Quotes About My Ex

#1. Any time I sit down at my laptop to write and I'm feeling lazy, or that I can't be bothered, or if I'm generally just lacking inspiration, I sit there and remember life with my ex-wife, and the words flow from my fingertips.

Shane K.P. O'Neill

#2. For me, I still have feelings for all of my ex-girlfriends. In different parts of my life, I would miss that person. There's something that drew me to that person, and I shared something with them.

Miles Teller

#3. The day I showed up to South Carolina to work, I was with my kid and my ex and our dog and Kirk was hanging with this weird guy and I kind of defined the two of them by his friend and made a vow to avoid him.

Donal Logue

#4. I had one of the best days of my life. I spent the afternoon with my two kids and my ex-wife at Serendipity. Then I came to the theater, and you know, I think I did the play the best I've ever done it.

Gabriel Byrne

#5. My ex would know not to talk to me until I came back from running. I'd always be in a better place.

Arielle Kebbel

#6. Do you know what I did? I urrrrrinated on the cake at my ex-wife's wedding. Pissssed all over the icing.
Melvin Baylor - Seven Up

Janet Evanovich

#7. My ex-girlfriend said to me, 'I'm surprised at how normal you are since you were homeschooled.' But I was only homeschooled because I wanted to be an actor. My parents are both teachers.

Reece Thompson

#8. I'd rather sit in bed and watch TV. All of my ex-boyfriends, of course, not Paris, would be like, 'What's the problem? You're so not sexual.'

Paris Hilton

#9. My parents, my teachers, my friends, my ex-wife-everybody held up a mirror and I accepted the image that came back. Well, it finally dawned on me that my reflection in others' eyes was the truth once removed.

Richard Moran

#10. I poured some coffee into a mug that read: "I'm not gay, but my ex-boyfriend is," compliments of Peyton

Sandi Lynn

#11. I left my parents' home when I was 22, I moved to New York with my ex-girlfriend. We did a film together with Raul Julia.

Demian Bichir

#12. I've always been a person who tries to build bridges and not walls. Whether it's my ex-wife and my step-son, or my daughter and my ex, I'm that guy in the middle, and I try to make sure we all stay together.

Chad Coleman

#13. The drink? Yes, I've had tough times in my life, especially the last year, regarding my ex-wife, my kids, I nearly broke my neck, I was on death row with pneumonia.

Paul Gascoigne

#14. I saw my ex-husband in the street. I was sitting on the steps of the new library.
Hello, my life, I said. We had once been married for twenty-seven years, so I felt justified.
He said, What? What life? No life of mine.

Grace Paley

#15. You ask me about my ex-wife? That is not polite. But I will answer. I got another wife now. Much younger, much nicer, much prettier. And so much more intelligent than Benetton.'

Oliviero Toscani

#16. We linked hands - my ex-boyfriend, my boyfriend, and my former friend-then-enemy-then friend and I - and walked through a door to see if maybe empty carbs were good for something after all.

Kiersten White

#17. Has anyone else here seen or fought a nightmare?"
Marshal Spence Neumann lifted his head. "Seen one. Swear to God it looked like my ex-wife for a second."
A chuckle rumbled within the group. Someone mumbled, "She was a nightmare.

Erin Kellison

#18. I kept flashing back to an argument I used to have with my ex. Every time I vented about work, he rushed to hand-craft a solution, which was an irritating habit. All you want to do is fix me, I spat at him once. But I never thought to ask - Why do I have such a high tolerance for being broken?

Sarah Hepola

#19. I would think you'd have better things to do right now than look up the marital status of my ex-boyfriends on the Internet," Mom had said to him, scathingly.
"I like to keep track of their mating habits," Dad had smirked.

Meg Cabot

#20. I think that my regrets mostly have to do with my relationship with my ex-girlfriend. Every once in a while, you get those flashback memories of conversations you had with your exes, and you just, like, wince when you're walking down the street. Something occurs to you, 'Oh, no, I said that.'

Mike Birbiglia

#21. My ex calls the ochre winter 'autumn' as we queue to hear dock boys play jazz fugues in velvet dark. - Broken Verses

Kamila Shamsie

#22. I am divorced, and one of the things I am tremendously grateful for is that my ex-husband and I made a decision to go through mediation. I knew a trial would drag on for years, would cost me everything, but worse, would be devastating for our four small children.

Jane Green

#23. I killed my ex lovers
and buried to my memories' grave.
It is January
And I am tired of being brave.

Arzum Uzun

#24. My ex - may he soon discover tiny worms have invaded his body and are slowly eating him alive - once told me God made men so perfect because He'd wanted to make up for the inadequacies of women.

Gena Showalter

#25. My ex-husband happens to be one of the most gifted moviemakers. And what is so bizarre about working with someone like that? I guess it is bizarre to be good friends with your ex-husband.

Ali MacGraw

#26. Many of my ex-girlfriends were habitual half-asian daters. These women considered half-asian men 'exotic,' 'sexy,' and 'just-like-Keanu Reeves-in-the-Matrix. I consider these stereotypes appropriate because I got laid.

Kip Fulbeck

#27. One of my ex-husbands thought I had a breast job. They looked bigger. I just got the proper lingerie.

Cybill Shepherd

#28. In the words of Richard Driehaus, "The stock market is like a woman. You observe her. You respond to her. And you respect her." That is not as easy as it sounds. Just ask my ex-wife.

Gary Antonacci

#29. I've spent the past two years looking for my ex-girlfriend's killer ... but no one will do it.

Anthony Jeselnik

#30. When my last relationship broke up, I bought a house one door along from my ex so that our daughter could continue to see as much of both of us as possible. This seems to me eminently sane and civilised.

John Niven

#31. Most of my ex-girlfriends are still close friends. I guess when you are with someone that long, unless they did something really terrible to you, you remain friends. My real estate business is run by my best friend, who is an ex-girlfriend.

Ryan Kavanaugh

#32. Of course I began to see Nikki, which was strange because I was staring into Danny's eyes, and Danny is a six-foot-three black man who looks nothing like my ex-wife.

Matthew Quick

#33. My ex ask me where I'm moving I said 'On to better things.'

Drake

#34. My ex-wife has never broken 150. I wish she would stop telling people I taught her how to play golf.

Bruce Lansky

#35. I do feel free, I have patched things up with my ex-husband to the degree of this real friendship. We spend a lot of time together as a family with our son, no way will we be man and wife again.

Beccy Cole

#36. My ex send late night text cause she don't know to let go

Drake

#37. What? Why didn't tell me?" Rye grinned. "By that point I was ninety percent certain you weren't a murderer. Call me foolish, but I kind of wanted to keep it that way." "Believe it or not, I haven't fantasized about killing my ex for months.

Cindy Blackburn

#38. My ex was about as handy as a back pocket on a T-shirt.
~Dixie

D.B. Woodling

#39. Grocery shopping was intimidating...the aisles were filled with everything from jumbo to miniature travel-sized rations. Who could I call to ask, "Does the size even matter?" I dare not ask my ex-wife.

Tez Brooks

#40. For me to forgive my ex, he would have to sign a marriage contract with his tears and seal it with his blood.

Natalya Vorobyova

#41. The burn is my girlfriend, failure is my ex. I'm married to the track and engaged to success.

Andre Bramble

#42. Which is where I met my my husband. Not currently my husband. My ex. Though he wasn't that then. I never know how to say that."
"Allow my copydesk expertise to intervene: your then-pre-husband, later-to-be-post-husband in his prior-to-ex-husband status.

Tom Rachman

#43. In my experience, staying in a marriage that my ex and I both agreed had all its best moments behind it was epically depressing.

Ariel Gore

#44. I smashed all the windows in my ex-boyfriend's truck." "You did what?" I couldn't have heard her correctly. That did not happen in real life. Country songs, yes. Real life, no way.

Abbi Glines

#45. Someone once told me that there is more to life than golf. I think it was my ex-wife.

Bruce Lansky

#46. I'm in a happy relationship, me and my ex are on really good terms, my kid and I are in a good spot.

Robert Downey Jr.

#47. My finances have been decimated by a group of people, such as my ex-attorney, my ex-business manager, and an estate planner, specifically. And they have conspired together to - to co-op my corporations, put in trustees without my knowledge.

Randy Quaid

#48. Callin my ex-girl or e-mailin my mama, you're the only one that's causin me this drama.

Drake

#49. I was looking for my ex-lover to break the Sixth Commandment.

Joshilyn Jackson

#50. And I had just kissed my ex-girlfriend, who had cried, while my current girlfriend was in jail. So far, it had not been my best day.

Mark Zero

#51. Next to her Percy coughed. This place smells like my ex-stepfather.

Rick Riordan

#52. I saw Farrah Fawcett originally when she and her boyfriend, Lee Majors, came over to my house for a birthday party that I was having for my ex-wife, Leigh Taylor-Young.

Ryan O'Neal

#53. But when I gave bl0w jobs to my ex, I secretly hated it. What's pleasant about sucking on a stiff, veiny appendage that spurts pee and sperm?

Daria Snadowsky

#54. My ex-girlfriend Lisa once said that every woman wants the same thing in a relationship: to be adored.

Neil Strauss

#55. If my ex-husband had had his way, I would have quit writing and continued working in his factory.

Nele Neuhaus

#56. When I planned my wedding the first time, my ex-husband and I, we were both struggling comics. I had a TV show that had gotten cancelled. Basically, I rented a wedding gown; the reception hall smelled like feet.

Sherri Shepherd

#57. My ex-boyfriend said, 'You have a better chance of getting elected to Congress than getting on the staff of a television show.' Which was the perfect thing for him to say, because my entire career is, 'Well, screw you.' And we broke up.

Jenji Kohan

#58. I love my wife to death. I mean my ex-wife.

Stewart Rahr

#59. I never hated any of my ex-fiances enough to return the rings.

Zsa Zsa Gabor

#60. She (my ex-wife) wanted me to stop being Evel Knievel. I am who I am. I'm not going to change. I'll settle down the day they put me in a six-foot pine box.

Evel Knievel

#61. I love my wife. My ex-wife. Nothing will ever change that." "Okay." "I can't love anyone else.

C.D. Reiss

#62. I stood for parliament with the amazing support and help of my ex-husband, but it's not something that was handed to me like a peerage. I worked hard and was elected. So my achievements, such as they are, are my own.

Louise Mensch

#63. I hate dreaming because when you want to sleep, you want to sleep. Dreaming is work. Next thing you know, I have to build a go-cart with my ex-landlord.

Mitch Hedberg

#64. I have all my ex-girlfriends lumped into one big girlfriend I called M.A.N.D.Y.: My, Another Neurotic Disappointment? Yes.

Dana Gould

#65. I think my ex-girlfriend has weekly lessons with the devil on how to be more evil. I don't know what she charges him.

Emo Philips

#66. But recalling how my ex had nasty BO after track practice never made me feel better. It seemed disingenuous to hold things against him that before I readily accepted as the price of love.

Daria Snadowsky

#67. I have a scar on my right arm from my ex-husband. He was cooking and he had a hot pot and he turned around and went right into my arm.

Nadine Velazquez

#68. If my ex-husband could move on, I could, too. I would search for my gardener, someone who would help me to grow and bloom, but who would recognize the fragility of a new flower just starting to poke out of the ground.
If I was lucky, he'd have a long cultivator.

Tracy H. Tucker

#69. I couldn't deal with my ex and his new she-devil girlfriend being all up in my face and him trying to be friendly and her trying to poison me with her existence...

Sarah Billington

#70. Being forced to sit between my mortal enemy and my ex-girlfriend every afternoon made seventh-period math feel like my own private Kobayashi Maru, a brutal no-win scenario designed to test my emotional fortitude.

Ernest Cline

#71. Personally, I'm happy I haven't run into a murderous killer since, well ... since you chopped my ex's head off with a sword.

Amy Plum

#72. It's like I'm married to the silencer,
Until I file for divorce and release my ex-calibers.
Do art with your arteries, place that for my adversaries,
Put your snap back cap back, cap your capillaries.

Pharoahe Monch

#73. I sent my ex-husband a bully card: You held hate in one heart and spoke niceties with the other, you laid warm hands upon me in public and wounded me in private, your noble face hid your filthy ways, and your sorrow was but laughter.

Jenny Jay

#74. I always used to say to my ex-girlfriends that I could never take a good photograph of them, because there was too much of an intimacy between us, but actually the real thing is, if there's a proper intimacy between you ... I find it really compelling and exciting - it's quite good foreplay.

Rankin

#75. Whether we make our own money or rely on someone else, many of us would rater pretend our financial matters don't exist. Or we hope they'll just take care of themselves somehow. My ex-husband was like that. He always said, "I bank by prayer. I go to the ATM and pray that money will come out.

Nancy Levin

#76. My ex-wife was a philosophy major at NYU. Yeah, she and I used to have deep philosophical discussions where she would prove that I didn't exist.

Woody Allen

#77. With 'Supermoms,' my ex-husband and father of my 15-year-old child was a writer-producer on that project. We're both of the mind that we should try and handle these changing times as best we can. He's very forward-thinking about brand marketing.

Julie Warner

#78. I got shingles from my ex girlfriend. But that's to be expected, since she is a roofer.

Jarod Kintz

#79. My ex-girlfriend owned a parakeet ... oh my god, that f**king thing would never shut up. But the bird was cool.

Anthony Jeselnik

#80. I want to be remembered as a nice person who didn't hurt people - except my ex-husbands, maybe.

Eugenie Clark

#81. All my Ex's live in Texas, and that's why I hang my hat in Tennessee.

George Strait

#82. I can always get better. A lot of my ex-girlfriends don't think I'm funny.

Dane Cook

#83. I just don't like when there's a rumor that says I'm dating someone who is below my standards. But when I got divorced, my ex-wife said I was spending all my time with Lindsay Lohan and Angelina Jolie. I was like, 'Thank you for the big ups!'

Marilyn Manson

#84. My ex-husband is very involved in raising our beautiful children. We're very lucky because we both grew up in working families in middle America. We're on the same page that way.

Reese Witherspoon

#85. One time, my ex-boyfriend and I were in Paris, and we went to this really fancy dinner. We weren't full after, so we walked from the schmoozy restaurant to McDonald's, and we finished our date at McDonald's. It was awesome.

Gigi Hadid

#86. I love my ex so much I printed out all his pictures. After all, I need him for target practice. And I just love customised toilet paper and doormats. My only regret is that those items don't bear his autograph.

Natalya Vorobyova

#87. It helps to be able to be alone. 'Cuz writing is done alone, unless you collaborate, but I don't do that. Ask my ex-wife.

Dirk Benedict

#88. I talk shit about everybody and then sulk when they don't call me, my friends fall away like I've dropped them out of an airplane, my ex-boyfriend thinks I'm Hitler when he sees me.

Daniel Handler

#89. In the divorce my ex got everything. Even kept her composure.

Tom Franklin

#90. I still love my former wife, I won't call her my ex-wife.

Dave Pelzer

#91. He's half my ex-husband's age, but twice as energetic when we have sex. And twice as grateful afterwards.

Barbara Taylor Bradford

#92. Rose, nothing in this world could make me hate you."
"Not even trying to bring my ex-boyfriend back from the dead?

Richelle Mead

#93. Every time I see my cat licking its asshole I think about my ex wife. But that's how nostalgia works, right? We only remember the best of the available memories.

Jarod Kintz

#94. I got an email from my ex, telling me that she has AIDS. I didn't know how to comfort her, so I just wrote back I know.

Anthony Jeselnik

#95. She started coming to the meetings. We talked, mostly about you, and it sorta..."
"Just happened," Tori finished, staring at the floor.

"Unh-uh." Cara shook her head, trying to clear it like an Etch a Sketch. "A zit just happens. My best friend going after my ex doesn't just happen.

Melissa Landers

#96. You can make a lot of money in this game. Just ask my ex-wives. Both of them are so rich that neither of their husbands work.

Lee Trevino

#97. My ex-wife is a water sign and I'm an earth sign. Together we made mud.

Rodney Dangerfield

#98. My ex-girl told me, "I love you so much, and I know it's just a phase you're going through." When a woman comes at you like that, you look at her as being so mature because she understands if I'm cheating, it's not her problem, it's mine. When a man cheats, it's not a reflection of what she's not.

Tyrese Gibson

#99. In my defence, I did like my ex until she cheated on me. I just thought the feeling was love.

S.A. Tawks

#100. In fact, he was the most stubborn thing I had ever met besides my ex-husband, and not any easier to mount.

Lynn Bohart