be a redneck if your wife keeps a can of Vienna sausage in her purse.

Jeff Foxworthy

Jeff Foxworthy Quotes #861201
#45. You might be a redneck if the antenna on your truck is a danger to low flying airplanes.

Jeff Foxworthy

Jeff Foxworthy Quotes #872539
#46. You might be a redneck if there are four or more cars up on blocks in the front yard.

Jeff Foxworthy

Jeff Foxworthy Quotes #887094
#47. Changing a diaper is a lot like getting a present from your grandmother - you're not sure what you've got but you're pretty sure you're not going to like it.

Jeff Foxworthy

Jeff Foxworthy Quotes #929645
#48. You might be a redneck if your house doesn't have curtains, but your truck does.

Jeff Foxworthy

Jeff Foxworthy Quotes #936853
#49. You might be a redneck if going to the bathroom involves shoes and a flashlight.

Jeff Foxworthy

Jeff Foxworthy Quotes #943403
#50. You might be a redneck if during your senior year you and your mother had homeroom together.

Jeff Foxworthy

Jeff Foxworthy Quotes #1019693
#51. The only negative about doing stand-up is that you're on the road by yourself. When you're on the road with comics we just crack each other up every night going, "Can you believe they're paying us to do this? They're crazy."

Jeff Foxworthy

Jeff Foxworthy Quotes #1034430
#52. I'm two decisions away from putting up drywall for a living. I am, and there's nothing wrong with that, but whatever I got, it's through the grace of God, and I've got to use it right.

Jeff Foxworthy

Jeff Foxworthy Quotes #1054345
#53. I love comedy. God has given me this platform.

Jeff Foxworthy

Jeff Foxworthy Quotes #1083193
#54. When you're young and you get to choose between sleep and sex you take sex everytime. You start getting older, you get to choose between sleep and sex, you choose sleep and just hope you have a dream about sex.

Jeff Foxworthy

Jeff Foxworthy Quotes #1097254
#55. That's the great thing about a tractor. You can't really hear the phone ring.

Jeff Foxworthy

Jeff Foxworthy Quotes #1098763
#56. You might be a redneck if someone tells you you have something in your teeth, and you take them out to see what it is.

Jeff Foxworthy

Jeff Foxworthy Quotes #1122490
#57. If the veins in the back of your legs look like the street map of greater Pittsburgh, you ain't nobody's babydoll.

Jeff Foxworthy

Jeff Foxworthy Quotes #1164661
#58. To me, the media in New York and LA have always missed the essence of this country.

Jeff Foxworthy

Jeff Foxworthy Quotes #1171141
#59. If you think the last four words to the national anthem are " gentleman, start your engines", You might be a redneck.

Jeff Foxworthy

Jeff Foxworthy Quotes #1173033
#60. The thing about that singles apartment is you never had to clean it up ... until the day you got the security deposit back. You're arguing with the landlord ... 'No sir, the back door was missing when we moved in here! The pizzas were always on the ceiling!'

Jeff Foxworthy

Jeff Foxworthy Quotes #1239561
#61. When I did the sitcom I was too naive. I thought, Well, they know what they're talking about, let's do that.

Jeff Foxworthy

Jeff Foxworthy Quotes #1249721
#62. Being a comedian, people tell me stuff they shouldn't tell their therapist.

Jeff Foxworthy

Jeff Foxworthy Quotes #1285397
#63. There's a whole segment of the population with a mentality that bases good times on where they can go and what they can buy.

Jeff Foxworthy

Jeff Foxworthy Quotes #1294648
#64. You might be a redneck if an expired license plate means another decoration for your living room wall.

Jeff Foxworthy

Jeff Foxworthy Quotes #1305998
#65. You might be a redneck if your father encourages you to quit school because Larry has an opening on the lube rack.

Jeff Foxworthy

Jeff Foxworthy Quotes #1309972
#66. You know that you are a teacher when you spend more money on school stuff than you do on your own children.

Jeff Foxworthy

Jeff Foxworthy Quotes #1316158
#67. You might be a redneck if you're still scalping tickets after the concert is over.

Jeff Foxworthy

Jeff Foxworthy Quotes #1329009
#68. Any job that posts a price list for your body parts is a bad job.

Jeff Foxworthy

Jeff Foxworthy Quotes #1338690
#69. You might be a redneck if you've ever hauled a can of paint to the top of a water tower to defend your sister's honor.

Jeff Foxworthy

Jeff Foxworthy Quotes #1340877
#70. You might be a redneck if you have a color coordinating rope that ties down your car hood.

Jeff Foxworthy

Jeff Foxworthy Quotes #1364517
#71. Now, it's true I married my wife for her looks ... but not the ones she's been givin' me lately.

Jeff Foxworthy

Jeff Foxworthy Quotes #1391783
#72. You might be a redneck if your bumper sticker says, My other car is a combine.

Jeff Foxworthy

Jeff Foxworthy Quotes #1400805
#73. People would say, Can we develop a sitcom around you? and I would say, Not interested. I'm very happy doing standup and writing and taking my kids to school.

Jeff Foxworthy

Jeff Foxworthy Quotes #1408572
#74. For the first time ever I was taking the family on the road. We stayed with my in-laws, which on life's list of experiences ranks right below sitting in a tub full of scissors.

Jeff Foxworthy

Jeff Foxworthy Quotes #1411837
#75. You might be a redneck if the highlight of your parties is when you flip out your false teeth.

Jeff Foxworthy

Jeff Foxworthy Quotes #1427844
#76. It's hard to think of yourself as a loser at 2 years old.

Jeff Foxworthy

Jeff Foxworthy Quotes #1449318
#77. I'm having my house repainted and we have a piano in the corner and the painter says, Is that y'all's piano? I said, No, that's our coffee table; it just has buck teeth. Here's Your Sign.

Jeff Foxworthy

Jeff Foxworthy Quotes #1458939
#78. Please don't get me wrong here. I'm not making fun of old people. In fact I think that's the goal of everybody here tonite. We all want to be an old person someday.

Jeff Foxworthy

Jeff Foxworthy Quotes #1484066
#79. You might be a redneck if you think Silence of the Lambs is what happens when Larry walks out to the barn.

Jeff Foxworthy

Jeff Foxworthy Quotes #1490928
#80. Do you know why it's so hard to solve a Redneck murder? 'Cause there's no dental records and all the DNA is the same.

Jeff Foxworthy

Jeff Foxworthy Quotes #1523840
#81. You might be a redneck if your momma gives you tips on how to sneak booze into sporting events.

Jeff Foxworthy

Jeff Foxworthy Quotes #1553676
#82. Look at where Jesus went to pick people. He didn't go to the colleges; he got guys off the fishing docks.

Jeff Foxworthy

Jeff Foxworthy Quotes #1563203
#83. When I first started out, being from the South and going to New York or Chicago, people kept telling me to get voice lessons and 'lose that stupid accent you got.' And I'm like, 'Well, where I come from, you have the stupid accent.'

Jeff Foxworthy

Jeff Foxworthy Quotes #1563974
#84. You might be a redneck if you stand under the mistletoe at Christmas and wait for Granny and cousin Sue-Ellen to walk by.

Jeff Foxworthy

Jeff Foxworthy Quotes #1566095
#85. Pride is the first step in people unraveling and companies unraveling and relationships unraveling.

Jeff Foxworthy

Jeff Foxworthy Quotes #1573314
#86. You might be a redneck if directions to your house include turn off the paved road.

Jeff Foxworthy

Jeff Foxworthy Quotes #1590942
#87. You might be a redneck if a full-grown ostrich has fewer feathers than your cowboy hat.

Jeff Foxworthy

Jeff Foxworthy Quotes #1613734
#88. I know God is real.

Jeff Foxworthy

Jeff Foxworthy Quotes #1669407
#89. You might be a redneck if you can amuse yourself for more than an hour with a fly swatter.

Jeff Foxworthy

Jeff Foxworthy Quotes #1690972
#90. You might be a redneck if ... the most serious loss from the earthquake was your Conway Twitty record collection.

Jeff Foxworthy

Jeff Foxworthy Quotes #1711184
#91. You might be a redneck if your primary source of income is the pawn shop.

Jeff Foxworthy

Jeff Foxworthy Quotes #1730041
#92. Watching a baby being born is a little like watching a wet St. Bernard coming in through the cat door.

Jeff Foxworthy

Jeff Foxworthy Quotes #1751706
#93. You might be a redneck if taking your wife on a cruise means circling the Dairy Queen.

Jeff Foxworthy

Jeff Foxworthy Quotes #1763634
#94. If the gas pedal on your car is shaped like a bare foot, you might be a redneck.

Jeff Foxworthy

Jeff Foxworthy Quotes #1769861
#95. You might be a redneck if the richest member of your family bought a house and you have to help take the wheels off of it.

Jeff Foxworthy

Jeff Foxworthy Quotes #1788111
#96. I hope someday we can stamp out illiteracy in America. Of course you'll have to kill alot of my relatives to do it.

Jeff Foxworthy

Jeff Foxworthy Quotes #1789438
#97. You might be a redneck if you missed 5th grade graduation because you had jury duty.

Jeff Foxworthy

Jeff Foxworthy Quotes #1793601
#98. It's like cuddling with a Butterball turkey.

Jeff Foxworthy

Jeff Foxworthy Quotes #1801280
#99. You might be a redneck if you own at least 20 baseball hats.

Jeff Foxworthy

Jeff Foxworthy Quotes #1811117
#100. My grandma's the most careful, safe driver in the world. You put her in a rental car, and she's doing doughnuts in the K-Mart parking lot!

Jeff Foxworthy

Jeff Foxworthy Quotes #1837071

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