Top 100 Sarcasm In Quotes
#1. I thought the line 'I am the daughter of the former governor of Alaska' was very funny. I think the word is 'sarcasm.' In my family we think laughing is good. My parents raised me to have a sense of humor and to live a normal life.
Andrea Fay Friedman
#3. 1. Do what you say you're gonna do
2. Show up!
3. Give genuine praise whenever you can
4. Never say sorry when you don't mean it
5. Never use sarcasm in email (and use the corny ass emoticons)
Matthew Lasar
#4. Well done,' said a voice somewhere behind him. 'Consciousness to sarcasm in five seconds!
Terry Pratchett
#5. And then what? Said, 'Oh, I'm so sorry, Ms. Lane, I didn't mean to wrinkle your lovely blouse. May I press that for you?' Or perhaps you gouged it with one of your pretty pink nails?
I was really beginning to wonder what his hang-up with pink was, but I didn't resent the sarcasm in his voice.
Karen Marie Moning
#6. Kei: Is there anything else you need while I'm here, Your Highness?
Cabot: No, but you can leave the sarcasm in there.
Stefne Miller
#7. The key to humor is often self-loathing or sarcasm. In a sense, that's how self-loathing is made palatable.
James Gray
#8. I do." He was clearly amused by my disdain. "We have only been speaking for two minutes, Paige. Try not to waste all your sarcasm in one breath."
I wanted to kill him. As it happened, I couldn't.
Samantha Shannon
#9. This music won't do. There's not enough sarcasm in it.
Samuel Goldwyn
#11. Hard at work on a new one, huh? What's this one called?"
"A Feast of Souls."
"A Feast of Souls," Ben said. "Classy." I slowed, unsure whether or not I had detected a hint of sarcasm in my neighbor's tone.
James Newman
#12. Enjoyed the ride?' Janis asked, sarcasm in her voice. 'I never thought you'd actually be scared of flying.'
'Well, it's not everyday I ride unicorns to parallel worlds,' I muttered.
Deepika Kumaaraguru
#13. Hey. So. You're the new cook?" Oof, yes, ask the guy cooking if he's the new cook.
"Yeah! Isn't this place amazing?"
"There ... was no sarcasm in that statement. I'm confused.
Kiersten White
#14. Drift House: Susan's response to Queen Octavia's sarcasm in regards to fading memories ... "But we pass our memories on," she insisted. "I mean, from one generation to the next. Parents teach their children. They write things down, tell them stories
Dale Peck
#15. As a former writer for the 'National Lampoon,' I've probably contributed to the sea of sarcasm in which we live.
P. J. O'Rourke
#17. Some of us are looking at the stars, but all of us are living in the gutter.
Vann Chow
#18. I believe sarcasm is the passive form of rudeness and should not be tolerated in the Body of Christ.
Sean Feucht
#19. Just remember that you're on my list, Marcone. Soon as I get done with all the other evils in this town, you won't be the lesser of them anymore."
Marcone stared at me with half-lidded eyes and said, "Eek.
Jim Butcher
#20. Sarcasm is such an unattractive quality in anyone but me.
Samantha Young
#21. Life has a whimsical way of kicking you in the throat. I find it to
be one huge cosmic joke at our expense, only nobody is laughing
but the forces that be - given that they are even a wee bit human.
Lori Goldson
#22. One day I'll work out what it is you are saying, my lad, and then you'll be in trouble.
Terry Pratchett
#23. I couldn't hack it in Hollywood, my writing's wasn't bad enough.
Russ Lippitt
#24. What am I going to do?" asked Ce'Nedra.
"First you ought to go wash your face," Polgara told her. "Some girls can cry without making themselves ugly, but you don't have the right coloring for it. You're an absolute fright. I'd advise you never to cry in public if you can help it.
David Eddings
#25. I admire all my three sons-in-law highly. Wickham, perhaps is my favourite; but I think I shall like your husband quite as well as Jane's.
Jane Austen
#26. This is what happened in love. One of you cried a lot and then both of you grew sarcastic.
Lorrie Moore
#27. The cops got out of the car and came straight towards me. My first thought was, How hypocritical ... They head straight for the kid all in black ...
Bella Shadow
#28. You know, most boys enjoy being trapped in close quarters with a girl.
Veronica Roth
#29. I avoided one-on-one situations, eye contact, and healthy relationships. Instead I took refuge in drinking too much, cheap sex, and sarcasm.
Jason Najum
#30. Gotta have my make up, in case I run into Joey and he wants to beat the shit out of me. Gotta look my best! Maybe he'll punch me repeatedly in the kidneys and the stomach so it doesn't mark up my face. He's so thoughtful!
George Carlin
#31. Carefully I opened my eyes and looked at him again. All his natural gifts were there in a blaze of light: the delicate but strong limbs, large sober brown eyes, and his mouth that for all the irony and sarcasm that could come out of it was childlike and ready to be kissed.
Anne Rice
#32. I don't know how you persist in being so stubborn-"
"It's a superpower. I was bitten by a radioactive mule.
Shannon Hale
#33. Getting married is like trading in the adoration of many for the sarcasm of one.
Mae West
#34. It's like in most parts of America, where there was industry and there is no longer; there is cynicism mixed with sarcasm and some optimism. That's how my background influenced my comedy.
Jim Gaffigan
#35. Well, because you mysteriously came all this way and obviously are not the man I thought you were, why the heck not. So, Phet, if that's even your real name, tell
me, how do I defeat Lokesh?"
"It's simple. Do to him what I did to you."
"What? Talk to him in broken English?
Colleen Houck
#36. With a sense of humor like that, you could make a living as a garbage man anywhere in the country.
Jim Butcher
#38. Egotist, n. A person of low taste, more interested in himself than in me.
Ambrose Bierce
#39. The bastard kissed her. She was so mad, she bit him hard enough to draw blood. Raphael pulled back, lip already beginning to swell. "We are no longer even, Elena. You're now in debt."
"You can deduct it from my slow and painful death.
Nalini Singh
#40. Puberty is the sickest joke God plays on us. So you're just noticing members of the sex: "Girls girls, ooo". Naturally you want to look your best, and God says "No! You will look the worst you've ever looked in your life!"
Eddie Izzard
#41. A lot of people have it in for me. It's practically a school sport.
Nenia Campbell
#42. There's been a lot written on the topic of minimalism. But I still believe in it.
Ryan Lilly
#43. I hope you're not smoking in front of her,' Lucia says to him.
'Yeah, I lie in bed and puff in her face, Lucia,' he says, irritated.
Melina Marchetta
#44. Past misdeeds must only serve as a reference point in calm conversation about lessons learned or actions that taught us to behave better. They should never be bantered about with sarcasm, anger, or nastiness.
Cathy Burnham Martin
#45. In my youth, I was always one for the dramatic entrance. Now, in keeping with my character, I gravitate more toward the subtle and refined. Okay, with the occasional feathered serpent thrown in.
Jonathan Stroud
#46. What tale do you like best to hear?' 'Oh, I have not much choice! They generally run on the same theme - courtship; and promise to end in the same catastrophe - marriage.
Charlotte Bronte
#47. Caro: "Bite me."
Ruby: "I gave that up in kindergarten.
Kristin Hannah
#48. What do you do when you're in a room of vampires and the most dangerous one tells you that you
know too much? You bolt. What did I do? I hyperventilated.
Tijan
#49. Congress should make it so that all sex scenes in all films should be provided with a screaming baby sound track. That should help take away all the fun and may show a major decrease in unwanted pregnancies without having to provide birth control to anyone.
Heather Chapple
#50. Strong creatures don't form herds.
Have they never heard of a lone wolf?
Cats are cute, and wolves are cool.
So in essence, loners are cute and cool.
Wataru Watari
#51. Get the point?" I asked, offering the boys a triumphant smile.
Gabriel, Zeb, and Dick stared at me, aghast.
"What? Sarcastic postkill comeback. Isn't that what you're supposed to do in situations like this?
Too harsh?
Molly Harper
#52. Hey," he said.
"Hi." Oh, damn. It was awkward.
"What're you doing?"
"Shearing a sheep. It's cold outside, and I need a new hat."
He paused. "You're joking, right?"
"Yes, Marshall." I gnawed on my fingers some more and sunk back in my chair.
Chanelle Gray
#53. What's in the cave, Russell?' Madigan asked with heavy sarcasm.
I shrugged. 'Rocks. Lots of 'em.'
'Don't patronize me.' His voice lowered to a hiss. 'What else is in the cave?'
I looked him straight in the eye and spoke one word.
'Mud.
Jeaniene Frost
#54. But nowhere in the file had anyone said, "Oh, and by the way, he runs like a gazelle with an espresso addiction." At least not in the parts I'd skimmed.
Lish McBride
#55. Yes!" Belen raises his fist in a victory gesture. "We shall save the world from Invierne with slings!
Rae Carson
#56. That was a tall order for Ivy. Sarcasm was kind of her native tongue, though she was fluent in "stern disappointment" and "light condescension" as well. She was also a good friend. Well, imaginary friend.
Brandon Sanderson
#57. I reckon that's the one thing you and I have in common - we both care about Em."
She gave him a small smile. "And we both have naturally charming dispositions."
His lips curved a little at her sarcasm. "That, too.
Kady Cross
#58. In the meantime, I'll get a job. I'll pay my own way."
"A job?"
"Mmm, yeah. It's that thing people do to make money.
Kelley Armstrong
#59. October: This is one of the peculiarly dangerous months to speculate in stocks. The others are July, January, September, April, November, May, March, June, December, August and February.
Mark Twain
#61. Where do you come up with these zingers, Clint? Do you own some kind of joke factory in Indonesia where you've got eight-year-olds working ninety hours a week to deliver you that kind of top-quality witticism? There are boy bands with more original material.
John Green
#62. I was supposed to be waiting up here when you got back, only your Phoenix lot got in the way ... "
"Yes, they do that," said Dumbledore.
J.K. Rowling
#63. Give me a few minutes."
"You have time." He sat in the grass.
"Are you just going to sit there and watch me?"
"Yes. Watching pretty peasant girls is what we poor little rich boys do best."
"Peasant?"
He shrugged. "You started the name calling.
Ilona Andrews
#64. Have you tried talking to her?"
"No. We've been punching her in the face repeatedly. What? You don't think that will work?
Cassandra Clare
#65. You mean you don't want to come in and hold my hand while I piss?
Nenia Campbell
#66. I couldn't help thinkin' if she was as far out o' town as she was out o' tune, she wouldn't get back in a day.
Sarah Orne Jewett
#67. Think of it as an eight-dimensional onion.' Justine straightened her back and gave her father an exasperated look. 'Thanks, Dad. That's helpful. I always think in those terms, it really helps a lot.
Peter F. Hamilton
#68. Oh, dear me." Nathalie sank back down in the chair and examined her Uggs. "The sarcasm could've started dripping off her and stained the floor. "Is it conspiracy, treachery, murder, or open warfare? I'll have to choose my lipstick accordingly.
Lilith Saintcrow
#69. Mystics are all a bit funny in the head anyway," the priest added cynically, "which is why the church locks them all up in mental hospitals and euphemistically calls these institutions monasteries.
Robert Anton Wilson
#70. Son, my dad said, every man needs a bitter, resentful woman in his life. Because there's nothing more touching to a mother's heart than to know that her son thinks of her constantly.
David C. Holley
#71. What if," replied Inspector Fry in the same maddeningly curteous tone, "we were all to construct daisy chains and drape them so as to shield the words from public view?
Lyndsay Faye
#72. I couldn't very well make a special delivery to the door of the constabulary now could I? And he'd have made the perfect scapegoat. That aura of misery he wraps himself in. So Byronesque. He's too immersed in his own guilt to ever suspect it in another.
Ella J. Fraser
#73. Festus just detected a large group of eagles behind us - long-range radar, still not in sight."
Piper leaned over the console. "Are you sure they're Roman?"
Leo rolled his eyes. "No, Pipes. It could be a random group of giant eagles flying in perfect formation. Of course they're Roman!
Rick Riordan
#74. In my opinion, I think sarcasm and humor in a song, without turning it into a novelty song, is really charming.
Alanis Morissette
#75. Ignore the reek of feces in the air, the bloodstains on the ground, and you have yourself a glorious night.
Katherine McIntyre
#76. Everything funny in a not-funny-at-all kind of way. Sarcasm as something you practiced like karate. Later concealing your mute fury when nobody fed you the opening lines.
Jonathan Lethem
#77. I could just hear my mom now, You know those old candy cigarettes are bad for you. Next thing you know, you'll be drinking alcohol, and they'll find you dead in a ditch somewhere. I'll never be able to show my face in this town again.
K. Martin Beckner
#78. Hey, Carlos," the Professor says when he walks in. "How was REACH?"
"It sucked."
"Can you be more specific?" my guardian asks.
"It really sucked," I elaborate, sarcasm dripping from every word.
Simone Elkeles
#80. Valkyrie smiled patiently. I like how you do your make-up. Do you use a brush, or just dip your head in the bucket?
Derek Landy
#81. Mmm, being irresistibly likeable is such a trial,' she drawled in an impeccable aristocratic whine. 'One is constantly in demand, but one must do one's duty, mustn't one, dear chap? Noblesse oblige and all that ...
Susan Napier
#82. "Your Tim is so unmistakably a healthy extravert type. Mens stulta in corpore sano, and all that."
"Exactly," she agreed.
John Wyndham
#83. Nothing like a little shared racism to build ties with the boss.
James S.A. Corey
#84. And little girls went to charm schools. Now you've all got degrees from the University of Sarcasm.
Ian Rankin
#85. The Death Mist is not for helping!" Akhlys shrieked. "It shrouds mortals in misery as their souls pass into the Underworld. It is the very breath of Tartarus, of death, of despair!"
"Awesome," Percy said. "Could we get two orders of that to go?
Rick Riordan
#86. The spirit of sarcasm lives and thrives in the midst of universal wreck; its balls are enchanted and itself invulnerable, and it braves retaliations and reprisals because itself is a mere flash, a bodiless and magical nothing.
Henri Frederic Amiel
#87. A little girl robbed you?" Tessa said.
"Actually, she wasn't a little girl at all, as it turns out, but a midget in a dress with a penchant for violence, who goes by the name of Six-Fingered Nigel."
"Easy mistake to make," Jem said.
Cassandra Clare
#88. Have you noticed we can breathe in here too?
Gosh, I wouldn't have picked up on that.
Dan Abnett
#90. Don't consider sarcasm the 'be-all' and 'end-all' of verbal intercourse. Far too many people place way too much importance on the sarcasm instead of the talking, in and of itself, as a precious shared experience between people.
Adam Rifkin
#91. Don't be angry with the gentleman for thinking, whatever be the cause, for I assure you he makes no common practice of offending in that way.
Fanny Burney
#92. Thomas was an annoying wiseass who tended to make everyone he met want to kill him, and when I have that much in common with someone, I can't help but like him a little.
Jim Butcher
#93. What are you doing here?"
All right, he was standing in front of an easel, holding a paint palette and brush. "Taxidermy?" he responded with just a touch of his own sarcasm.
Robyn Carr
#94. From a private gentlewoman you have made me first a marchioness, then a queen; and, as you can raise me no higher in the world, you are now sending me to be a saint in Heaven.
Anne Boleyn
#95. Alessa looked at Brennus giving him a smirk.
"Brennus."
"Alessa."
"Still think that you are the God's gift to all faeries?"
"Still trying to convince yourself that I am not?" Brennus responded smirking arrogantly and leaning back in his chair.
B.C. Morin
#96. Its deadpan and her sarcasm sailed straight on past each other, strangers passing on a dark road in the night.
Nicole Kornher-Stace
#97. I am engaged in answering that Italian buffoon, Mazotti, whose views upon the larval development of the tropical termites have excited my derision and contempt ...
Arthur Conan Doyle
#98. It was a very proper wedding. The bride was elegantly dressed
the two bridemaids were duly inferior
her father gave her away
her mother stood with salts in her hand expecting to be agitated
her aunt tried to cry
and the service was impressively read by Dr. Grant.
Jane Austen
#99. It is most remarkable that Lincoln, when he saw so much that was vulnerable in the leadership of the Church, did not move to the opposite error and become a scoffer.
Elton Trueblood
#100. Sarcasm and jokes were often the bottle in which clinical depressives sent out their most plangent screams for someone to care and help them.
David Foster Wallace
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