New Comedy Quotes

#1. I know the new comedy god is surrealism, but it doesn't touch my heart.

Jenny Eclair

#2. Then consider the Middle (and later the New) Comedy and what it aimed at - gradually degenerating into mere realism and empty technique.

Marcus Aurelius

#3. My comebacks aren't nearly as sharp as my shiv. Come inside and I'll show you.

Cassia Leo

#4. Now it looks like I'll be known as the musical comedy guy. Which is good news for me. Or I'll be known as the New Zealand idiot.

Bret McKenzie

#5. Other than friends and family, my favorite things are New York and stand-up. I love doing comedy in New York - I can do way more stand-up here than in Los Angeles.

Aziz Ansari

#6. I really thought I wanted to be a musical-comedy star, but I lived in Phoenix and didn't want to go all the way to New York and be that far away from home. So I thought maybe I'd be a rock 'n' roll singer or an opera singer.

Sandra Bernhard

#7. If we get a 3D printer at the office, the first thing I'm printing with it is a new 3D printer just for me!

The Covert Comic

#8. What was the point of starting a new life if she did everything the same as her old one?

Donna Cummings

#9. I came home in the afternoon to sleep, and there was this e-mail from Comedy Central saying they were interested in having me be part of this new show called 'Jump Cuts'! So I called them right away, and the producer started laughing and said, 'We sent that e-mail one minute ago - you're so fast!'

Lev Yilmaz

#10. Life in the movie business is like the beginning of a new love affair: it's full of surprises, and you're constantly getting fucked.

David Mamet

#11. Eventually, you're gonna have to let someone in.

Cassia Leo

#12. With the Tonys it's a little tricky because a lot of the funnier jokes are more insider, so people watching at home may not get a Julie Taymor reference the way that New Yorkers would. So you have to figure out what comedy plays to a large audience and still respect the individuals who are there.

Neil Patrick Harris

#13. Combining music, theater and comedy is a new and broader form of expression. In certain combinations you can make people laugh one moment, cry the next, and then be astounded by the beauty of the music.

Aleksey Igudesman

#14. I've written a couple of scripts. Actually, a pilot. I'm not sure I'm allowed to say, but it's a comedy about three young men in New York City, one of whom may or may not be a romantic like me.

Andre Holland

#15. Thug Life is based on comedy and action just like other Punjabi movies. The lead role is played by Harish Verma, Jass Bajwa and Rajiv Thakur, Lead actress role is played by beautiful Ihana Dhillon.

Thug Life

#16. People who grew up in New York City or Los Angeles tend not to even understand what goes on in the rest of the country. I'm really glad to have grown up in an environment where I actually was kind of a weirdo because I was obsessed with comedy and movies and stuff.

Ed Helms

#17. It's fun because I really do love meeting new people. Comedy can be so different from show to show and from writer to writer and actor to actor. People don't set out to make a bad show.

Fiona Gubelmann

#18. You can't keep bitch-slapping your creativity, or it'll run away and find a new pimp.

George Meyer

#19. The perfect body protects its owner from disease, gives birth to amazing new people and stops your bones from falling out. The end.

Heather Hill

#20. The dog ran into the kitchen, stuck his nose in Grandma's crotch, and snuffled.
Dang," Grandma said. "Guess my new perfume really works. I'm gonna have to try it out at the seniors meeting.

Janet Evanovich

#21. I'm doing 5000 seat theaters and audiences are going nuts, it's fantastic and it makes me very happy. I'm dirty, but not like this; I just do comedy that I find funny. I'm working on a new tv show for cable and it's not set up yet.

Bob Saget

#22. How can you love someone who doesn't think they deserve to be loved?

Cassia Leo

#23. Dating someone exclusively for four months in New York is like four years in Anchorage.

Zack Love

#24. My roles in comedies from 'Austin Powers' to 'Tommy Boy' to 'Wayne's World,' were sort of comedic 'straight man' parts. My character on 'Parks & Recreation' is the comic relief in a comedy. To play a character that appears strictly for laughs is sort of new for me and really fun.

Rob Lowe

#25. When life throws shit at you, grow great, big, fuck off roses.

Heather Hill

#26. The striking thing about 'New Girl' is that under all the comedy, there's something about the emotions and reactions that feels very real - much more real than other sitcoms. Like - maybe everybody is sort of laid bare in different ways.

Elizabeth Meriwether

#27. My new movie, Fools Rush In, is a romantic comedy and the girl I play in that is very warm, very sweet.

Salma Hayek

#28. You know, dramas are much more expensive to do than say a comedy, so any kind of deficit like that is picked up on when it comes time for them to pick up new shows.

Paul Guilfoyle

#29. The blues are intent and watchful. "You're trying to get me to change my mind, aren't you?"
"Lilah, I constantly hope that you are going to change your mind, but I know you well enough to know that you won't."
I just nod at him.

Anna Bloom

#30. I'm from New York, and I started in New York, which I think is a huge advantage because I wasn't overwhelmed by the city. I understood the city. All of the distractions that could come with somebody that started comedy in New York didn't really happen for me.

Michael Che

#31. Right now, I'm hankering for new adventures ... Ninety percent of the time I'm having romantic-comedy fantasies in which I'm wearing little pencil skirts and hurrying down to the subway.

Mindy Kaling

#32. I do love comedy, I have to say. That's one of the greatest things about being an actor: You get to try new things and play around in different genres.

Stuart Townsend

#33. The entire New York comedy scene has moved to L.A. - it's bled the New York comedy scene dry.

Kurt Braunohler

#34. I basically did comedy there for about a year, and then moved to New York. If I had it to do over again, I would have booked myself on the road for at least a year.

Todd Barry

#35. I never go about a new project as if I'm trying ot redefine myself. I just like to work, and I'm excited by material I find challenging and - if it's a comedy - exceptionally funny.

Julia Louis-Dreyfus

#36. I grabbed a beer out of the fridge and slammed it shut. I shouldn't have come. I should have waited outside for Jack, told him my family had leprosy, and sent him on his merry way. After I boinked him in my new car.

Robyn Peterman

#37. It always astounds me that over the course of my career, and having lived in four comedy cities - New York, Boston, San Francisco, and Los Angeles - there's very few people I haven't run into.

Marc Maron

#38. This week's winner for best comedy line about the war is New York Democratic Sen. Charles Schumer. Referring to - well, it doesn't really matter what he was referring to ...

Ann Coulter

#39. I started writing this feature comedy in New York - a Chris Farley vehicle. The script was decent. When I got to LA, I met some new friends in film school and had them read my script and give me notes.

David Steinberg

#40. And I must draft an advertisement for the Daily Prophet, too,' he added thoughtfully. 'We'll be needing a new Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher ... Dear me, we do seem to run through them, don't we?

J.K. Rowling

#41. I was lucky that when Lorne Michaels came looking for women comedy writers, there weren't too many in New York at the time. I was at the top of a very short list. I think that was all good fortune.

Anne Beatts

#42. I love 'Cheers.' I didn't watch it growing up, but I watched it getting ready to do the first season of 'New Girl.' It bowls me over every time I see it. The romance, the comedy, the performances - every bit of it is just so compelling.

Elizabeth Meriwether

#43. I think every job that you do gives you the opportunity to learn something new. As hokey as that sounds, that's why I have a problem saying no to my friends. That's why I do so many random comedy shows.

Busy Philipps

#44. They are just really stupid people in Hollywood. You write them a script, and they say they love it, they absolutely love it. Then they say, 'But doesn't it need a small dog, and an Eskimo, and shouldn't it be set in New Guinea?' And you say, 'But it is a sophisticated romantic comedy set in Paris.'

P. J. O'Rourke

#45. The alumni of Second City from John Belushi to Martin Short have changed my entire life and brought a new kind of comedy to America and the World.

Bernie Brillstein

#46. I never walked the streets of New York hoping to be a musical comedy star. For one thing, they would have thought I was too tall, because l was five feet eight and a half, and they were all little bitty things running around in the studio at that time.

Esther Williams

#47. I knew I wanted to work with Brad [Falchuk] and Ian [Brennan] again on something comedic, and we are having a blast writing SCREAM QUEENS. We hope to create a whole new genre - comedy-horror - and the idea is for every season to revolve around two female leads.

Ryan Murphy

#48. We have little bits of comedy throughout our films but this is like a full-on comedy. I had great time. It was fun to do a comedy and see a lot of the people I worked with on our previous films and meet some new actors. It was a good experience for me.

Alex Kendrick

#49. Forgiveness is a gift you give yourself.

Cassia Leo

#50. I eventually became an actor, starting with doing stand-up comedy in New York and then theater wherever they would let me. Finally, I moved out here to Los Angeles and got on a show.

Nolan North

#51. As somebody who wanted to be creative, growing up, I remember always thinking that the thing I had going against me was Orange County because it seemed like all of the comedy was coming out of New York, and it still is, to a certain extent.

Mitchell Hurwitz

#52. I believe in the future a new Dante will write a new Divine Comedy.

Ba Jin

#53. I consider a CD or a comedy collection as a record of what I've been doing, and I try to wrap it up and start new material.

Kate Clinton

#54. Only criminals and madmen walk into Central Park after midnight...or, occasionally, an actor. (Dark City Lights)

Jane Dentinger

#55. Oh. Well was this your first time painting a live model?"
She nodded her head, with an almost guilty look on her face.
"What's it like?"
"Hard," she replied.

Zack Love

#56. The highest of highs is to have a new routine that you're just breaking in and that's working, and that's - you're one step removed doing a situation comedy because you have a live audience there.

Bob Newhart

#57. I'm playing an Amazon warrior princess in a new radio comedy series called 'Elvenquest,' and I'm playing a Russian genius in the comeback of 'Red Dwarf.'

Sophie Winkleman

#58. Two Strapping Alpha Billionaires. One Girl Looking For A Fresh Start. A Heck of A Wild Ride!

Scarlett Avery

#59. I just love that part of comedy, where you see somebody's jokes develop. They try something new to see what works, and I just love that part.

Maria Bamford

#60. On a tiny planet that has been racing toward oblivion for millions of years, we are born amid sorrow; we grow, we struggle, we grow ill, we suffer, we make others suffer, we cry out, we die, others die, and new beings are born to begin the senseless comedy all over again.

Ernesto Sabato

#61. So many times I've done a CD, and then the week after I record it, I've got this new tagline that's killer. And it makes the whole bit better. It happens all the time. But that's just the process of comedy.

Joe Rogan

#62. I think the process of 'SNL' is still pretty formal. You make an audition tape, your agent sends it in, they watch people's tapes, and then they invite people to perform at a comedy club in Los Angeles or New York. But I don't know how much actual scouting they do online.

Noel Wells

#63. Something about New York, man: You can do more comedy there probably than you can anywhere in the world. If you're interested in being funny, New York is the place to go.

Dave Chappelle

#64. Now, because of this big backdrop that we've given ourselves, these little personal, human details take on a whole new context and give us opportunities for comedy.

Jason Winer

#65. Wonder Showzen is one of my favorite shows of all time. When I first saw it, I thought it was so funny and new and original and edgy and insane and subversive. I didn't know comedy could do that.

Eric Andre

#66. It's funny, because I was trained as a dramatic actor at New York's Colonnades Theater Lab in the '70s, along with Jeff Goldblum, Danny DeVito and Rhea Perlman. People I worked with there saw a comedian in me. I'm still most at home in comedy.

Peter Scolari

#67. When I finished my residency in New Orleans, I went to L.A. where I would work as a doctor during the day, and then at night I would actually go to The Improv and do standup, all the while kind of cultivating my comedy resume.

Ken Jeong

#68. The old Janey only drank cheap wine and light beer. The new Janey is classy, prefers cocktails, and even drinks alone.

J.C. Patrick

#69. I think the Dutch certainly get British comedy. And let's face it; a lot of it is pretty low-hanging fruit for the whole world now. There are probably tribes in the heart of the Papua New Guinean rainforest that know all the words to the Dead Parrot sketch.

Rhianna Pratchett

#70. I love the idea of doing comedy, whether it's action comedy or just straight comedy. It's such a big, new world for me that I'm starting to realize that any character that I relate to, in any way, shape or form, or that I have any appreciation for, given enough preparation, I can find that person.

Zoe Bell

#71. Mankind is immortal
in the comic perspective not by virtue of man's subjugation of nature
but by virtue of man's subjection to it. The "fall" in tragedy ends in
death; the fall in comedy ends in bed, where, by natures's arithmetic,
one and one make a brand new one.

Rose A. Zimbardo

#72. New York State is giant and has some of the most beautiful landscape on the Eastern seaboard. There is so much history in New York State, from the Erie Canal to the Catskills, the birth of American stand-up comedy.

Adam Savage

#73. My dream is not Hollywood, but to perform my act in English to 30 people in a Soho comedy club, to show New Yorkers what they look like from the French point of view.

Gad Elmaleh

#74. Why Have One Heart-Stopping Alpha Billionaire When You Can Have 2?

Scarlett Avery

#75. Stand-up is not just an American thing anymore. It's global. In some places, stand-up comedy is brand new. South Africa has only had a scene for 15 years.

Gabriel Iglesias

#76. The first time I met Jon Stewart was at the press conference that Comedy Central held to announce Jon would be the new host of 'The Daily Show,' which back then was not called 'The Daily Show with Jon Stewart.'

Stephen Colbert

#77. Fortunately, we have writers who very much respect the classic characters and the integrity of the classic characters, that are also terrific comedy writers and are able to put these classic characters in new and interesting, and quite funny situations for today.

Bob Bergen

#78. I came back to New York after college like any number of struggling performers, and you just find that niche where you can have some sort of impact. And for me that turned out to be comedy.

Billy Eichner

#79. Limbo. It's not Heaven, and it's not Hell. It's the in-between.' (Edward speaking about reading the Divine Comedy.
Luke: 'This was, I realised, my new address.

Jodi Picoult

#80. He squinted at me. What are you wearing? Is that some new form of birth control?

Janet Evanovich

#81. Meet Jake - He's illegally hot and his dirty-talking will make you dizzy!

Meet Hunter - He's outspoken, impulsive and a rugged piece of eye candy!

These Two Alpha Billionaires Believe In Sharing...Everything!

Scarlett Avery

#82. "Entertainers Of Faith," funnyman Jim Gaffigan isn't ashamed of his Catholicism. He's seen here leaving a New York comedy club with his Bible in hand.

Jim Gaffigan

#83. When Dad was a kid, he wanted to be a lumberjack, but unfortunately he'd been cursed with the build of an accountant and the brain of an astrophysicist. These qualities had combined to make him the third-most-visited orthodontist in northern New Jersey.

Kieran Scott

#84. Yeah, even a black comedy. Where it's a little eerie. I'd love to do that. But there are about three really fabulous ones on the air now and I don't know if I can do any better than that. I'd like to sort of forge new ground.

Sharon Gless

#85. We love the Stooges, and young kids today don't watch them. They think it's their dad's comedy. So we thought we could reintroduce them to a new audience.

Bobby Farrelly

#86. Are you going to give her gonorrhea too, or was that gift just for me?

Cassia Leo

#87. I was ballet dancing at four, playing piano by six, and doing commercials by 12. When I was 21, I was on the number one live comedy show in Puerto Rico. I told my parents, 'I'm going to New York to become a performer.' And I left.

Roselyn Sanchez

#88. I never know what my next thing is going to be, and I'm not out there specifically searching for one thing in particular. I'm just looking for something that's new and different. It could be a drama or a comedy, I just want to challenge myself and work with people that inspire me.

Hilary Swank

#89. When I was doing comedy in New York, before I was in movies, I was never known as the deadpan actress. I was just a comedienne.

Aubrey Plaza

#90. That was 1993 grunge in suburbia. This was 2003 hell in Harlem. (Dark City Lights)

Eve Kagan

#91. At first I had no skills in writing comedy. I didn't know what a joke was, but, as someone once told me, your emotions follow your intent. If you create the intention of starting a comedy act, slowly your mind starts adjusting and you arrive at a new emotional state.

Steve Martin

#92. W. Kamau Bell is in the vanguard of a new era of American comedy for an unsettling, troubling, and strangely hopeful time. Firmly in the fearless tradition of Mort Sahl, Lenny Bruce, Richard Pryor, & Chris Rock. Comedy as common sense purged of the absurd hypocrisy that is Our America.

Vernon Reid

#93. For indeed all that we think so new to-day has been acted over and over again, a shifting comedy, by the women of every century.

Agnes Repplier

#94. Jeff Ross has a new show on Comedy Central where he roasts the news. It'll be perfect for people who find Jon Stewart too handsome and funny.

Seth Green

#95. Then maybe you'll believe me when I say ... you're pretty fucking special, Laney Hill.

Cassia Leo

#96. What are you thinking?" I ask.
"That I wish this was my home, too."
I have nothing to say to this, so I kiss him instead.

Anna Bloom

#97. I am not doing comedy because the genre is successful. If that was the case, I would have done a run-of-the-mill comedy film. I set my own trends. I like to give something new and different to my audiences. I want to do the kind of comedy that has been missing till now.

Emraan Hashmi