Top 100 Quotes About Santa
#1. Gotta keep an eye on those terrorist polar bears, and make sure Santa's elves aren't planning a holy war.
Graham McNamee
#2. We half-eat cookies and drink the milk, we leave notes, all so kids will believe in something that isn't true. Kids try their best to scientifically determine whether Santa's real and our whole culture feeds them false evidence. We dupe them.
Thomm Quackenbush
#4. The only school that let me in was U.C. Santa Cruz, which is where I went. They didn't have a journalism program, so I took sociology, which is the closest thing to journalism.
David Talbot
#5. I love big shrimp, like Japanese botan shrimp and the meaty ones from Santa Barbara, Calif. In classic Japanese cooking, shrimp like these would be dropped into a broth or boiled as served with sushi. But I think boiling dilutes their great flavor, and they are better when stir-fried.
Nobu Matsuhisa
#6. I love Christmas! I'm not religious, but I love the trappings of the season. I love the decorations, and the music, and Santa, and the festive food, and the cinnamon- and vanilla-infused aromas.
Jane Cleland
#7. We're not mad at God, just like atheists don't hate Santa or Unicorns, they're just not there!
Hemant Mehta
#8. The gravedigger looks like Santa Claus, and I don't believe for a minute he doesn't know it. With his long white beard and stout build, he has to know the effect of wearing a red and white anorak and how inappropriate the whole getup looks in the Mount Zion Cemetery.
Jonathan Tropper
#9. If you can delude yourself by believing that there is some kind of Santa Claus out there who is going to bail you out in the end, then it will help you get through. Even if you are proven wrong in the end, you would have had a better life [than a non-believer].
Woody Allen
#10. Well I teach in the History of Consciousness Department at the University of California, Santa Cruz. So that's my primary work. I lecture on various campuses and in various communities across the country and other parts of the world.
Angela Davis
#11. Santa knows Physics: Of all colors, Red Light penetrates fog best. That's why Benny the Blue-nosed reindeer never got the gig.
Neil DeGrasse Tyson
#13. What is red, white and black all over and says "Ho! Ho!"? Santa Claus after he has came down the chimney.
Beverly Adams
#14. Kanan is a big road through the Santa Monica Mountains. Between mid-March and mid-April, when you get over to the western side of the mountains, it's populated by Spanish broom - this beautiful, yellow, flowering weed that smells the way I imagine it smells along the Yellow Brick Road.
John C. McGinley
#15. I have to at least get a couple weekends in where I can just be on Santa Monica beach or Malibu and just ride the waves.
Jake T. Austin
#16. Santa exists in the hearts of all true believers.
J.D. Robb
#17. Becks?"
"Yes?"
"Santa smoked a reefer and decorated my house."
"What? Hold on, I'll be there in a few minutes.
Dana Marie Bell
#18. Why doesn't Santa just park the god-damn sleigh in the driveway like a normal guest? (Your Temporary Santa)
David Levithan
#19. Because seeing someone's heart ripped out, presumably for the first time, is something a person should accept naturally, like finding out there's no Santa Clause.
Katrina Monroe
#20. To really make it look like Santa came, I put reindeer poop on the roof. It's just so cold up there with my pants down.
Dana Gould
#21. Two Santa Clauses on the corner. How can you tell the Polish one? The one with the Easter basket.
Henny Youngman
#22. Prayers never bring anything ... They may bring solace to the sap, the bigot, the ignorant, the aboriginal, and the lazy - but to the enlightened it is the same as asking Santa Claus to bring you something for Xmas
W.C. Fields
#23. Garris had pet names for all of them. Mahler was the Mad Doktor. Franz Liszt was Son of Lovecraft. Mendelssohn was Santa Claus Meets the Hell's Angels. Beethoven was the High School Principal.
Chet Williamson
#24. The day I saw my mom eating the Santa cookies on the plate was one of the most horrific days of my life.
Halle Berry
#25. God put Santa Claus on earth to remind us that Christmas is 'sposed to be a happy time.
Bil Keane
#26. When I went to the University of California, Santa Barbara, in 2002, I decided I wanted to leave my car at home and create an experiment with my own life. I'd only be able to find creative solutions to transportation if I felt the pain of trying to get to downtown at 10 o'clock at night.
Logan Green
#27. My goodness, no one gives a gift to Santa Claus!
Michael Brown
#28. If I had a kid, I'd give him a name that would make everyone would want to say his name. I'd call him, Pizza-Pussy-Santa. I would! Cause everybody likes one of those things.
Dave Attell
#29. I, faggot Wenqing Kang, Ph. D. in History from UC Santa Cruz, do solemnly swear that homosexual relationships between men are more enjoyable and more harmonious than heterosexual relationships.
Bill Gaede
#30. No, there are some location shoots in Vegas, maybe four trips a year. It's shot in Santa Clarita, CA.
George Eads
#31. The only thing wrong with the U.S. economy is the failure of the Republican Party to play Santa Claus,
Jude Wanniski
#32. At the center, on the lawn of the courthouse, sat a log manger with a life-size nativity scene cut out of plywood. If an civil libertarian had complained about the nativity being on public property, he would have been hunted down like Santa's reindeer during bow season.
Deborah Smith
#33. Santa blows all these shipping companies away. He delivers more than 2 billion packages in just 24 hours. He does it by sleigh. He doesn't use tracking numbers and doesn't use trucks. He just uses midgets and a giant bag.
Craig Ferguson
#34. I don't really care what people tell children - when you believe in Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny and the Tooth Fairy, one more fib won't hurt. But I am infuriated by the growing notion, posited in some touchy-feely quarters, that all women are, or can be, beautiful.
Julie Burchill
#35. Late summer is perfect for classic mysteries - think of Raymond Chandler's hot Santa Anas and Agatha Christie's Mediterranean resorts - while big ambitious works of nonfiction are best approached in September and early October, when we still feel energetic and the grass no longer needs to be cut.
Michael Dirda
#36. When I was a kid, I believed in Santa Claus. But it was very tough because in the Dominican ... there are not a lot of rich people there.
Alfonso Soriano
#38. I put on weight like Santa Claus. I just get this belly that kind of extends out.
Christian Bale
#39. The Grateful Dead were very kind. It was Santa Claus. It did good things. It allowed other people to benefit. The benefits that we played were enormous, and we played free. So you've got a band that loves to play free, and that was a wonderful thing.
Mickey Hart
#40. Someone once said that taxes are the price we pay for civilization. That may have been true when he said it, but today taxes are mostly the price we pay so that politicians can play Santa Claus and get reelected.
Thomas Sowell
#41. Having in our childhood felt primal awe for the spectacle of the holiday, we are told to age into feeling sullen and resentful. You are supposed to proclaim Santa dead like preadolescent Nietzsches and decry the whole month as an orgy of crass commercialism.
Thomm Quackenbush
#42. Of course, my Christmas is (so much more) gorgeous and romantic (than Germany's)!! And unlike the rest of the world, we leave wine behind for Santa Claus!"
"So Santa-san is delivering gifts to children while driving under the influence ... ?
Hidekaz Himaruya
#43. What are you wearing?" Blayne glanced down at the tiny velvet green minidress she wore.
"Jess asked us to be Santa's helpers tonight."
"You look like Santa's whores.
Shelly Laurenston
#44. When I go home to Santa Cruz, I'm the same girl as when I grew up.
Marisa Miller
#46. Filming 'Bad Santa' was really where I learned everything that I knew at that point about movies. That was really the first big thing that I had done.
Brett Kelly
#47. Prayer is not adult letters written to Santa Claus, and God is not some parent-like figure up in the sky who's going to take care of us.
John Shelby Spong
#48. This is, first and last, the real value of Christmas; in so far as the mythology remains at all it is a kind of happy mythology. Personally, of course, I believe in Santa Claus; but it is the season of forgiveness, and I will forgive others for not doing so.
Gilbert K. Chesterton
#49. Or why you are wearing a picture of Santa Clause on you shirts, but-"
"It's Herman Melville.
Lemony Snicket
#50. Christmas movies, it's a hard thing to do. The danger is you just end up with a Hollywood star with a Santa beard. You risk it being fake and cheesy and not real.
Peter Baynham
#51. Grandmother's knee is a wonderful place to learn about the Bible, ghosts, and even Santa Claus, but a mighty poor place to learn about history.
L.B. Taylor Jr.
#52. Alexander Knight, Secret Santa is Black Velvet..." I chuckle, "Don't forget the Dark Prince." "I don't even know where to begin". "Don't worry, Princess I'll take it from here.
Kaye P. Hallows
#53. Texas, to be respected must be polite. Santa Anna living, can be of incalculable benefit to Texas; Santa Anna dead, would just be another dead Mexican.
Sam Houston
#54. At Christmas time I sat on Santa's lap. His fly was open ! Boy what a present he gave me !
Rodney Dangerfield
#55. Like everyone in his right mind, I feared Santa Claus.
Annie Dillard
#56. So you say there is no Father Christmas, You say there is no Santa Claus Reindeer cannot fly, it's all a grown-up lie...
M.C. Frank
#57. When Tim Allen made The Santa Clause, I thought that was a delightful film. It took a modern sensibility but layered onto it a kind of sentiment.
Leonard Maltin
#58. ...no matter how liberal a church may seem, Christian dogma still revolves around an ancient, paternalistic image of God the Father, who quite frankly isn't much more believable than the Easter Bunny or Santa Claus.
Gudjon Bergmann
#59. If Mitt Romney was Santa Claus, he would fire the reindeer and outsource the elves.
Ted Strickland
#60. The drive to Santa Fe on I-25 is midly zen. There are public road signs that say "Gusty Winds May Exist". This seems more like lazy philosophy than travel advice.
Chuck Klosterman
#61. My own zigzag path through life led me back to Santa Cruz in the early Eighties, and I have revisited regularly since. The place hasn't changed: head in the clouds, backside on the hills and feet in the ocean - one of the most decent and beautiful places on earth.
Clive Sinclair
#62. All right, so you believe in Santa Claus, and I'll believe in the 'Great Pumpkin.' The way I see it, it doesn't matter what you believe just so you're sincere! (Linus)
Charles M. Schulz
#63. Famously sunny Los Angeles has long been known as the homeless capital of America, from beachy communities like Santa Monica and Venice to Skid Row downtown.
John Carlos Frey
#64. Some of what we learned early on turned out to be true (the earth is round; if you want a friend be a friend; cleanliness is next to impossible) and some of it turned out to be false (Santa Claus; the Tooth Fairy; Kansas is more fun than Oz).
Peter McWilliams
#65. Leading up to Christmas, there was talk of Santa. But I'd never even heard of Santa. Bunty, one of the workers who I grew to love, tried to explain, 'He brings little angels like you, presents.
Stephen Richards
#66. I don't trust Santa Barbara as far as I can spit. I am afraid that if I went back there, it's possible that I could be run through their system, their judicial system, and wind up in some county jail where I could be killed and I'm not gonna take that chance.
Randy Quaid
#67. What about Santa's cookies? I suppose 'parents' eat those, too?
Will Ferrell
#68. The awkward moment when Santa accidentally leaves the price tag on your present.
Eddy Sims
#69. Santa Fe is fun to visit, but property there will cost you an arm and a dillo.
Emo Philips
#70. The full California workup: shopping on Rodeo Drive, a ridiculously overpriced lunch at the Ivy, an afternoon at the beach, and dinner at a quaint outdoor bistro in Santa Monica.
Julie James
#71. For me growing up, Christmas time was always the most fantastic, exciting time of year, and you'd stay up until three in the morning. You'd hear the parents wrapping in the other room but you knew that also, maybe, they were in collusion with Santa Claus.
Chris Pine
#72. Talk about cheap - on Christmas Eve, my neighbour shoots off three blanks and tells his kids Santa Claus just committed suicide.
Milton Berle
#73. Christmas is the time when kids tell Santa what they want and adults pay for it. Deficits are when adults tell government what they want and their kids pay for it.
Richard Lamm
#75. I think one of the reasons we have children is to believe everything all over again. And I'm not talking Santa, here, either.
Elizabeth Berg
#76. Can you imagine getting a gun for a secret Santa? That is especially not a good idea if you work in a post office.
Chelsea Handler
#77. God is a Republican, and Santa Claus is a Democrat.
H.L. Mencken
#78. It's all fun and games until the drunk Viking Santa shows up.
Ilona Andrews
#79. We arrived at Council Bluffs at dawn; I looked out. All winter I'd been reading of the great wagon parties that held council there before hitting the Oregon and Santa Fe trails; and of course now it was only cute suburban cottages of one damn kind and another,
Jack Kerouac
#80. Without missing a beat he said, "This year, Santa, I'd like a pony and an Easy-Bake Oven."
Raja grunted and pushed him off to the side. "You'll be getting coal in a place where it hurts if you ever attempt to sit in my lap again.
Karsten Knight
#81. And don't put a bunch of bullshit in my mouth, or get cute and try to make me look stupid. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go to the salon to have my pubic hair straightened and dyed white so that my dick looks like Santa Claus." He closed the door, farting loudly all the way to his car. I went
David Wong
#82. Sometime in the early Seventies, gender-free toys were briefly a popular idea. So at Christmas on the California beach in 1972, we downplayed the dolls with frilly dresses and loaded up Santa's sack with toy trucks and earth movers for our three daughters.
Tom Brokaw
#83. I stopped believing in Santa Claus when I was six. Mother took me to see him in a department store and he asked for my autograph.
Shirley Temple Black
#84. We have confused God with Santa Claus. And we believe that prayer means making a list of everything you don't have but want and trying to persuade God you deserve it. Now I'm sorry, that's not God, that's Santa Claus.
Harold S. Kushner
#85. The fact is that Santa and Satan are alter egos, brothers; they have the same origin.
Phyllis Siefker
#86. About how we were all created by a super-powerful dude named God who lives up in the sky? Total bullshit. The whole God thing is actually an ancient fairy tale that people have been telling one another for thousands of years. We made it all up. Like Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny.
Ernest Cline
#87. I split my time between Santa Barbara and Aspen. I live on a pretty fast horse.
Kevin Costner
#88. Do you mind? Just drape your arm around her shoulder. That's it. Yes this is good, Mr.Henshaw. Getting your picture taken with Daphne is a great way to introduce you to our set. Welcome to Santa Lucia!
Barbara Jean Coast
#89. Our unalienable right to life and liberty and the pursuit of happiness, those rights were stripped from college kids in Blackburg and Santa Barbara, and from high schoolers at Columbine. And, and from first graders in Newtown, first graders.
Barack Obama
#90. I'd go to the farmers' market in Santa Barbara, and I'd put out my guitar case, and I'd test out these little ditty songs that I would write, and I would get a couple of avocados, a bag of pistachios, and, like, fifteen bucks. That was a lot of money for me.
Katy Perry
#91. The three phases of Santa belief:
(1) Santa is real.
(2) Santa isn't real.
(3) Yes, Virginia, there is a Santa Claus.
Alton Thompson
#92. Most people new to a city on the ocean would probably go to the beach during the day when there are people around. I, on the other hand, decided to try a midnight swim at the somewhat gamy Santa Monica pier, by myself. That is, until a nearby guard kicked me off the beach for my own safety.
Kathy Griffin
#93. Christmas at my house is always at least six or seven times more pleasant than anywhere else. We start drinking early. And while everyone else is seeing only one Santa Claus, we'll be seeing six or seven.
W.C. Fields
#94. Gyuri had dropped church much in the same way he had stopped believing in Santa Claus; there came a point where it was impossible to take it seriously.
Tibor Fischer
#95. Those North Korean hackers are at it again. Earlier today they leaked Santa's naughty list.
David Letterman
#96. Well when I was a kid, I asked Santa Claus for some toys. Santa Claus wrote me a letter that he lost his bag. He said he'd get back to me next year.
Benicio Del Toro
#97. There's been fifty-million people that died since Sharon Tate died and I got everybody in Santa Claus land chasing me, trying to make me feel remorse for one psychotic episode of (Tex) Watson.
Charles Manson
#98. So Santa Claus is bogus but Grim Reapers are the genuine article. What does that say about the world?
Mindee Arnett
#99. In 1966, I attended Marquette University and graduated from the University of California at Santa Cruz in 1970. I received my doctorate in English from the State University of New York at Buffalo, where I wrote my dissertation on William Faulkner's early novels.
Laurence Yep
#100. Muggles have garden gnomes, too, you know," Harry told Ron as they crossed the lawn.
"Yeah, I've seen those things they think are gnomes," said Ron, bent double with his head in a peony bush, "like fat little Santa Clauses with fishing rods ...
J.K. Rowling
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