Top 100 Book Humor Quotes
#1. Normally writers do not talk much,because they are saving their conversations for the readers of their book-
those invisible listeners with whom we wish to strike a sympathetic chord.
Ruskin Bond
#2. Great books live longer than people.
They are gonna bury us all.
Patricia Nedelea
#3. How can you read and talk at the same time?" I asked.
"Well, I usually can't, but neither the book nor the conversation is particularly intellectually challenging.
John Green
#4. If you haven't heard a rumor by noon, make one up. If you're a writer, make sure it's a full page of the book you're currently working on.
Lamont Tanksley
#5. You've got to look out for number one. If you're really worried about not being spoiled, just pound on through that book guys. Just read the shit out of it.
Veronica Belmont
#6. At no point during the making of this book have I inverted my penis although I did go to Blackpool which turned out to be almost as painful.
Matt Rudd
#7. Man, you should write a book.'
'I know. You couldn't make this stuff up, could you?
Stephanie Wood
#8. A brick can be used to represent the zero probability of this book being any good.
Amy Summers
#9. I try to avoid having thoughts. They lead to other thoughts, and - if you're not careful - those lead to actions. Actions make you tired. I have this on rather good authority from someone who once read it in a book.
Brandon Sanderson
#10. I feel guilty when I feed them unhealthy food they like. I feel guilty when I feed them healthy food they don't like. I feel guilty when I drop them off at school. I feel guilty when I pick them up at school. I feel guilty mostly for writing this book instead of spending time with them.
Jim Gaffigan
#11. Or
and this she knew was a far more accurate way of looking at it
the book was true and reality was lying.
Terry Pratchett
#13. Focus. She's Maddie. Your friend. Would you eyeball Keith or Dane's butt like that? ~ Zach
Monique DeVere
#14. A book that is written for the quirky, mischievous, and decidedly irreverent-minded modern reader, Confessions from the Comments Section will appeal to anyone who enjoys a clever, no-holds-barred roast of our contemporary cultural chaos.
Jonathan Kieran
#15. You're strange."
He looks up from the book with a humor-filled expression. "If, by strange, you mean insanely sexy, then yes, I would have to agree with you." He smirks.
Aly Martinez
#16. The mark of a good book is not needing a bookmark.
Friend
#18. I have an idea for a new book. It's a novel about a beautiful yet sensitive author whose spirit is crushed by her domineering editor. Do you like it?
Annie Barrows
#19. As a boy, I used to marvel that the letters in a closed book did not get scrambled and lost overnight.
Jose Luis Borges
#20. Every day may not be sweet. But thereis something sweet in every day.
Queenie Law
#21. The first rule of book club - is that nobody wants to talk about book club.
Douglas Lewis
#23. Love how editing makes you more confident with your book ...but also makes you want to set it on fire at the same time.
Kira Hawke
#24. Life lesson 3, If someone of the same gender says something like, "Silly Willy", or "ohhohyou stop that big boy/little lady", all you need to do is BOOK IT MAN, RUN AS FAST AS YO FACE'LL TAKE YA!
John Hankins
#25. I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book.
Groucho Marx
#26. B looked down the shaft, at a metal ladder and darkness beyond. "Me first?"
Of course. You're the apprentice, so you always go first into the unknown. If anyone's going to be eaten by a grue, it should be you."
Tough job. But at least the hours are terrible.
Tim Pratt
#27. Oh, hey, kettle, I'm pot and wow, you're black." - Owen
Olivia Cunning
#28. She has all the right equipment to look sexy, pretty even. She just overdoes everything-like she's a coloring-book women who got scribbled on by a toddler,
Bonnie Shimko
#29. Of Books and Scribes there are no end:
This Plague--and who can doubt it?
Dismays me so, I've sadly penned
Another book about it.
Robert W. Service
#30. Whenever I see an autobiography for sale in the book store i just flip to the about the author section. I'm like, "Done, next!"
Demetri Martin
#32. You've been reading Gordan's book again, haven't you?"
"It's a white-knuckle roller-coaster ride," she mumbled.
Derek Landy
#33. He scanned the page looking for an entry that read, "Help! I'm Almost Thirteen Years Old and I Still Have the Muscles of a Third-Grader!" but apparently Robert's condition was so freakish and rare, the authors of the book didn't even bother to include it.
Charles Gilman
#34. Sometimes I want to slap some of the characters with their own book.
Anonymous
#35. Face Book keeps asking me to complete my relationship status; I doubt it has the soul of a gossip magazine column's starving journalist.
Shahla Khan
#36. The fact that the biblical book Hebrews is not an epistle of St Paul, or of any other apostle, is proved by what it says in chapter two ...
Martin Luther
#37. See Amazon's bio on don loedding and a review of his first book of short stories"The Search For the Bearded Clam" and read inside "Global Warming:The Iceman Cometh".
Donald R. Loedding
#38. The day it went live on Kindle, 33 people visited my web site. I wish they'd all bought the book.
Marilynn Larew
#39. Life is way too short, so try to enjoy every minute of it with a sense of humor!
Christina Scalise
#40. A short poem from my book:
Perspective
Of course
there is a hell
she said
and it has
an observation deck;
so I may
stand and wave
to all those kind
souls below
who warned me
I would go there.
Michelle Hartman
#41. My friend says she's smart. She reads a book to fall asleep.
Nicholaa Spencer
#42. The Real-World was a sprawling mess of a book in need of a good editor.
Jasper Fforde
#43. This book is written with an open mind and it should be read with the same
Adrian Sandvaer
#44. The summer movies are coming out. My advice: just stay home and burn a good book.
Stephen Colbert
#45. I wrote a book on cats. In retrospect, I should have used paper, cause chapter six got hit by a car.
Wynne McLaughlin
#46. If you don't read my book, I'm not coming to your birthday party.
Tim Yeager
#47. When I write my book I'm going to tell people that if they happen to forget their wide-mouth jar, they should pee far enough away from their position so it doesn't ruin their hiding spot.
Susan Juby
#48. Life is a game I adore. I just wish someone had given me the rule book sooner.
Dane Waters
#49. They were steaming out of the station before Maia asked, 'Was it books in the trunk?'
'It was books, admitted Miss Minton.
And Maia said, 'Good.
Eva Ibbotson
#50. Kill them with kindness, slay them with a smile and murder them with a kiss. ~Caesar~ The Goodbye Man.
A. Giannoccaro
#51. As for your back rubs ... Study an anatomy book, pal, because what you've been rubbing isn't my back.
Susan Elizabeth Phillips
#52. That moment you finish a book, look around, and realize that everyone else is just getting on with their lives as though you didn't just experience emotional trauma at the hands of a paperback
Anonymous
#53. In theory it was, around now, Literature. Susan hated Literature. She'd much prefer to read a good book.
Terry Pratchett
#55. One of my book-reading friends used the term "our story unfolds" when describing a paper he was writing. He became somewhat less of a friend right at that moment.
Tommy Greenwald
#56. I'm writing a book about Siamese Twins that are attached at the nose. It's called: Stop Staring at Me!
Zach Galifianakis
#57. You're not doing a good job of selling me this dumb fantasy. I'm not climbing into the back of your van if I have to be Robin. I'm Batman. That's how these things work.
John Kerry
#58. When I was young, my favorite picture book was 'Fletcher and Zenobia,' written by Edward Gorey and illustrated by Victoria Chess. It's long out of print now, but its mix of macabre humor and 1960s psychedelia made it a perfect children's book for the times.
Rick Riordan
#59. Maybe we should all just shut up and read a good book.
Mary Sisney
#60. Nothing makes sense, not that much of the world ever did."
Quote from the book: "UnHoly Pursuit: The Devil on My Trail.
A. White
#61. A successful book is not made of what is in it, but what is left out of it.
Mark Twain
#62. Steal not this book for fear of shame
For on it is the owners name
And when you die the Lord will say
Where is the book you stole away
And when you say you do not know
The Lord will say go down below.
L.M. Montgomery
#63. Silas consumed only one food, and it was not bananas.
Neil Gaiman
#64. Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.
Groucho Marx
#65. That's the exciting part about capitalism. It's like surfing, you have to catch the wave. - Martin Peter (aka Vermin Gobsmack)
Jamie Delano
#66. Its a very good book and i wish i read it first than anyone else!!!!
Wendy Mass
#67. How about I call you when I finish this?"
"But you don't even have my phone number," he said.
"I strongly suspect you write it in the book.
John Green
#68. I'm not trying to please anyone. I'm just trying to write a damn book.
Richard P. Denney
#69. People hide the truth to protect those they love!
Craig Mercier
#70. I do believe you would be perfectly happy shut up in your study with your rolls of manuscript all your life, without seeing another human being save a servant to bring you in bread and fruit and water twice a day.
G.A. Henty
#72. I hate the vamp jobs. They think they're so suave. It's not enough for them to slaughter and eat you like a zombie would. No, they want to be all sexy, too. And trust me: vampires? Not. Sexy.
Kiersten White
#73. Goodreads sports some of the social awkwardness of middle school. If you are looking for a friend, I promise no matter your background or book preferences I will be your friend.
Red Phoenix
#74. Horror. I can't manage it. I become
well
horrified. Self-help books have a similar effect.
When asked, "Any literary genre you simply can't be bothered with?" - (By the Book: Writers on Literature and the Literary Life from the NYT Book Review, by Pamela Paul)
Emma Thompson
#75. Give your brain a break and read a book.
Jeff Lyon
#76. A writer should not review a book. A reviewer should not write.
Bhaskar Sharma
#77. I don't know what's worse, being ignored or stared at.
Renata Suerth
#78. Every town you go to, they tell you what's special about their town. What they're number one at ... This guy comes up and says, 'D'you know that we're the home of the world's largest frying pan?'
' ... Really! That is great 'cause I'm writin' a new book called Things I Don't Care About.
Tim Hawkins
#79. I feel that the characters in my book, if they were real, would be like, "Seriously, another plot twist?
Meghan Blistinsky
#80. Well, I did tell you I couldn't give you a thing. Maybe you've just realised that Alistair can give the god damn world, and the pleasure of kissing his shiny slap-head every day!
LeeAnn Whitaker
#81. Women were tricky creatures under the best of circumstances. This was not the best of circumstances.
Genevieve Dewey
#82. Snooki is a bestselling author? Huh? What? I don't know if I should dumb down my book, shoot myself or find a publisher who'll settle for a rough draft written on a Pop-Tart and a coconut lotion handie..
Geoffrey Hill
#83. The answer to all of life's problems are out there somewhere its just a question of finding the right book
Tammy Blackwell
#84. I was just thinking that he might be willing. It's not like he needs his semen.
Buffy Andrews
#85. All groups are a little intimidated by ya show of power. I mean who ever thought the monarchy was dead didn't realize it changed zip codes. - Cross
Mira Monroe
#86. If people don't read, that's their choice; a lifelong book habit may itself be some sort of affliction.
Penelope Lively
#87. I once gave my friend his braille book to him upside down and I got a punch in the shoulder. He was aiming for my face but I guess him being blind makes his accuracy terrible.
Haresh Daswani
#88. Note to goyim readers: not every Jew who grew up in Brooklyn was rich. And as long as I'm on it, here's another note: fuck you. That's all. Whether or not you assumed we were rich, if you're a goyim, fuck you. But keep reading, and tell your friends to buy the book.
Gilbert Gottfried
#89. I am no fan of books. And chances are, if you're reading this, you and I share a healthy skepticism about the printed word. Well, I want you to know that this is the first book I've ever written, and I hope it's the first book you've ever read. Don't make a habit of it.
Stephen Colbert
#90. (Joan,1941) She wrote me a letter asking,"How can I read it?,Its so hard." I told her to start at the beginning and read as far as you can get until you're lost. Then start again at the beginning and keep working through until you can understand the whole book. And thats what she did
Richard Feynman
#91. You know how it is when you're reading a book and falling asleep, you're reading, reading ... and all of a sudden you notice your eyes are closed? I'm like that all the time.
Steven Wright
#92. I hear your insults and plan to silence them with my victory.
Claudia Gray
#93. Soccer forces life to move on. There's always a new match. A new season. There's always a dream that everything can get better. It's a game of wonders.
Fredrik Backman
#94. I recently published a new book. It's a Christian urban fantasy about mad science gone wrong. And then after I'd written that in a blurb I thought to myself - when does mad science ever go right?!
Greg Curtis
#95. This is the funniest book I've ever held in my hands.
Dave Barry, Pulitzer Prize winning humorist and author says about Radical Sabbatical
Dave Barry
#96. No vampires? You know, the kind that sparkle? I giggle to myself, thinking "Go Team Edward!" - Willow
Mira Monroe
#97. A book without potty humor is like a banana split without hot fudge. It can still be good, I suppose, but you kinda get the feeling that something is missing.
Dav Pilkey
#98. Haylee shook her head as soon as they were gone. Christ, how can our family be mankind's best hope?
Natasha Larry
#99. I would have understood if they had killed him.
L.J.Smith
#100. Tasers are a one-size-fits-all paranormal butt-kicking option. Mine's pink with
rhinestones.
Kiersten White
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