Top 38 Toilet Seat Quotes
#1. Now, as husbands go, I have to admit I did all right. Joe is unquestionably handsome, doesn't leave ragged toenail clippings scattered about the house, and has never once, in nearly five thousand days of togetherness, left the toilet seat up.
Jenna McCarthy
#2. Men who consistently leave the toilet seat up secretly want women to get up to go the bathroom in the middle of the night and fall in.
Rita Rudner
#3. On the way out of the bathroom, he stopped to put the toilet seat down. You're going to break my heart, Ford Winter, she thought.
Michele Jaffe
#4. I'm shy. I can go on a trip for days and not go because I won't sit on a toilet seat on a plane. I'm certainly not going to go on somebody's lawn. Could you imagine, in a cocktail dress?
Farrah Fawcett
#6. You're asking the government to control individual morality. This is a government that can't buy a toilet seat for under $600.
Peter McWilliams
#7. Bad writing is not easier than good writing. It's just as hard to make a toilet seat as it is a castle window. Only the view is different.
Ben Hecht
#8. We imagine much more appropriately an artisan on his toilet seat or on his wife than a great president, venerable by his demeanorand his ability. It seems to us that they do not stoop from their lofty thrones even to live.
Michel De Montaigne
#9. Marriage was nothing but a lot of dirty dishes and pee sprinkled on your toilet seat. With
Tarryn Fisher
#10. Its okay Ginny. Don't be upset. We'll send you a toilet seat or something. Fred and George said to Ginny
J.K. Rowling
#11. I don't think the press has done a very good job dealing with government spending.The Defense Department with the $9,500 toilet seat, that's not the problem anymore. Medicare and Medicaid and Social Security are the problem. That's us. That's our generation. There the press never says a word.
Dave Barry
#13. It's probably not love if you don't press your face to the toilet seat after they've used it to feel their warmth.
Rob Delaney
#14. Don't, Ginny, we'll send you loads of owls.
We'll send you a Hogwarts toilet seat.
George!
Only joking, Mum.
J.K. Rowling
#15. I will go to the Opening of Anything, including a Toilet Seat
Andy Warhol
#16. Well. He's a very sensitive boy. He's really never been a terribly good mixer with other boys ... '
Sensitive. That killed me. That guy Morrow was about as sensitive as a goddamn toilet seat.
J.D. Salinger
#17. So you killed him with what now?"
"I tried that Dr. Phil book at first" ... "And I finished it off with the toilet seat. Just so you know, you left it up again. That drives me crazy.
Jesse Petersen
#18. Gram?" I asked. "You okay?"
"Damn men," she said. "I fell in the toilet."
I busted out laughing. Tears of laughter coursed down my face. "Oh God," I said, still laughing.
Caeden was blushing. Even his ears were red. "I did tell you I can never remember to put the toilet seat down.
Micalea Smeltzer
#19. I believe your friends Misters Fred and George Weasley were responsible for trying to send you a toilet seat. No doubt they thought it would amuse you.
J.K. Rowling
#20. Sensitive. That killed me. That guy Morrow was about as sensitive as a toilet seat.
J.D. Salinger
#21. Done properly," she said, "cunnilingus and fellatio should be more pleasant, and a lot cleaner, than kissing a toilet seat. I hope that answers your question.
Tom Perrotta
#22. I like to play pranks on my girlfriend, you know, keep things fresh for me, make me laugh, you know? She hates it. But like, the other night, I put Saran wrap over the toilet seat, you know, which doesn't sound that original, but she's bulimic.
Anthony Jeselnik
#23. What do you see in him anyway?" "He doesn't leave the toilet seat up." I smiled bitterly
Jayde Scott
#24. Wow, he must get more ass than a toilet seat!
Kresley Cole
#25. Tell me something, Adron. Sometime you've never shared with anyone else. Not even Thia. (Livia)
I'm the one who glued Zarina to the toilet seat when she was seven. (Adron)
Sherrilyn Kenyon
#26. I smoke so much weed that you wouldn't believe and I get more ass then a toilet seat.
Nate Dogg
#27. The tone of the scream reminded me of Hera whenever she stormed through the hallways of Olympus, yelling at me for leaving the godly toilet seat up.
Rick Riordan
#28. She was quite promiscuous, to the point where dating her was similar to the experience of sitting on a warm toilet seat:
Tucker Max
#29. All that matters to me is the man in front of me right now. (Tory)
I'm not a man, Soteria. (Acheron)
I know. But if you think your godhood excuses you from putting the toilet seat down, think again. (Tory)
Sherrilyn Kenyon
#30. Thou may leave the toilet seat up. But thou shalt not leave the toilet seat down and pee on it.
Jenna Jameson
#31. Online, you're providing each other with the good aspects of being together as far as communication and support, but you don't have to deal with the realities of paying bills together, or being annoyed when they leave the toilet seat up or don't put the food away in the fridge.
Nev Schulman
#32. It occurred to me, while sitting on the cold white toilet seat pretending to pee in order to avoid Bob, that I much preferred having the power over the man and deciding when to cut the cord, over being powerless and on the receiving end of the silent fade-away.
Meredith Schorr
#33. When confronted by an angry partner wanting to know how it is that he or she suddenly has symptoms of syphilis, gonorrhea, pubic lice or any other unpleasantry, it is much easier to answer "I have no idea, dear - I must have gotten it from a toilet seat" than it is to tell the truth.
Anonymous
#34. Don't get me started on cold toilet seats.
Zach Braff
#35. He spun out enough toilet paper to vandalize a house and carefully cleaned the seat.
Adam Rex
#36. I can't do it, if I finish that, I'll have to attach a seat belt to the toilet.
Maybe an airbag too.
J.A. Konrath
#37. I don't know what to say about the hygiene of the male species.
Victor LaValle
#38. I swear if Washington moved any slower, we could be at war and it would all be over before they could even lift their sluggish, naked, dead asses off of their comfortable heated-seat toilets. -Fitzhugh to Captain Jeeter
Ray Palla
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