Oliver Gaspirtz Quotes

#1. Free will? Either you follow the word of God, or you'll be punished with eternal hellfire. That's the same kind of "choice" an abuse boyfriend gives you: 'Either you do exactly what I say, or I'll beat the shit out of you.

Oliver Gaspirtz

#2. It's better to dance like a fool, than to stand around like an idiot.

Oliver Gaspirtz

#3. Books like Twilight are not art. They are mass-produced crap that is meant to be consumed by the widest possible audience, for the largest possible profit.

Oliver Gaspirtz

#4. Good things you have to make happen. Bad things happen all by themselves.

Oliver Gaspirtz

#5. Some guys like to undermine a girl's self-esteem with little verbal jabs. Eventually it all adds up. One bee sting doesn't hurt a horse, but enough bee stings can kill a horse.

Oliver Gaspirtz

#6. Dogs are angels full of poop.

Oliver Gaspirtz

#7. Getting life insurance is like making a bet you can't win. If you live, you don't get the money. If you die, you don't get to enjoy the money.

Oliver Gaspirtz

#8. How love works: Proximity leads to intimacy, and intimacy leads to a relationship. In other words, people who are around each other a lot, get close, and end up hooking up. So it's no great mystery why bosses and secretaries or co-workers or classmates end up dating each other.

Oliver Gaspirtz

#9. A cow's heaven is a flower's idea of hell.

Oliver Gaspirtz

#10. A beautiful woman can have almost any man she wants. A rich man can have almost any woman he wants.

Oliver Gaspirtz

#11. The happiest people are not the ones with the best or the most things, but those who most appreciate what they have.

Oliver Gaspirtz

#12. Life is like the ocean. You can either be the ball floating on the waves, or make your own waves.

Oliver Gaspirtz

#13. Dogs will give you unconditional love until the day they die. Cats will make you pay for every mistake you've ever made since the day you were born.

Oliver Gaspirtz

#14. Just because everyone CAN publish a book these days, doesn't mean everyone SHOULD. The world doesn't need 1000 knock-offs of 50 Shades of Grey. I'm not so sure the world even needed ONE 50 Shades of Grey.

Oliver Gaspirtz

#15. You only live once, so enjoy the ride.

Oliver Gaspirtz

#16. Dogs are like kids. Cats are like roommates.

Oliver Gaspirtz

#17. A fish tank is just interactive television for cats.

Oliver Gaspirtz

#18. Happy Endings are an illusion. Real life is filled with brief moments of fleeting happiness, but ultimately every life is a tragedy that ends in death and grief.

Oliver Gaspirtz

#19. If you want to be a cartoonist, live the life of a cartoonist.

Oliver Gaspirtz