Top 100 Quotes About Humourous
#1. Having fun?" said George.
"Yes, Mr Lane," said Dinkesh. "Kenny has just flown out of the window."
"That's nice," said George, banishing from his mind the thought that children as young as Kenny and Dinkesh would be daft enough to take drugs in their bedrooms.
Mark Gorton
#2. Homo ferus: wild human. An unpredictable, nocturnal creature usually found in trees. Caution: may cause bewilderment and disorientation. Also, prone to teasing.
Jessica Khoury
#3. And you are?'
'Erm . . Professor N'gomo.' said Edith waving her badge in what she supposed was a casual way.
Anna Moore
#4. The decker these ***holes brought with them is top tier, but I'm going to stomp his jelly beans so hard his kids will be born crooked.
Amie Kaufman
#5. But as human happiness is of a very short duration, so in those days were human fashions upon which it entirely depends.
Jonathan Swift
#6. Me? Oh, intellectually I believe in having a good heart, a chirpy penis, a lively intelligence, and the courage to say 'shit!' in front of a lady.
D.H. Lawrence
#7. What we've got here is a lunatic genius ghost-in-the-computer monorail that likes riddles and goes faster than the speed of sound. Welcome to the fantasy version of One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest.
Stephen King
#8. I believe in love. Unfortunately, it doesn't believe me. Lust, on the other hand, is a nagging wife poking constantly at my DNA.
Carroll Bryant
#9. You should treat the trivial things in life seriously and the serious things in life with a sincere and studied triviality
Oscar Wilde
#11. Vimes awoke with a noseful of camel. There are far worse awakenings, but not as many as you might think.
Terry Pratchett
#12. There are some things you just don't say...not even in a school!
X
#13. While you're singing something romantic, I can't get the lyrics to 'Love and Marriage' out of my head, and that tune always reminds me of the jingle from Jeopardy.
E.A. Bucchianeri
#14. Sometimes I pretend I have an insomnia problem when what I really have is a good book and a lack of respect for tomorrow's schedule.
Anonymous
#15. Most people are scumbags. Accept it. Let go. Chill out, douchebags.
Fakeer Ishavardas
#16. It sounded somewhat doom-laden, so I felt obliged to look it up more thoroughly, in case I should eat some chocolate rather quickly.
Carol Anne Dobson
#17. I said never mix business with pleasure. They said it was a pleasure doing business with me.
Nikhil Sharda
#18. Sham Harga had run a successful eatery for many years by always smiling, never extending credit, and realizing that most of his customers wanted meals properly balanced between the four food groups: sugar, starch, grease, and burnt crunchy bits.
Terry Pratchett
#19. Just because I am paranoid does not mean that someone is not out to get me
Don Darkes
#20. Life is what you make it. Unless some guy finds you with his girl. Then the ball's pretty much in his court.
Lois Greiman
#21. Vimes woke in damp and utter darkness with sand under his cheek. Some parts of his body reported for duty, others protested that they had a note from their mother.
Terry Pratchett
#22. Let's chow, and then we'll get our books," Tony said. Just as the door was about to close behind us, he added, "You act like you've never had food before.
Rebecca Maizel
#23. My attorney put down the phone after making several calls. "There's only one place where we can get fresh salmon," he said, "and it's closed on Sunday." "Of course," I snapped. "These goddamn Jesus freaks! They're multiplying like rats!
Hunter S. Thompson
#24. Uh, I'm thankful for you all, even if you get on my nerves sometimes," Carmine said. "Oh, and orgasms ... definitely thankful for those.
J.M. Darhower
#25. Cowl's apprentice was tough and competent, but no amount of training or forethought can prepare you for the sight of an angry dinosaur coming to eat your ass.
Jim Butcher
#26. The person who sat the kid down on the breadboard to cut off thier diaper with a huge knife was the most elderly person in the family, who was blind in one eye..and had the shakes ... of course the kids uncouncious, He's lost two pints of blood!
Eoin Colfer
#27. The other two entered the room. Vimes gave his men his usual look of resigned dismay.
"My squad," he mumbled.
"Fine body of men," said Lady Ramkin. "The good old rank and file, eh?"
"The rank, anyway," said Vimes.
Terry Pratchett
#28. Happy enough to smile like a man getting a hand job from a shake weight enthusiast.
Edward Lorn
#29. Someone broke from the scrum and, punching and kicking, staggered towards the Klatchian goal.
"Isn't that man your butler?" said Ahmed.
"Yes."
"One of your soldiers said he bit a man's nose off."
Vimes shrugged. "He's got a very pointed look if I don't use the sugar tongs, I know that.
Terry Pratchett
#30. He has an interview going on, so if anyone asks you anything about anything, smile and lie."
"So, if they ask how it feels to spend our evenings filing briefings from three years ago, we should say it's great? Atticusa asked sarcastically, as he pulled out the files he needed to work on next.
J.J. McAvoy
#31. The point of tantric sex was supposedly to harness sexual energy to awaken higher consciousness. It was just like yoga, but way more fun.
Jackson Radcliffe
#32. There's nothing like a headless corpse to bring a touch of excitement into one's life.
Chet Williamson
#33. Whatever the choices one make in life, there will be the outcomes. But the question is: Will the outcomes be what one really expected?
Ezekiel Mosoatsi
#34. Even the ones you don't like, you like better in Paris.
Janice Macleod
#35. A pair of Blahniks and a girl can vanquish anything
Tyne O'Connell
#36. There was my life before I told a strange woman in a negligee that I was a homosexual, and now there would be my life after, two chapters so dissimilar in style and content that they might have been written by different people.
David Sedaris
#37. Where is he? Bridgerton!" he bellowed.
Three chestnut heads swiveled in his direction. Simon stomped across the grass, murder in his eyes.
"I meant the idiot Bridgerton."
"That, I believe," Anthony said mildly, tilting his chin toward Colin, "would refer to you.
Julia Quinn
#38. Good taste is death. Vulgarity is life.
Mary Quant
#39. If you're not smarter than your phone, then you aren't smart at all.
Sarvesh Jain
#40. Dad's romances could last anywhere between a platypus egg incubation (19-21 days) and a squirrel pregnancy (24-45 days).
Marisha Pessl
#42. People think common sense is common - but it's not.
Don Cherry
#43. She was an alien, really - a sort of eating, pooping, tantrum machine - and he didn't understand anything about her species.
Christopher Moore
#44. I don't even get the term, "the birds and the bees".
How does that properly teach a kid about sex? You never see a pigeon railing a
dove or a honey bee sticking it to a bumble bee.
Tara Sivec
#45. Gone are the days when girls used to cook like their mothers and boys used to dress like their fathers.
Now girls drink like their fathers and boys dress like their mothers.
Habeeb Akande
#46. He sat down on the turf, relishing the breeze through the gorse bushes and sucking in pure fresh air. Whatever you thought about goblins, their cave had the kind of atmosphere about which people say, I should wait two minutes before going in there, if I was you.
Terry Pratchett
#47. A year ago it would have torn me up, leaving a body behind as we sped away along the interstate. Now I was just glad it was him and not me who was lying in the woods. I was a terrible Christian and a decent survivalist.
Charlaine Harris
#48. I've grown old with this century; there's not much left of either of us.
Penelope Lively
#49. I always carry the book of Holy Writ ... and something to read ...
Elizabeth Peters
#50. Colon looked awkward, as if the bunched underwear of the past was tangling itself in the crotch of recollection.
Terry Pratchett
#51. Oh how nice!" the lady said. But not corny. She was just nice & all. "I must tell Ernest we met," she said. "May I ask your name, dear?"
"Rudolf Schmidt," I told her. I didn't feel like giving her my whole life history. Rudolf Schmidt was the name of the janitor of our dorm.
J.D. Salinger
#52. He looks at me for a long moment. "You're not the type of woman who gives up easily, are you?" I
can't tell if he admires this trait or sees it as a sign of deteriorating mental health.
Eileen Cook
#53. Brussel Sprouts are bad for your health, Scientists have shown that everyone who ever ate a Sprout between the years 1762 and 1815 are now death. You have been warned
Ade Bozzay
#54. Leave them," said Isabel. "Jamie can iron them himself. It's very therapeutic for men to iron. Therapeutic for women, that is.
Alexander McCall Smith
#56. He quite liked dentists' waiting rooms. Waiting for dentists was good. Waiting for them was so much better than having them stick metal spikes in your mouth.
Jackson Radcliffe
#57. His Greatness the King Pteppicymon XXVIII, Lord of the Heavens, Charioteer of the Wagon of the Sun, Steersman of the Barque of the Sun, Guardian of the Secret Knowledge, Lord of the Horizon, Keeper of the Way, the Flail of Mercy, the High Born One, the Never Dying King.
Terry Pratchett
#58. I do not really think Charlie knows much more about politics, history, or economics than I do. Like myself he was hit by a make-up towel almost before he was out of diapers.
Buster Keaton
#59. It was funny how people were people everywhere you went, even if the people concerned weren't the people the people who made up the phrase "people are people everywhere" had traditionally thought of as people.
Terry Pratchett
#60. The fastest way to a man's heart is by tearing a hole through his rib cage_T-Shirt
Darynda Jones
#61. Fuck the pack. I gave them fifteen years of my life. I fought for them, bled for them, and the moment my back was turned, they attacked my wife. I owe them nothing.
Ilona Andrews
#62. The festivities were broken up by Pandora, who lobbed a scoop of ice cream at Lex that landed on the table with a sticky sploosh.
"Don't let the door hit ya where the good Lord split ya!" she screeched, jigging back into the kitchen.
Gina Damico
#63. Words can be meaningless. If they are used in such a way that no sharp conclusions can be drawn.
Richard Feynman
#64. I've always liked Belgian waffles, but I must say, I didn't think I would one day be having Belgian waffles in Belgium! I just sort of POOF found myself there and there I was with a gigantic Belgian waffle in my hands, standing on a sidewalk in Belgium!
C. JoyBell C.
#65. She's really married?" Tallow said to Bat.
"Yeah. Talia's like this Scandinavian Amazon who can break rocks with her boobs. She could fit Scarly in her armpit. Sometimes I think she likes Scarly just because she was the most portable lesbian available.
Warren Ellis
#66. Went to get coffee today-opened my change purse. Sea shells fell out. Barista goes "Sorry, we only take cash or credit." So there's that.
Taylor Swift
#67. I'll serve something black. Bean soup, licorice, coffee. It'll be very grim, I promise. We'll cover the mirrors. We'll listen to Piaf. We'll read passages from Dostoyevsky.
Stephanie Kallos
#68. It was possibly the most circumspect advance in the history of military manoeuvres, right down at the bottom end of the scale that things like the Charge of the Light Brigade are at the top of.
Terry Pratchett
#69. They say [Finn] has tasted the Nuts of Wisdom." Elatha laughed. "Perhaps the Nuts of Wisdom will gird him against your sister.
Holly Bennett
#71. Manicures: Which are basically just holding hands with a stranger for forty-five minutes whilst listening to Enya.
Miranda Hart
#72. The circus is the perfect business right now because parents want their kids to be kids and not Charley Bucket drinking cabbage soup all day.
Jonathan Dunne
#73. Can I ask you something?" Jo
"Maybe" Thorn
"What's between you and Karma?" Jo
"Right about now ... three miles." Thorn
Sherrilyn Kenyon
#74. Those pizzas I ate were for medicinal purposes.
Amy Neftzger
#75. When I was in my early twenties I didn't have a need to rub together, back when my life was a series of wants and whims. But recently I had felt overwhelmed by longings that seemed to lunge out of me in the most awkward situations.
Tyne O'Connell
#76. Maybe curiosity did kill your cat. But it wouldn't hurt to keep an eye on the neighbor's rottweiler just the same.
Lois Greiman
#77. I thought dwarfs loved gold," said Angua.
"They just say that to get it into bed.
Terry Pratchett
#78. One of the ex-sucias publishes a poem about you online. It's called El Puto
Junot Diaz
#79. The ECTs are moving the guns in small batches," Bat said. "We're making them take so many photos that one of them asked if she was being trained to shoot porno.
Warren Ellis
#81. Her mum was talking like the Queen. Well, the Queen's slightly rougher sister from Salford.
Vicky Pattison
#82. There ain't enough happens in soccer. It's like watching twenty-two hair models kick a ball around for what seems like six months and then one of them falls over and the ball goes in the goal.
Warren Ellis
#83. I'm sorry, honey. I'm sure if you were a terrorist, you'd make a wonderful one
Madeleine George
#84. A few days earlier, Adriana and I had been browsing books at the local library. I happened to turn around and look at her ... and that was it. The man who "loved to laugh" in Mary Poppins had nothing on us.
Gina Marinello-Sweeney
#85. What he lacks in intelligence he makes up for with ego.
Jim McGrath
#86. You are a major dimwit. Is your brain made out of jello, you spineless twit? A leaf? What do you think I am, one of those magical raccoons? I'm a concept, get it? Con-cept! Concepts and raccoons aren't exactly the same, now are they? What a dumb thing to say ...
Haruki Murakami
#87. It was too late to buy beer but thank God there's no curfew on condoms.
Beth Myrle Rice
#88. Dwarfs are very attached to gold. Any highwayman demanding 'Your money or your life' had better bring a folding chair and packed lunch and a book to read while the debate goes on.
Terry Pratchett
#89. The street was full of animals, milling around uncertainly. When animals are in a state of uncertainty they get nervous, and the street was already, as it were, paved with anxiety.
Terry Pratchett
#90. Oh, I'm dying,' I like moaned. 'Oh, I have a ghastly pain in my side. Appendicitis, it is. Ooooooh.' 'Appendy shitehouse,' grumbled this veck.
Anthony Burgess
#91. If you send a damned fool to St. Louis, and you don't tell them he's a damned fool, they'll never find out.
Mark Twain
#94. Do i look like a beautiful blond with big tits and an ass that tastes like French vanilla ice-cream?
No. no, you don't.
Then why are you telling me all this bullshit just so you can fuck me.
Quentin Tarantino
#95. I am about to lose my temper,'
'I look too cute for that.'
'Stop daydreaming.
Rida Altaf
#96. Many feel that writers are a dime a dozen, so the goal is to break through and make it to the value of a penny.
Wil Zeus
#97. It was a beautiful, clear Southern California kind of Christmas Eve, the kind where Santa shows up in khaki shorts and a Hawaiian shirt and shades, flashing a peace sign with one hand and sipping a Corona with the other.
Z.A. Maxfield
#98. When the power goes out, we jump up to ... To what? It's weird. We're so used to electricity, when it's gone, we don't know what to do. So we jump up or squeal or start jabbering like idiots. We panic. It's like someone cut off our oxygen.
Rick Yancey
#99. Just when you've squared up to the solemn realisation that life is a bitch, it turns round and does something nice, just to confuse you. - Emily Spitzer, The Better Mousetrap
Tom Holt
#100. Facing the hooves of a rearing stallion is scary enough, but when it's a centaur, armed with a bow and whooping it up in a soda-drinking hat, even the bravest warrior would retreat.
Rick Riordan
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