Quotes About Bathroom Humor

#1. 'The Sopranos' is filled with really retrograde humor. Bathroom humor, falls, stupid puns, bad jokes - infantile, adolescent stuff, but it makes me laugh.

David Chase

#2. The only bit of logic-based public bathroom humor I know is: the difference between men and women is that between the statement [P and not Q] and the statement [Q and not P].

John Allen Paulos

#3. Bathroom humor, fart, and poo poo humor in movies gets a laugh. It's a pretty easy audience, and that's been around for ages.

Selma Blair

#4. If it looks like a duck, walks like a duck, quacks like a duck, you're probably in the wrong bathroom.

Robert Leland Taylor

#5. Wait a second, Carlie. You're not telling me you're letting Aunt Charlotte help you find a man for Clara? Are you serious? You think My Aunt Charlotte, who has a raccoon in the house and washes out Dixie bathroom cups, knows where the right guy is for Clara Johnson?

Lisa Smartt

#6. I'm the bathroom master
I'm a real bowl blaster
Don't mess with me
'Cause I can mess it up faster
With just one flush
I can make a toilet gush
When my sister cleans it up
I just turn her to mush!

R.U. Slime

#7. No dead people beyond this door,' " he read aloud from beyond the door. " 'And, yes, if you suddenly have the ability to walk through walls, you're dead. You're not lying somewhere in a drainage ditch waiting to wake up. Get over it, and stay the hell out of my bathroom.

Darynda Jones

#8. Ranger appeared in the bathroom doorway and I was too relieved to be embarrassed. "I appreciate you coming out in the middle of the night," I said.
Ranger smiled. "I didn't want to miss seeing you chained up naked.

Janet Evanovich

#9. Waking up the next morning was torture. I dragged myself to the bathroom feeling like I'd been thrown against a brick wall. Repeatedly. By the Hulk.

K.J. McPike

#10. Let's get a cup of coffee and maybe a blowjob in the bathroom.

Christina Lauren

#11. Russell looked as though he were in very dire need of a trip to the bathroom.

Christopher Andrews

#12. The Howard Hughes thing hadn't actually sounded like such a bad deal until about ... oh, eight thirty-five this morning. Something about having his ex carry him to the bathroom and help him wash his balls just took all the fun out of becoming an eccentric recluse.

Heidi Betts

#13. She ran into the bathroom and powdered her face and the front of her dress, drew a surrealistic version of a mouth beneath her nose, and dashed into her bedroom to find a coat.

John Kennedy Toole

#14. I'm past competing in pissing contests. My jet stream is now more of a trickle. The only contest I'd win is the number of trips to the bathroom it takes to purge a 32oz soda.

Brian MacLearn

#15. In this nasty-ass strip club bathroom full of pissing dudes and possible rogue ejaculators, Shades is no longer some guy I love fucking. He's some guy I fucking love.

Kendall Grey

#16. I have the sick fantasy that whatever I see at the movies is going to happen to me at home. My bladder capacity increased tenfold after I saw "The Shining" because I was sure that if I went into the bathroom late at night, there would be a dead woman in the bathtub.

Bailey White

#17. I asked to use the bathroom and sat, recovering, on the edge of a marble bath on a dais - the kind Greek husbands are slain in.

Olivia Sudjic

#18. I'll meet you outside," I said. No way was I actually doing to shout 'I have to pee' at the top of my lungs.

Stella Lennon

#19. All the kids from daycare are in dreamland.
The froggie has made his last leap.
Hell no you can't go to the bathroom.
You know where you can go?
The f**k to sleep.

Adam Mansbach

#20. Bruce Wayne's parents get killed and he goes to Tibet or whatever, and Superman is an alien, and Spiderman had that radioactive spider. Me? I kissed a janitor in the school bathroom.

Rachel Hawkins

#21. We found the bathrooms, which were labeled 'Aliens' and 'Femaliens.'
'Finally,' I said to J.Lo. 'Here's a bathroom you're allowed to use.

Adam Rex

#22. It's nice to have a station pet. Wish it wasn't trapped in a hovering prison in the men's bathroom, but listen: no pet is perfect. It becomes perfect when you learn to accept it for what it is.

Cecil Baldwin

#23. You can say, 'Can I use your bathroom?' and nobody cares. But if you ask, 'Can I use the plop-plop machine?' it always breaks the conversation.

Dave Attell

#24. My wife and I went back to the hotel where we spent our wedding night. Only this time, I stayed in the bathroom and cried.

Henny Youngman

#25. Around this time, I decided to go back to the bathroom and, oh, I don't know, wash my hands, brush my hair, maybe pluck my eyebrows.
Stuff.

Diana Peterfreund

#26. Good morning, Si! I saw a rat in the bathroom, but he was taking a nice nap and we didn't bother each other.

Cassandra Clare

#27. That present she left in the bathroom was special. It's not a funk, it's a biological weapon. The Pentagon should be taking notes.

Gasmaskman

#28. Fact: upon locking yourself our of your apartment you will immediately need to use the bathroom. Fact: and then you will stand in place and watch your door. You will just stare. As though rebuffed by it. As though it has done this to you.

Augusten Burroughs

#29. And you think that's going to work?" Dink, dink, dink, dink. "Oh, shut up." Gemma turned and went into the bathroom as he tried not to gloat.
"What?" Dink. "I didn't say a thing." Dink. And with that, he failed to not gloat.

Kathleen Brooks

#30. Will you sleep with me?" he asked softly, before grinning suddenly. "In the tub?

Shelly Crane

#31. When I was six years old I sprinkled sugar on my head, convinced myself it was pixie dust, wished myself invisible, and walked into the boys' bathroom at school.

Janet Evanovich

#32. When a cat goes to the bathroom I look away in embarrassment; when a dog goes to the bathroom I look on with encouragement.

Gregor Collins

#33. Ill-fitting grammar are like ill-fitting shoes. You can get used to it for a bit, but then one day your toes fall off and you can't walk to the bathroom.

Jasper Fforde

#34. If your shoes stick to the bar floor, you may need to re-think using the bar bathroom.

Kimberly J. Dalferes

#35. But then, like George Michael in a men's bathroom, I got cocky.

Chelsea Handler

#36. A sure romance killer is to NOT shut the bathroom door.

Toni Sorenson

#37. When your ship comes in, don't be in the bathroom with your pants around your ankles."

quoted by Frank McNichols, father of Rose McNichols in A Nose for Hanky Panky, a Granite Cove Mystery

Sharon Love Cook

#38. People who leave their drugs in a bathroom the guests use are just asking for trouble.

Stephen King

#39. There was a sort of gallery structure in the roof space which held a bed and also a bathroom which you could actually swing a cat in. But only if it was a reasonably patient cat and didn't mind a few nasty cracks about the head.

Douglas Adams

#40. Shrouded in his red cassock, he padded off to the bathroom lost in the silent ecstasy or wearing new socks.

Julia Stuart

#41. Plus, no matter how many times I'd brushed my teeth in Casey's bathroom (after half an hour she'd knocked on the door to make sure I was okay), the taste of disgusting, womanizing bastard was still in my mouth. Ugh!

Kody Keplinger

#42. And the state of his bathroom
I'm not one to gossip, but there are things crusted on his sink that have not simply developed intelligent life, but have in all probability by now envolved their own political systems.

Neil Gaiman

#43. I can't do it, if I finish that, I'll have to attach a seat belt to the toilet.
Maybe an airbag too.

J.A. Konrath

#44. Hank: As unbelievable as you may find this, Scott, we can do some things without your guidance.
Warren: You're right, Hank! Why, did you know I went to the bathroom this morning-
Hank: Not without Scott!
Warren: Yes!

Jeff Parker

#45. Only men who have worn a ski suit understand how complicated it is for a woman to go to the bathroom when she's wearing a jumpsuit.

Rita Rudner