Top 45 Humourous Situations Quotes
#1. My wife said never to judge her until I walked a mile in her shoes. That's how I found out I like wearing high heels.
Jerry Snider
#2. Mum repeated the old adage that money can't buy you everything ... before adding that she prefers using credit cards instead.
Kirkland Ciccone
#4. The sooner the jihadis go up to their imagined #heaven, the sooner our earth would be a heaven.
Fakeer Ishavardas
#5. That spot was taken," Kara sat up to look at them. Stylized, short, black hair with bangs. Piercing blue eyes. Proper posture. Lean. It was Oliver.
"I don't think a bag counts as a person," he smiled down at her.
Alexis Tiger
#6. An odd arrangement ... to have a couch facing the bed, and I smile to myself - I've picked on the couch as odd, when really it's the most mundane piece of furniture in the room. - Anastasia seeing the playroom for the first time.
E.L. James
#7. If you find yourself suddenly mated to a werewolf, whatever you do, don't panic. Simply turn to Jen for assistance and she will give you a cool acronym to call him ... because that's just so important. -Sally
Quinn Loftis
#8. Patrick Kenzie asking a bemused waitress for a newspaper in smalltown USA. 'It's like a homepage without a scroll button?
Dennis Lehane
#9. You know us naturist types.. when we party we party hard!
Lee Taylor
#10. Most girls swoon when I talk to them. So quit ignoring me."
"So go talk to them," Kara slammed her locked shut and walked away.
Alexis Tiger
#11. Mia Maz glanced aside in concern at his muffled snort. "Are you all right?"
"Yes. Sorry," he whispered. "I'm just having an attack of limericks."
Her eyes widened, and she bit her lip; only her deepening dimple betrayed her. "Shhh," she said, with feeling.
Lois McMaster Bujold
#12. I think I'll give the Cage of Death a miss too," I said. Crocodiles were fascinating creatures, like living dinosaurs, but they could do their living over there somewhere, far away from me.
Renee Conoulty
#13. Everyone thinks of Anubis as this super jacked up jackal. I find that amusing. I guess he must work out a lot. I guess when you think of it, it is kind of funny. No other picture of gods from that time are ripped. I guess Anubis did Egyptian steroids.
Jessica Florence
#15. Oh my god, two days ago I fell in love with the girl of my dreams. Tonight I find out she's insane
Jill Mansell
#17. Please don't talk into the middle of other people's crotch!
Nakata Yumi
#18. Had a cold hummus with pita bread,
Under a delicious food, yellow or red.
Might just have the appetite to cook
Urgent dinner by hook or crook.
So that's just a humus humor spread.
Ana Claudia Antunes
#19. Recession should be added to the list of natural calamities
Subhasis Das
#20. To whomever swapped my tattoo cream for toothpaste ... well played.
R.D. Ronald
#21. Edward was now expressing himself on the subject of the French King, drawing upon a vocabulary that a Southwark brothel-keeper might envy. Some of what he was saying was anatomically impossible, much of it was true and all of it envenomed.
Sharon Kay Penman
#22. People can't really sympathize with you properly when you've woken them up
Maureen Johnson
#23. Psht, as if. You and what army could possibly rescue her from my clutches? -JEN
Quinn Loftis
#24. You are a major dimwit. Is your brain made out of jello, you spineless twit? A leaf? What do you think I am, one of those magical raccoons? I'm a concept, get it? Con-cept! Concepts and raccoons aren't exactly the same, now are they? What a dumb thing to say ...
Haruki Murakami
#25. Can I ask you something?" Jo
"Maybe" Thorn
"What's between you and Karma?" Jo
"Right about now ... three miles." Thorn
Sherrilyn Kenyon
#26. Manicures: Which are basically just holding hands with a stranger for forty-five minutes whilst listening to Enya.
Miranda Hart
#28. I'll serve something black. Bean soup, licorice, coffee. It'll be very grim, I promise. We'll cover the mirrors. We'll listen to Piaf. We'll read passages from Dostoyevsky.
Stephanie Kallos
#29. Oh how nice!" the lady said. But not corny. She was just nice & all. "I must tell Ernest we met," she said. "May I ask your name, dear?"
"Rudolf Schmidt," I told her. I didn't feel like giving her my whole life history. Rudolf Schmidt was the name of the janitor of our dorm.
J.D. Salinger
#30. The fastest way to a man's heart is by tearing a hole through his rib cage_T-Shirt
Darynda Jones
#31. I've always liked Belgian waffles, but I must say, I didn't think I would one day be having Belgian waffles in Belgium! I just sort of POOF found myself there and there I was with a gigantic Belgian waffle in my hands, standing on a sidewalk in Belgium!
C. JoyBell C.
#32. I am about to lose my temper,'
'I look too cute for that.'
'Stop daydreaming.
Rida Altaf
#33. Do i look like a beautiful blond with big tits and an ass that tastes like French vanilla ice-cream?
No. no, you don't.
Then why are you telling me all this bullshit just so you can fuck me.
Quentin Tarantino
#34. It was too late to buy beer but thank God there's no curfew on condoms.
Beth Myrle Rice
#35. When I was in my early twenties I didn't have a need to rub together, back when my life was a series of wants and whims. But recently I had felt overwhelmed by longings that seemed to lunge out of me in the most awkward situations.
Tyne O'Connell
#36. One of the ex-sucias publishes a poem about you online. It's called El Puto
Junot Diaz
#37. While you're singing something romantic, I can't get the lyrics to 'Love and Marriage' out of my head, and that tune always reminds me of the jingle from Jeopardy.
E.A. Bucchianeri
#38. Me? Oh, intellectually I believe in having a good heart, a chirpy penis, a lively intelligence, and the courage to say 'shit!' in front of a lady.
D.H. Lawrence
#39. And you are?'
'Erm . . Professor N'gomo.' said Edith waving her badge in what she supposed was a casual way.
Anna Moore
#40. Homo ferus: wild human. An unpredictable, nocturnal creature usually found in trees. Caution: may cause bewilderment and disorientation. Also, prone to teasing.
Jessica Khoury
#41. A year ago it would have torn me up, leaving a body behind as we sped away along the interstate. Now I was just glad it was him and not me who was lying in the woods. I was a terrible Christian and a decent survivalist.
Charlaine Harris
#42. The person who sat the kid down on the breadboard to cut off thier diaper with a huge knife was the most elderly person in the family, who was blind in one eye..and had the shakes ... of course the kids uncouncious, He's lost two pints of blood!
Eoin Colfer
#43. Where is he? Bridgerton!" he bellowed.
Three chestnut heads swiveled in his direction. Simon stomped across the grass, murder in his eyes.
"I meant the idiot Bridgerton."
"That, I believe," Anthony said mildly, tilting his chin toward Colin, "would refer to you.
Julia Quinn
#44. Whatever the choices one make in life, there will be the outcomes. But the question is: Will the outcomes be what one really expected?
Ezekiel Mosoatsi
#45. I'm not stupid and I'm not brainy. I just lack execution sometimes.
I'm more of a "I should have said that" kind of gal. But there will be other days when I'll have a comback that'll knock ya flat and you knows it brov! ha-ha!
Ellie Williams
Famous Authors
Popular Topics
Scroll to Top
