Top 100 J.A. Konrath Quotes
#1. I picked up a transsexual hooker named Thor, all six feet of her, at the off ramp to Eau Claire, Wisconsin, as I was driving up north to kill a man.
J.A. Konrath
#2. If a traditional publisher offered me a quarter of a million dollars for a novel, I'd consider it. But anything less than that, I'm sure I can do better on my own.
J.A. Konrath
#3. You're the total of all the choices you've made in your life, Jack. This is what you have because this is what you chose.
J.A. Konrath
#4. My grandchildren will be making money from the stories I write and sell as eBooks because they will continue to be making money.
J.A. Konrath
#5. Ha-shem to do His dirty work, namely, punishing sin. It can be read that Mastema, not Adonai,
J.A. Konrath
#6. I just try to write entertaining books that are easily identifiable.
J.A. Konrath
#7. Writers are essential. Readers are essential. Publishers are not.
J.A. Konrath
#8. Funny thing about regrets. I don't lament what I've done, but rather, what I didn't do.
J.A. Konrath
#10. I can hire out for editing, proofreading, formatting, and cover design, and those are fixed, sunk costs. Once those are paid, I can earn 70% on a self-pubbed ebook.
J.A. Konrath
#11. She nodded, taking his pistol and showing him the button to release the empty clip.
"Where did you learn how to shoot?" he asked.
"I teach high school.
J.A. Konrath
#12. If you're stuck in hell, you might as well roast some marshmallows. Conversation,
J.A. Konrath
#13. I really think it is possible to make a very nice living by writing and not worrying about anything else.
J.A. Konrath
#14. You can't let the uncertainty of tomorrow interfere with the joy of today,
J.A. Konrath
#15. People, even crazy, evil people, tended to believe they have a good reason for doing what they do. Though some consider religion the opiate of the masses, others use it to further their obsessions, or rationalize their crimes.
J.A. Konrath
#16. I love bookstores and booksellers. In my novel 'Dirty Martini,' I thanked over 3,000 booksellers by name in the back matter.
J.A. Konrath
#17. While the modern Bible is missing many of its original passages, the Book of Bob isn't one of them. You're probably getting it confused with the lost Book of Fred.
J.A. Konrath
#18. All you need to know about plotting is twofold. 1. Give your characters goals. 2. Don't let them reach those goals.
J.A. Konrath
#19. Time is the ultimate long tail. Even with a big wad of money up front, if something sells forever, the back end is what ultimately counts.
J.A. Konrath
#20. Then I tug the toaster from the wall and swing the appliance around my head like a lasso. I'm not aiming to knock her out. I'm aiming to knock off her fucking head.
J.A. Konrath
#21. Lately, my sexual fantasies revolved around once again having a landlord. Looks, age, and hygiene didn't matter, as long as he had a tool belt and said, Don't worry, I'll fix it.
J.A. Konrath
#22. What happens to rage deferred? It explodes. It explodes in spectacular fashion.
J.A. Konrath
#23. After 20 years, a million written words, and nine rejected novels, I finally landed a book contract.
J.A. Konrath
#24. But Thor and I weren't going to happen, ever. I didn't tell her this. I might be a killer, but I'm not mean.
J.A. Konrath
#25. Together, Amazon and I are giving readers what they want - inexpensive, professional ebooks.
J.A. Konrath
#26. But after eating his one-thousandth sinner, Bob became prideful of his accomplishments, and that angered God."
"Why would that anger God?"
"This was the Old Testament. God got pissed off a lot. Didn't you ever read Job?
J.A. Konrath
#27. I've got issues?" "You've got a whole subscription.
J.A. Konrath
#28. I'm often asked which of the Jack Daniels books is my personal favorite. It
J.A. Konrath
#29. Fate is a future you didn't try hard enough to change.
J.A. Konrath
#31. We all need to focus on our writing. Because the millions of readers out there don't care about your blog.
J.A. Konrath
#32. One of the greatest journeys in life is overcoming insecurity and learning to truly not give a shit.
J.A. Konrath
#33. I enjoy writing. Publishing ... not so much. I've been lucky to work with some very talented people in the publishing world, and the print industry has allowed me to write full time.
J.A. Konrath
#34. I didn't like doctors. They always wanted to take something from you, like blood or a kidney, or stick something in you, like a probe or a needle. As
J.A. Konrath
#35. I think guns are just a symbolic substitute for male genitalia, and I'm okay in that respect." "Fine. If they get in the house, you can whack them with your genitals.
J.A. Konrath
#36. Some people are naturally brave. Others, like me, learn to fake it. I still had no idea if faked bravery and real bravery were the same thing.
J.A. Konrath
#37. I don't care what people are saying about me, good or bad, in blogs or on Twitter or in the media. There will always be people who don't like you and don't like your books. Ignore them.
J.A. Konrath
#38. I took a moment before saying, "You think the murderer is a Brazilian samba trio." Dailey held up his right hand and ticked off fingers. "They're organized. Focused. Motivated. And are in excellent physical condition, by the looks of the pictures on their CD.
J.A. Konrath
#39. There's a word for a writer who never gives up: published.
J.A. Konrath
#40. Sorry to hear about your Dad."
He shrugged. "He was seventy, and we always told him fast food would kill him."
"Heart attack?"
"He was hit by a Pizza Express truck.
J.A. Konrath
#41. If you ever want to get laid again, you'll promise me." Andy felt himself tear up. "Okay.
J.A. Konrath
#42. Because we self-published 'Draculas,' we control the rights. Not just for now, but forever.
J.A. Konrath
#43. A company doesn't have to compete with Amazon. A company can instead innovate in sectors Amazon doesn't presently care about.
J.A. Konrath
#44. It's easier to release an ebook than a print book.
J.A. Konrath
#45. Publishers vet books, and they do a good job keeping out the low quality. But they also miss some good quality.
J.A. Konrath
#47. Mark Twain once said that true bravery isn't the absence of fear, but the ability to act in the face of fear.
J.A. Konrath
#48. You remember what you told me, Mom? That there are no medals for the completion of a good life? I've been thinking about that. About how no one wins. Like you said, it's impossible to win, because the finish line is death.
J.A. Konrath
#50. Blake Crouch, Chicago's deputy chief, and says, "I don't know." Crouch resembles a mole, with a long, sharp nose and tiny black eyes.
J.A. Konrath
#51. Vicky cost the taxpayers sixty-five million dollars, and she couldn't predict the time an hour from now. I
J.A. Konrath
#52. Frank," Andy said slowly, "I don't think the hellspawn wants to play checkers with you.
J.A. Konrath
#54. If you can quit, quit. If you can't quit, stop complaining - this is what you chose.
J.A. Konrath
#55. No one was interested in picking up a midlist series, even though I have a decent fanbase and respectable numbers.
J.A. Konrath
#56. The most important job anyone can ever have is being a mother.
J.A. Konrath
#57. I can't do it, if I finish that, I'll have to attach a seat belt to the toilet.
Maybe an airbag too.
J.A. Konrath
#58. As writers, we can do whatever we want to. We're only limited by our imaginations. What an amazing, incredible time to be alive. How lucky we all are.
J.A. Konrath
#59. My Kindle readers have been incredibly faithful fans.
J.A. Konrath
#60. People are bound to recognize the name Quasimodo." "Why is that?" "Because he rings a bell.
J.A. Konrath
#61. I was overworked, underpaid, and socially retarded. But
J.A. Konrath
#62. We don't know the Devil's side of the story, because God wrote all the books.
J.A. Konrath
#63. I wish I was like that. More carefree."
"Anyone can be. People aren't carved out of marble. We're all works in progress. The trick is to define ourselves, rather than let outside influences define us.
J.A. Konrath
#64. Amazon is not a monopoly or a monopsony, and even if it were, that by itself isn't illegal.
J.A. Konrath
#65. I became a control freak as a defense mechanism. The more control I had in my life, the less chance of being surprised, of getting hurt.
J.A. Konrath
#66. I have turned off Google Alerts and don't Google my name or my pen names. I don't go on message boards. I don't read my book reviews.
J.A. Konrath
#67. I try not to watch the news. Too depressing.
J.A. Konrath
#68. There's a word for an author who doesn't give up ... published.
J.A. Konrath
#69. I know a place that serves great falafel." "Falafel?" "No, I don't feel awful." Herb grinned. "I feel pretty good.
J.A. Konrath
#70. Write the best book you possibly can, then dedicate yourself to getting people to read it.
J.A. Konrath
#71. Of course, Jack Kilborn is better than both of us combined and mixed with a side helping of the Bronte sisters.
J.A. Konrath
#72. Never having something is different than having something and losing it.
J.A. Konrath
#73. Life isn't worth living unless you have someone to share it with, Jacqueline. The good times, and the bad times. In sickness and in health. Even toward the end, she could still make my heart flutter when I looked at her.
J.A. Konrath
#74. If cops were viewed as the enemy, the tenuous balance of power could shift. Laws would be broken out of contempt. Authority wouldn't be acknowledged. Police officers might even be attacked, or worse.
J.A. Konrath
#75. Success means nothing unless you have someone to share it with.
J.A. Konrath
#76. Besides, if a guy couldn't accept the way a woman looked when she woke up, he wasn't worth waking up next to. Not
J.A. Konrath
#77. McGlade is a bit, um, abrasive," Jack said. "If he says something rude, you have to promise not to kill him." I smiled. Jack didn't. "I'm serious. Promise me." "I promise. I don't kill people just because they're rude." "Yeah, well, that's because you haven't met Harry yet." She
J.A. Konrath
#78. Men got all the comfortable clothing trends.
J.A. Konrath
#79. My next course of action was to take my phone off the hook, because I kept getting obnoxious messages along the lines of, "Where's that kidney?" and "You have to get to the hospital immediately!" and "He's dead.
J.A. Konrath
#81. E-books are preferable to paper; they can be delivered instantly. In many cases, they're cheaper; you can buy them with the press of a button.
J.A. Konrath
#82. I know dozens of authors who have had a lot of books published by New York, and they won't ever take another Big 6 contract since they've gotten a taste of the freedom, control, and money self-publishing offers.
J.A. Konrath
#84. When a single author uploading his own books to Amazon can earn more money than a large N.Y. publisher exploiting both print and e-rights, there's something amiss.
J.A. Konrath
#85. You act like you have a saggy diaper that leaks." "Maybe you need to take your Shut-The-Hell-Up pill.
J.A. Konrath
#86. So they profiled the Gingerbread Man with a curved spine." "It's just a hunch," I said.
J.A. Konrath
#87. The cab smelled like curry, cigarettes, and body odor, and the safety glass between me and the driver had cracks in it.
J.A. Konrath
#88. schoolchildren. Plus he has erectile dysfunction.
J.A. Konrath
#89. We each take up one virtual space per title ... Virtual shelf life is forever. In a bookstore, you have anywhere from a few weeks to a few months to sell your title, and then it gets returned. This is a big waste of money, and no incentive at all for the bookseller to move the book.
J.A. Konrath
#90. I rubbed my eyes, getting some eyeliner on my fingers. For what I paid for eyeliner, it shouldn't come off that easily.
J.A. Konrath
#91. I've been saying for years that readers want inexpensive ebooks.
J.A. Konrath
#92. Actually," Coursey lowered his voice an octave, "we've been informed by Homeland Security that three members of a subversive Brazilian band went through Customs at O'Hare Airport eleven days ago.
J.A. Konrath
#93. He rolled his eyes, which buoyed me with relief. The dying don't bother with sarcasm.
J.A. Konrath
#94. Mothers shouldn't be allowed to get old and fragile.
J.A. Konrath
#95. If it takes every cent of my money, every single one of my vast resources, I'll see to it that you never insure another vehicle again. When I get done with you, you won't be able to put on roller skates without the Feds breathing down your neck.
J.A. Konrath
#96. If they lived through this, she promised to herself she'd be different. More open. Less worried. More fun. Less angry. More loving.
J.A. Konrath
#97. I doubt I'll ever have another traditional print deal.
J.A. Konrath
#98. The publishing industry is an archaic and inefficient industry.
J.A. Konrath
#99. Chico was a small-time hustler and big-time loser who liked to bet the ponies and hit women. He was more successful at the latter.
J.A. Konrath
#100. Authors need to decide if they want to keep forever to themselves, or share forever with a publisher who takes over half the cover price.
J.A. Konrath
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