Top 54 Call Me Funny Quotes
#1. Everyone has someone to call on when they're down, let me be that someone when that ones not around.
Mark W. Boyer
#2. Oh please," Scout said."Don't take that tone with me. You know you'd love to have a minion. Someone at your beck and call. Someone to do your bidding. How many times have you said to yourself," Self, I need a unicorn to run errands and such?
Chloe Neill
#3. I don't like the sound of my phone ringing so I put my phone inside my fish tank. I can't hear it, but every time I get a call I see the fish go like this <<<>>><<>><<<<. I go down to the pet store and said, "Give me another ten guppies, I got a lot of calls yesterday."
Steven Wright
#4. There are a good many fools who call me a friend, and also a good many friends who call me a fool.
Gilbert K. Chesterton
#5. Hello? ... No I'm sorry no Shaquita here. Well what number did you dial?.. No it's a nine not a seven ... Well try it if it doest work call me back we'll figure this thing out.
Katt Williams
#6. Why did Nicky call me the Baby Killer?" Kiara sniffled.
"Because she is a bitch," Leontes said.
Jaeger gave him a chastising look. "She's dead."
"Dying did not make her any less of a bitch," Leontes replied.
A&E Kirk
#7. I was also lucky to play for an owner, Bud Selig, who truly cared about his players. He'd call me into his office once in a while when he knew things weren't going so well. And it's funny. Every time I left there I always felt like something good was about to happen.
Robin Yount
#8. I ain't shooting nobody, so call me a faggot. When the war's over, I'll be the faggot with two legs.
Chris Rock
#9. Audrey turned to him, a sly little spark hiding in her eyes. "THe only man who gets to call me'love' would be waking up next to me after a very, very fun night.
Fun night. Oh yes.
"Guess what?" She leaned closer. "You will never be that man.
Ilona Andrews
#10. Do you ever leave a message for somebody and the answering machine cuts you off, and you have to decide whether you should not call back, or call back and appear like a stalker? "Hi. It's me again. I forgot to tell you that I'm going to kill you. Because I'm the freak who keeps calling and calling."
Jim Gaffigan
#11. I got married. My wife changed her name. I know some women have a problem with that. But I wanted her to have my old girlfriend's name. So call me old-fashioned, but this fella does what the Bible tells.
Jim Gaffigan
#12. Look here, cousin," Big Country's drawled in the background. "This here's a car. We just got off a plane, and no matter how fast you push this bitch, she ain't gon' fly, so believe me when I say, I refuse to die over some foolishness you call love, not today.
Shay Rucker
#13. I was at Home Depot with my dad looking for paint when I got the call to open for Taylor Swift. That was wild, because I was crying in Home Depot, and people were looking at me funny.
Charlie Worsham
#15. It's ridiculous that people call me a sex symbol. I don't feel like that at all. My daughter would get a kick out of it - she'd find it very funny. I'll take it though. I'm very humble. But it's certainly not the way I feel.
Mark Wahlberg
#16. Ya back home they call me the tie-dye shirt kid, well that and fagot.
Bo Burnham
#17. You call me a princess and sometimes we put on as much gold as we can, and you call me "Jay-Z," and then laugh so hard.
Matthew Quick
#18. Members rise from CMG (known sometimes in Whitehall as 'Call Me God') to KCMG ('Kindly Call Me God') to .. the GCMG ('God Calls Me God').
Anthony Sampson
#19. If Myrnin pokes his crazy head up before then, call me and try to keep him, you know, stable.'
'Is he UNstable?'
'I don't know, how can I tell? You're the crazy whisperer!'
She had a point. Claire couldn't help but smile about that.
Rachel Caine
#20. Call me Ishmael. I won't answer to it, because it's not my name.
Jenny Lawson
#21. It's funny how you call me a celebrity. Oh man.
Steven Hill
#22. This is America. We're entitled to our opinions."
"Wrong. This is Texas. And my opinion is the only one that counts.
Susan Elizabeth Phillips
#23. Ven you read the speeches in the papers, and see as vun gen'lman says of another, 'the Honourable member, if he vill allow me to call him so' you vill understand, sir, that that means, 'if he vill allow me to keep up that 'ere pleasant and uniwersal fiction.'
Charles Dickens
#24. Cause see they call me a menace; and if the shoe fits I'll wear it.
Eminem
#25. It's not funny, Jace," Alec interrupted, starting to his feet. "Are you just going to let her stand there and call me names?"
"Yes," Jace said kindly. "It'll do you good
try to think of it as endurance training.
Cassandra Clare
#26. I don't drink a lot. My family calls me an old soul. And my friends call me a pussy.
Mike Birbiglia
#27. People ask what those women saw in me. Let's face it, I wasn't a bad-looking stud. But that's not it. It's the music; it's standing up there under the lights. A lot of women just flip; looks have nothing to do with it. You call Mick Jagger good-looking?
Artie Shaw
#28. Did you just call me 'sweetie'?" I asked.
She shoved my shoulder. "No.
Joel N. Ross
#29. Every time I'm in Canada I feel more Swedish, and every time I'm in Sweden I feel more Canadian. I belong in both places and I love them both equally. It's funny because the Swedes claim me as their Swedish pride and the Canadians call me their Canadian girl. I'll take it all.
Malin Akerman
#30. You can film me 24 hours a day and you'll get a very accurate picture of who I am. You see the funny side, I work hard, and I try to be honest and just call it how it is.
Lisa Vanderpump
#31. It was a hard name having growing up as a child. Some kids would call me names like "Birbiglebug" and "Birbibliography" and "Faggot". Some were more clever than others.
Mike Birbiglia
#32. I might be able to walk away from sexy, dangerous shifters, but chocolate had me at its beck and call.
Meghan Ciana Doidge
#33. They call me the confuser. Is he a man ... is he a woman? Ooh, I'm not sure if I mind.
Noel Fielding
#34. I love to eat lettuce for breakfast, they call me bunny.
Ryan Bracha
#35. Otis," I said.
"Shhh," he said. "I'm incognito. Call me...Otis."
"I'm not sure that's how incognito works, but okay."
Otis, aka Otis climbed into the chair I'd reserved for Sam.
Rick Riordan
#36. You can call me Grandpa, if that does it for you.
R.K. Lilley
#37. Calypso: "You think it's funny to send me this ... this charbroiled runt of a boy to ruin my tranquility? This is NOT FUNNY! take him back!"
Leo: "Hey, sunshine, I'm right here you know ... "
Calypso: "Do NOT call me sunshine!
Rick Riordan
#38. I hate you' she said to me one afternoon. 'I really, really hate you.' Call me sensitive, but I couldn't help but take it personally.
David Sedaris
#39. I still didn't know quite what the witches were capable of. The threshold could be booby-trapped or enchanted. I could be walking into a cage fight with a demon. Hell, she could open the door with a Glock 9 in her hand and put a bullet in my ear, or throw a cat at me, or call me a damn hippie.
Kevin Hearne
#40. Why would Dad call you? I mean, you have to admit that he would have been better off calling the local prison and asking them to send out one of the convicted killers to come find me. - Shella
Krista Alasti
#41. That depends. Are you going to call me an ass again?"
"That depends. Are you going to act like one?" -Ashton and Maya
Kelley Armstrong
#42. The great William Shakespeare said, "What's in a name?" He also said, "Call me Billy one more time and I will stab you with this ink quill.
Cuthbert Soup
#43. She stopped pushing but declared; Prentice, I know how this works. Sure, she seems fine now. But in fifteen years when she's standing on top of a clocktower with an automatic rifle mowing down innocent bystanders, dont't call ME asking what went wrong.
Kristen Ashley
#44. I met the girl who works at the Doubletree front desk, she gave me her number. It's ZERO. I tried to call from here, some other woman answered. "You sound older!"
Mitch Hedberg
#46. They call me Domino for obvious reasons. One nudge in the right direction and I'm flat on my stomach.
Charlie Cochrane
#47. I don't get into politics, general or musical, but just call me if you get jury duty. Even in New Jersey I was able to help somebody.
Eugene Ormandy
#48. My name is Mr Bread." He began writing his name neatly on the board. "But you can call me Peter."
Suddenly there was quiet, as thirty little brains whirred.
"Pita Bread!" proclaimed a ginger-haired boy from the back.
David Walliams
#49. I make funny videos. I hate saying I'm a comedian because then people stick their finger in your face and demand you tell a joke. But the other thing people call me is 'a YouTube sensation,' which is even worse.
Katie Nolan
#50. You can call me Pastor-and before Mr. Sox Fan gets his panties in a wad, I want everyone to know I'm legit. I went online, took a minister's course in under an hour, and I'm ordained, baby.
J.R. Ward
#52. What's funny is I probably still have some calligraphy business cards floating out in the world, and I can't wait for someone to call me in a month or something, and say, 'Can you do these for my son's Bar Mitzvah?'
Meghan Markle
#53. Sai-Liber is my family name.Much like Wayfairer.You may call me Tetraphrimaportacheeq.It is much simpler."
To who? I'd barely got it out the first time.
G.L. Tomas
#54. She smirks."Are you attempting to stop me, little one?"
"Excuse me? Did you just call me 'little one'? What are you? Like, four feet tall?" I ask.
Carrie Jones
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