Quotes About Black Humour

#1. I still see the world as a place of bitter irony and black humour, failed hopes, dashed plans. I hope to make my work sparer, to outgrow my desire to show off.

Clive Sinclair

#2. It needs to said that Gerard Brennan's The Point is terrific. Scorchingly funny, black humour at its finest and the most inventive car theft ever!

Arlene Hunt

#3. The nurses' job is emotional and distressing. Their day-to-day work is dealing with people withering and falling to pieces. So black humour is essential for them cope with that. It's just a consequence of their environment.

Peter Capaldi

#4. - Goblin, that was a dumb stunt.
- It sure was. Made me feel forty years younger.

Glen Cook

#5. And began typing.
We will not be meeting in my bedroom. Jack and I will meet you at your condo at midnight.
Two minutes later there was an answer.
Sounds Kinky. I'll break out the whips and chains. You wear that pair of black boots I like.

Brodi Ashton

#6. With a black Stone, you are handsome, wise and a good dancer. Norn saying.

Taylor Grace

#7. Aubrey - "Apparently she wears a black leather catsuit and a golden mask."

Irene - "Any details on the mask?"

Aubrey - "I think people are usually too busy looking at the black leather catsuit.

Genevieve Cogman

#8. As one veteran Russian pilot dryly told me:We have to be very careful flying in the clouds. Around here they are full of rocks.

Alan Hinkes

#9. This is Sailor Supergirl," George says. "She knows all about black holes.

Huntley Fitzpatrick

#10. If you're dealing with a pack of werewolves I'll jump in without hesitation, but I was not getting in the middle of a pack of crazed shoppers on Black Friday

James R Tuck

#11. The definition of black irony is Pro-lifers killing Doctors who do abortions

Bill Hicks

#12. A heart? Peppone knows where one is to be met with. There is always someone in the black market in need of dying early.

Michelle Franklin

#13. When it comes to things such as sugar and rice, most people believe that brown is superior to white. But when it comes to human beings, they believe that the opposite is true.

Mokokoma Mokhonoana

#14. Since it is difficult to approve the reasons people invoke, each time we leave one of our 'fellow men', the question which comes to mind is invariably the same: how does he keep from killing himself?

Emil Cioran

#15. So this was all you got:the zooty sideburns and masturbator's pallor of an old Ted in a black suit and the secular obsequies.

Martin Amis

#16. I always have humour in my action movies. I think characters that make jokes under fire are more real. It somehow helps put you in their shoes.

Shane Black

#17. Religion and nationalism? I defecate on the altar of religious conviction, and wipe my arse on the flag of national pride.

Ian Martin

#18. Good choice. You have selected the SUV. Press one for a black SUV. Press two for powder blue. Press three for bright orange with the 'caution: bank robber on board' bumper sticker

Chris Dolley

#19. Are you scared? I understand. The first time I saw my reflection in the mirror, even I was frightened by how BIG my reflection was.

Atsushi Ohkubo

#20. What a magnificent body, how I should like to see it on the dissecting table.

Ivan Turgenev

#21. What a Life: Give some of us pills to stop a fit, give the rest shock to start one.

Ken Kesey

#22. And Hopkins, seeing that Tisdall was unaware of Grant's identity, rushed in with glad maliciousness. "That is Scotland Yard," he said. "Inspector Grant. Never had an unsolved crime to his name." "I hope you write my obituary," Grant said. "I hope I do!" the journalist said, with fervor.

Josephine Tey

#23. My daughter told me she wasn't afraid of spider but that she was afraid of my smoking. She said that she was afraid of my dying. So i went downstairs, picked up a pair of pliers and a blowtorch and showed her what real fear was.

Robert Clark

#24. This was how I would die. Strangled by an attractive, seminaked woman inside a fridge with a giant tarantula in the middle of a sea of carnivorous jam. As I blacked out, all I could think of was a fortune teller I'd spoken to a few years ago, and how full of shit she'd turned out to be.

Yahtzee Croshaw

#25. Moral writing is boring.

Johan Van Wyk

#26. He quite liked dentists' waiting rooms. Waiting for dentists was good. Waiting for them was so much better than having them stick metal spikes in your mouth.

Jackson Radcliffe

#27. I'm sorry," he muttered. "If I ... uh, hurt your feelings or something."
She glared at him. "I'm not hurt. I'm pissed off and sexually frustrated."
His head snapped back on his spine. Well ... then. Okaaaaay.

J.R. Ward

#28. As Danton sees it, the most bizarre aspect of Camille's character is his desire to scribble over every blank surface; he sees a guileless piece of paper, virgin and harmless, and persecutes it till it is black with words, and then besmirches its sister, and so on, through the quire.

Hilary Mantel

#29. Soon, they actually began to titter on their toes as they glared at me, looking more like an army of angry wasps than ever before. All they needed now were matching yellow and black jumpers and pretend stingers!

Adele Rose

#30. He'd always liked women who'd talk back to him just a little bit. "Girls with balls" were good. Women with an actual mind of their own who could prove him wrong in something were, of course, castrating bitches who should be drowned in bottomless wells.

Warren Ellis

#31. Racism was not a problem on the DIscworld, because - what with trolls and dwarfs and so on - speciesism was more interesting. Black and white lived in perfect harmony and ganged up on green.

Terry Pratchett

#32. If you're working out in front of a mirror and watching your muscles grow, your ego has reached a point where it is now eating itself. That's why I believe there should be a psychiatrist at every health club, so that when they see you doing this, they will take you away for a little chat.

Lewis Black

#33. It was a sphincter at the top of a black bowl. A fitting commentary on the FAYZ, Diana thought. A giant sphincter.

Michael Grant

#34. D'yer see it? This finger, laddie, could send ye to meet yer Maker!
Sgt. Deisenburger stared at the black and purple nail a few inches from his face. As an offensive weapon it rated quite highly, especially if it was ever used in the preparation of food.

Terry Pratchett

#35. He was cold, standing in a wood, talking to a big black bird who was currently brunching on Bambi.

Neil Gaiman

#36. I stopped believing in Santa Claus when I was six. Mother took me to see him in a department store and he asked for my autograph.

Shirley Temple Black

#37. Women are like bars of soap. After a while they lose their freshness, become worn and a bit hairy.

Robert Black

#38. The silent horror of Archie's ordeal had been temporarily replaced by the howling, agonising pain of the blood refusing to drain from his penis, the end of which was a deep purple verging on black where Officer Griff had tested how hard it was by using the back of his hand to give it a solid twang.

Dylan Perry

#39. Of course I began to see Nikki, which was strange because I was staring into Danny's eyes, and Danny is a six-foot-three black man who looks nothing like my ex-wife.

Matthew Quick

#40. Ye are a scoundrel, a black-hearted robber and a rogue,' Stubble said cheerily to the grumbling captain. It was his usual way of haggling, and he'd beaten down the riverman to a decent price for conveying himself and Anvar to Lankarn.

Ian Livingstone

#41. Jews, black people - any people who are hated or who have suffered, either as individuals or as a people - use humour. It is a survival skill.

Sarah Silverman

#42. It has sick on the sleeve. And no apostrophe.

Belinda Bauer

#43. A man who tosses worms in the river isn't 't necessarily a friend of the fish. All the fish who take him for a friend, who think the worm's got no hook in it, usually end up in the frying pan.

Malcolm X

#44. She investigated further: moving along with little kisses down his throat and over his collarbone until she came to the same location on his neck that on hers was currently a decorative black and blue color. She bit him. Hard. Alexia never did anything by halves.

Gail Carriger

#45. Sketchy black van? Weird stalking of my house? What are you going to do next, offer me some candy?

Hannah Harrington